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Post by peano on Jun 23, 2016 14:47:22 GMT
We've got a annual local church carnival in town. You pay $25 for an armband that gets you unlimited rides. Food and sideshow games are extra. DS is supposed to be going with his GF on Friday. He gets $15 a week allowance for which he does jobs around the house. He has no regular expenses--he uses this money during the school year for extras beyond the cafeteria meal plan and trips to the diner after band competitions as well as small purchases he wants to make. He definitely has money in his account--he's not an extravagant spender by any means.
Yesterday he went to the carnival with his buddies. Prior to this, I took him to the ATM where he withdrew $20. I had previously pointed out that just the armband was going to be $25 so when I asked him about this, he just complained about the $3.50 service fee and said he would scrounge up more money at home. I pointed out that since he was going to be going to the carnival again on Friday, he should have gotten all the cash he was going to need at one time to only pay one service charge. When we got home, I heard him rummaging around for change, so I just rolled my eyes and gave him a $20 and told him to bring me change.
When I went to pick him up, I learned that he had gotten in free because one of his band friend's father runs the carnival. I don't know what else (if anything) he spent money on besides ice cream from the shop across the street. I said he was lucky because he now only had to pay for 2 armbands rather than the 3 he would have. He sort of balked at that and started complaining that it was twice the price of the movie tickets he buys when they go to the movies and that he didn't want to pay for her armband.
Since he's my first and only, I honestly don't know what is "normal" for boys' expenditures on dates. I personally believe he's being a cheap bastard, and in my family of origin, that was an unforgivable sin. I told him I was going to think about it (if he should pay for her) and so I'm throwing it out to the wisdom of the Peas.
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Jili
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SLPea
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Post by Jili on Jun 23, 2016 14:51:53 GMT
Personally, I don't think he should have to pay for her. My 20-year old dd and her boyfriend have always split the costs of their dates. At times she's had a better-paying job than him and fewer expenses, so she's contributed more. Is the girlfriend expecting him to pay her way? I'd be surprised, but that is my experience on the girl end of it. How old is your ds?
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:49:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2016 14:53:02 GMT
Personally, I don't think he should have to pay for her. My 20-year old dd and her boyfriend have always split the costs of their dates. At times she's had a better-paying job than him and fewer expenses, so she's contributed more. Is the girlfriend expecting him to pay her way? I'd be surprised, but that is my experience on the girl end of it. How old is your ds?  |
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Post by refugeepea on Jun 23, 2016 14:54:56 GMT
That's a tough one! I think he should pay. I remember being that age and actually cringing when my boyfriend paid for everything because his part time job was milking cows. I had a job too! If they had gone already and this was their second time going, I don't think it would matter as much.
I guess I'm still a bit old fashioned in that sense. He did ask her to go and it's his girlfriend, not friend.
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blue tulip
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Post by blue tulip on Jun 23, 2016 14:57:31 GMT
when I was dating and we went to the carnival, I paid for my own ticket. paying my $8 movie ticket is one thing, dropping $50 total so we can go to the carnival is another.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:49:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2016 14:57:38 GMT
I think it's both. He's being cheap and isn't willing to be courteous and pay for his gf. Does he pay for anything with her?
While I think girls should be able to pay their own way, if you're in a relationship, it's somewhat expected that someone is going to pay unless it's agreed on beforehand that it's Dutch.
My cousin's son is like this. He doesn't want to pay a single dime on a girl, not even on gifts. He expects the girl to pay for everything.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:49:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2016 14:58:39 GMT
I think it depends. Did he tell her he was going to take her to the carnival? If so, then he should pay. If he just mentioned it in passing, or she attends the same church and was planning on attending anyway, then they should split the cost.
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Jun 23, 2016 14:59:35 GMT
This story makes him sound cheap HOWEVER, I really think it depends on their relationship. Things are different today.
Having said that, the point of dating is to be considering future possible forever mates. For me, someone who is cheap, who wouldn't buy me a gift for an important day (or random) is not someone I want to be with. If he's stingy with his money now, how bad is it going to get when it's time to buy a car or tuition for our children? Will I be the wife that never gets a christmas present or a birthday card?
If he's not a cheap bastard, he's sending off cheap bastard vibes. He might need an FYI.
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Post by bigbundt on Jun 23, 2016 15:01:51 GMT
When I was dating at that age very rarely was it the boy paying for everything on a date. We'd either split it (buy our own tickets) or he would get the tickets and I would get concessions or dinner. For $25 a ticket I would expect to pay for my own, boyfriend or friend, no matter who asked to who go. $50 (for his and the GF's ticket) is a lot of money.
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Peamac
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Post by Peamac on Jun 23, 2016 15:03:09 GMT
If they get to the gate and want to split the costs, that's fine, but he should expect to pay since he asked her out.
Why does he have to pay $3.50 to use the ATM? Is his bank not close enough that he can just get it there?
