I hate the phrase "everything happens for a reason"

What I try to do now that I've been on the receiving end and know what really, truly helped me, is tell the person I'm so sorry, give them a hug if I think that's what they would want me to do then, and just tell them that I'm here if they want to talk. 

One of my MIL's best friends lost her 8 year old daughter in a freak car accident in front of the church on their way home from church one Sunday night. My MIL's 50th wedding anniversary was the same weekend as the first father's day after I lost my dad. She knew how difficult my life was right then--being so sick I could barely walk, having to deal with asshole behaviour and drama from relatives, and having to be in public and put on a happy face on the one weekend when I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. 

She just sat down beside me, gave me a hug, told me she understood I was having a tough time. We talked for a few minutes--she asked about my dad and let me talk about him (people think that talking about your lost loved one will just make it worse--the worst was people obviously ignoring saying anything), told me what had helped her with her grief--don't let anybody say that you shouldn't feel or act the way you are or should have already gotten over ___ already, about dumb stuff people say even though they mean well, and was just one of the few people that really DID try to make a meaningful connection. 

I've been through some pretty nasty stuff in my life--yes, it's made me stronger and has let me help people, but the phrase "God only gives us what we can handle" just makes people feel even more inadequate for feeling like they CAN'T handle it. Like others said--sometimes just *being* is a big enough struggle without being pressured into thinking that you also have to be "more than" and "inspirational". 

Through a lot of counseling, self reflection, and talking to other wise people, I've come to realise that some days I can shoulder other people's pain, and sometimes I need to take a break and concentrate on my own oxygen mask. 

I think this is a bigger issues in Christian circles. People drag out Mary and poor old Martha again. Jesus wasn't saying that what Mary was doing was much more important than what Martha was doing--just that all the chores that Martha was focused on in that particular moment in scripture will always be there. The times where we can be a blessing to others are fleeting. The laundry and dishes will still be there waiting for you tomorrow but an opportunity to help somebody else, share another person's pain and heartbreak to physically show them that somebody does care, or to enjoy the way too fleeting moments of joy. 

I always think of that poem for young mothers--settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I rocking my baby and babies don't keep. My mom was always so focused on cleaning, etc. that she couldn't sit down and just enjoy and be. The only time I've ever had her sit beside me for the entire length of a movie and not get up and do something else--at the movie theatre.