eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Sept 6, 2016 22:12:33 GMT
My perfect little snowflake was bullied by another perfect little snowflake in 2nd grade. Literally, beat me up and steal my lunch money sort of bullying. When it finally all came out, it was pretty bad. At that time the administration promised the two perfect children would never be in a class together.
Fast forward to 4th grade when boom, there they are. The 2 perfect snowflakes are reunited.
So, if I send the teacher an email that gives the history of these two girls am I a horrible helicopter mom? Should I care? This girl made my kids life a miserable hell so if I give the teacher the history isn't that okay? I am pissed at the administration for making a promise they didn't keep but they are adamant that children will not be moved. My child is also beyond pleased at her teacher placement and does not want to move.
For what it is worth, the parents of the other girl and I have talked about this. I have no problems reaching back out to them. 1 full grade year has passed and I hope that they have both matured. Mostly mine, so I don't have to listen to her cry for hours over this child.
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Post by hop2 on Sept 6, 2016 22:19:17 GMT
Well, first if talk to my kid. Honestly, if the other parents actually took it seriously she may well be a very nice girl now. If the didn't give a crap then their little snowflake hasn't changed/matured. Id have my kid start out with cautious optimism and see if the girl is nice and had gone thru a stage. I'd make sure my kid had clear guidelines on how to stand up for herself without breaking rules. I'd make sure I was communicating daily with my kid. And I'd email the teacher at the first issue.
But at that age I'd start out with cautious optimism and give the girl a chance.
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Post by Dixie Lou on Sept 6, 2016 22:20:23 GMT
I am a first grade teacher and I would want to know. So I say tell her.
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Post by kenziekeeper on Sept 6, 2016 22:27:14 GMT
I'm a third grade teacher and I vote mention it. You could email it in a very similar tone that you used here - you don't want to be a helicopter and hesitate to bring it up; hope the girls can move forward on a fresh start. I wouldn't think twice about receiving that as a teacher and would be glad to have the heads up.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:02:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2016 23:02:33 GMT
Second grade teacher in my family was asked/shown this. She said she would absolutely want to have a heads up. She also appreciated the tone of your statement and said she would love to have parents like you.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 6, 2016 23:02:56 GMT
I was a teacher and needed to know stuff like this. Maybe the kids will be fine, but most parents I know wouldn't have allowed their kids back together in class.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 6, 2016 23:09:01 GMT
Tell me. I can't mitigate if I don't know on am supposed to.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:02:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2016 23:33:42 GMT
Yes, ex- teacher here. I would want to know. I had two snowflakes in 4th grade who seemed to be friends. I had no idea one was secretly bullying the other until I had an email from the parent.
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Post by mom on Sept 6, 2016 23:53:42 GMT
I would reach out to the teacher and give them a heads up.
I would not, however, reach out to the other parents just yet. Give it time and see if things are better. If not, then talk to the other parents.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,610 
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Post by katybee on Sept 7, 2016 0:29:32 GMT
FYI: if, God forbid, bullying becomes an issue again – and they need to be separated – it is usually the bully that is moved and not the bullied. (At least in my district).
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Sept 7, 2016 0:40:16 GMT
I would want to know so I knew to watch for subtle things that sometimes go under the radar.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Sept 7, 2016 1:19:42 GMT
Thanks ladies. I did send an email. I didn't write it exactly like above but enough so that the teacher is aware that my kid is in charge of herself, her feelings and her emotions. I just asked that she be aware. I probably sounded a bit threatening with, "I have spoken with the other parents and can do so again."
I do want to have a foot stomping fit with the administration though. Seriously, WTF does "they will never be in the same class again" mean? There are 4 classes! Why? Grrrrr. And no, I won't go up there stomping my feet unless I have to. And I hope by being a bit vigilant with my own kid this can be an opportunity to grow. It is a great opportunity to learn how to protect yourself, trust others, etc, etc. I see the lesson. I just don't want to have to learn it year after year after year.
