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Post by Yoki on Aug 3, 2014 13:57:39 GMT
What age would you feel comfortable leaving your child/ren alone in a hotel room for a few hours? Let's say that they would have food to eat, books to read, tv to watch, and a device to play games on/text you. Let's also say that the alone hours would likely be early in the morning - from about 7 - 11.
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Post by DinCA on Aug 3, 2014 14:03:02 GMT
For the hours you've listed, I would not leave my child/children. Four hours is too long to leave them unattended even if they are 16 years old. The older they get, the more trouble they are likely to get into.
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Post by guzismom on Aug 3, 2014 14:06:34 GMT
I'd totally leave my 16 year old alone in a hotel room for 4 hours... I guess I have really good kids. At that age, I'd even let them go down to the lobby for breakfast! I've left my kids alone at hotels/resorts for that period of time since they were preteens (12 or so). Put the "do not disturb" sign on the door and make sure they know to open it to NO ONE.
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Post by utmr on Aug 3, 2014 14:07:10 GMT
It depends on the kids, the hotel/situation, and where I was. We left ours at WDW (on property) while we walked to the food area to pick up and bring back breakfast. They were 14, 13 and 9, they had phones, we had phones, and we were gone about 30 minutes total (10 there, 10 back and 10 to get food). The "do not disturb" sign was on the door.
For responsible kids, if I felt comfortable they wouldn't fight, or get into mischief, probably a little older than I would leave them at home alone. If it was a situation where I was elsewhere in the hotel (at a wedding reception downstairs, for example) then 12-14 ish. If I was going to be away from the hotel, then older.
Of course some kids shouldn't be left alone at 20, so it really depends.
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Post by katlaw on Aug 3, 2014 14:09:14 GMT
In my own opinion if you feel your children are old enough to be left alone at home then they are likely old enough to be left alone in a hotel room. For oldest DS that was about 14 years old. For my younger DS that would have been about 12 years old. You know your child and if they would get up and leave the room or choose to stay locked in the room.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 3, 2014 14:09:54 GMT
That would totally depend on the details (city we were in, how far away I would be, childs maturity, etc.) and the child's level of comfort with it.
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Post by 1lear on Aug 3, 2014 14:17:53 GMT
I agree that it depends on the child. For mine, the oldest would have been fine at about 12. The other two, probably about 14. If there was nobody around to wake them, heck, they'd probably still be asleep at 11AM.
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Post by scrapnatya on Aug 3, 2014 14:22:51 GMT
It would depend on age and where I was staying....and where I was going,
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 16:31:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2014 14:27:08 GMT
I would be okay with my 12 year old being by himself during that time. He is very dependable though, and I know he wouldn't leave the room to go out somewhere. Totally depends on the childs maturity. I don't think I would have left him younger than this though, he has matured a lot in the past year.
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Aug 3, 2014 14:29:19 GMT
My kids are 7 and 11 and I definitely wouldn't do it. My 11 year old is v. responsible, but even so, it's a huge responsibility for an 11 year old to watch a 7 year old. To many what-ifs for my liking. Just a thought, what's the legal baby-sitting age where you are?
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Aug 3, 2014 14:29:46 GMT
My kids are 7 and 11 and I definitely wouldn't do it. My 11 year old is v. responsible, but even so, it's a huge responsibility for an 11 year old to watch a 7 year old. To many what-ifs for my liking. Just a thought, what's the legal baby-sitting age where you are?
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Post by epeanymous on Aug 3, 2014 14:30:44 GMT
I haven't been in the position to decide, as I have always had at least one child under the age of four so far. But I have an eleven-year-old who, in the absence of worries about phone calls to CPS by "concerned" individuals, I would feel completely comfortable leaving by herself in a hotel room.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 3, 2014 14:32:28 GMT
4 hours is a pretty long time, I'd be worried they'd get hungry. My middle schoolers aren't quite there yet for that length of time. We're comfortable leaving them for an hour or two. In many ways I prefer it to leaving them home alone. In case of an actual emergency, there's at least someone at the front desk. They feel more isolated in a house - at least where we are with houses being pretty far apart.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 3, 2014 14:34:17 GMT
Now that my kids are grown it's hard to look back and imagine what age would be OK. I know I left my kids alone when later I learned that the oldest was very unhappy when I did.
