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Post by Restless Spirit on Jun 7, 2016 19:25:16 GMT
No. Not at all. "Care to" is a common phrase around here. Someone is being overly sensitive.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 7, 2016 19:27:45 GMT
I would not take that as snotty coming from my sister to me. But we can be pretty brazen with each other. And I'm not one to read too much into a text anyway. I don't easily offend.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 19:33:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2016 19:28:53 GMT
It is from my sister in law whom I have had issues with for the last several years. I read it as totally snotty but I thought maybe it's me. Apparently not since most of you agree with me! It was the line "if you care to" that got me and I was immediately pissed off. Recently I had to let her know I would not be in attendance for something and she sent me a text that said "as you wish" that also pissed me off! It sounds like she knows how to push your buttons. I agreed that it sounded snotty, but with people like this that are purposely poking puppies; I do my damndest to leave them wondering why their attempts to piss me off aren't working. Pretending like you're clueless or oblivious to this kind of stuff works wonders. Then, if they want to be assy, they're going to have to resort to making it crystal clear.  |
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,348
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Jun 7, 2016 19:33:09 GMT
It is from my sister in law whom I have had issues with for the last several years. I read it as totally snotty but I thought maybe it's me. Apparently not since most of you agree with me! It was the line "if you care to" that got me and I was immediately pissed off. Recently I had to let her know I would not be in attendance for something and she sent me a text that said "as you wish" that also pissed me off! It sounds like she knows how to push your buttons. I agreed that it sounded snotty, but with people like this that are purposely poking puppies; I do my damndest to leave them wondering why their attempts to piss me off aren't working. Pretending like you're clueless or oblivious to this kind of stuff works wonders. Then, if they want to be assy, they're going to have to resort to making it crystal clear. She does know how to push my buttons but, I never react to her. I didn't respond to her text this morning. I feel that she is passive aggressive in many of the things she says.
It pisses me off but, she doesn't know it.
Oh and the kicker...we used to be really close. My daughter recently asked me if I know what happened between us. I said not really, why? She said that she thinks that I got tired of all her crap and her trying to boss me around. *Sigh* words of wisdom from a 16 year old!
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,818 
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Jun 7, 2016 20:46:15 GMT
I'll validate you. It sounds very snotty to me. If she really wanted to send a reminder, she would have said, "Hey, don't forget. It's so-and-so's anniversary today!"
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Post by woodysbetty on Jun 7, 2016 20:49:44 GMT
Could be, but maybe it was simply a heads up so no one forgot....
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Jun 7, 2016 20:52:35 GMT
Yes.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jun 7, 2016 21:19:12 GMT
Yep. That is snotty.
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Post by mom2samlibby on Jun 7, 2016 21:22:26 GMT
I wouldn't read it as snotty.
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,457
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Jun 7, 2016 21:27:53 GMT
Yes snotty as written. It's the 'if you care to' that makes it snotty.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387
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Post by cycworker on Jun 7, 2016 21:35:02 GMT
I consider the use of 'if you care to' to be very passive aggressive in this context. Would not fly with me. My mom is actually always surprised when I remember to wish her & dad Happy Anniversary because she sees it as something only they need to acknowledge. If HE forgot to say Happy Anniversary, it would upset her. But she doesn't expect it from us... To quote her, "I didn't marry you. " Same with Happy Mother's Day/Father's Day - they expect acknowledgement from us kids, but they don't say it to each other or do anything special for each other, because, "I'm not his mother/he's not my father.' Re: anniversaries.... the exception is the big milestones (25 & 50). Their 50th is coming up this summer. My aunt & I are throwing them a party. We just have to hear from her all the deets re: what she wants. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 7, 2016 21:35:08 GMT
I would not have sent the text worded that way for fear it sounded too condescending.
If I received it from someone, I would consider the source to decide if it was intended as snotty. If from someone who is generally kind, I would assume it was just poorly worded. If from someone who was usually pissy, then I'd assume the text was intended that way.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Jun 7, 2016 21:37:14 GMT
Another vote for snotty.
A helpful reminder is the week before, so you would have time to send a card. A reminder on the day doesn't really help, IMHO.
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Post by Tamhugh on Jun 7, 2016 22:06:42 GMT
It sounds a little snotty, OR maybe just as if the bossy oldest sister was saying it. (Can you tell I'm the bossy oldest sister?) I have probably sent similar texts to my siblings and kids reminding them of family milestone days. I don't mean it to be snotty so I hope they didn't take it that way. And, shockingly, I am the oldest also. |
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Post by originalvanillabean on Jun 7, 2016 23:37:22 GMT
Absolutely.
