Is there a name/cause for this?

Well that's good to know that it's not uncommon.  One thing I do not lack in my life, however, is sleep.  My husband feeds our kids before he goes to work in the morning and plays with them later into the morning on the weekends so I can sleep (he has always been one to function on under 6 hours of sleep and while that was normal even before kids, his working 2 jobs for almost 7 years and rapidly approaching 40 is definitely changing that).  I dare not even dream what I would be like if I was constantly sleep deprived considering what my anxiety does to me!  I am happy to know that it sounds like the appointment would be what I had been anticipating (I'm the type to avoid something out of fear for the worst possible outcome).  It's just strange to me how this seemed to manifest itself overnight in my second pregnancy and how it's more than just my libido, it's any physical contact at all (when I mentioned it during my second pregnancy elsewhere, I had people telling me that it was a psychological manifestation that I hated my husband which is not at all the case).  Change in drive I fully expected, but the circumstances and severity are what left me questioning the normalcy of it all.  I honestly wouldn't be surprised if my anxiety (and worry about how my attacks impact those around me) played a huge role in it.  I also wouldn't be surprised if I met the criteria for depression and while it hasn't been something I have thought much about overall, it has been a thought in the past several weeks when I compare my rare good days (days where I feel like the me I want to be all the time) to the rest of the time.  The only way I can explain everything to my husband and those around me who can't see what I'm dealing with is that it feels like my wires are all crossed.

I appreciate your time and feedback...I wasn't trying to impose on a professional's free time so I hope you don't feel bothered!!  It's just nice to not feel alone and to see others conquer issues that I'm in the thick of.  What better place than a community where there are so many other women present?

My dad passed away just about 2 years ago and he was like I am now.  I can't tell you how badly I wish I could have a conversation with him and tell him that I get it now.  I bet with all of the issues he had recorded with various doctors regarding ADHD, an anxiety disorder was never one he had ever considered, let alone attempted to treat.  He snapped over things that I just didn't understand, but being a parent now and responding exactly how he used to tells me that I probably got my issues from him, in practice and genetics.  My daughter was really hard on me.  I'm honestly shocked I didn't have a nervous breakdown last year with her.  She wouldn't take a bottle and she wouldn't take baby food until she was almost 9 months old...I was her only source of food, for nearly 40 weeks.  If I left the house for a few hours, I would come back to her screaming her head off EVERY SINGLE TIME and find out she had been screaming since almost the moment I left the house.  My husband wouldn't call me to come home and would ALWAYS have a huge smile on his face when I got home as if nothing at all was wrong because he knew I needed to be out to unwind...he would rather cradle her while she refused a bottle and screamed loud enough to be heard 2 houses down than call me during the few precious hours I was able to get to myself.  It was THAT bad.  I could almost hear the angels singing from the heavens the day I decided to see if she would suck through a straw and she did on the first try!

Screaming is a fight response.  It makes me feel better, but it's definitely not good for the kids.  I can see what it's done to my oldest when I raise my voice to a certain level.

My alternative is obviously flight...and when I feel the way I feel, I usually do want to run from the house screaming.  Since I can't, I lay my head down on my desk and blast the loudest music I have on my computer at full volume (I have blown a set of speakers doing this) so I can't hear the things triggering my panic attack and after about 2-3 songs, I usually feel better.

The other thing that makes me feel better is shopping...and my scrap room is running out of space.  Even though this isn't as bad as the other two options, it still has a negative impact.

These are unhealthy coping mechanisms that have done nothing but help me survive.  My husband is struggling because he thinks that if he keeps his mouth shut and does everything I ask that I will suddenly feel better and be okay.  He doesn't understand that he can't fix what I'm going through.  I'm excited to see if medication will help me, but I'm also terrified that medication won't work and I'll feel broken for the rest of my life.  I was looking forward to not nursing anymore so I could try medication, but fear of nothing working kept me from calling my doctor the day I stopped.  I'm finally to the point where enough is enough...I can't put my family through this anymore and I'm worth more than to wake up hoping that I don't let them down every day.  I need to at least try something.  Time away from my kids is harder to come by, but if medicine doesn't help, I'm also seeking out expos and crops away from my kids to help.  I haven't spent more than 24 hours away from my kids unless it was to bring a new sibling into the world.

I hope you consider putting in a call to your OB and discuss how you feel with him/her.  I wish I hadn't waited so long to do something.  I hope that I'll be able to get an appointment to see mine sometime this week so I can finally see a light at the end of this dark tunnel.