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Post by melanell on Sept 7, 2016 1:29:25 GMT
I don't know if I would reach out, but if I did, I don't think I would go into the whole back story. I would simply say that there were some serious issues involving the children 2 years ago and that the administration had promised that the kids wouldn't be placed together again. I'd go on to say that seeing as they were in fact put back together, that I wanted to let the teacher have a head's up and invite her/him to contact me if they need more info or if there seem to be any problems this year.
Hopefully 2 years have made a change in the life of the other child and things will go smoothly! Best of luck!
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Post by happyOCgirl on Sept 7, 2016 2:04:57 GMT
I would want to know as well. At our school, and most I've been at, we have cards with the student's name, picture, and some brief info (wears glasses, in speech, allergies, etc.) that we use to make the classes. The cards are passed to the next teacher. We also put a post it on them for 'separate from'. Sometimes, it was issues in our own class that they just need a year apart. There have also been parent requests for separation for various reasons. We joke by the time some classes get to 4th and 5th grade, they all need to be separated from everyone! If a parent requests a separation, we only say we'll try for the following grade - no promises are made. Good luck this year and I hope it's smooth sailing for the girls!
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kate
Drama Llama
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Location: The city that doesn't sleep
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Sept 7, 2016 3:10:13 GMT
I think you could (maybe even should) politely call the administration on the carpet. You could say something along the lines of, "I see you have decided to give DD and this other student a chance in the same class. I appreciate that you recognize DD's growth, but I would have appreciated a heads-up phone call or email about this change to your guarantee that they would never again be placed together."
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,025
Location: So Cal
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Post by caangel on Sept 7, 2016 5:13:24 GMT
I would want to know as well. At our school, and most I've been at, we have cards with the student's name, picture, and some brief info (wears glasses, in speech, allergies, etc.) that we use to make the classes. The cards are passed to the next teacher. We also put a post it on them for 'separate from'. Sometimes, it was issues in our own class that they just need a year apart. There have also been parent requests for separation for various reasons. We joke by the time some classes get to 4th and 5th grade, they all need to be separated from everyone! If a parent requests a separation, we only say we'll try for the following grade - no promises are made. Good luck this year and I hope it's smooth sailing for the girls! This has been my experience as a teacher as well. As a parent I would make a "keep seperate from xyz" request every year just to make sure. I hope her year goes well. |
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Post by debmast on Sept 7, 2016 12:35:17 GMT
I say tell the teacher. Maybe not full on details, but just a "hey, wanted to give you a heads up" kind of thing.
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Post by monklady123 on Sept 7, 2016 12:38:30 GMT
I would want to know as well. At our school, and most I've been at, we have cards with the student's name, picture, and some brief info (wears glasses, in speech, allergies, etc.) that we use to make the classes. The cards are passed to the next teacher. We also put a post it on them for 'separate from'. Sometimes, it was issues in our own class that they just need a year apart. There have also been parent requests for separation for various reasons. We joke by the time some classes get to 4th and 5th grade, they all need to be separated from everyone! If a parent requests a separation, we only say we'll try for the following grade - no promises are made. Good luck this year and I hope it's smooth sailing for the girls! I'm do subbing at an elementary school and this is what everyone was saying about kindergarten and 2nd grade last year... That there wouldn't be enough 1st and 3rd grades this year to possibly separate everyone who needed to be separated.  ugh. OP, I hope it works out. I think I might mention it to the principal since they did promise the girls would never be in the same class again. SaveSave |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 7, 2016 15:27:50 GMT
I had to do this too this year. The bully was a boy in DD's Kindergarten class, and I didn't realize exactly how escalated things had become until the last few days of the school year. My kid isn't one to rock the boat so we let it ride the last few days of last year and she just avoided the kid. But then the fun started up again in the summer program. So when DD said he had been grabbing her arms and clothes and chasing her on the playground when she just wanted to be left alone, I complained. My kid was crying every night saying she didn't want to go back. Six years old is too young to have to put up with that crap. Things calmed somewhat for the rest of the summer after his mom got an earful from the program directors because other parents complained too, and the program staff was aware of it so they could watch more closely out on the playground, etc. But then the class assignments came out and DD got assigned to the same homeroom class with this little punk.  And when she saw her locker was directly next to his in the hallway, she got visibly upset.  So yes, I sent an email and filled in the teacher with the history between the two. DD's locker got immediately moved right next to the classroom doorway, the teacher assured me they would never be put together at the same table in homeroom (the kids change up tablemates every few weeks) and the other teachers and staff would be notified so they wouldn't be put together in small groups in any of their shared classes, in the cafeteria, etc. So far, so good, but if / when my kid complains about this kid messing with her again, I wouldn't hesitate to take it up the food chain. It's my job as a parent to step in and advocate for my kid when she's in over her head and someone is making her life miserable. It sucks no matter what the age, but I think no kid should hate going to elementary school because of that. |
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Post by Anne-Marie on Sept 7, 2016 16:39:19 GMT
Not a teacher, but both of my DDs have had similar issues so I wanted to see what the general consensus was on this.
