How to handle autistic boy with my teen daughter

A good start would be making sure the girls know that he didn't choose to be the way he is. Kindness and understanding are great character traits to have, and this seems like a great place to develop them.SaveSave

They need to let the band director know. Autistic or not---there still needs to be expectations of appropriate behaviors. Getting in someone's face to the point that another child/student is afraid is NOT acceptable at all. He doesn't get a pass because he is autistic. Again...band director needs to be told. His parents need to be told. Then go from there.

I think she should ask her teacher for advice, making it clear that they want to interact positively. He likely cannot tell your daughter specifics, but it will call his attention to the behavior.

The young man may have a behavior plan in place or may need one. The teacher can talk to his case manager. It may be that there is a social worker involved.

I once had a young man who needed social support from peers in class. The social worker came in when the boy was not there to teach the rest of the kids how to respond appropriately and consistently. All of this with parent permission and within the law, of course. The kids did a great job helping him learn appropriate behavior and they felt good doing it.

No, listen to your little voice. Start there: have daughter talk to the director. Tell him that it was uncomfortable and would like to know whats the best way to handle it in the future. 

The Director probably already knows that the boy can be 'in your face' sometimes. This wont be news to him. But if the director sees it can potentially be a problem maybe he can give her some directions on how to handle it. 

Also, telling the director now will give him a heads up to keep an eye on things. Also? If things were to escalate later, you can show that you made the director aware of the problem and reached out for help. 

raindancer, your reply is spot on.

I think they handled it well. I think making an adult aware is a good idea. If it continues I would talk to the parents so that they are aware. Having a son that is on the spectrum I like to have knowledge of situations earlier on than not because sometimes with some specific things put in place it helps it not progress to another level. Clear boundaries with kindness and some affirmation that you aren't in trouble or being asked to leave (his anxiety can go through the roof if he fears that) but XYZ is a better choice. 

One of the best things I've been taught in trainings is that disabled children can be naughty just like non-disabled children. I agree with going with your instincts and letting the director know.

And continue to let the director know. Because oftentimes teachers are strong-armed into accepting unacceptable behavior, at the expense of other students, simply because a child has a disability. The more concerns shared by parents, the more the director will be able to address the situation.

This hasn't been mentioned yet, but many times ASD kids will act differently in social situations due to being socially akward, anxiety, etc. Many may not have had proper social intervention which is key. If parents or others do not inform asd parents they may not know how their child acts.

Dd has aspergers and ds has autism. Its always a work in progress but please do talk to the band director and parents so they all know what is going on.

Majority of us parents want to know so we can talk to our kids and see where to woek on certain skill sets.

Many asd kids have spacial awareness issues. So please remind your daufhter to say please step.back and that is a personal question, please do not.ask again.

When my dd was in fifth grade a boy with autism who is in her class told her that he loved her. He wanted them to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Dd told him no. She said she didn't want a boyfriend and she was too young to date anyone. He kept telling her this and she kept telling him no. He even told her that when they got to middle school and went to dances that she was going to dance every dance with him. She told him that she wouldn't do that and he still wouldn't stop. He started to prevent other kids from sitting near dd at lunch. At first she didn't say anything to me but it just kept getting worse and she was very uncomfortable. The hard part was this boy's parents thought his behavior was cute. The mom even told me that she thought it was great that he told my dd that he loved her. We finally went to the school counselor and she had a long conversation with the boy. He started leaving dd alone after that. She was never mean to the boy but he never would take no for an answer.

My advice would be to let the teacher know and probably the school counselor. They may be able to have a conversation with the boy. Your dd and the other girls don't need to feel uncomfortable and the boy needs to learn about appropriate conversations.

I suppose explaining that he may not understand personal space, tone or impolite questions. Is a good place to start. I would of told them in that situation to tell him that he was standing too close and they should step back. Tell him that the question is rude and they were not going to answer it. They could then try to re-engage him with a different topic. But sometimes ASD children struggle to change topic quickly, so moving away and then coming back later can help.

This sentence sounded a little accusatory to me. Like you were saying the girls were not ALREADY kind and understanding. 

I Realize that you have responded to Raindancer already but I thought if this is how I read it at first, maybe she did as well. 

Yes, the girls should be aware that kindness and understanding are important. However they also need to be aware that they do not have to be victim to inappropriate behaviors. As they get further into puberty, it can even turn into sexual type situations.

I would talk to the boys parents and ask them what they suggest.

Many moons ago my daughter smacked a boy who has Aspergers when he got in her face. It was the beginning of two amazing friendships, mine with his mother and my daughter's with the boy. The mom and I got together and used it as a teaching moment. Since then, they have been friends, good friends who can confide their fears to each other. This summer's question was will somebody ever love me?

The girls shouldn't hesitate to call out obnoxious behavior. The aggressiveness you describe sounds a bit like monomania. Sometimes switching gears can be difficult for autistic kids.