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Post by refugeepea on Jun 7, 2016 23:45:36 GMT
It seems kind of snotty. It's not an adult's job to remind another adult about something that happens on the same day every year. It seems like they are treating the recipients like children.
I don't get why it was sent in the first place. If the recipients can't keep track of a date and make an effort to do something on their parent's anniversary, that is on them.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,039
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Jun 7, 2016 23:51:41 GMT
I'm going with snotty because if it's really
Just informative the sender could have stopped with the mention of the event as a reminder instead of directive of what to do. Just a reminder could still be fine but annoying depending on the person. Mil sends emails like that about everyone's birthday and I just let it go because it's her and the way she is but in her case it's a directive about how she thinks you should respond.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jun 7, 2016 23:56:45 GMT
To me it most certainly does sound snotty. If I were to send a similar text I would write "Don't forget it's mum and dad's anniversary today!" My brothers would reply to that text "Moo, moo Bossy Cow." LOL, love it!!  Recently I had to let her know I would not be in attendance for something and she sent me a text that said "as you wish" that also pissed me off!  Yep, she's got form - definitely snotty! |
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Post by scrapsotime on Jun 8, 2016 0:16:37 GMT
Was she reminding you about her parent's anniversary or yours? Because if a sil sent me that text about my parent's I would vote extra snotty.
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Sue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,240
Location: SE of Portland, Oregon
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Post by Sue on Jun 8, 2016 0:29:13 GMT
It's just ambiguous enough that if you were to call her on it she has deniability. Ignore, ignore.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,348
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Jun 8, 2016 0:35:23 GMT
Was she reminding you about her parent's anniversary or yours? Because if a sil sent me that text about my parent's I would vote extra snotty. It was for her parents, my in laws. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Jun 8, 2016 0:35:48 GMT
I wonder if the sender meant to say " if you'd care to...." That seems less snotty to me.
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 8, 2016 0:52:45 GMT
If it was truly meant to just be informative, then it's a good reminder to use extra care when choosing the wording for written communication.  If I was sending out a reminder about extended pool hours, for instance, I use "care to" to mean "want to", with no issues at all. Just a reminder that due to the high heat index today, the Pleasant Mount Pool will be opening at 7am if you care to come for a swim. Nothing snotty happening, because when talking about an inanimate object--the pool--no one is going to read "care to" to mean something emotional. But when you say "if you care to say Happy Anniversary", you are now referring to human beings, and relationships, and emotion, so when you say "care to", it can now take on some unwritten meaning, such as "if you care enough to" or "if you care ( about them or their special day, and want) to". That's why some of us get ourselves into trouble here. There's little way to be sure of tone. There's little way of being sure of intent. There's, at times, the belief that people are more likely to try to be nasty than not. And then toss in differences in meanings of words & phrases based on location, and we're practically primed and ready for miscommunication at every turn. Happens to me here all the damn time.  I live where "care to" is a right comfortable neighbor with "fixin' to," so the text writer would really have had to be obnoxious to me previously for me to give it much more than a passing glance. The Birdhouse Lady - just think of this as water rolling right off a duck's back and try not to let it get to you. Maybe she was being a little snotty, maybe she wasn't. Does it really matter? I'm sure if she's a snotty person, she could be a whole lot worse.  |
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,348
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Jun 8, 2016 3:00:58 GMT
I get what you're saying leftturnonly! If I let what she said get to me, I would be mad all the time! I usually just put her on ignore and get on with my life. Todays tidbit was just a sampling of the things she does. |
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Post by Really Red on Jun 8, 2016 3:11:53 GMT
I am a little sensitive and it doesn't sound bad at all to me. Just like some kids want their parents to have well wishes from their family. It's sweet.
You may know them and understand a meaning behind it I don't and I'm sure you know best, but completely taken out of context, it sounds fine.
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Post by Judie in Oz on Jun 8, 2016 6:27:30 GMT
Definitely snotty in my book.
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Post by miominmio on Jun 8, 2016 7:49:10 GMT
Another vote for snotty.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 19:33:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2016 9:16:04 GMT
We get these texts from my MIL all the time. She has no idea how she comes off..but I think she means well.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
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Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Jun 8, 2016 9:32:39 GMT
Was she reminding you about her parent's anniversary or yours? Because if a sil sent me that text about my parent's I would vote extra snotty. It was for her parents, my in laws. I read it as snotty, did she send it to your DH or just you? Because if it was just you then I vote extra snotty. |
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Post by peasapie on Jun 8, 2016 11:35:25 GMT
Nah. I'd just be appreciative of the reminder. Unless I had a guilty conscience.
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Yep, she's got form - definitely snotty!
