oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Jun 20, 2016 16:08:14 GMT
If the friend paid to move the furniture from the family member's house then this time around it is up to the family member to pay for the move.
I think this furniture has been an issue for the whole time because I can think of no reason why the friend would ever mention that family can come and get it anytime. Unless it comes up in conversation every time they get together which points to there being a problem.
If I were you I would just laugh, shake my head, and walk away.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,984
Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Jun 20, 2016 16:08:53 GMT
if laurie and kate aren't facebook friends anymore, I would be doing my duty as a friend to not let laurie continue to badmouth her and spread BS. meaning, every time I saw something like this, or another friend did, I would expect them to write something simple like "laurie, she's told you that you are welcome to it, you just have to go get it."
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,538
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Jun 20, 2016 16:25:17 GMT
Well.....Your friend kept saying if you want it back, it's yours. How can she complain now that the original owner actually took her up on it? This is a no brainer. Give it back. She said come pick it up and the original owner won't go get it, but has been lying and complaining on social media that the friend won't give it back. If the original owner really wants it back they should just go get it and be done, not try to make the recipient look like a jerk to everyone they mutually know online. I am sure the mutual friends on social media are well aware of how the OP's friend's relative is. However, since the friend's relative already invovled others. >>>>>>>> Then the friend should also post it on social media to the relative and then copy the other mutual friends. Dear (Original Owner's Name): You've posted that I am not cooperating in returning this furniture to you that I have had for nearly ten years), that is not true. I have offered for you to pick it up at an agreed time, but you have never arranged a time or date. However, I am not going to rehash this with you again. Therefore, you can come and pick up your furniture between 4 and 8 pm on (whatever date). If you do not pick up your furniture or send someone to pick up your furniture (let me know the person's name in advance) by then, then I will assume that you no longer want the furniture and the furniture is then mine to keep it or donate it as I see fit. I am also posting this on social media so that you cannot claim I am being uncooperative.
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 20, 2016 16:26:28 GMT
I'd go buy new furniture and tell Kate to cone get hers or it will be donated.
Or id tell Kate to cone get her shit or shut the hell up and then cut her off
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Post by Fidget on Jun 20, 2016 16:32:07 GMT
I'd give it back, after nine years I'd be ready for something new anyway
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Jun 20, 2016 16:32:36 GMT
OMG this is so my family I swear they only want it back because someone they currently in a strained relationship with wants something that was previously theirs. I would just get a truck and go bring it back to the other person. This has happened numerous times in my extended family. And it has always been that the person "really" doesn't need their furniture back, it just pisses off the other person that the family member has some. Oh and then the complaints happen once it is back that it isn't in the condition it was in when someone else "borrowed" it.
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Post by woodysbetty on Jun 20, 2016 16:46:36 GMT
If I were friend, I would hire someone to load up the furniture and drop it off in family member's front yard. !!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 5:10:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2016 16:57:44 GMT
I'd give her back the furniture. To me the furniture just has bad karma now and I wouldn't want it in my house. Tell her to get it out by a certain date or it will be donated.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,433
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Jun 20, 2016 17:19:49 GMT
Meh, there isn't anything you can really do in that situation. If you spend money and rent a van or hire movers or whatever, they will complain that you left the precious furniture in their yard. If you white glove it into their house, they'll complain that you dinged their walls and that you ruined the furniture while you had it. If you tell them they can come get it, they won't, but they'll complain you won't bring it back. It's not about the furniture. All that plus the first owner bought the furniture used at a garage sale. Then gave it to the second person 9 years ago. So this furniture has had 3 owners and is who know how old, it can't be in the best of shape. It's not about the furniture.
