scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060 
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Post by scrappyesq on Jun 15, 2016 15:14:29 GMT
DH and I are separated, in therapy trying to work things out. This has been since December, and he is still a huge part of my life. We see each other at least 1-2x a week and we talk/text a million times a day. Literally from when I get to work until I go to sleep. 90% of the time he reaches out.
Anyway, this past Valentines day my best friend got engaged and told me that the wedding was going to be in May. She wanted me to be the matron of honor, which of course I said yes to. She told me to invite DH because she has always really liked him despite the fact that we're separated. I asked DH and he said fine.
Fast forward to the end of April. Bestie and I had already gone and picked dresses gotten fitted etc. She calls and tells me the wedding (not the marriage) is cancelled. Her and her fiancé were going to the courthouse instead. She wanted DH and I to come (she lives 2 hours away) and be witnesses. I tell DH the new plan and he says ok. No problem.
A few days later she changes the plan again and says they're going to elope. DH and I are not needed
The week before the original date bestie calls me and tells me that the wedding is back on. And it was going to be in the barn that she had originally rented out for the ceremony and the reception. It was going to be DH and I as the only guests. By this time I wasn't sure if DH was still willing (or even able) to come since the plans had changed so many times. I call him expecting a no, but to my surprise he says ok. I told him that I would drive the two hours since we were going to support my friend. The drive ended up being more than 2 hours through some serious backwoods areas on single lane roads in the rain. On the way, we had to stop and pick up the wedding cake.
We get there and since the groom had no friends at the ceremony (my bestie told him that since her family couldn't make it from out of the country he couldn't have family either even though his family lives an hour away) DH ended up being the best man for all of the photos (because yes she hired a wedding photographer). DH was also the DJ and the entertainment because the groom really doesn't talk much. Or at least he didn't that day.
There's a lot more to this crazy story, but these are the basics. My question is whether it is a big deal that DH came at all. I never really thought about going to a wedding with someone was a statement about your relationship, but someone made the comment to me that this was a pretty big deal. What do you think? |
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 15, 2016 15:17:44 GMT
I think it is great he supported you and your friend on her day. You don't have to read anything more into it.
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
Posts: 3,082
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Jun 15, 2016 15:21:04 GMT
I'm not sure what a "pretty big deal" means. It doesn't mean that you're getting back together. It means that you each had a relationship with the bride/groom.
You and your estranged DH define your relationship. What others think of it is of no concern.
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Post by mellowyellow on Jun 15, 2016 15:21:44 GMT
I don't think it's a big deal at all especially since your friend asked for him to be there.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,023
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Jun 15, 2016 15:23:54 GMT
I think it's a pretty big statement that you went to the wedding after all that swapping and changing. You're a good friend and your DH sounds like a good guy too to support you.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 15, 2016 15:25:26 GMT
The way you explain this situation no not a big deal.
In my family if you bring a SO to a wedding it means you are in a serious relationship.
We don't bring casual dates to weddings or other big family events.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Jun 15, 2016 15:27:22 GMT
My ex and I go many places together. It is just a function of us having some friends in common and doing what makes the best sense for DD. I think this probably says more about the relationships of the person who made the comment than about yours.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 23:31:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2016 15:27:30 GMT
Actually I would give him major points for wanting to be with you enough to put up with all of that!
That said, your Bestie sounds crazy and I hope her DH knows what he is getting into. I can't imagine telling my groom his family couldn't be there because mine couldn't. Is that going to happen with all their major events?
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060
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Post by scrappyesq on Jun 15, 2016 15:35:27 GMT
Actually I would give him major points for wanting to be with you enough to put up with all of that! That said, your Bestie sounds crazy and I hope her DH knows what he is getting into. I can't imagine telling my groom his family couldn't be there because mine couldn't. Is that going to happen with all their major events?
Actually, there have been ripples of that same idea the last week or so because her new DH has kids and she's expecting as well (due in August). I'm chalking the crazy up to hormones.
I don't think that any of this is a sign that we're getting back together tomorrow. More like I never thought about the significance of attending a wedding with someone. All of the weddings that I've been to since we got married have been with DH, so in my mind it was normal until someone pointed it out to me.
