I am rather at a loss...my son is depressed and sad...

I'm SO very sorry for you!  As a parent, you feel helpless, sad and worried, right???  I felt this way with both of my children.  My DD28 was born with immediate issues (separation anxiety, anxiety in general, increased anxiety, early onset of puberty--another way to distance herself from her peers...).  She got to the point where she was bullied a bit in school.   She had always been bored in school because she was SO far ahead, intelluctually, but we chose not to put her in the gifted program solely based on her lack of interpersonal skills.  Anyway, it was a long journey until she got diagnosed with bipolar at age 16.  She missed a few years of jr high/high school (was homeschooled by her teachers).  She made it back to school in her senior year, which was GREAT.  But every step that you're expecting, that has a different outcome, is heavy on our hearts.  I understand that.

DS26 (almost 26), has had his own issues.  I've stated on here before about both of them.  He was always the class clown.  Hard to pin down and make him be serious or study.  He was more interested in social skills.  Totally opposite of DD.  I had no idea he began dabbling in pot, alcohol, cigarettes and then down that horrible path of drugs (serious drugs).  We almost lost him a few times.  It's heartbreaking.......  His issues were stemmed from low self-esteem, depression and a bit of anxiety.  Who knew?  He seemed outgoing, hilarious and warm. I missed the signs, completely, until I caught on, and then I was blessed enough to have my family back me/him up.  They were relentless.  They were always giving him love and guidance.  They were always urging him to get into a program and to just separate himself from his friends.  He didn't listen.  I got divorced and he stayed with the ex (bad move).  I swear, I expected "the call" to say he was gone..........  It's terrible.

But, things change.  The Ex met someone and was essentially kicking out DS.  DS asked if he could move to FL with us.  I was newly married, but DH said, "of course!".  So, we went from being newlyweds, to having a full house with my 2 adult children.  Thank God we are all close, and most of all I think God that DH was able to be the one to reach through to DS and get him firmly on that clear path.  He got him in a program and changed his life.  They are truly best friends.  I don't know why or how, but they 2 of them clicked and their relationship works.  He saved DS, and I thank God every single day.  DS got a few jobs before settling with Kohl's and what he was done for the company has been ground-breaking.  He's gotten awards which were unprecidented for this area/this State!!  He just keeps moving up (although they'd LOVE to keep him selling their credit cards, which is where the company makes the most $$, but he's too smart and intelluctually bored with things that are too easy).  Anyway, he's been clean for almost 3 years.  Sadly, he's lost over 100 friends to drugs.  They remaining circle of drugged friends are in the past for him.  He's moved on to real relationships.

My advice to you (after this epic post!) is that you should keep pushing and suggesting that he see someone, anyone!!  A social worker, a therapist, a psychologist, psychiatrist........... ANYONE.  Sometimes just beginning to talk about what's going on, opens up a whole world of realization and changes their life.  Everyone in your son's circle should keep up too.  You are all his lifeline.  Keep pushing.  Keep the #'s of these places that he could go to.  My son didn't even have medical coverage, but we were determined to have him go anyway.  I'm SURE that if he goes, and if they determine what his real medical diagnosis is (and possibly put him on meds), his life will change for the better.  It's just GETTING HIM TO GO!!!!!!!!!!  Some people do need meds to change the way their brain is wired.  It's that simple. I only now understand it from watching my daughter go through it.  Amazingly, I never needed it, even though I've been through a traumatic accident as a teen.  Back then, I think we were just strong for our family and we pushed through.  I did get therapy down the line.  It's invaluable.  I pray that he gets it and that his anxiety and depression will be lifted, and that you will feel some sense of relief.

Prayers to you.  You're a wonderful mom!

Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing your stories with us. It's so important that parents know lots of us have gone through this.

Our DD (33) suffered from depression in her senior year. She started medications, but stopped and went downhill quickly. I sat down with her asked how she'd feel if I stopped taking Lipitor for my high cholesterol, with my family history of heart disease. She said she'd be really upset. I told her that is how I felt about her not taking her anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications. It's the same thing. We BOTH have chemical imbalances in our body that need to be treated. 

This worked for us. But, I still remind her occasionally that it's not "weak".

(((hugs))))

My thoughts are with your son, and your family.

mikklynn:  Thank you.  It's important to be open and share what we've gone through--it might help another mom or parent out there.  In your case, I'm sorry you went through that with your DD too.  I neglected to add that with DD28, her doctors stessed how important it was to take her meds on time, every day and night, and not to mix any alcohol or anything OTC without asking them first.  She has adhered to this SO strictly and has never had a sip of alcohol.  If she even has a headache, she double checks that the OTC meds are safe to take with her Rx's.  *I* stressed to her exactly what you said:  That this is to "level" her out, just as my high blood pressure meds level me out.  There shouldn't be a negative connotation to having to rely on their meds.  It's NOT a sign of weakness; it's just how their brains are made up.  Prayers to your DD that she'll continue doing the healthy, right thing for herself.  I'm sure that your journey was very trying as her parent, for a while.

I would talk to him about how mental health is just as important as physical health. Talk about life goals and how things are hindered right now with things out of sync. He has had some time on his own but things haven't improved. Time to try something different. Contract with him to "try" a medical professional's advice and reevaluate after an appropriate time frame.

Everyone's stories are so special and mean so much.

How painful and agonizing to go through this. I remember well. I have 2 DS's (32 and 24) who were both in counseling in their teen years. I worried soooo much about both of them during those times. I think early teens-early 20's is such a hard time for kids.

The good news is that things usually do get better. I highly recommend he go to counseling asap and regularly. And just let him know that these are the hardest years for a lot of people and he is normal to feel like this.