kaygee
Junior Member
Posts: 73 
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Post by kaygee on Aug 8, 2014 5:04:34 GMT
DD and friend are going to the movies tomorrow night. Friend decides to invite 2 boys - friends of theirs from school but I dont know them. It's bothering me but sometimes I assume the worst. I trust her I just don't know them. But I know as they get older you don't know every single one of their friends. And I don't want to say you can't have friends that are boys. It just freaks me out! And this friend of my dd is not my favorite person. She just seems so boy crazy but she's supposedly dating some other boy, not one of the ones she invited.
UPDATE:
Thank you all for your replies and thoughts. So this morning I went to check her texts with her friend to see if I can find out any more info. Turns out one of the boys is in 10th grade!! So HELL NO!! And my dd was texting her that she didn't think I'd be ok with it etc… but would ask. DD was still sleeping then and I had to run out so I texted her later that I'd talk to her when I got home about tonight. She texts me back that friend's parents said no! So that was great. We talked when I got home and I wanted to see if she would tell me their ages when I asked if they're in her grade. She told me the truth - one in 10th and one in 9th. It would've been nice if she told me that info last night but I was glad she wasn't sneaky in not mentioning them at all. I think my dd knows the 9th grader but her friend more talks to the 10th grader. Turns out her father was like "No way" and the mom even called me to make sure I was on the same page which I appreciated. So the friend lied and told him she had to go to her grandmother's house tonight. They went to the movie before and when they came out they saw them walking in! They didn't really say anything except the older one texted friend, "YOU'RE NICE" or something like that.
Thanks again. What a joyous age!
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Post by scraphollie27 on Aug 8, 2014 5:26:26 GMT
As the mother of a 13 year old DD, this wouldn't bother me. If they are just going to the movies, not a whole lot can go wrong but I would drive and pick-up if I was worried about anything. I also give the "don't be obnoxious" lecture because being in the movie theatre with the opposite sex friends seems to unearth the most obnoxious behaviour in my young teens!
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scrapnnana
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,345
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Post by scrapnnana on Aug 8, 2014 11:35:11 GMT
I would be a little concerned as a parent, too. Since our kids were not allowed to date or pair off at that young age, I would have insisted that the numbers of girls to boys be uneven, and another girl invited to make sure it was a group activity rather than a double date. I would definitely have dropped my DD off and picked her up from the movie after.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 8, 2014 11:48:07 GMT
I've always liked the uneven numbers groups too. Age 13-14 brought new situations into our lives here, new territory. I trusted DS, but I was surprised how aggressive some of the girls were. I wanted him to have some new freedoms, but not move too fast. I mention this because of what you said about the friend
Not all the girls were aggressive, but those that were operated at a completely different level than DS and his band of nerd jocks.
Good luck!
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kaygee
Junior Member
Posts: 73
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Post by kaygee on Aug 8, 2014 13:59:09 GMT
Thanks so far. I always drop off and pick up anyway. I still don't know - have to talk to DH. That probably won't go well.
Anyone else?
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Post by bearmom on Aug 8, 2014 14:30:36 GMT
Nope, wouldn't bother me.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 8, 2014 14:35:29 GMT
I think as long as I was picking up and dropping off this would not bother me.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 8, 2014 14:38:59 GMT
I admit, I'm in the camp of no dating at that age - group outings only. And to me, 2 of each is a double date, not a group. I'd be suggesting they add another girl.
Aren't the teen years fun?
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
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Post by caro on Aug 8, 2014 14:39:44 GMT
You probably don't want to hear this but at 13 some of my DD's friends were sexually active and guess where ? Yep, back row of movie theater. My DD used to tell me who it was. Going to the movies was a big social thing at that age. I controlled the drop off and pick up but didn't always mean much. I picked up one night and DD's friend reeked of alcohol, yep, 13. She sat in a car with boyfriend during the movie. DD sat in movie with friends. I called DD's friend's mom the minute we got home. She literally did not care about her DD. Last time that girl went anywhere with us. I felt sorry for her.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Aug 8, 2014 14:40:07 GMT
Talk to dd, how does she feel about the arrangement. I would then go from there. My dd wasn't into boyfriends at that age, just her few select boys that have been friends for years.
