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Post by Merge on Jun 18, 2016 19:13:22 GMT
My brother and I don't have much to do with each other. We are just very different people.
My sister and I are also very different, but we seem to make more of an effort.
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Post by beanbuddymom on Jun 18, 2016 20:17:46 GMT
Sadly, yes I do. It only took 48 years to realize the extent of it, however. That book/movie, "He's Not That Into You," kind of sums it up, when you realize that they don't make the effort to want to spend time with you or only spend time with you because other siblings or parents are involved to save face, etc. You know, the obligatory invite for holidays and such.
After my dad died 4 years ago it's become vaguely and then in the last year is crystal clear that I am not on their radar. It really ripped my heart out to the point where I am pretty dead inside to know that I don't really matter in their world.
I am very jealous of those that have siblings, especially sisters who are their friends and choose to spend time and are friends with them.
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Post by alexa11 on Jun 18, 2016 20:37:16 GMT
I have one that I don't want a relationship with- too much to go into, but he's a piece of crap. Now, my other brother and I are close.
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Post by Native New Yorker on Jun 18, 2016 20:43:02 GMT
I don't have a relationship with my two living siblings. I miss my older brother. ETA: I My brother used to live with my sister. When he moved in I knew that I would probably not see him much. I began resigning myself to the idea that he wouldn't be in my life anymore. He moved out but I got tired of making the effort.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 16:22:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2016 20:54:02 GMT
I have two brothers, one older and one younger. The younger one and I had to stick together growing up because our older brother was such a jerk and downright mean. We still have that dynamic today.
When our dad passed away in February, younger brother and I stood firm that dad's wishes would be carried out. Older brother believes that since he's the oldest, his way is the only way. Um, it's not The Godfather, and you don't get to make all the decisions. Dad worded his will to reflect his wishes, and it's not open to interpretation. The end.
We live in three different states, so we don't see each other that often. I see younger brother more because he's closer. After our mother moves to SC with younger brother this fall, I doubt we'll see much of older brother unless he chooses to come visit her.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Jun 19, 2016 0:46:44 GMT
I have 5 siblings. None of us talk to our oldest brother. He's scum. Stole money from the family business and then guilted my dad into giving him 10k he thought he deserved.
He always said he wished he was an only child and now we laugh that he is.
The rest of us get along really well. We love each other and had a great childhood. My parents are still alive (in their 80's) and although I'm sure it hurts them that we don't want our brother included in anything, they do understand.
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
Posts: 3,073
Jun 27, 2014 4:11:36 GMT
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Jun 19, 2016 1:27:19 GMT
It's kind of nice to know that I'm not alone in this arena. I have 4 siblings and haven't heard from 3 of them in YEARS.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,029
Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
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Post by scrappyesq on Jun 19, 2016 2:27:29 GMT
It's good to know that I'm not alone with this. I am in month three of never talking to either of my sisters again. I'm the middle child and both of my sisters are vile nasty people. Carbon copies of my mom actually. One lives an hour away and the other lives 1000 miles away. I don't miss them, but I do mourn the relationship that we could have had.
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Post by ten&rose on Jun 19, 2016 2:44:02 GMT
I have a sister I have not seen nor spoken to in nearly 11 years and it is better that way.
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
Jun 29, 2014 12:11:41 GMT
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Post by M in Carolina on Jun 19, 2016 3:20:01 GMT
My mom did all she could to pit my brother and me against each other as kids. My brother is also the kind of person who's never wrong and always looking for someone to blame.
My mom told me recently that "she couldn't tell me exactly what was going on" but that my brother was going through something really serious. So I sent him a message on Facebook to just encourage him. Haven't heard back.
I'll wish him a Happy Birthday tomorrow for his birthday and see him if he lets me know he's in town. Other than that, I'm just tired of the drama.
He's a master manipulator. I thought I was getting through to him over Christmas, but then he kept telling me that I was just crazy for thinking he's acted badly, he's changed, and then nothing ever improves.
It's also just like my mom to make a big deal about not telling me what is going on with him. It drives her nuts when I don't play along.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jun 19, 2016 4:11:16 GMT
I get along fantastically with my siblings, it's my DH's sisters that I wish he'd drop. They are shallow, vacuous, snobby princesses who think their shit doesn't stink. It drives me crazy that he thinks making an effort will change how they treat him. He's better off without them. But I can't really do anything because it's his family and his relationship. I just see how much it hurts him.
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Post by peano on Jun 19, 2016 4:27:26 GMT
Up until the Sandy Hook mass murder, the relationship with my brother was one-sided--I initiated all the phone contact (he lives 1500 miles away). Ten days after Sandy Hook, I called so DS could thank them for their Christmas present. My SIL said several things I found incredibly insensitive and offensive regarding Sandy Hook, so I stopped calling. We see them when I go home for visits once or twice a year, but it is tense. I feel sad, but the reality is my SIL has alienated everyone in our family because of things she says and does.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,411
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Jun 19, 2016 4:34:13 GMT
Not close to my siblings at all. When I could no longer do stuff for them, they dropped me quickly. Once my mom passes I don't think there will be any link at all. We were never close, so it's not like I lost anything. I really wish we were the Walton family though.
