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Aug 18, 2025 19:49:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2016 16:37:14 GMT
I think she should pay her own way. If he wants to get her ice-cream or win her a stuffed animal, that is fine.....but the entry price should be on her.
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Post by bigbundt on Jun 23, 2016 16:39:38 GMT
I don't even think who pays on dates is about equality, it is about reciprocation, give and take. It shouldn't always be on one person to pay. It shouldn't be split 50/50 all the time. You bought dinner? I'm getting post dinner drinks. You paid for the movie tickets? I'm getting the concessions. We'll pay for our own tickets and maybe you get the drinks and I will get a funnel cake. Sometimes a partner is more generous than the other or may be able to pay more but overall the financial burden of dating should never be on just one person, regardless of gender.
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Post by peano on Jun 23, 2016 17:15:08 GMT
In response to the questions, DS will be 17 in a couple of months. After reading the posts on this thread, I asked DS how the date actually got planned. The invitation apparently went something like this: "What should we do this weekend?" She said, "The carnival is in town."
They had their first romance in middle school for a year or so, broke up, got back together in early 2016. The only other thing they've done that costs anything is the movies and he always pays for the tickets and offers to buy her food, but she always refuses. He doesn't complain about these costs. On Valentine's Day, he bought her some locally made expensive chocolate.
He has gotten $15 a week since middle school. I was planning to up his rate to $20/25 a week in the fall, since he's doing more heavy yardwork.
We got him a PayPal credit/debit card a few years ago, after researching local banks and finding none that offered free checking without maintaining a balance that he didn't have at the time. It didn't even occur to me to have him do the cash back thing at the store because I almost exclusively use plastic and hardly ever have cash. Thanks for reminding me!
Thanks for everyone's input. Since I got clarification from him that going to the carnival was kind of a mutual decision between them, I no longer think he's being a cheap bastard, LOL. If he had asked her to go, I would still think he needed to pay for her. I will still encourage him to bring enough money to pay for her in case there is a misunderstanding about who pays for whom.
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Post by finally~a~mama on Jun 23, 2016 17:16:14 GMT
Did your DS ask his girlfriend to go with him? IMO if he did then he should pay for her to get in. If he doesn't like that it costs more than a movie ticket then he shouldn't have asked her to go.
Did he give you your $ back after he got into the carnival without having to pay? That might be the deciding factor on if he is being a cheap *astard in my mind. LOL
Twenty years ago when DH & I were dating we took turns paying for things. One would buy movie tickets. The other would buy popcorn. That kind of thing. He probably paid for more stuff than I did because his parents gave him an allowance throughout college (and he worked) whereas I only had income from my part time job.
The guy I dated before DH insisted on always paying for everything. One time I paid for a movie rental & he was mad. That made me uncomfortable.
ETA: Saw your update. Since that is the way the carnival date came about I would think either the girlfriend should pay or they should each pay their own way. But your idea about him having money for both, just in case, is wise.
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The Birdhouse Lady
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Moose. It's what's for dinner.
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Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Jun 23, 2016 17:30:56 GMT
Being the mom of sons and a daughter this is what I would do.
I would be sure that my son had enough money to pay for his girlfriend.
I would also be sure that my daughter had enough money to pay for herself. |
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Post by bigbundt on Jun 23, 2016 17:35:45 GMT
Once you are boyfriend/girlfriend, is there really any "s/he invited me to do xyz?". Wouldn't it be more like mutally making plans?  |
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,147 
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Post by used2scrap on Jun 23, 2016 18:08:11 GMT
As a parent of a daughter, I would send her with money to pay her own way. As a parent of sons, they would be prepared to pay for their date. And I would encourage them all to work on reciprocity in paying, i.e. Oh you got the tickets, drinks and snacks are on me. But then again I wouldn't be teaching anyone $3.50 atm fees are ok, $15 a week is all a 17 year old can work to earn, nor would I just give my kids a $20 because they didn't financially plan ahead and want to go to the carnival twice!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jun 23, 2016 18:46:57 GMT
I don't even think who pays on dates is about equality, it is about reciprocation, give and take. It shouldn't always be on one person to pay. It shouldn't be split 50/50 all the time. You bought dinner? I'm getting post dinner drinks. You paid for the movie tickets? I'm getting the concessions. We'll pay for our own tickets and maybe you get the drinks and I will get a funnel cake. Sometimes a partner is more generous than the other or may be able to pay more but overall the financial burden of dating should never be on just one person, regardless of gender. This is how all three of my kids are, including my 17 yr old and her boyfriend. Neither of the 17 yr old couple work, but us parents spilt/take turns paying. Sometimes either of them will use their own money. |
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Post by happymom on Jun 23, 2016 19:05:53 GMT
Whoa- you need to figure out an ATM alternative. What a poor financial lesson- look into custodial accounts tied to an adult checking.
