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Post by Sandie on Jun 13, 2016 19:14:46 GMT
As if to give tragedy a metaphysical spin that the universe has something better planned. Trying to give a reason for the unreasonable, that some future plan will somehow make up for unimaginable suffering. As if it explains away the tragedy, by passing it off to fate, a higher power, whatever.
I realize it may give comfort to some by saying it, but I don't think people realize how dismissive it can sound.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 5:25:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 19:17:56 GMT
I totally agree.
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perumbula
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Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Jun 13, 2016 19:19:47 GMT
It's true. Although sometimes the reason is because there are horrible, horrible, evil people in the world. Not much comfort then, huh?
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Jun 13, 2016 19:20:31 GMT
Totally agree
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Post by nurseypants on Jun 13, 2016 19:20:40 GMT
It's right up there with "the lord works in mysterious ways," and "it's part of God's perfect plan."
Gross.
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Jun 13, 2016 19:20:57 GMT
"Things don't happen for a reason, we attach reason to things that happen."
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Why
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,138
Jun 26, 2014 4:03:09 GMT
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Post by Why on Jun 13, 2016 19:22:10 GMT
Right up there with "he/she is in a better place now".
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Post by meridon on Jun 13, 2016 19:22:53 GMT
Yep, I agree. I would also consider myself to be pretty religious, and I still don't believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that good can come from evil, but I don't think that bad things happen to people "on purpose" or as a part of some big master plan or to teach me patience, etc. I also hate it when people say that after a tragedy or death of a loved one, etc...like the people suffering are supposed to take comfort in it somehow.
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smginaz Suzy
Pearl Clutcher
Je suis desole.
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Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Jun 13, 2016 19:23:15 GMT
I prefer "sometimes assholes do assholian things for no reason other than that they are assholes"
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Post by NanaKate on Jun 13, 2016 20:11:47 GMT
I agree with everything posted above.
When my sweet brother died two years ago (at the age of 57) within six weeks of a pancreatic cancer diagnosis, a coworker said to me "How can you be upset? You know he's in a better place."
I hate that one, too.
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Post by lovinlife on Jun 13, 2016 20:12:51 GMT
I can't stand that saying or the one you are only given what you can handle. Just a load of crap.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,411
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Jun 13, 2016 20:21:58 GMT
Hate that phrase and the one about God not giving you more than you can handle. First it's a misquote and second it's insulting.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jun 13, 2016 21:23:37 GMT
Hate that phrase and the one about God not giving you more than you can handle. First it's a misquote and second it's insulting. Insulting, and adds more pressure! Hey, buck up, don't be concerned or cry, prove you've got what it takes! No comfort at all, when you feel like collapsing!
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Post by shescrafty on Jun 13, 2016 21:26:36 GMT
I hate that and all of the other similar phrases that have been already listed.
I will add another one to the list – one that someone wrote to me in the card recently about our daughter passing. "I know that you want her with you, but God must' have wanted her more."
That went right in the trash!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 5:25:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 21:26:51 GMT
It's right up there with "the lord works in mysterious ways," and "it's part of God's perfect plan." Gross. and "God doesn't give us more than we can handle."...
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Post by myboysnme on Jun 13, 2016 21:35:46 GMT
Humans have an innate desire to explain the unexplainable. So they turn to belief systems and faith and cliche when many things are beyond reason. I heard Neil DeGrasse Tyson say something recently, "The universe is not obligated to make sense to humans." Most things just are without explanation or understanding. Still many people put all their lives in the belief that there is something so much better to come than right here and now. An ancient belief that is perpetuated generation after generation even when we have the capacity and ability to know differently.
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caro
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Refupea 1130
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Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Jun 13, 2016 21:39:04 GMT
I do believe in predestination as a Christian and that things do happen for a reason. Do I know the reason? No. Would I tell someone that statement? NO!
All of the statements listed here were said to me when my DD died. They aren't helpful whatsoever and I would never say it to people who are grieving. I think a lot of platitudes are said because people do not know what to say to someone who has experienced a tragedy.
