Informal research---Mother / Friendship ?

It's not true for me.

I was raised all my years with my mother, who is still very active in my life even today.

I don't have close relationships with women. Or men, to be fair.

I did when I was a teenager and in my early twenties, but after too many times getting burned by people who aren't as loyal as I am, I keep my distance.

I do have one close work friend who is a woman. I've never hung out with her outside work, but I think that has to do more with my having four children and wanting to spend my time that I'm not in work with them instead of with anyone else.

I do text with her occasionally, and have driven her home twice when she needed a ride from work.

This is me, perfectly. I will go on an away trip with friends, but I have to have some me time. 

That's an interesting thought. Of the two people in my life who fit this scenario, one is a very close friend of mine and one is my MIL

The friend is very social and excels in the friend department for lack of a better explanation. Her support system was incredibly small but great support for her growing up. I don't see her struggling with female relationships and we're close enough for me to know something like that about her. I will say however that I value her friendship because she doesn't do the whole "girl drama" and pettiness thing.

My MIL just simply doesn't have a support system. I don't think she tries to at all or it isn't a priority for her. She really doesn't have a lot of friends. She spends most of her time with her two sisters but I have noticed an absolute inability for her to have relationships with her DILs. It's like she just doesn't "get it" for some reason. In her case (not alluding to you at all OP) she is incredibly spoiled and immature acting because she has always been treated like a princess by the men I her life. I think to some extent there is a sense of checks and balances among women and she doesn't seem to be able to negotiate that.

DH and I have a lot of very close friends. Only one of our siblings has the same thing. For us, we credit that to living away from family. We didn't have a support system locally and forged that with our friends (who were all in similar situations). The siblings who stayed geographically close to our parents or their in-laws seem to have focused all of their social attentions on family events and didn't "need" to form the kind of friendships we have. At times over the years, we have wished we had family living closer but we are also thankful for the friendships we formed by living away.

I do think that personalities play a big part in it and it isn't necessarily a good or bad thing to have those types of friendships. If you aren't comfortable with them, then it wouldn't benefit you. And that's okay.

I do think what type of relationship can have an impact on your future relationships. I grew up with a mom (no sisters) and our relationship is very superficial because she is manipulative and passive aggressive and full of grudges and holding things over my head and wanted to completely control my life. She has a hard time accepting that I make different decisions than she would. She has changed a lot in recent years but the damage is done. I don't trust her, I keep things with her very on the surface.

I do find that this translates to female relationships. I can be cordial and have a good time with women but I can never seem to make it over that line that goes into true friendship. I always hold myself back because if you can't trust your mom with your heart and who you are, why would a random stranger treat you any better?

If you are introverted (like I am) that is just another layer to this. Introverts don't necessarily look outwards for a support system and are sometimes made to feel guilty because they don't.

In my answer above, I was thinking outside the idea of introvert and extrovert. My friend is an extrovert, my MIL is an introvert. Aside from that my MIL can't handle relationships with other *women.* She does much better with men. Now the answers have me contemplating make vs female and introvert vs extrovert.

I have a few good female friends but no super close relationships. I feel like I'm a little bit friendship-impaired. It certainly has to do with being an introvert, and I think not being "classically" feminine also affects it.

But I do have a very warm and close relationship with my mom, and a loving, but less close, relationship with my sister. And I have aunts, cousins and nieces I adore. So I don't think my friendship issues are tied to any female family issues.

I have a 'mother' - pretty much in name only.  She gave birth to me and my brother because that was what was expected of her then, she doesn't like children (when I told her I was pregnant with my first child, her first grandchild, her first response was "I don't babysit, I don't like children"), such a narcissist.  But I have several really close friends, one that I worked with that others say we share a brain. Even though I moved 800 miles away we are still close, texting or talking almost every day - her vacation was here last year with her family, and they are coming again next week.  I find it easy to make friends, too.  We moved to a town where we knew no one, a year and a half later we have a new set of friends and a very active social life - a group of about a dozen couples. Waiting now on 3 friends to show up for a beach day.  I doubt my relationship (or lack of) with my mother had much to do with friendships, I think for me it comes from my dad, he was outgoing, giving,  and easy to be with - I grew up as 'daddy's girl', I see him in myself quite often (he died in '87).

I usually have about four girlfriends with whom I share my inner most thoughts/secrets. Two I've been friends with for 15+ years, and the other two just a few years. I also have four sisters and a mom with whom I'm somewhat close. That being said, the idea of vacationing with any of them for longer than two days makes me panic and break out in a cold sweat. I'm an introvert and need alone time!

My mom is still alive but she is not an emotionally demonstrative person. Never said I love you or hugs or anything. I also have two older sisters (and two older brothers) but we are not close for the most part. Anyway, all that to say, I have few friends also. I think overall, it's hard to make friends as an adult. I don't meet anyone at work and my kids are older teens now, so no sports practices to meet at really.

I did try to connect with some band moms when my DD started about 5 years ago, but I found those friendships to be shallow at best and let them fade. I consider myself to be an extrovert while DH is an introvert but he's had good friends since childhood, college and even as an adult, has made some very close friends.

I have 3 sisters and some friends. We occasionally do things, but I frequently turn them down. I get along fine with my mom, but she's never been the same since my father died. I put too much into friendships in my 20's. I was burned many times. Also, my life didn't turn out like I thought it would. It's not great at all. I don't care to try to maintain friendships it's too embarrassing and depressing. I can't fake it until I make it, so I choose to avoid people.

I grew up with 7 sisters and a mom I was close too. I have no friends who live near me that I would go on a girls weekend with.

When I moved to London it became difficult for me to keep in close contact with my sisters, and my Mom has since passed away. So I don't feel like I have that type of support system around me anymore.

I had it when I had my daughter in London, and when I go back I still keep in touch with those women, but no longer day to day stuff. When I lived in Cayman I had a great close knit support system, why I think I lost close touch with my own family. Now that I am back in the US I have lost the day to day stuff with those friends, though it is great to reconnect when we see each other.

So now I miss having a close, supportive network of women. I have found it really difficult here to create them. I assumed that I would reconnect with my own family... and that has proven to be difficult. Our first Christmas back in the US... no one could arrange for us to spend Christmas with them or wanted to come to us... I was shocked and hurt. They have got more used to having us around but it is not like it was 20 years ago.. hahaha.

I think it depends on a lot of factors and forming strong supportive networks depends as much on timing and location. I found when I needed it more, it was easier to find. Like when I had my daughter. I hadn't formed strong female friendships before she was born, but I found a great group of women who all had babies at the same time we all were looking for other Mums going through the same thing. We were very different but bonded over having little girls all at the same time.