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Post by gar on Aug 3, 2014 9:41:18 GMT
I hope a new days will bring some clarity or a less painful perspective to you.
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BarbaraUK
Drama Llama
Surrounded by my yarn stash on the NE coast of England...............!! Refupea 1702
Posts: 5,961
Location: England UK
Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Aug 3, 2014 11:34:34 GMT
Hope you managed to get some sleep. Give it a little time, it won't hurt quite as intensely then even though you are unlikely to forget something like that easily. Sending every positive thought to you.
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Post by airforcemomof1 on Aug 3, 2014 11:49:56 GMT
I'm sorry. I hope you were able to sleep and hope the person who hurt you so deeply realizes what they've done and tries to make things right with you.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 3, 2014 11:55:25 GMT
Another one who has BTDT....it still hurts 4 years later. Someone who I thought had my back..was my BFF for over 20 years and she hurt me more than anyone else ever had. I had suspected she had said/done something and when it was confirmed, I was heartbroken. I've prayed about it many times over the last couple years and finally realized it was all her and I had done nothing wrong.
Hugs~~
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 3, 2014 12:00:14 GMT
You don't have to pray. I will pray for you. I love that, sdeven. I will pray for you, too, OP. It's amazing how those we love the most, can hurt us the most.
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Post by stargazer on Aug 3, 2014 12:11:11 GMT
I'm so sorry & I hope in the short term you can clear your head enough to rest & in the longer term you find the right way to put this nastiness behind you. So hurtful when people say horrid things, devastating when it's someone we love & trust. (((Hugs)) & hopes for you.
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Post by phoenixcov on Aug 3, 2014 12:59:53 GMT
I hope you managed to get some rest and that today brings you strength to cope with the situation.
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Aug 3, 2014 13:02:20 GMT
(((hugs))) I know what you are experiencing. (((hugs))) I'll be praying for you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 16:32:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2014 13:04:16 GMT
I hope that you managed to get some sleep and that things get better for you.
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Post by 1lear on Aug 3, 2014 13:25:08 GMT
Sending good thoughts your way!
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jen4
Shy Member
Posts: 39
Jul 9, 2014 11:29:45 GMT
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Post by jen4 on Aug 3, 2014 13:39:41 GMT
You are not alone, I've recently went through it and no doubt, it hurts especially from someone you loved and trusted. Think about yourself and have positive thoughts, gain strength and remember it's not you, it's the other person who hurt you. Hope you got some sleep but there will be nights when you'll have a hard time sleeping like me. Hope you'll be ok! I'll pray for you too!
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Post by woodysbetty on Aug 3, 2014 13:51:03 GMT
Hugs and positive energy.......try to take deep breath and as you exhale release the words and the hurt......you are more than someone's words...
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Post by gizzy on Aug 3, 2014 14:21:21 GMT
Hope you were able to get some sleep and that today is a great day.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Aug 3, 2014 15:53:52 GMT
**update** the morning after..
Of course this person has no recollection of the hurtful things that were said. Chalked it all up to the alcohol.
AND.... Now I just need the strength to deliver the message, because now in the light of day (meaning no alcohol) all my shit is petty and of course it didn't happen that way, he didn't say it that way, etc. etc.
He has to pick one or the other. He can't say out of one side of his mouth he has no idea what he said, and then the other side say he didn't say it like that. So does he remember or not?
Anyone that is drinking to the point of memory loss has some big issues. I don't think I'd put up with much of that. I hope that your list of things to change work and give you peace (no matter what you decide to do).
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Post by SabrinaM on Aug 3, 2014 15:57:26 GMT
I'm so sorry...
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Post by lovetodigi on Aug 3, 2014 16:10:05 GMT
Stand strong and just do what your mind and your heart tell you to do. You alone can make those decisions. Whatever you choose to do, you will make it through, because you are stronger than you think. You deserve better.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 16:32:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2014 16:22:14 GMT
In reading your update, I can say I've BTDT with my ex. I put up with that kind of shit for 5 years after we divorced, convinced that in time, we'll work through it and find our way back together. What a load of BS I fed myself. After having a similar conversation of "that's not what happened, that's not what I said, you're making a big deal out of nothing" and more lies, I gave up. You deserve better than someone who will say nasty things to you. The alcohol only loosens the filter. I've found that if he thought it, he's likely to say it while drunk. No one deserves to stay with someone who will even think those kind of things about you. You deserve someone in your life that will think and say only kind things to you. There's being honest and telling someone they're being stupid/silly/rude when necessary and then there's being nasty and mean. I trust that DH will never speak to me the way my ex did and I trust that my ex will speak to me that way again if given the chance. If you know it'll happen again if you stay, then it's time to leave. I don't know if you have kids or not. If you do, this is not the example you want set for them. I don't know what kind of relationship my ex is modeling for my kids in his house. I do know that I'm showing them how a healthy relationship looks in my house. You owe it to yourself and them to know when enough is enough. I will be thinking of you and wish you all the strength you need.
