How do you hold it together at a funeral home?

First let me say how very sorry I am for the loss of your dad.

I lost my mom almost a year ago, her birthday was this past Thursday, and I still cry...A LOT. Not everyday anymore but it still seems like the grief is so fresh and raw. For her viewing I was able to hold it together because there were so many people there that I'd not seen in ages and they were so kind and caring towards all of her immediate family. They all came with stories of my mother, the things she had done for or with them, memories they had of her, things like that. When the day of her funeral came...I did just as a few others have mentioned, I took a Xanax before...I read her eulogy, which I had spent quite a bit of time on, trying to make it meaningful and special for us four of her kids and all the grandkids and great-grandkids. Myself and two other ladies mom knew preformed a Jonathan Maracle Native American drum chant on my mom's own drum she had with her spot (pow-wow drums typically have 4 people at the drum) left empty and then we 3 did a song that mom LOVED.

I remember beforehand being very concerned about the drum chant and the singing. I was afraid that I would break down in a puddle in front of all these people...but I didn't. I just kept my eyes firmly fixed on my youngest brother through the whole thing. He has always been my rock and he just kept smiling at me the whole time and mouthing "I love you...you got this" over and over.

Everyone handles grief differently...Cry if you need to, step out for a break if you need to, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Again I'm so, so sorry for you loss. If you ever need someone to chat with I'm happy to lend a ear or shoulder. It really, really sucks to lose your parent. 

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. No matter what, no one will judge you if you can't keep it together. In fact no one will really expect you to.