When our fair/carnival is in town kids know it is happening and save their money. I have two young adult sons and they wouldn't go on that expensive of a date unless they was a mutual sharing of costs
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Post by hop2 on Jun 23, 2016 20:46:11 GMT
Who wanted to go to the carnival? Who invited whom?
IMHO I would expect my child (DD or DS ) to at least offer to pay for both if they wanted to go and did the inviting. Just because if my kid did the inviting I won't be sure the other knows the cost. ( I don't know the cost of our lical church carnival )
If my DD were your DS's date I'd make sure she had the money to pay and to offer to pay her own way.
Things are different today but not so different that I'd excuse my child from creating an uncomfortable situation if the other chikd doesn't have all the info.
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Post by hop2 on Jun 23, 2016 20:48:14 GMT
In response to the questions, DS will be 17 in a couple of months. After reading the posts on this thread, I asked DS how the date actually got planned. The invitation apparently went something like this: "What should we do this weekend?" She said, "The carnival is in town." They had their first romance in middle school for a year or so, broke up, got back together in early 2016. The only other thing they've done that costs anything is the movies and he always pays for the tickets and offers to buy her food, but she always refuses. He doesn't complain about these costs. On Valentine's Day, he bought her some locally made expensive chocolate. He has gotten $15 a week since middle school. I was planning to up his rate to $20/25 a week in the fall, since he's doing more heavy yardwork. We got him a PayPal credit/debit card a few years ago, after researching local banks and finding none that offered free checking without maintaining a balance that he didn't have at the time. It didn't even occur to me to have him do the cash back thing at the store because I almost exclusively use plastic and hardly ever have cash. Thanks for reminding me! Thanks for everyone's input. Since I got clarification from him that going to the carnival was kind of a mutual decision between them, I no longer think he's being a cheap bastard, LOL. If he had asked her to go, I would still think he needed to pay for her. I will still encourage him to bring enough money to pay for her in case there is a misunderstanding about who pays for whom. If that's how it went down then she can pay her own ticket in, but your DS should either communicate that to her ahead of time or be prepared to pay if she doesn't have the money. |
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 23, 2016 21:00:44 GMT
Some of the responses are about how we did it as teenagers. Times are changing. What used to be the norm is now different. My first serious boyfriend had a job and paid for most things. We dated for three years. Second boyfriend was the same and then I married him and he has been paying ever since.  My son is 20 and has had the same gf for 6 years. He loves to invite my husband and me to go with them on a date because he knows my husband will foot the bill. My son mowed lawns and made good money for years. Now he is an intern and going to college and earns half of what she does at the hospital. They often split things. To me, he should be paying for more, but this is how it often works now. All of their friends are similar to them. I agree with what many people posted. He should be prepared to pay for her and then see what happens. Paying what takes you almost a month to earn in allowance for one date is pretty pricey for a 15 year old. |
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Jun 23, 2016 21:08:09 GMT
for me, the question is more about how long have they been dating?? If it's been a while, then yes, to me it sounds cheap. (Especially when he got in free the first time.) While I wouldn't expect the guy to pay all the time, since he asked her to go, I think he should pay. There could be times when she asks him to do something- and then,she should pay.
eta: I posted before I read about how they decided to go... it sounds like it was more a *mutual* decision, so then each paying their own way doesn't sound exactly cheap. But I still agree with the 'reciprocal' idea; sometimes one person pays, sometimes the other person pays. Heck, even though we've had a shared bank account for years, sometimes I'll be the one to pay for an outing, if it's something I've suggested that we do. I know it all comes from the same place but it's the principle of the thing, I guess... lol!
