I know I'll receive some harsh words but must share this

Thank you for sharing. Plus, I applaud your tenacity. It's fantastic that you see what is being done and refuse to allow it to keep you from excelling.

I believe Lauren posted recently that she is a bankruptcy attorney.  Prior to that I recall she did family law.  Shame on you for bringing grandchildren into this.  Totally uncalled for.

In the past, Lauren's professional website listed criminal defense as one of her specialties.

And perhaps Lauren shouldn't be criticizing people who have children out of wedlock when the same circumstance exists in her own family. I am not attacking Lauren's grandchild personally and have nothing to feel ashamed of. 

Lauren chose to wag her finger at (black) people who have been arrested and whom have children out of wedlock. She seems to think it's as simple as NOT doing it. If it's so easy for all those (black) people to do it, then I have to wonder why the same standard didn't apply in her own family? Or maybe having children out of wedlock and having a criminal history are perfectly okay for white people. 

Or maybe, just maybe, this is a hugely complex issue that has more than one root cause. Maybe it's a little too simplistic to say "just don't do that anymore". 

I know it is such a complex problem and there are no easy answers. To me it's doubly sad that Bill Cosby turned out to be a rapist pervert, because at least he tried to instill the idea that SOME of the problems the black community faced were things they could address for themselves. Now that message is almost a joke. Of course there is no discounting the huge role that history and white oppression play in the endless cycle of black crime and poverty and violence. But I think it would be a great thing if more leaders in that community encouraged members to think that there are actual positive changes and choices they can effect for themselves instead of constant victimhood.

I had no idea that people still used the term 'out of wedlock' in reference to having children and held the parent in contempt  judgement. 

ETA: I deleted part of what I had to say because it simply wasn't adding one single thing to the conversation and was petty on my part. I wouldn't normally delete, but these conversations are too important to be side tracked by a comment that doesn't lend itself to calm and rational debate.

I wouldn't stand because I don't want to be anything other than who I am. If you always play the victim you will always be the victim. Life's not fair. I am a woman and I can say poor me, but it ain't gonna happen because I am what I make myself. I am usually the only female on the flight crew. I travel extensively for my job, I haven't seen a place yet that people of color wouldn't kill to be here. You want to talk about hell, I am a helicopter mechanic I travel 80% of the year. I go to countries that are ran by blacks, all I can say is what a shit hole, who's fault is that? 

Whoa there! (To the are you kidding me)

She was just asking what many others are also wanting to know.

The key here is all the wonderful things that are working are taking a back seat to all the bad/worse/awful things. Unfortunately a large part of that is because the media sadly lacks the foresight to shine a big beacon of light on those positives and instead chase down, dissect, surmise, and even outright state blatant falsities on the negative sides.


Even with all the great things happening, the focus is on places like Chicago, St. Louis, etc.

The BIG question is how does the good overwhelm the bad?

Where are these protests and BLM rallies leading? What are their results? It is AWESOME that these people showing up for them are invested into their communities and wanting change, but are they making solid progress? (Seriously asking, not snarling). The rallies in our communities have been pretty tame, and people are listening and more get involved with each passing week--

I think about this more often lately (and actually NOT because of these shootings) is that respect seems to be missing anymore.

Respect in general--kids/young not quite adults (of all ethnicities) push and shove to be first, are disrespectful of adults--I was in a jr high/middle school a few days before the school year ended and watched a 12-14 yr old girl tear down an older male teacher who was telling her to get back to her classroom. She was right in his face telling him that she didn't have to listen to him, that he couldn't do anything to her, she was going to the high school next year, that he should just shut up and walk off! And the teacher couldn't do anything!!! He could not even lead her to the office by the arm--his only resort is to call the police!!!, I work with a few "adults" (21-29 age) who never consider that their actions and decisions affect others at work, they are short sighted. Teachers are underpaid and overworked and kids often have more structure in school than they do at home. The location/neighborhood where I work, kids are left to roam after school and during the summer--there are a few who we often feed lunches or dinner.

It's like people want rules, then don't want rules--not too long ago it was a big issue that you don't have to give up your ID or information if you are asked to by law enforcement if you are pulled over or walking down the street open carrying (legally) and then it turns into an antagonistic event, people refuse, fight, scream, post videos of how their rights are abused. Kids are being taught this and to me it is just a message of "LEO have no authority"

Where I work, I've had, more than once, young adults call me names to get what they want. ( as in "bitch move your ass and just get me XXX..." (whatever they were there to pick up) again no respect for others. We've been challenged to respond to that behavior so that they have "cause" or feel justified of the behavior they used.

Sorry for my vent--it probably makes no sense, I'm just thinking a lot about this lately (we have family who are LEO and it hits close to home in many ways)


All this killing sickens me. LIFE MATTERS.

Okay this was just mean, very personally.

You know what, this doesn't help this discussion at all.

It's an important one and one I've wanted to find out more about and talk about for a long time, but never had the nerve to broach because so many here are so quick with the racist label. I totally get the BLM movement, but there are other sides to the coin that we need to talk about. I laud ~Lauren~ for bringing it up in such a way that it wasn't dismissed out of hand.

I will agree that my point is not helpful, necessarily, but it is important to this discussion. 

Lauren is trying to paint this as a very simple issue. She thinks black people should just stop having babies out of wedlock and stop getting themselves arrested. Easy peasy, right?  She sits in judgment of people who have done the exact same things she has seen in her own family and then thinks it's her place to offer a solution for an entire community when she couldn't manage it in her own family?

I think this is more YOUR interpretation and not at all what most here are saying.

Since you've been somewhat critical of what has been asked/said so far, what is it that you want white people to do? Tell me what to do and I'll go do it. Don't give me the white government this or that, institutional racism talk--just plain English as to what white people need to do to help.

I don't think it's unreasonable for wanting anyone (regardless of ethnicity) to aspire to be better than the generations before them. Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it.

I don't think it is unreasonable or impossible to ask/teach/lead personal responsibility and accountability.

I don't think that certain things should only apply to those who fit a certain type.

If we are always looking to determine fault, I'm not sure we are willing to look for solutions. "It might not be my fault, but it is my responsibility."

My interpretation, based on a long history of reading rants by this OP against anything that might suggest our system is unjust or that black people face any more challenges in their lives than she does.

This is what I try to do, as a white person -

1. Stop voting for political leaders who foster hatred and division.
2. Lobby your elected leaders to make our justice system truly just.  An example: end mandatory minimums and fix sentencing guidelines that penalize drug crimes more often committed by black people much more harshly than those often committed by white people.  Research and consider supporting therapeutic rather than punitive judicial response to drug possession.
3. Work to view people as individuals regardless of skin color, and stop generalizing about "black problems" and "white problems."  Poverty and crime are OUR problems.
4. Recognize our own privilege (I know that's a loaded word for some, but it is what it is) as the majority race and the one that holds most political and economic power in this country.
5. Be aware.  Try to have empathy.  Try to listen and understand instead of judging and blaming.
6.  Speak up when you see injustice.  Don't remain silent.
7. Consider working with or mentoring youth in poverty, regardless of background/skin color.  As I mentioned to BeckyTech above, individuals can often have a much more profound difference than any movement or policy.

As I also mentioned to beckytech above, and provided several examples, the black community is working to promote education and positive choices among its youth.  Maybe we should ask ourselves as a country why we're so unaware of this - these efforts are just not widely reported even in the "liberal" media.