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Post by worldwanderer75 on Jun 19, 2016 7:02:55 GMT
I am very close with one of my older sisters. WE talk/text almost every day and see each other as often as possible (we lived thousands of miles apart). Close with my younger brother but don't have as much day to day contact with him. Don't have a lot to do with my oldest sister and it honestly makes me so sad. We haven't really had a falling out but she has distanced herself from most of my family for various reasons. I miss her and wish she would realize that we all don't care about the circumstances in her life, we just want to be a part of it.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jun 19, 2016 8:53:18 GMT
Yes. I have 4 siblings are am only semi-close to 2 of them. I am the youngest and the oldest (a girl) has never had a lick of interest in being sisterly to me or anyone else for that matter. She's been a controlling, bossy beotch pretty much since day 1. Even as we became older and adults, everything revolved around her DH's side. She would make the appearance of caring for dad while he was alive and host an "after-Christmas" party just for show. That stopped once he died though.
I wish we were all closer but it's not to be.
DD has said she wants a sister but that will not be either. She and DS are pretty close these days (3 years apart at 19 and 16 now).
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 19, 2016 12:19:33 GMT
I tell my only child daughter that she has no idea what a favor I did for her by not having more kids. I always wished for siblings. It's the one thing I feel I really missed out on. I had a larger family (four sons) on purpose because I never wanted to have an only child. My sons are all very close at this point (three are grown and out on their own) and I hope it always stays that way. My husband is an only child as well. We both go back and forth between feeling like we dodged a bullet and feeling like we missed out.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 19, 2016 12:49:56 GMT
We get along fine. There are 5 of the 6 still living. I have a strained relationship with my youngest sister. I would have called her my best friend until my DH was diagnosed with cancer. I don't know what happened, but she disappeared from my life. She and my other sister do things together frequently, but I am never included. I cried buckets over the years, now I just don't care. I don't have the energy to deal with it. (((hugs)))
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,978
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Jun 19, 2016 13:18:07 GMT
I'm the one who has set boundaries with my sister. We do have a relationship but it's limited. I often feel quite sad about it because I see my mom's close relationship with two of her sisters and wish we could have something similar but that's not ever going to happen. I do have a great relationship with my younger brother but he lives on the other side of the country so we only see each other every couple years. My dad's side of the family is marked with mental illness and generations of on again, off again feuding between siblings - I always vowed it would end with our generation and it has but it takes a lot of determination to not be drawn into the fray.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jun 19, 2016 14:32:15 GMT
I tell my only child daughter that she has no idea what a favor I did for her by not having more kids. I always wished for siblings. It's the one thing I feel I really missed out on. I had a larger family (four sons) on purpose because I never wanted to have an only child. My sons are all very close at this point (three are grown and out on their own) and I hope it always stays that way. My husband is an only child as well. We both go back and forth between feeling like we dodged a bullet and feeling like we missed out. I think a lot of people have that ideal relationship with siblings where you have each others back and are best friends. But the flip side is being forced into a relationship with someone you have zero in common with just because of the circumstance of birth. I also think the grass is always looks greener...but you never know until you are stuck in one situation or the other. I hope your boys always stay close.
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Post by mrsovy on Jun 20, 2016 19:53:26 GMT
I have two younger sisters that don't bother with me at all and to honest I have no idea why. We had a bad childhood, our mother was & still is an alcoholic, although she will always deny it. She was always violent & nasty towards us, I would stick up for both my sisters, often taking the beatings that were aimed at them. I was the big sister, it was my job to look after them.
Now I don't see them or hear from them, and the youngest only loves a couple of minutes away from me. I am constantly seeing them posting on Facebook about days out, meals they have been for & evenings out. They have even had family get togethers but never invite me (I find out about them on Facebook when they post photos after the event). Then they post comments saying things like " it's a shame you couldn't make it, we had a great time" although how they think I can attend when I'm not invited & know nothing about it till afterwards is beyond me.
We used to meet up twice a year, just the three of us for a meal but it was always me who called them & organised it. This year I decided not to bother, to see how long it takes them to contact me for a change. Well it's now June & neither of them have been in touch, it was my birthday last month & I didn't hear them, no call, no text, not even a happy birthday on Facebook.
It's sad, they are my sisters & I would love a relationship with them but they aren't interested in keeping in contact with me & I don't have the energy to keep trying with them. They know where I am if they ever want to get in touch
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 20, 2016 20:22:33 GMT
I have two younger sisters that don't bother with me at all and to honest I have no idea why. We had a bad childhood, our mother was & still is an alcoholic, although she will always deny it. She was always violent & nasty towards us, I would stick up for both my sisters, often taking the beatings that were aimed at them. I was the big sister, it was my job to look after them. Now I don't see them or hear from them, and the youngest only loves a couple of minutes away from me. I am constantly seeing them posting on Facebook about days out, meals they have been for & evenings out. They have even had family get togethers but never invite me (I find out about them on Facebook when they post photos after the event). Then they post comments saying things like " it's a shame you couldn't make it, we had a great time" although how they think I can attend when I'm not invited & know nothing about it till afterwards is beyond me. We used to meet up twice a year, just the three of us for a meal but it was always me who called them & organised it. This year I decided not to bother, to see how long it takes them to contact me for a change. Well it's now June & neither of them have been in touch, it was my birthday last month & I didn't hear them, no call, no text, not even a happy birthday on Facebook. It's sad, they are my sisters & I would love a relationship with them but they aren't interested in keeping in contact with me & I don't have the energy to keep trying with them. They know where I am if they ever want to get in touch I'm sorry. My relationship with my younger sisters is similar. I talk to the middle one on the phone occasionally, but almost never the younger one.
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