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 23, 2016 21:26:19 GMT
Thanks for the video clip MizIndependent - I had both my kids (19 & 17) watch and we had a great discussion. It is definitely not a guy pays for everything world out there anymore and I like that. Mostly my kids have experienced they pay their own way or alternate who pays for a movie. For a special date, like a birthday, the other person might pay or a group goes out and everyone else covers the birthday person's meal. peano I am impressed your DS has savings on $15 a week and can understand him resisting spending a month's worth of allowance on a single event. |
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Post by tuva42 on Jun 23, 2016 21:39:01 GMT
My 17 yo DD and her boyfriend each pay their own way. They both have jobs, both are saving for college, its just easier this way. My DD thinks its weird that some people expect the boy to pay for everything. I like that. Most of her friends all pay their own way, whether they are dating someone or not.
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Post by Mary_K on Jun 23, 2016 22:35:39 GMT
You need to figure out a way for him not to pay ATM fees. I would NEVER pay those fees. That is fiscally irresponsible. No matter what the fee is.
He is being careful with his money and you should encourage that.
I know there is a fine line between being a cheap mooch and being respectful of your money. I don't think he's crossed it yet.
Mary K
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Post by melanell on Jun 24, 2016 0:42:16 GMT
I think that if they are at an age where their spending money is still just their allowance, then it would be appropriate for each to pay their own admission fee/ride bracelet/movie ticket, etc., and if they wanted to take turns treating one another to a snack, drink, etc., then they could do that.
It's really difficult for one person to keep paying everything out of an allowance unless they have quite the substantial allowance.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jun 24, 2016 0:49:26 GMT
I agree that she should be prepared to buy her own ticket AND he should be prepared to pay for her (just in case).
Around these parts, the person inviting does the paying, even if it's just pals. It's been tricky for us as parents - we are far less well-off than most of our kids' friends. Our kids are trained to carry $ to pay their own way, but they are brushed off by the hosting parents. It's lovely, but we can't reciprocate on the same level.
I can't get on board with the whole "proportional" thing that the guy in the video suggested. I think one's ability to pay is much too subjective - I'm certainly not going to sit at the table and say, "My salary is $xxx; how much do I owe toward the tab?"
My friends who are still in the dating pool report some splitting of checks and some "treating" of one person by the other (not always the same party treating). Like the guy in the video said, it gets old quickly if the guy is expected to pay for everything.
ETA: Since the OP's DS got in free one night when he expected to pay, it would be a lovely gesture for him to use that "found" money to treat his gf.
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Post by katiekaty on Jun 24, 2016 1:30:26 GMT
At this age it's really tough to expect the guy to pay for it since he has a "limited" income. Perhaps paying the entry fee of $20 ad her paying the rest of her way (food and sideshow/games) or she pays the $20 and he pays the other. I think it's too much to for him to be expected to pay everything.
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Post by hollymolly on Jun 24, 2016 1:37:06 GMT
In my opinion, the person who asks for the date is the person who pays. If your relationship is at a point where there's no real asking for dates and it's more of a mutual "what are we doing this weekend" kind of thing, then you should also be comfortable discussing who pays for what, and it should be divided in a way that both think is fair.
I'm still old fashioned enough to like it when a guy wants to pay for everything, but independent enough to not want him to. If a guy isn't willing to pay every time, it gives me the impression he's cheap and/or selfish. But I don't think he should pay every time, nor would I let him. In fact, if he absolutely insisted on paying every time, I would be just as turned off by that.