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cycworker
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Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jun 13, 2016 21:50:01 GMT
I completely agree.
And if they're Christians saying these things, they aren't actually accurately representing what the Bible says. What it actually suggests in Scripture is that bad things happen to people and God can use those things for good. It isn't meant to negate the bad that has happened, either. The bad is still bad.
I know yesterday our Pride parade had a much bigger than expected turn out, and raised more $$ and awareness of LGBT issues than it was projected to. That was a direct result of Orlando; I talked to folks there & a whole bunch of people hadn't planned to attend, but after Orlando, they felt they needed to show support. Our substitute pastor altered his sermon to address it & speak against gay bashing & homophobia.
None of these things are meant to say that tragedies like Orlando are acceptable. It's only meant to say that the story isn't over, and evil hasn't completely defeated good.
ETA: I hope this post makes some semblance of sense. I just used 3 paragraphs to basically say 'Good can come from evil."
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 5:25:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 21:50:33 GMT
Absolutely. It's right up there with "God needed another angel" when a child dies.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jun 13, 2016 21:58:24 GMT
I'm going to add the oh-so-comforting '...and it always could have been worse, it could have been...xxxx' No, thank you though. It might actually have been possibly worse, but don't negate my feelings by belittling my experience.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jun 13, 2016 22:00:10 GMT
I think people say things in the moment because they don't know what to say. I have found *I am so sorry* usually works for any occasion.
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Post by refugeepea on Jun 13, 2016 22:04:27 GMT
Or saying to the survivors of any incident, "God must have a purpose for you." Meaning it was the deceased time to go because God wanted them in Heaven.
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Post by papersilly on Jun 13, 2016 22:05:42 GMT
I think some people need a phrase like that so it won't seem that whatever happened, happened in vain.
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Post by NanaKate on Jun 13, 2016 22:27:16 GMT
I also believe that most people mean well when they say these stupid thoughtless remarks. I also believe that "I'm sorry" covers a lot of ground and that's usually all that needs to be said.
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Jun 13, 2016 23:00:15 GMT
Dh and I were just discussing these type sayings the other day. I really can't stand when people say "this isn't how it is supposed to happen" or "this isn't how it is supposed to be" Really? Our bodies are not invincible whether we are a child, teen, adult or older person. Call me negative, but nothing is promised to us. I maybe feel this way because I lost a few friends early on (suicide, cancer, violence etc). Also dealing with my own pregnancy losses too. You learn that anything can happen at any moment and it is out of our control. I really don't like the one that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle".
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oldcrow
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Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Jun 13, 2016 23:03:46 GMT
"Things don't happen for a reason, we attach reason to things that happen." You are so right.
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moodyblue
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jun 13, 2016 23:08:03 GMT
I also dislike "if it's meant to be" - kind of implies that it may NOT be meant to happen, and then I wonder why it might not be meant for me but is for others, like who gets to decide that kind of thing?
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Post by refugeepea on Jun 13, 2016 23:12:19 GMT
"this isn't how it is supposed to happen" I admit I do say this, only when referring to my life You know, the best laid plans and all that. I wouldn't say that to anyone else who lost someone.
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Post by mymindseyedpea on Jun 13, 2016 23:23:25 GMT
Well since I am completely into the metaphysical spin on things, I do explore deeper purpose and open to expanded awareness. Whether actually something has valid reason in going deeper and valid meaning of there being a bigger picture isn't for the identifying of a situation to determine.
So, yes I don't like that saying about there being a reason for everything either. It sounds like it would be justifying the cause.
Can a reason only be identifiable though? Can it not be felt deeper or open to considering that there could be more than just its factual form?
I don't really use the word 'reason' when I explore deeper meaning to a situation. I use the word 'why'.
This is all just my personal opinion though.
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Post by lucyg on Jun 13, 2016 23:34:35 GMT
Anything about it being the "destiny" of the person who died or "it must have been his time." Well, on a happier note if you're in enough of a state of shock already from the loss, you can just nod and move on.
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