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Post by houston249 on Jun 8, 2016 0:20:04 GMT
I have to agree with the other posters that a counselor would be a good thing to have. It would be much like hiring a gardener for an unattended garden. Have that person help you sort out what needs to be weeded out and what needs to be pruned back to health. Be picky and interview them. If you don't like the way they handle things try someone else.
I would also recommend to approach this from more than one angle. I encourage you to seek additional help at an al-anon meeting and even a nac-anon meeting if that applies. Yes, I recommended 3 types of help and you deserve to have as many people on your team to make your journey as successful as possible! Heck if you can get an additional counselor through your church do so!
Lastly, I have to commend you, you have a lot on your plate but are now ready to look into ways to deal with it. That is a huge step! HUGS!!! |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428 
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jun 8, 2016 1:41:12 GMT
That happened with the counselor my BIL saw. SIL came in with a 3 page typed list of everything he did wrong. He had no idea that was coming - and yes, he's a shit, but I think when one person goes in with a prepared list and he comes in and gets blindsided, you've set it up to fail - which it did quite spectacularly. She is still looking for her Mr. Perfect Passion ... but in her mid-50's, all the Mr. Perfects aren't there - they're tired and taken. The pile to choose from is more like Mr. Normal with occasional bouts of oh that was fun LOL 
I was one that got blindsided and I thought it was so unfair, but in the end while we quit that counselor, our marriage did end up surviving and for the better. I always felt that the counselor that allowed that to happen was an idiot. I called it being black and blue verbally. I do think that DH seeing how much he hurt me with those words realized something from it and honestly has never done it again. For some reason he felt really "safe" and that counselor allowed him that without thinking of MY safety. So I don't think all counseling is great, but do think it should at least be a step in the process.
Back in the day, when we hit a roadblock, it took us going to 3 counselors before we found a "fit." |
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