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Post by maryland on Jun 15, 2016 15:36:12 GMT
Actually I would give him major points for wanting to be with you enough to put up with all of that! That said, your Bestie sounds crazy and I hope her DH knows what he is getting into. I can't imagine telling my groom his family couldn't be there because mine couldn't. Is that going to happen with all their major events? I agree! I wouldn't even put up with all that changing of plans. And I can't believe the friend's husband didn't insist that his family be invited. My friends parents live locally and her inlaws out of state. Her husband never says her parents can't attend kids events just because his parents live out of state. |
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Post by whopea on Jun 15, 2016 15:39:53 GMT
If you spend most of your day communicating with your ex and you're both committed to resolving any issues so that you can reunite, I don't think it's a big deal for him to go to a wedding with you. In fact, I think it would be the opposite.
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Post by mari on Jun 15, 2016 15:45:24 GMT
If I were the groom, I would be incredibly upset that my wife's bff's ex-husband was invited but my family was excluded...
But to answer the question, no, I don't think it's necessarily a big deal to bring a date to a wedding.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 23:31:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2016 15:45:34 GMT
Of all the questions I expected at the end of that, I certainly didn't expect whether it meant something that your DH went to the wedding.
Yes, I think it means that he values you and your friend. To what extent? Who knows. But he certainly gets points for being patient with a flakey friend.
Do you WANT it to be a big deal?
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,069
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Post by luckyexwife on Jun 15, 2016 15:50:29 GMT
DH and I are separated, in therapy trying to work things out. This has been since December, and he is still a huge part of my life. We see each other at least 1-2x a week and we talk/text a million times a day. Literally from when I get to work until I go to sleep. 90% of the time he reaches out.
Anyway, this past Valentines day my best friend got engaged and told me that the wedding was going to be in May. She wanted me to be the matron of honor, which of course I said yes to. She told me to invite DH because she has always really liked him despite the fact that we're separated. I asked DH and he said fine.
Fast forward to the end of April. Bestie and I had already gone and picked dresses gotten fitted etc. She calls and tells me the wedding (not the marriage) is cancelled. Her and her fiancé were going to the courthouse instead. She wanted DH and I to come (she lives 2 hours away) and be witnesses. I tell DH the new plan and he says ok. No problem.
A few days later she changes the plan again and says they're going to elope. DH and I are not needed
The week before the original date bestie calls me and tells me that the wedding is back on. And it was going to be in the barn that she had originally rented out for the ceremony and the reception. It was going to be DH and I as the only guests. By this time I wasn't sure if DH was still willing (or even able) to come since the plans had changed so many times. I call him expecting a no, but to my surprise he says ok. I told him that I would drive the two hours since we were going to support my friend. The drive ended up being more than 2 hours through some serious backwoods areas on single lane roads in the rain. On the way, we had to stop and pick up the wedding cake.
We get there and since the groom had no friends at the ceremony (my bestie told him that since her family couldn't make it from out of the country he couldn't have family either even though his family lives an hour away) DH ended up being the best man for all of the photos (because yes she hired a wedding photographer). DH was also the DJ and the entertainment because the groom really doesn't talk much. Or at least he didn't that day.
There's a lot more to this crazy story, but these are the basics. My question is whether it is a big deal that DH came at all. I never really thought about going to a wedding with someone was a statement about your relationship, but someone made the comment to me that this was a pretty big deal. What do you think? I know this isn't the question you asked, but this is the peas, and I curious! ! You said ex was DJ and entertainment. ..for just the 4 of you? Did they just do a "first dance" or did more people show up? |
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060
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Post by scrappyesq on Jun 15, 2016 16:01:33 GMT
DH and I are separated, in therapy trying to work things out. This has been since December, and he is still a huge part of my life. We see each other at least 1-2x a week and we talk/text a million times a day. Literally from when I get to work until I go to sleep. 90% of the time he reaches out.
Anyway, this past Valentines day my best friend got engaged and told me that the wedding was going to be in May. She wanted me to be the matron of honor, which of course I said yes to. She told me to invite DH because she has always really liked him despite the fact that we're separated. I asked DH and he said fine.