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Post by bigbundt on Jun 20, 2016 17:27:30 GMT
I would send her a certified letter letting her know to come and get it on this date in between the hours of X and Y. If she doesn't come during that time frame I would send another certified letter saying that after numerous attempts to get the furniture back to them (list each specific time/date), I am no longer in possession of the furniture in question. The furniture has been deposited in a climate controlled storage unit and the rent has been prepaid for three months, here is the only key. If she doesn't pick up the furniture or pay for storage, the contents of the unit is subject to the storage facility's policy (enclosed). Whatever happens to the furniture during that three months and afterwards is now up to Kate. And I'd have no qualms about posting any of that on social media.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 20, 2016 18:14:21 GMT
I would send her a certified letter letting her know to come and get it on this date in between the hours of X and Y. If she doesn't come during that time frame I would send another certified letter saying that after numerous attempts to get the furniture back to them (list each specific time/date), I am no longer in possession of the furniture in question. The furniture has been deposited in a climate controlled storage unit and the rent has been prepaid for three months, here is the only key. If she doesn't pick up the furniture or pay for storage, the contents of the unit is subject to the storage facility's policy (enclosed). Whatever happens to the furniture during that three months and afterwards is now up to Kate. And I'd have no qualms about posting any of that on social media. I don't think she'd be able to do that because Laurie would be the one who signed the contract with storage place so she would be the one they come after when the lease is up and the stuff is still in it. There could be lock cut or other fees that they might try to tag Laurie with after the fact if the stuff never gets picked up. It would make the situation even more complicated and expensive than it already is. Plus, I wouldn't want to pay for the rental when the person could just come get their junk from my driveway. It would probably be cheaper to rent a truck for a few hours and dump the stuff at Kate's house, but why should it be Laurie's problem to take on that expense and hassle? If Kate really wants her stuff back she ought to go get it and knock off the middle school theatrics. I agree with the first part though, which is "Your stuff will be available to pick up at my house on XX day at XX time. Come and get it then or arrange to have someone else do so, or it will be disposed of in whatever manner I choose." End of story.
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Post by papersilly on Jun 20, 2016 18:17:41 GMT
they want their furniture back 8 or 9 years later? I don't think they should get it back. they GAVE IT AWAY to your friend, not let her "hold" it or "store" it for them. if you friend wants to give it back and no longer wants it, give them a deadline to pick it up then donate or dump it after that.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jun 20, 2016 18:25:16 GMT
The pettiness some people will show to family members astounds me. And I know this isn't the lowest.
Pack it up, cart it to them, walk away until they can talk about the real problem.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 5:10:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2016 18:29:38 GMT
I'm thinking it's not about the furniture but rather the drama they can create. I have a couple relatives that are like this. In my case, it was over a picture. I took a family picture, printed out copies, gave them to my mom as she sees them more than I did, and 5 years later, the cousin starts a shitfest claiming I never gave her a copy. My aunt (not her mom) actually stopped having holiday gatherings at her house because of that.
It's all about the drama. It doesn't matter how your friend gets the furniture back to her relative; it'll never be good enough.
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Post by anniefb on Jun 20, 2016 18:36:22 GMT
I would give the family member a deadline to pick up the furniture if they wanted it back. I would put the message in writing (text, email, or letter). After the deadline, I would no longer entertain discussion about the furniture. I'm glad my friends/family members aren't this petty. That. Tell them to come get it or it will be donated by XX date. I wouldn't want something in my home that caused me stress and anxiety. Yep, totally agree.
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Post by scrappysurfer on Jun 20, 2016 19:07:24 GMT
I've been in a similar situation. We moved into a house with a garage, less than two weeks later a buddy of DH asked if he could store some furniture in it. I begged DH to say no because I just knew he'd abandon the furniture, even with promises to pay a monthly storage fee. i was overruled, here we are 8 years later and that damn furniture is still there. A few years ago he asked if he could come get it but never showed up. Then I see him on Facebook asking people for help with free furniture. I still don't know why he won't come get it but I have a feeling he's telling people we won't give it back because it's been so long and he never paid us a dime (not that we insisted) and he's embarrassed about being the jerk I knew he would be.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jun 20, 2016 19:09:34 GMT
If this turns into the thread like the one where the parents wanted the chair back after it had been refurbished ... and the OP did it... I swear I'll burn chips' friend's house down. lol I think that is the thread that probably has pissed me off the most EVER on 2peas. People, grow a fucking brass pair and quit being doormats and then bitching about it. (I don't mean you chips... I'm just venting).
