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Post by beachhappy22 on Sept 16, 2016 19:33:22 GMT
Calling all the experienced mom's out there who have had to deal with their oldest driving and/or riding with other teen drivers. My DD is a senior, recently licensed and driving short distances around our town, etc. She is doing OK.
Many of her friends are also recently licensed, a few now have their own vehicles and she is wanting to ride with them. I am very hesitant as I have not seen any of these friends actually drive so have no idea how they are behind the wheel. She thinks we are being very over protective and of course "all the other parents let their kids ride with each other".
Any words of wisdom? Am I being over protective? Time to let go? I can take it. Yes, I realize next year at this time she will be in college and I will have no idea what she is actually doing.
FYI-I was in a bad accident at age 17. I was the driver with only 6 months under my belt. I also work in the medical field and have seen way too many horrific accidents, many involving teens.
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basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,699 
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Post by basketdiva on Sept 16, 2016 19:52:30 GMT
What is the law in your state regarding newly licensed drivers and and the age of passengers. Let that be your guide.
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Post by beachhappy22 on Sept 16, 2016 20:05:50 GMT
At age 17, the driver may have no more passengers than there are seat belts in the vehicle.
That is our law so not helpful at all. Whether she is the only passenger or there is a car full of kids I still don't know the driving skills of the friend behind the wheel.
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Post by cmpeter on Sept 16, 2016 20:18:46 GMT
My DD is just about to get her license. No, driving other teens legally for six months. We might enforce it longer depending on how she feels and our thoughts on her ability.
I only let her ride with other teens if I have cleared it with their parents. She's also only 16 so any of her friends that drive are new drivers. She's not anxious to ride with other teens...she feels they all need more experience just like she needs more experience. She also has zero tolerance for teens that text/talk and drive. She ride a couple times with an older friend from her choir and the friend was texting...she won't ride with them anymore, her choice.
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 16, 2016 20:23:47 GMT
It's a tough one. Personally I think passengers are a terrible distraction for teen drivers and liked that mine had more road experience before adding that into the mix, but DS17 is going to be restriction free in a couple of weeks. Without any legal reason to hold her back, I think you need to let it go but I'd also be talking to her about what she thinks it means to be a good passenger and driver. Then ask her to rate her friends as both drivers and passengers. DS and I were talking about who he thinks are good drivers among his friends and how one is a way better driver than his mother (who we carpooled with for years  ). |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:22:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2016 20:37:55 GMT
In our house it was no non family passengers until she had her license a year. Our car our rules. She could only ride with other kids we were familiar with and only two in the car at one time. If she disobeyed and we found out, no riding within anyone else until she was 18.
The safety concerns that surround teen drivers made this one of those areas I didn't budge on and was uber strict about.
She survived.
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Post by kristi on Sept 16, 2016 20:39:22 GMT
My daughter is taking her test today  California State law: •Cannot transport passengers under 20 years of age at any time, for the first twelve months. •Cannot drive between 11 pm and 5 am for the first twelve months. I have let her ride with a friend I trusted & am confident in driving abilities even though they did not have the year requirement. Here, if you get caught - you lose your license until you are 18. That being said, a lot of kids drive others anyways. We don't have set rules but decide on a case by case basis. |
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,156
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Sept 16, 2016 21:21:32 GMT
Our state is 6 months licensed before you can transport passengers other than family members. I like the law myself and of course it's a rule in our house that we follow the laws.
Of course no kid likes the law. I know most of my kids friend so I usually know when they get their licenses and I do not let them ride with them until 6 months. But of course I don't know what they do once they're out the door. I'm on #4 who is newly licensed and i'm not sure it gets easier.
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Post by Basket1lady on Sept 16, 2016 21:36:35 GMT
In Virginia, kids under 18 can only have one other non-related passenger in the car. For the first 6 months of holding their license, our family rule was neither kid was allowed to have a passenger in the car. Then I only allowed 1, per the law, and only with my permission. And I told them that if they were caught with more than one person in the car with them, I was revoking their license and canceling their insurance (in VA, parents are allowed to ask for a minor's license to be revoked.) Since they hold a permit for 9 months and then the 6 month restriction, they have over a year's driving experience.
As for riding with other kids, I employ the same rule. I'm a volunteer at the HS, so I know most of their friends and how long they have been driving. The kids have their own car, so if in doubt, I just have my child drive themselves. So far it's worked. I have 6 months left until DD turns 18 (she's a senior.) I plan to stick it out until then. It may be mean, it may be overprotective. I'm ok with that.
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Post by maryland on Sept 16, 2016 21:47:03 GMT
That's so hard! That was the thing I worried most about with having teens. I worry about them driving with new drivers and I worry about them driving other kids around.
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Post by beachhappy22 on Sept 16, 2016 22:55:00 GMT
Thanks for all the responses. Sometimes parenting can be so tough!! She is a good and actually a sensible kid for 17. I know I need to loosen the strings a bit. I plan on talking to her tonight. I ended up dropping her off this afternoon & DH just went to pick her up. I know she is not pleased. Maybe in 10 years she will understand.
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Post by peano on Sept 16, 2016 23:00:05 GMT
This dilemma is somewhat solved for us by Connecticut law, where teen drivers cannot legally transport anyone but family members for a year after they get their licenses. It has been a little inconvenient at times but I totally get the reason for it.
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Post by anonrefugee on Sept 16, 2016 23:02:44 GMT
It is rough! I found it helpful to remember I was driving at 16, and sometimes riding in a carpool with a teen driver at 15.
My teen driving was in a less congested area, although it was at higher speed and on freeways.
I had cautious parents too, and they let me go, in a time when airbags didn't exist and cars in general didn't have as many safety features.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,524
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Sept 17, 2016 0:51:17 GMT
In my state newly licensed teens can't have passengers until they've been driving one year or 18 years old.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 17, 2016 13:14:56 GMT
She is a senior and will be out on her own soon. Talk with her about safe driving and if she is ever in the car with someone who she doesn't feel as safe, to call you.
You are never going to know the driving sales of everybody she knows and oldeelriojas@weldre9.k12.co.us, more experienced drivers are often horrible as well. My grandma was one of the worst drivers I ever rode with.
Give her the tools to be an adult and evaluate the situation while she can still pull the mom won't let me card if needed.
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