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,971
Location: NW PA
Jun 25, 2014 23:50:38 GMT
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Post by Judy26 on Aug 3, 2014 16:35:57 GMT
I can relate to the anxiety of trying to fix a situation when your needs are being belittled and ignored. I wish I had an answer for you but I can offer sympathy and Refupea support.
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betazed
Junior Member
Posts: 84
Jun 28, 2014 3:17:59 GMT
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Post by betazed on Aug 3, 2014 16:37:09 GMT
**update** the morning after..
Of course this person has no recollection of the hurtful things that were said. Chalked it all up to the alcohol. I have heard before that what comes out of a drunks mouth comes straight from their heart, or something along those lines. I think you're right, hence the saying "in vino veritas." Sorry you're going through this...
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,831
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Aug 3, 2014 16:54:51 GMT
I am sorry.
Just remember....you deserve to be treated how you would want your own child to be treated.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,831
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Aug 3, 2014 16:57:08 GMT
**update** the morning after..
Of course this person has no recollection of the hurtful things that were said. Chalked it all up to the alcohol.
AND.... Now I just need the strength to deliver the message, because now in the light of day (meaning no alcohol) all my shit is petty and of course it didn't happen that way, he didn't say it that way, etc. etc.
He has to pick one or the other. He can't say out of one side of his mouth he has no idea what he said, and then the other side say he didn't say it like that. So does he remember or not?
Anyone that is drinking to the point of memory loss has some big issues. I don't think I'd put up with much of that. I hope that your list of things to change work and give you peace (no matter what you decide to do).
Right there, that is the key. Read the bolder part over and over and over....
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 3, 2014 17:15:53 GMT
Yea, how can he say it wasn't said that way, if he doesn't remember? Does he have problems with alcohol normally? or is this a random thing?
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Post by padresfan619 on Aug 3, 2014 17:28:47 GMT
If he is trying to tell you something didn't happen, or it was different than you say he is gas-lighting you. That is classic emotional manipulation that abusers use to trick their victims into believing their lies. Do not allow this man to gas-light you. Stand firm and know your truth.
I'm very sorry you are dealing with this. Alcoholics and drunks cannot be reasoned with.
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Post by Debbie on Aug 3, 2014 17:42:23 GMT
Sorry you've been hurt. Don't let him manipulate the situation, stick with your list of demands. Good luck to you.
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Post by shevy on Aug 3, 2014 20:37:08 GMT
You deserve to be happy. And just because it's all 'petty' doesn't mean that it's not significant to you.
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Post by leslie132 on Aug 3, 2014 20:43:48 GMT
Praying that you find strength to move on. And, that whatever direction you choose to go, works out best for you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 16:32:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2014 21:21:15 GMT
I'm so sorry.
I don't think people realize that once words are spoken, you can't take them back. They're out there, in the open, in all their painful glory. An apology isn't enough to erase the words from another's heart or mind.
I have someone in my life who says hurtful things, then apologizes and says she doesn't mean it. She can't understand why I can't forget her words and move on. She certainly has. But sometimes you just can't move on. Sometimes it's not enough to say you're sorry.
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 3, 2014 21:31:47 GMT
You deserve so much better than a hurtful relationship. If your NSDH will agree to get help for his alcoholism then perhaps there's hope w/recovery and counseling, but if not, then he has chosen the marry the bottle and you can choose to leave for a more healing place. I'll say a prayer for you that clarity and direction are given to you. Do not settle for this. You deserve to be wholly and truly loved by a stable man and nothing else will do.
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SuPeaNatural
Full Member
AUSTRALIA
Posts: 424
Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Aug 3, 2014 21:45:56 GMT
BTDT, only mine never even bothered to make excuses afterwards, and his wasn't alcohol related - just his natural mean self. But don't make my mistake and stay - one of the biggest regrets I have about the end of my marriage is that it didn't happen 20 years earlier. They have no incentive to do better or even try when we stay and put up with it.
Do what's best for you, and whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 16:32:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2014 22:49:56 GMT
BTDT, but not alcohol induced.... I do highly recommend the book "Love Must Be Tough". It is from a Christian perspective, but not to the "no divorce/separation level" if needed.
Mine did it IN FRONT OF A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR who did nothing but let him do it! She didn't call him on it as BS. I call it being verbally beaten black and blue. I can't say I will ever forget it. And I do know now, almost 5 years later that it is him. Yes, we are still together and he has never done it again, not even with alcohol. But I do believe that your DH was telling you what he truly thought while drunk. I would not let it go personally. Either he talks through what he said (even if he doesn't remember then he can go by how YOU perceived what he said did).
prayers....I will say you can get passed it but only if you work through it.
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