Did you get your $20 back, since he didn't have to pay to get in the first time?
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:49:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2016 15:09:01 GMT
How old is he? High school age, still getting an allowance, I think they should each pay for themselves. I never understood one person always being stuck paying. Not cheap necessarily, I think things are just different now.
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JustTricia
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Post by JustTricia on Jun 23, 2016 15:11:33 GMT
I must be cheap, because I wouldn't want my son to pay $25 for his girlfriend to have an armband. Maybe that's due to my son is 15 and on his second girlfriend in the last six months.
Have they been dating a long time? Did he ask her to the carnival, or is it just something everyone does? If it's been less than a year or it's something everyone does, she can buy her own.
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Post by bigbundt on Jun 23, 2016 15:13:20 GMT
As a parent of girls, I would be insisting they'd be paying for their own tickets. I wouldn't want them to feel "indebted" to their date or to feel like they are entitled to being paid for. NOT saying that is your son by any means but having them allow a boy pay for them ALL the time would be in direct opposition of the lessons I would be trying to teach to them.
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carhoch
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Post by carhoch on Jun 23, 2016 15:13:23 GMT
womans want equality but we still want the guys to pay for everything and I don't think we can have it all !
I vote for splitting the costs.
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Kerri W
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Post by Kerri W on Jun 23, 2016 15:15:38 GMT
My experience is that times have changed somewhat since I was dating and it's much more common for each person to pay their own way. That said, I have always insisted my kids , DS or DD, are prepared to pay for their activity so they aren't stuck in an uncomfortable position and I have told DS that the gentlemanly thing to do is pay for his date. I'm fine with being old fashioned.
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 23, 2016 15:16:55 GMT
I haven't dated since the mid 90s, but when I was dating, in my circle, standard practice was for the person doing the inviting to do the paying, with some socialistic division of "inviting" according to ability to pay. So it really depends here. I am not comfortable with assigning boys and men the duty to pay. That for me is antiquated. But I am comfortable with saying that if you invite a person on a specific date, it can be appropriate for you to pay, assuming you guys take turns over the course of a relationship.
People raise their kids differently, and I understand that for some people it is really important to raise their boys to pay for dates, but I wouldn't like my daughters to let the boys pay all the time (and have no reason to expect that they would think that was fair, either).
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mountaingirl
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Post by mountaingirl on Jun 23, 2016 15:19:01 GMT
$25 for rides plus another $10 or so for food and $? if he plays games.
Times multiple days plus a date one of those days. That's a LOT of money. Especially is his only "income" is $15 a week. And he just paid almost 20percent of his cash he needed to get it back out of the bank. I guess I don't understand how encouraging to spend so much money on recreation and a girl and then wasting so much on atm fees is teaching him any sort of fiscal responsibility. Sounds like his complaining is smart to me. Buy her a slushies or trinket and that's plenty.
I'm curious how old he is too.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Jun 23, 2016 15:23:22 GMT
I'm going to say cheap but that's because he accepted a free pass in to what I assume is an annual fundraiser for this church. By not paying the admissions, he essentially shorted the fundraiser by $25. I suspect most teens don't look at it that way though.
As for the GF, it really depends on how long they've been dating and which one did the asking. If he asked her, then he needs to pony up the money to pay for the evening.
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Post by Scrapbrat on Jun 23, 2016 15:36:16 GMT
Things are different these days. the boy doesn't always pay, and I think it makes a lot of sense. My DS and his GF are both poor college students. So, they have an understanding between them that they'll each pay their own way when they go to a movie or out for dinner or whatever. Sometimes DS does take her out, like for her birthday, and then he makes it clear that he is treating her for the occasion.
I can't really fault your DS on this one. That's a pretty hefty price for an armband, plus there will be other expenses once they get there. If I wanted him to pay for her, I'd frankly give him some additional money to help cover it.
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Post by lisa on Jun 23, 2016 15:37:15 GMT
I voted on splitting the cost too. Times are different then when we were younger .
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Post by nicole2112 on Jun 23, 2016 15:40:28 GMT
IMO the guy should pay for the date or at least offer to pay... If it's a long term relationship or they are willing to split the cost that's great too and should decide between the both of them. What really made me want to comment though was the $3.50 charge to get HIS OWN MONEY out of the ATM! Why do people still do this? Go to the gas station or grocery store, grab a pack of gum or a water for less than $1 and get cash over.  |
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MizIndependent
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Post by MizIndependent on Jun 23, 2016 15:44:51 GMT
I don't know how old your DS is, but $15 a week and still at home says about 12 to me. And no, I do not think he's being cheap. He's being asked to pay what amounts to about four weeks worth of income for one night. The ticket alone is 40% above his weekly income and that's just ridiculous. If it were a $2 ticket then ya, it would be more reasonable if he wanted to pay but this is just lopsided. Also, is this a "first date"? If so, she should be at the very least offering to buy her own arm band. It's rude and entitled to do otherwise. IMO the guy should pay for the date or at least offer to pay. Found this video...it's pretty interesting: |
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Post by STBC on Jun 23, 2016 15:44:57 GMT
I pointed out that since he was going to be going to the carnival again on Friday, he should have gotten all the cash he was going to need at one time to only pay one service charge. Unless I'm desperate for cash, I avoid ATMs that are out of network. I don't want to pay a fee to get my money. If there isn't one of my bank's ATMs around, I get cash back from a grocery store or Walgreens. I'd rather spend a couple of dollars at a store to buy something and get cash back than pay for a service fee to use an ATM.