I would leave kids under 10 probably long enough to go get ice, load the car or walk over to the office or go down to the lobby to check out or something. 10 to 12 I would probably leave long enough to go get food and bring it back or go walk on a treadmill - maybe 30 minutes?
Teens I would leave in the hotel for longer if they were OK with it, but then again, it would depend why we are in a hotel. If they came along with me to a conference and I was in the conference all morning for example, that might make a difference if they could come down to the conference room to get me if needed.
I guess it depends....
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Post by DinCA on Aug 3, 2014 14:42:52 GMT
I just think four hours is a long time for kids to sit in a room unless they will play video games for four hours or sit down and watch two movies back to back. Most children will start to get bored after two hours. I would allow my 12+ children to stay alone for two hours maximum. And I would leave up to two younger children with a 12+ child two hours maximum.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 3, 2014 14:49:42 GMT
My 11 year old wouldn't want to stay alone in a hotel room that long; my 16 year old would be fine with it.
How far away would you be? Downstairs in a conference room? Across town?
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 16:31:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2014 14:51:38 GMT
IMO leaving them alone in a hotel room opens them up to an entirely new can of worms. Stuff they're not used to...stuff that they haven't had ingrained into their heads. For example, you can tell them to open the door for no one...but what if someone bangs on the door and yells "FIRE". Do they open it and risk having a creep hurt them or do they leave it closed and hope there's no fire?
So IMO, 4 hrs is a long time to leave kids in an unfamiliar environment.
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Post by Yoki on Aug 3, 2014 15:02:16 GMT
Thanks for all the opinions so far! Here are my particulars ... I am (slowly!) working on a goal to complete a 1/2 marathon in every state. I've done 8 so far and I've either traveled by myself, with a friend or with my husband and son so far. I'd love to include my son (he's 11 now and only child) in this travel as much as possible because I think it's a great opportunity for him to see more of our lovely country, but there will be times when it just isn't possible for my husband to come with us. So, there would be a few hours (depending on the logistics of the race and location of the hotel - totally different for each race, but I usually try to stay within short walking distance of the start/finish line) when I would be out running. He could text me if there was an issue, but it's not like I'd be just a few minutes away. I don't think he'd leave the room and wander off, or open the door to anyone. I think he'd probably love a few hours of time to himself to play on his iPod without me nagging him to get off. In a year or two when he's a teenager, it's also possible that he'll be happy to just sleep in. I think yall are confirming my thoughts that this just isn't a reasonable idea, but I was just curious.
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MaryC
Full Member
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Jun 25, 2014 21:52:55 GMT
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Post by MaryC on Aug 3, 2014 15:07:30 GMT
I agree. What if there is an emergency such as a fire? Also, what is the legal age in that state for a child to be left unsupervised? If something did happen, you could find yourself in legal difficulty.
Also, what if something happens to you while you're out? A car accident or other injury? If you're in a strange town where no one knows you, and don't know you have children with you, your kids could be left alone longer than 4 hours while someone tracks down your family.
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Post by Merge on Aug 3, 2014 15:14:44 GMT
We're pretty laid back. We left our kids age 10 and 12 in the hotel room alone last year while DH and I went out for a nice dinner. Did it again this year at 11 and 13 because they begged us to. They have phones, they know how to ring the front desk if they have a question (including if someone knocks at the door claiming to be hotel staff), and they're perfectly happy there for a few hours with the TV and their electronics.
I guess our neighbors are laid back, too - they asked our 13 year old to babysit their 4 and 6 year olds for a week, eight hours a day, this summer. And it was totally fine. She had to learn some new skills with planning, problem solving and self-denial, and it was an excellent experience all around. She's been evening babysitting for them since she was 11.
Saying you won't even leave them at 16 - to each her own, of course, but I was "left" in a college dorm room at 17. People hold down jobs at 16 but can't be left in a hotel room??
I know this can be somewhat controversial. We tend more to the "free range" style of parenting. Our kids are responsible not only because of who they are, I think, but because we've expected it of them. Give them the tools they need to make smart choices, and then remember that all the things that "could" happen are really very, very unlikely to happen.