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Post by Fairlyoddparent on Aug 8, 2014 14:44:34 GMT
Yep! I have had the misfortune of sitting behind, what looked like, junior high kids attempting oral sex on the floor of the movie theater. Disgusting in so many ways!
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Post by Outspoken on Aug 8, 2014 14:46:51 GMT
If I KNOW the friends and KNOW the parents, this wouldn't bother me. If i don't know the parents, then chances are neither does my child. And greater the chance that we really don't know their family value system. Kids have too many dangers (alcohol, drugs, sex, etc) they could be subjected to and many will fall to pressure for fear of being ridiculed. My kids are 13 and they are pretty good at judging character. But, we still talk to them frequently about peer pressure and wise choices. We also make sure they have a way to contact us (cell phone). I tell them to go into the bathroom stall and text us if they are in danger or scared or uncomfortable. We also make sure they understand that they can call us ANYTIME they need to.
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Post by leannec on Aug 8, 2014 15:01:33 GMT
I think as long as I was picking up and dropping off this would not bother me. Same here ... not much can happen there ... give them a bit of time beforehand to get snacks and chat and all should be good  |
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Post by rumplesnat on Aug 8, 2014 15:06:49 GMT
A LOT can happen at the movies. Even when you're 13. Even with a group. Even with an odd number. Even if you know kids and their parents. Even if you have a "good kid". Don't let any of those things give you a false sense of security.
The situation you described makes me uncomfortable as a parent. 13 year old friend who you already aren't fond of, boy crazy (typical at that age), already dating, inviting boys to go to an unsupervised activity. Not a good mix. I'm not a prude, but I'm not stupid or naive, either.
ETA: I'm curious as to why some would find comfort in the situation simply because they are the parent to pick up and drop off?
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Post by Outspoken on Aug 8, 2014 15:13:51 GMT
ETA: I'm curious as to why some would find comfort in the situation simply because they are the parent to pick up and drop off?  |
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Post by alibama on Aug 8, 2014 17:16:32 GMT
No I would not be comfortable. I would have let them go but there would have been an adult chaperone with them. That was always the way it was with both of my kids, there was always one of the groups parents there.
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loco coco
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Post by loco coco on Aug 8, 2014 17:21:53 GMT
do you know if its a popular movie they are seeing? anyway you can buy her ticket in advance so you know thats what she sees?
I ask this because we would see old movies so the theaters were empty so we could make out. I hate to tell you this but its true!! However, from the posts above it sounds like kids dont care if people see them!
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,801
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Aug 8, 2014 18:44:39 GMT
Some questions:
If the friend originally invited your daughter to the movies, did she indicate others were also invited?
If your daughter initially invited the friend to the movies, did she know the girl was also inviting the two boys?
How does the friend know the boys - neighbors? classmates since Kindergarten? relative? - that she felt comfortable asking them, & they accepted?
How well does your daughter know these boys?
What are these boys' reputations?
Does your daughter or her friend have a crush on one of these boys?
Given you're not fond of the boy-crazy girl & do not know the specific two boys she invited, I can understand your hesitation. The girl may be trying to play matchmaker for your daughter without her knowledge OR at her request. Note your response is crucial for setting the tone for these types of requests in the future!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 8, 2014 19:58:25 GMT
A LOT can happen at the movies. Even when you're 13. Even with a group. Even with an odd number. Even if you know kids and their parents. Even if you have a "good kid". Don't let any of those things give you a false sense of security. The situation you described makes me uncomfortable as a parent. 13 year old friend who you already aren't fond of, boy crazy (typical at that age), already dating, inviting boys to go to an unsupervised activity. Not a good mix. I'm not a prude, but I'm not stupid or naive, either. ETA: I'm curious as to why some would find comfort in the situation simply because they are the parent to pick up and drop off? Because I know my DD. I trust her. She is 14 and has not yet asked to go to a movie with a boy or in a mixed group but I know she's not the kind of kid who would behave badly in public. She is much too modest for that. Plus, we talk and I know at this point, she's not really interested much in boys. She's had a couple interested in her, though. I really think it comes down to whether or not you trust your kid to make good decisions. Mine seems to be very level-headed where boys are concerned. |
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scrappert
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Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 8, 2014 21:15:39 GMT
I don't have a daughter, just a son. But I was 13 once and if I could get to the movies with boys, that would be great!
