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Post by grate on Aug 5, 2014 10:17:10 GMT
I would love some advice, your 2 cents, things that have worked/not as far as set up and things that have worked/not as far as boundaries.
We are in the process of meeting with a builder to get it all started but it will be mostly planned from afar since I head back overseas this week until July. I have gone through a lot of scenarios and boundaries in my head but I would love the BTDT type of advice.
I am doing this because of my dad, have some issue with my mom so first thing is we are trying for a completely separate space.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 5, 2014 12:53:57 GMT
No first hand experience but my cousin did this for his parents. My aunt loved to cook so she made the entire family's dinner each night. Not that that was a good thing because she has some health issues. They had their own Bedroom, living area and bath. My aunt and uncle are both in the nursing home now but they lived in this addition for about 2 years. The one thing that was an issue...a SIBLING! He thought--wrongly--that my cousin was going to profit from this addition down the road. My aunt and uncle paid for the addition so this idiot was ticked. Anyhow...my cousin will NOT profit from the addition. One of their kids is in it for the moment and because of some zoning laws....he cannot rent it.
Why--just curious---are you headed overseas for a year???
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Post by grate on Aug 5, 2014 14:36:19 GMT
Oh my! I did talk this out with my brother first since my parents will add to our money but I think my brother is happy to not have to be involved or on call to help them, I live 4 hours away from all of them. He has his hands full with his wife they happen to be set $$ wise because of her as well!
Nightmare situation for your cousin!
We have been living in Europe for 3 years, one more to go. My husband took a job there, actually a demotion in grade and pay and I had to close my small business but we did it for the experience for our family and to give our kids something we never could have otherwise. I did get a job teaching last year and will return for this year so that helps. But this is all we have to keep in mind while going through this process. Have to assume I will not be working right away when we return next year!!!
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Post by sisterbdsq on Aug 5, 2014 15:28:30 GMT
I don't know the layout of your house, how you are designing, etc. But I have 2 suggestions, 1...when building a bath, have a walk in shower with ADA rails and adjustable shower head installed. 2...avoid stairs as much as possible. A separate entrance with additional access from the living space you occupy is preferred so you're not going outside to access them, but that opens a can of worms for parents with no boundaries. No one wants to wake up with a disoriented parent hovering over their bed asking where they are, or have mom walking in on your personal time. Based on your situation, the inconvenience of going outside is preferred.
In all honesty though, while I liked my home with an in-law, many don't. After my divorce, the ex ripped the whole thing down to the studs and incorporated it into the normal living space. It doesn't increase the home value or desirability to most buyers.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 5, 2014 15:42:16 GMT
My good friend has her inlaws living in an extension to her property. She cleans and cooks for them as they are both frail and very elderly. One ground rule that they established from the outset was that neither would enter the other's bit of the house without knocking. Might be useful to set that sort of boundary from day one.
They have a gigantic walk in shower, with safety rails etc. You could bath a hippopotamus in it. Her husband, as he puts it, 'hoses his Dad down' daily. They also have a sitting room, a large bedroom with all sorts of lifting gear to get Dad in and out of bed and a tiny kitchen area. It will easily be deconstructed and incorporated into the family home when no longer needed.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,826 
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Post by scrapngranny on Aug 5, 2014 16:16:57 GMT
I wish you the best of luck. Living with family, even those you love dearly, takes a lot of adjustments.
My dad had his own little two bedroom house on our property and it was still challenging some days. Aging parents are often like large toddlers, that can pull the I'm your parent card at will. I wouldn't take back those years my dad was with us for anything, but on a day to day basis it was a struggle some days. Now we can laugh about some of the goofy things that happened, but we didn't then.
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Post by grate on Aug 5, 2014 23:57:12 GMT
we met with a builder today. Looks like we will go with an Us upstairs, them downstairs situation. We do not PLAN on selling. We live in a low key beach area, 5 minute walk down to the water and once you buy a house here, it is inexpensive to live. We would like to hold on to the house to have for our kids to inherit as a vacation home so the set up would work for them as well and then if they want, or for some reason we change our minds and want to move, it would be a great rental. Ironically my dad mentioned a large walk in shower  and the builder happens to work with an organisation that adapts homes for the disabled and seniors so he had lots of ideas. The one about the $15,000 elevator we passed on though LOL. Thank you for the replies!!! |
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and the builder happens to work with an organisation that adapts homes for the disabled and seniors so he had lots of ideas. The one about the $15,000 elevator we passed on though LOL.