Completely agree that the teacher needs a heads up though.
My DD was bullied by another little girl in 2nd and 3rd grades. We were able to deal with it and it never reached the levels that you have described, but it was upsetting for DD nonetheless. The summer after 3rd grade DD was borderline obsessive about whether or not she was going to be in the same classroom as the little bully when school started. First day of 4th grade, DD came home, no little bully anywhere to be found. She had moved and changed schools over the summer apparently. Fast forward to the first week of school in middle school - 6th grade - this year. Several elementary schools feed into our middle school and lo and behold, guess who is back in the same school? DD spent the first week or so actively avoiding the girl and I was grateful in the seven class periods she has, they have no classes together. One day last week when I picked DD up from school, she and the other girls that I pick up were all under a tree in front of the school talking to the girl f/k/a the little bully. DD got in the car and exclaimed SHE'S NICE NOW! And they've all been chatting every afternoon at pickup since, with no issues whatsoever. All of that to say . . . sometimes they do mature and it all works out. I hope very much this is the case for your daughter!
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Sept 8, 2016 3:43:43 GMT
I'm a middle grades teacher (6-8 math/sci at a k-8 school)
Yes, give the teacher a heads up!
Yes, go to admin and give a "gentle reminder" as to the fact that they were to be separated.
At my school there is one to 1.5 classes per grade level. Separating isn't really an option. Lol
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Post by vjlau on Sept 8, 2016 5:19:15 GMT
This happened to my son in Kinder. Principal vowed they'd never be in the same class again.
Last year (4th) they were. We made it a non-issue - just saying to our son to stay clear of the other kid as much as possible.
It was okay, until the last week of school. Hell broke loose. Honestly, it was mostly other kids mom ranting about her perfect kid.
Guess what? They're together in 5th grade again.
I made it a quick convo on the second day of school with the teacher. 5 minutes.
Teacher says it's handled, and thanks for saying something. They won't sit together, or close to each other. They won't ever get paired up.
I'm glad I said something. I'm also glad I kept things pretty easy going, yet made my point.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Sept 8, 2016 14:22:41 GMT
I am very hopeful both children have matured. I am hopeful that this is a non-issue. I am hopeful that they will figure it out.
I chaperoned a field trip and this child is a PITA! So while I have hope... sigh...
I really appreciate the input here. Thank you! I have not yet received a response from the teacher which does sort of surprise me but I have hope!!
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ugh. 
And when she saw her locker was directly next to his in the hallway, she got visibly upset. 
So yes, I sent an email and filled in the teacher with the history between the two. DD's locker got immediately moved right next to the classroom doorway, the teacher assured me they would never be put together at the same table in homeroom (the kids change up tablemates every few weeks) and the other teachers and staff would be notified so they wouldn't be put together in small groups in any of their shared classes, in the cafeteria, etc. So far, so good, but if / when my kid complains about this kid messing with her again, I wouldn't hesitate to take it up the food chain. 