To answer your original question, that's a lot of money to spend for a kid who doesn't earn much money each week. I don't think it was wrong for the girl to pay for her own wristband. We expect girls to be treated equally - why can't a girl pay her way on a date?
(edited for clarity)
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Post by justkat on Jun 23, 2016 15:48:28 GMT
First date, the guy pays. Subsequent dates, whomever did the asking is the one who pays. However, both parties should be willing/able to pay in case of an emergency or an unexplained circumstance.
If your son asked his GF on a date to the church carnival then he pays. So I'd say, based on the given info, your son is being cheap.lol
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oldcrow
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Post by oldcrow on Jun 23, 2016 15:59:21 GMT
And the guy paying teaches the girl to be independent - how?
They are very young right now but it is only a few years before things will change. Eventually, the guy is going to expect something in return for his investment.
I believe no matter the age of the couple that both should be paying their own way. If your straight son asked a straight male friend to attend an event do you think he should pay the friend's way since your son did the asking.
If you believe in equality for the sexes then they should learn what that means at a very early age.
He should be sure that the girl knows long before reaching the gate how things are to be split moneywise. Then she can make her decision based on that knowledge. It would be wrong to arrive at the gate and then tell her, she may not be in a financial position to go through with the date, and her opinion of your son would definitely change. I think at their age(or any age) they should treat each other the same as they would a friend of the same sex.
I personally believe in separate bills rather than *dutch treat*.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jun 23, 2016 16:07:52 GMT
Everyone's perception of things is different.
I don't think he is being cheap. I think he is being wise and budget conscious with his money. A trait to commend, in my opinion.
In this case(it's sounds like he is dependent, on parental financial assistance), I would expect that each attendee pay their own way for ticket/all day pass prices, and then your son can treat her to a treat(beverage, funnel cake, carnival games, etc...) with his own money.
If your Son, were a self supporting adult with a job and steady income, and he was refusing to pay for his girlfriend, then I would question his being "cheap".
I too, question "why is he paying fees to withdraw his own money from his bank?". I would switch to a bank, that has no fees and multiple ATM locations.
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sweetpeasmom
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Jun 23, 2016 16:08:17 GMT
My ds is 14. He actually offer to pay for his girlfriend for things (not that there has been many things). He was going to pay for her ticket to the 8th grade dance but she bought it before he could. Funny story. He texted me and told me he wanted to take her dinner one night from Zaxby's. I said ok. He then said, oh I need money. I said so I'm buying her dinner from Zaxby's.  It was kind of funny. I think it would be a nice gesture for your son to pay for his girlfriend. But I don't think he can be forced to. |
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momto4kiddos
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jun 23, 2016 16:09:21 GMT
Sounds like he's young if all he has is allowance available to him. Also sounds like this isn't a first date either if she's his girlfriend. So basing it on that i'd say she should be paying her own way at least some of the time.
Times have changed and I it's just not the norm for a guy to pick up all expenses in dating. I do think if he asked her out on a first or even second date should pick up the expenses, but otherwise their likely both in the same position with no jobs and she should be helping with expenses.
Admittedly it's nice when a guy picks up the expenses, but realistically they likely can't shoulder all the expenses. dd dated a guy last year, early 20's both lived at home. He always wanted to pay and while she loved the sentiment, she also hated that he was spending so much $$ all the time - especially considering that he was a teacher and it was summer she was probably making more than him.
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julieb
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Post by julieb on Jun 23, 2016 16:30:03 GMT
Well I have one son that would behave financially like your son and another son that would pay for all his friends to get in.  I don't know how they are so different. Is he being "cheap" - no just financially responsible. |
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Post by ilikepink on Jun 23, 2016 16:32:38 GMT
I also don't think he's being cheap as much as he's being careful. If they've been dating a while, she should at least offer to cover her ticket. But, if it's a first date, or the beginning of the relationship, and he asked her to go, he should be prepared to pay; if she offers, its up to him to accept or not. When my sons were dating, I always told them to be prepared to pay, and to give appropriate gifts. It was their financial responsibility, but usually my XH or I would make sure they had enough before they went out. I also  at that ATM fee!! I'd have to be out of gas and water in the desert to pay an ATM fee. To me cheap is a state of mind. |
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It was kind of funny.
I don't know how they are so different. Is he being "cheap" - no just financially responsible. 
