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Post by Belia on May 31, 2016 3:12:47 GMT
I would think that one wouldn't be asking etiquette advice like this mother did if her daughter was suffering from mental illness. papercrafteradvocate said exactly what I was thinking. If this girl had an ongoing issue with severe anxiety, then I have no doubt that this mom 1. would have mentioned it in the letter, and 2. wouldn't have written the letter in the first place. Sorry, but I vote rude. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:45:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2016 3:53:51 GMT
I would think that one wouldn't be asking etiquette advice like this mother did if her daughter was suffering from mental illness. papercrafteradvocate said exactly what I was thinking. If this girl had an ongoing issue with severe anxiety, then I have no doubt that this mom 1. would have mentioned it in the letter, and 2. wouldn't have written the letter in the first place.Sorry, but I vote rude. 1. unless the mother is clueless 2. anyone here ever feel the best approach to resolving a social situation in your family is to write to Miss Manners? |
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,316
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on May 31, 2016 4:02:11 GMT
2. anyone here ever feel the best approach to resolving a social situation in your family is to write to Miss Manners? What's the difference between writing Miss manners and Peas who come here for advice? |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:45:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2016 4:44:44 GMT
2. anyone here ever feel the best approach to resolving a social situation in your family is to write to Miss Manners? What's the difference between writing Miss manners and Peas who come here for advice? on average, about 4-10 pages of fleshed out discussion. not to mention a variety of viewpoints, not just one person |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 31, 2016 11:53:07 GMT
Another example of idiotic parenting. They KNEW she had issues with parties, but it was more important for them to play Parents of the Fucking Year than take their daughter into account.
I don't blame the daughter for fleeing this disaster, it's obvious they have no concern for her. I blame the parents squarely, and they should be the ones apologizing for being idiots and apparently being complete strangers to their daughter.
There shouldn't have been a party, period. The gifts should be returned, but it is the parents who need to do all the apologizing... including to their daughter for putting their desires above hers. And then if I was the daughter, I'd consider moving far far away and finding other people to call family.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,687
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on May 31, 2016 12:20:47 GMT
Another example of idiotic parenting. They KNEW she had issues with parties, but it was more important for them to play Parents of the Fucking Year than take their daughter into account. I don't blame the daughter for fleeing this disaster, it's obvious they have no concern for her. I blame the parents squarely, and they should be the ones apologizing for being idiots and apparently being complete strangers to their daughter. There shouldn't have been a party, period. The gifts should be returned, but it is the parents who need to do all the apologizing... including to their daughter for putting their desires above hers. And then if I was the daughter, I'd consider moving far far away and finding other people to call family. If the parents overruled their daughters wishes then I totally agree But on the flip side, this girl is now an adult she needs to buck up and deal with it. That might mean writing one letter a day or calling her grandparents to apologize. If she does have severe social anxiety then she needs to recognize that and set limits for herself such as not saying a party is fine a week before if it's not. |
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Post by cakediva on May 31, 2016 12:24:40 GMT
Until you have a child with this level of social anxiety, you can't say for sure the girl is just rude. A rude person would still take the money. While my DD never did this level of inappropriate, we had some close calls. She would just shut down. Yet, she is one of the sweetest people I know. She's in therapy at 33, still battling social anxiety. It's real. While mom should have known better, I'm sure she was hopeful this would all work. I get that social anxiety is real. My oldest has some social anxiety issues. But social anxiety so severe that she would do something like this? As the parent of said child, I would never have entertained the idea of a party in the first place. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 31, 2016 12:29:33 GMT
Another example of idiotic parenting. They KNEW she had issues with parties, but it was more important for them to play Parents of the Fucking Year than take their daughter into account. I don't blame the daughter for fleeing this disaster, it's obvious they have no concern for her. I blame the parents squarely, and they should be the ones apologizing for being idiots and apparently being complete strangers to their daughter. There shouldn't have been a party, period. The gifts should be returned, but it is the parents who need to do all the apologizing... including to their daughter for putting their desires above hers. And then if I was the daughter, I'd consider moving far far away and finding other people to call family. If the parents overruled their daughters wishes then I totally agree But on the flip side, this girl is now an adult she needs to buck up and deal with it. That might mean writing one letter a day or calling her grandparents to apologize. If she does have severe social anxiety then she needs to recognize that and set limits for herself such as not saying a party is fine a week before if it's not. For the most part, I agree with you. However, parents who are so seemingly clueless to plan a party for their party averse child are going to have installed major guilt buttons in said child (perhaps part of the root of her anxiety) and the child knew (even as an adult) that mommy and daddy would be angry and disappointed if she didn't go along with their plan to be viewed as parents of the year at their damn party? No idea. But having known kids who have to please mommy and daddy and keep them happy at their own expense, it wouldn't surprise me if she was crippled by their actions and felt that her only choice was to go along with their plan until it was too late. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 31, 2016 12:30:25 GMT
papercrafteradvocate said exactly what I was thinking. If this girl had an ongoing issue with severe anxiety, then I have no doubt that this mom 1. would have mentioned it in the letter, and 2. wouldn't have written the letter in the first place.Sorry, but I vote rude. 1. unless the mother is clueless 2. anyone here ever feel the best approach to resolving a social situation in your family is to write to Miss Manners? Mother stated her daughter was rude. She also ignored her own grandparents. That's not social anxiety, that is being a brat! |
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Post by woodysbetty on May 31, 2016 12:40:09 GMT
Planning a party for someone who doesn't like them is rude to me...plus 30 people seems like a lot of people for someone who is party averse.... All that aside, it was rude for the daughter to skip the party, both to her guests and to her parents as well. I would have her sit with me sit right next to me as I wrote a note to each person apologizing and returning their generous gift...
Actions have consequences...everyone learns a lesson here...
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on May 31, 2016 12:44:14 GMT
My dh's cousin had a hs graduation party for her son and he made a 2 minute appearance and left. I think he went inside or up to his room - who knows. He is completely antisocial and I have no idea why she even had a party for him knowing this. It was a large party (they have a very big family) and had tents, food, decorations etc all outdoors. It was right after we were married and I didn't know everyone in his family and I was so confused as to where this kid was and what was going on. I think I finally asked MIL. I am sure dh's cousin that threw the party was embarrassed the way he acted, but we did get thank you cards.
Weird. |
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Post by cade387 on May 31, 2016 13:11:24 GMT
A lot of families and/or kids want the party for the money. It is tacky as heck but it is the truth. It is like those who want a bridal or baby shower but don't like people and don't want to open gifts because it makes them feel awkward. You should take what comes with the party or don't have one. This girl was ok with it a week out. She had time to shut it down if it wasn't her thing. If the parents then ignored it, then I would blame the parents more, but I would say they share the blame here.
She is going to be an adult who will presumably hold a job. These types of things happen in the real world, sometimes without warning. She needs to suck it up and deal with it if she expects to hang on in society. Otherwise, determine if she has an issue and address it.
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Post by Really Red on Jun 1, 2016 1:09:29 GMT
I'm pretty sure this letter was written by the grandparents or someone who was invited and didn't get their gift back.
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