I would be concerned. Not sure what the answer is for this situation, but at least you know about it and can figure something out.
Good luck!
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Post by hop2 on Aug 8, 2014 21:21:25 GMT
You probably don't want to hear this but at 13 some of my DD's friends were sexually active and guess where ? Yep, back row of movie theater. My DD used to tell me who it was. Going to the movies was a big social thing at that age. I controlled the drop off and pick up but didn't always mean much. I picked up one night and DD's friend reeked of alcohol, yep, 13. She sat in a car with boyfriend during the movie. DD sat in movie with friends. I called DD's friend's mom the minute we got home. She literally did not care about her DD. Last time that girl went anywhere with us. I felt sorry for her. My nieces friend got pregnant while grounded from anything other than going to school She got pregnant is the stairwell at school. They both got bath room passes at the same time from different classes and they found a spot in the stairwell that the cameras did not reach and proceeded to well you know. If they WANT to do it they will find a way. OP in your case you know and trust your DD so do what feels right to you, If you choose to let her go then just reassure her that if anything that makes her uncomfortable is going on she should call/contact you immediately and you can go get her and you can bring her to the movie another time. |
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Post by Skypea on Aug 8, 2014 22:23:23 GMT
A LOT can happen at the movies. Even when you're 13. Even with a group. Even with an odd number. Even if you know kids and their parents. Even if you have a "good kid". Don't let any of those things give you a false sense of security. The situation you described makes me uncomfortable as a parent. 13 year old friend who you already aren't fond of, boy crazy (typical at that age), already dating, inviting boys to go to an unsupervised activity. Not a good mix. I'm not a prude, but I'm not stupid or naive, either. ETA: I'm curious as to why some would find comfort in the situation simply because they are the parent to pick up and drop off? I'm with you. I was once 13 too. |
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Post by cmpeter on Aug 8, 2014 22:58:45 GMT
I trust my dd, I think we have a pretty good open line of communication. Really, if she wanted to have sex with some random guy she has never met before, she could find a lot of places besides a movie theater in which to engage in that type of behavior. Since I trust that she's not that type of girl, I would let her go. That's not to say I would let her go just anywhere...no hanging out at a friend's house when the parents aren't home for example.
Your dd didn't need to mention anything about the other two guys, right? She could have just said she was going with her friend. Would you have been OK with that? Guys will be at the movies, whether she tells you about them or not. Do you think she mentioned the guys because she feels uncomfortable with them being there? Maybe she wants you to come and sit silently and secretly in the back...that's something I could totally see my dd doing.
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kaygee
Junior Member
Posts: 73
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Post by kaygee on Aug 9, 2014 1:27:35 GMT
UPDATE: I tried to update by clicking EDIT but it didn't show up as a recent post  Thank you all for your replies and thoughts. So this morning I went to check her texts with her friend to see if I can find out any more info. Turns out one of the boys is in 10th grade!! So HELL NO!! And my dd was texting her that she didn't think I'd be ok with it etc… but would ask. DD was still sleeping then and I had to run out so I texted her later that I'd talk to her when I got home about tonight. She texts me back that friend's parents said no! So that was great. We talked when I got home and I wanted to see if she would tell me their ages when I asked if they're in her grade. She told me the truth - one in 10th and one in 9th. It would've been nice if she told me that info last night but I was glad she wasn't sneaky in not mentioning them at all. I think my dd knows the 9th grader but her friend more talks to the 10th grader. Turns out her father was like "No way" and the mom even called me to make sure I was on the same page which I appreciated. So the friend lied and told him she had to go to her grandmother's house tonight. They went to the movie before and when they came out they saw them walking in! They didn't really say anything except the older one texted friend, "YOU'RE NICE" or something like that. Thanks again. What a joyous age! |
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caro
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Post by caro on Aug 9, 2014 1:50:48 GMT
I know OP, 13 and older is a hard age. The only reason I was comfortable with drop off and pick up was I could control the amount of social time before and after the movie. Other parents would drop off an hr before the movie and pick up an hr afterwards. For my DD at 13, I was not comfortable with that scenario.
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