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Post by maryland on Jun 24, 2016 3:43:08 GMT
Personally, I don't think he should have to pay for her. My 20-year old dd and her boyfriend have always split the costs of their dates. At times she's had a better-paying job than him and fewer expenses, so she's contributed more. Is the girlfriend expecting him to pay her way? I'd be surprised, but that is my experience on the girl end of it. How old is your ds? I have three daughters and we teach them that they should share expenses with their friends and dates. We don't believe that boys should be expected to pay just because they are boys. My daughter and her boyfriend are 16. He has a job and she doesn't, so he typically pays a bit more than she does. But he lives 20 min. away and I always drive them to and from each others house (they don't drive), so it evens out. We often buy her gift cards so she can treat him too. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Jun 24, 2016 3:50:56 GMT
It's not 1952, therefore the girl should be paying her own way. I would not be happy if my DD's boyfriend was paying for everything.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jun 24, 2016 4:53:53 GMT
Personally, I don't think he should have to pay for her. My 20-year old dd and her boyfriend have always split the costs of their dates. At times she's had a better-paying job than him and fewer expenses, so she's contributed more. Is the girlfriend expecting him to pay her way? I'd be surprised, but that is my experience on the girl end of it. How old is your ds? I have three daughters and we teach them that they should share expenses with their friends and dates. We don't believe that boys shouldn't be expected to pay just because they are boys. My daughter and her boyfriend are 16. He has a job and she doesn't, so he typically pays a bit more than she does. But he lives 20 min. away and I always drive them to and from each others house (they don't drive), so it evens out. We often buy her gift cards so she can treat him too. I forgot that we give dd gift cards a lot for this reason too! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2016 5:00:12 GMT
I think sharing costs on dates in high school and college is totally appropriate.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by mallie on Jun 24, 2016 13:48:04 GMT
In response to the questions, DS will be 17 in a couple of months. After reading the posts on this thread, I asked DS how the date actually got planned. The invitation apparently went something like this: "What should we do this weekend?" She said, "The carnival is in town." They had their first romance in middle school for a year or so, broke up, got back together in early 2016. The only other thing they've done that costs anything is the movies and he always pays for the tickets and offers to buy her food, but she always refuses. He doesn't complain about these costs. On Valentine's Day, he bought her some locally made expensive chocolate. He has gotten $15 a week since middle school. I was planning to up his rate to $20/25 a week in the fall, since he's doing more heavy yardwork. We got him a PayPal credit/debit card a few years ago, after researching local banks and finding none that offered free checking without maintaining a balance that he didn't have at the time. It didn't even occur to me to have him do the cash back thing at the store because I almost exclusively use plastic and hardly ever have cash. Thanks for reminding me! Thanks for everyone's input. Since I got clarification from him that going to the carnival was kind of a mutual decision between them, I no longer think he's being a cheap bastard, LOL. If he had asked her to go, I would still think he needed to pay for her. I will still encourage him to bring enough money to pay for her in case there is a misunderstanding about who pays for whom. 1. Did he give you back the $20, since he got in for free. 2. I would caution him about getting into a mindset that he'll pay for movies only because it's cheaper than the alternatives. I dated guys like that. For a while. Then I dumped them because I didn't want to hear their complaints about doing something different that --- even if we split the costs -- cost more than the cost of what we normally did. I realized it wasn't that they liked doing X, it was that X was the cheapest option. Cheapness and repetition are not attractive relationship qualities for me. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 24, 2016 15:05:21 GMT
I think it's ridiculous to expect a kid with only $15 worth of weekly income to pay for two $25 entrance fees plus any refreshments they might have. Until recently my DD did not have a job and so all her spending money came out of her weekly $20 allowance. Her boyfriend does not have a job either. They keep things cheap and each pay their own way most of the time. Or if they go to the movies one will buy tickets and one will buy snacks. But honestly as a parent this would probably be a circumstance where I would give my kid extra money too. I expect my kids to foot most of their fun times out of their allowance but with a $15 allowance and a $25 entrance fee I would have given extra money anyway.
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My son is 20 and has had the same gf for 6 years. He loves to invite my husband and me to go with them on a date because he knows my husband will foot the bill. My son mowed lawns and made good money for years. Now he is an intern and going to college and earns half of what she does at the hospital. They often split things. To me, he should be paying for more, but this is how it often works now. All of their friends are similar to them. I agree with what many people posted. He should be prepared to pay for her and then see what happens. Paying what takes you almost a month to earn in allowance for one date is pretty pricey for a 15 year old. 