ETA: where I draw the line personally is with the kid's comfort level. If the kid is frightened to be left, I wouldn't leave them. And I agree that there are some personalities/maturity levels that aren't ready. But I also think we as a society expect too little of our kids in terms of responsibility and making good choices. And I think we let ourselves be controlled by fear of things that are statistically very unlikely to happen.
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 3, 2014 15:17:16 GMT
I am a bit of a free rangy kind of mom, and have no problem with leaving my kids in a hotel room starting at around 13 for lengthy periods of time.
For example, we go to the same place at the beach ALL. THE. TIME. Since about age 13, the kids have been allowed to roam freely at the resort, stay in the hotel room, go to the pool, hang out at the beach with us...whatever the want. My only rule is to not leave the property.
But with your update, I probably wouldn't leave an 11 year old alone in the room for that long. It is an unfamiliar environment and until he is completely comfortable and has developed appropriate independent decision making, I probably would hold up leaving him alone if I was off the property.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 3, 2014 15:20:35 GMT
For your particular situation, you might see if you can find a hotel that has a kids club.
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Post by Yoki on Aug 3, 2014 15:32:20 GMT
Also, what is something happens to you while you're out? A car accident or other injury? If you're in a strange town where no one knows you, and don't know you have children with you, your kids could be left alone longer than 4 hours while someone tracks down your family. This is a very good point. (I'm either traveling with my husband & son or by myself for all races next year, so this wouldn't even be a potential until he was 13.)
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Post by brina on Aug 3, 2014 15:32:21 GMT
we did this when the oldest was about 11. i don't know if it was for 4 hours, but it was dinner and drinks.
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Post by myshelly on Aug 3, 2014 15:39:20 GMT
For that long of a period if time in an unfamiliar hotel room I would not be comfortable until 16 or 17.
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Post by jackie on Aug 3, 2014 15:40:42 GMT
For the hours you've listed, I would not leave my child/children. Four hours is too long to leave them unattended even if they are 16 years old. The older they get, the more trouble they are likely to get into. Yikes! Most 16 year-olds drive cars, hold part-time jobs, etc. Staying in a hotel room for hours in the morning seems mild in comparison. Yes, the older they are the more trouble they can get into, but at some times you just have to loosen the reins, trust that you've done the best you can and let them go a little. To each his own I suppose. As others have said, I think it depends on the kid and the situation. There is no magic age for such a thing, but if I had to pick one, 12 is what jumps out to me. With your 11-year old, as long as he is responsible and isn't scared being by himself, I think it sounds fine. My kids would enjoy sleeping in, watching whatever they wanted on TV, playing on their cell phones or portable game systems, reading, or drawing. I think four hours would fly by.
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Aug 3, 2014 15:44:06 GMT
Hotel rooms in strange cities can be somewhat daunting. Have you met any other runners who travel the same circuit that could get to know your son and include him in the cheering? Could he be a volunteer at the finish? Sitting alone is never as good as being involved.
BTW, does he run?
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Post by jenrah on Aug 3, 2014 15:48:46 GMT
I recently let my 13 year old stay in the room. I laid down the rules an we played the what if _____ how will you handle it game.
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Post by Yoki on Aug 3, 2014 15:56:21 GMT
Hotel rooms in strange cities can be somewhat daunting. Have you met any other runners who travel the same circuit that could get to know your son and include him in he cheering? Could he be a volunteer at the finish? Sitting alone is never as good as being involved. BTW, does he run? These are interesting ideas. I'll definitely keep them in mind. In my wild parenting dreams we would be running these races together. Right now, though, he's more interested in sprinting short distances. Many half marathons offer a shorter distance (5K or 10K) race, too, but that presents a whole 'nother level of logistics and independence.
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Post by Yoki on Aug 3, 2014 16:01:04 GMT
Merge and jackie - I appreciate your opinions. I am working very hard to overcome some of my parenting anxieties and loosen the reigns when it's appropriate. It's also a very good point to think about expecting him to go off to college & be successful living (more or less) independently at 17.
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