Fast forward to the end of April. Bestie and I had already gone and picked dresses gotten fitted etc. She calls and tells me the wedding (not the marriage) is cancelled. Her and her fiancé were going to the courthouse instead. She wanted DH and I to come (she lives 2 hours away) and be witnesses. I tell DH the new plan and he says ok. No problem.
A few days later she changes the plan again and says they're going to elope. DH and I are not needed
The week before the original date bestie calls me and tells me that the wedding is back on. And it was going to be in the barn that she had originally rented out for the ceremony and the reception. It was going to be DH and I as the only guests. By this time I wasn't sure if DH was still willing (or even able) to come since the plans had changed so many times. I call him expecting a no, but to my surprise he says ok. I told him that I would drive the two hours since we were going to support my friend. The drive ended up being more than 2 hours through some serious backwoods areas on single lane roads in the rain. On the way, we had to stop and pick up the wedding cake.
We get there and since the groom had no friends at the ceremony (my bestie told him that since her family couldn't make it from out of the country he couldn't have family either even though his family lives an hour away) DH ended up being the best man for all of the photos (because yes she hired a wedding photographer). DH was also the DJ and the entertainment because the groom really doesn't talk much. Or at least he didn't that day.
There's a lot more to this crazy story, but these are the basics. My question is whether it is a big deal that DH came at all. I never really thought about going to a wedding with someone was a statement about your relationship, but someone made the comment to me that this was a pretty big deal. What do you think? I know this isn't the question you asked, but this is the peas, and I curious! ! You said ex was DJ and entertainment. ..for just the 4 of you? Did they just do a "first dance" or did more people show up?
Yup. DH was the DJ. From you tube because we only had a laptop at the barn so bestie told him to find a John Legend song (forgot what its called) and play it from the laptop. DH was also the person who ended up playing the cut the cake song and a few other selections. That was the first dance and no one else came to the wedding.
Since there were no decorators DH decorated the bride/groom table while everyone was getting dressed. He ended up doing a lot more than we expected (or that I would ever ask for).
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Post by liya on Jun 15, 2016 16:02:14 GMT
When my ex and I were separated he would have done the same for/with me. He is that kind of guy. We have been divorced almost 7 years and I know if I needed anything I could call him even though I am in a relationship with someone else.
ETA: Ex is remarried. |
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Post by jenjie on Jun 15, 2016 16:10:01 GMT
There is a whole lot of crazy in this story, if I may say so. I feel like I just got off the Tilt a Whirl reading all of that! Good luck to the bride and groom and their families. I give you and your SO a lot of credit for putting up with all of that. It sounds like right now you and he and comfortable with how things are between you at the moment. It's ok to be here awhile. Don't let other people determine your relationship. You two are in a unique spot. Just take it for what it is. I don't know what brought you to separation but since you are in therapy together I assume you are trying to work on your relationship. I think it's good that he was willing to be there with as many twists and turns it took to get to that wedding. I don't think it means things are perfect but I do think he is showing he is willing to try. Eta after reading liya's reply, scratch my last paragraph. |
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,826
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Post by scrapngranny on Jun 15, 2016 16:35:50 GMT
You and your DH define your relationship, not what others think about. And, your friend is nuts  |
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Post by AussieMeg on Jun 16, 2016 4:27:33 GMT
My ex came to my brother's wedding with me, and we had been separated for over 2 years by that stage. I vote "no big deal".
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smginaz Suzy
Pearl Clutcher
Je suis desole.
Posts: 2,606
Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Jun 16, 2016 4:54:47 GMT
No big deal unless you decide it should be a big deal. People like embellishing things.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387
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Post by cycworker on Jun 16, 2016 5:58:31 GMT
I am in the minority.
If it had been a regular wedding, I'd say no big deal. But to go to all that trouble? To put up with all that flaky behaviour? You don't do that for just anybody. The guy loves you & he wants you back.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 16, 2016 12:16:04 GMT
Of all the questions I expected at the end of that, I certainly didn't expect whether it meant something that your DH went to the wedding. I think what it "means" is your ex has lots of patience and you do, too. And I wish much luck to your friend and her new husband. Holy cow, that sounds like a whole lotta crazy going on. |
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