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 5:10:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2016 19:22:10 GMT
Let the entire family know that she has always made the furniture available to family member, never denied it to her. And that if she wants it back it's hers. Family member's game is over. Come get the furniture or STFU about it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 5:10:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2016 19:28:01 GMT
Life is too short to play into this kind of manufactured drama. Friend can either willingly engage in this ridiculousness or she can refuse to get dragged down to that level. Totally her choice. If she doesn't want to engage, then she should do what Merge said and get someone to transport the furniture to the relative. Or she could keep the furniture secure in the knowledge that she offered it back plenty of times. Either option works. But then she should move.on.If she does want to engage, then she can worry about who's saying what to whom, who believes what, trying to zing her on FB or anywhere else, holding grudges, and just let generally let the fur fly. Some people like to use their time and energy this way.
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PaperAngel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,328
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Jun 20, 2016 19:57:52 GMT
My recommendation is for your friend to politely reiterate her offer (& on social media, if she chooses): "As I've stated since you generously gave me the furniture in 2007, the (list specific furniture - e.g. brown leather chair, blue velvet sofa, oval wooden coffee table) is yours anytime you want to reclaim it. You are welcome to retrieve all of the furniture any day this week (Mon, 6/20 - Fri, 6/24) at 6pm - 8pm or on Sat (6/25) at 9am - 8pm; otherwise, I will assume that you've changed your mind. See you soon!" If the relatives do not pick up the furniture, then follow up, "Since you did not pick up the (list specific furniture again), it appears you no longer want it. Thanks again for giving it to me all those years ago. Have a great summer!"
If relatives mention the furniture in the future, your friend should simply thank them again for their generosity & not offer to return it. Your friend should not entertain the furniture as a topic of discussion again.
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Post by lurkingsince2001 on Jun 20, 2016 20:10:37 GMT
No way in Hell would I be spending any money on getting the furniture back to her. Certified letter, storage shed, mover... so much no. I also wouldn't let the troublemaker or any of her helpers into my house. Suddenly it could be, "Oh that piece was mine too. Or why do you have so and so's thingamajiggy when I wanted it!" NOT worth it. And as for starting shit on social media? I'd respond in kind calling her out on her B.S. and letting everybody know her true colors. Then I'd tell her to let me know when she's coming over and it'd be waiting for her in my driveway. I'd also fully document pics for damage before letting her have it.
Yes, your friend always said she could have it back if she wanted. Karma wise she needs to get it back to the woman. But what logical person would think this is okay after 9 years? Possession being 9/10 of the law and finder's keepers and all that. The furniture needs to go and the relationship with it.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 20, 2016 20:20:01 GMT
Asking for a friend - WWYD but first the back story. My friend's family member gave her some furniture 8 or 9 years ago. F amily member was moving into smaller home and could not fit this furniture in their new place. Friend rents a van and moves furniture to her home. Over the years friend has said to family member that if they want said furniture back they are more than welcome to come and get it. Other the years Friend and her family member sometimes have a very strained relationship and it is currently strained. Family member now wants this furniture back. Friend reminds family member that she has said to family member that she is welcome to come and get this furniture. Well family member denies that friend every said this and in the process is telling the family that friend refuses to return the furniture. My friend is very hurt by this and feels that family member is just out to make her look bad. Part of me wants to tell friend that she's had the furniture for years and she can do with it as she pleases i.e. donate it, sell it or put it at the curb. WWYD? I want to know if the person who gave away the furniture has moved into a bigger place or is just being a turd asking for it back. FTR, I moved into a smaller place and wanted to replace a couch & loveseat about the same time my sister moved into a bigger place and needed to furnish a basement rec room. I gave her first refusal on my furniture before donating it and she took me up on the offer. I made it clear the furniture was hers, I didn't want it back, and wasn't going to be hurt if she only used it short term until she bought something she liked more. She could give it away, sell it, burn it, whatever she wanted to do: it was hers. About 10 years later they were buying new stuff and she wanted me to make arrangements to pick up my furniture?! I wasn't even living in the same country by that time.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jun 20, 2016 20:32:52 GMT
My family has a policy that before a piece of furniture leaves your house to go to someone else's you have to either claim as a family piece that only goes to family if you get rid of it or die (this is the heirloom stuff) or you have a right to recall-at any time. That means even 10 years later you get it back because it was under that right of recall. Also means that before you give it away, you gotta get with the other person so they can decide if they want it back.
It sure makes it easy to avoid all the drama.
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Post by librarylady on Jun 20, 2016 20:34:47 GMT
My SIL has tried to do a similar thing. Short version of the story: She and my brother moved out of my mother's home. Another sister and I bought the home for a "vacation house." SIL left dining table, sideboard and china cabinet there. All were purchased at a second hand store. That was in 2001. At the time, she said they were leaving it there because it did not fit her new home and "it was bought for Granny's house."
Now, in 2015 and 2016 she has thrown into conversation, "I need to get the dining room furniture and sell it." --They are having money trouble.
If she ever really comes to get it, I'll be pissed, but will not fight over it.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,517
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jun 20, 2016 21:21:25 GMT
This thread is giving me cold chills - we just today got a desk because SIL is moving to a smaller home and doesn't want it. In all seriousness, I've never known anyone in DH's family to "do drama," so I'm not worried.
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523
Jun 27, 2014 19:58:15 GMT
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Post by mlana on Jun 20, 2016 22:09:09 GMT
On social media, I'd post that I've truly enjoyed using the whatever that whoever gave me however long ago and that I will miss it when whoever comes to pick it up as I've said she could and should do whenever she wanted the piece back. I'd also say someone, i.e. one of those she told I wouldn't give the piece back, might want to come over with her to get the piece by whenever is convenient for me.
If she doesn't respond, post again that you have enjoyed the piece and hope she will enjoy it too when she picks it up by convenient to me date.
If you don't hear from her by that date, donate it and let social media know how appreciated it was. I'd post something along the lines of paying it forward...
Marcy
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jun 20, 2016 22:19:50 GMT
I would send her a certified letter letting her know to come and get it on this date in between the hours of X and Y. If she doesn't come during that time frame I would send another certified letter saying that after numerous attempts to get the furniture back to them (list each specific time/date), I am no longer in possession of the furniture in question. The furniture has been deposited in a climate controlled storage unit and the rent has been prepaid for three months, here is the only key. If she doesn't pick up the furniture or pay for storage, the contents of the unit is subject to the storage facility's policy (enclosed). Whatever happens to the furniture during that three months and afterwards is now up to Kate. And I'd have no qualms about posting any of that on social media. You'd really pay for storage for some old yard sale sofa? If I were going to spend money, it w/o u ld be to rent a truck to drop it off in their driveway
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jun 20, 2016 22:32:12 GMT
Why is everyone saying to donate it after xx time. Does your friend no longer want/need the furniture and is just saying relative can take it back because she says she wants it?
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
Jun 28, 2014 14:32:59 GMT
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Post by suzastampin on Jun 20, 2016 22:36:39 GMT
I'd be returning the couch to the original owner. I'd post a message on social media and also let her know directly that I will be at her place at such and such time and date. If she doesn't have a friend with a truck, you can rent them by the hour at Home Depot and Lowes for about $20 an hour. She must know somebody that could help her load and unload it, or I bet she could pay a teen a little to help. Your friend's life will be so much easier without this couch.
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Post by lurkingsince2001 on Jun 20, 2016 22:43:18 GMT
Why is everyone saying to donate it after xx time. Does your friend no longer want/need the furniture and is just saying relative can take it back because she says she wants it? I think most are saying this because they wouldn't be able to look at the furniture without being reminded of the drama. Having it around would make it harder to move on/forgive and forget.
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