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Post by houstonsandy on Aug 10, 2014 3:46:38 GMT
out for themselves? Ugh! Its so hard to do that when you pretty much know how its going to play out.....  DD (she is almost 17) has had such a crush on a guy for over a year now. They met late in his senior year of high school (and she was a freshman). They texted constantly all that summer and into the start of the next school year. Then he got busier with school and it slacked off slowly. By the end of December they were barely texting at all. Just about the time she got over it, he came home for spring break...they saw each other at school...and it was back on. Since the end of school they have texted every single day so far. Every single day....each day ends with him telling her goodnight and sweet dreams. They also talk on the phone. Well.....he started telling her how pretty she is and really flirting heavy with her and asking for pictures. (Head shots....nothing skanky!) His nickname for her is My Pretty Girl. But that is all.....no dating or seeing each other. He gives the impression that he really likes her. But I know that when school starts back up the pattern will repeat. One of my best friends is friends with his mother, and she has told her that there is a girl at college that he likes. I hate that he is just stringing my dd along this summer with all of his pointless flirting. And it makes me so mad that he did ask her about going to see a movie together back in June (he was out of town on vaca at the time, and was going to do this after he returned) and then "forgot" about it. (Yes...he actually told her he "forgot" about it when she brought it up to him last week.) He told her he would "try" to find a time to do that (he does work long hours during the week), but yeah.....hasn't happened yet and I doubt it will. I have tried to persuade her to tell him to stop the flirting and to stop calling her pretty girl....but I doubt she will. Life lessons....they gotta learn the hard way I guess. |
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Deleted
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Oct 8, 2024 16:41:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2014 3:55:57 GMT
In my opinion - yes, it is just easier to let them navigate and learn.
She may have a bit of a broken heart down the road, but a rather harmless lesson learned now might save her from a bigger one down the road when the stakes are higher and there is more at risk.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,704 
Location: Kansas City -ish
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Post by Anita on Aug 10, 2014 4:03:02 GMT
Yes. She wouldn't listen to you anyway, and would somehow blame you if you did stick your nose in.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by YooHoot on Aug 10, 2014 4:03:59 GMT
Ugh. Makes you want to kick them in the junk huh? Sorry he's toying with her. Hopefully a cute new boy moves to town and she gets over the jerk quickly!
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 10, 2014 4:03:59 GMT
Maybe this flirty guy is keeping her away from a real jerk? Keeping her occupied and away from a guy that is more than just talk could be a good thing. I dunno. It obviously gives her a good feeling, but yeah, so frustrating as a parent to have your eyes wide open.
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moodyblue
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Aug 10, 2014 4:07:58 GMT
Maybe this is all she's ready for right now? If so, the "relationship" may be serving a purpose.
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Post by cherrie on Aug 10, 2014 4:11:37 GMT
It is all so confusing the way teenagers don't date but hang out. They go in groups and the guys never pay for the girls.
I think it is best to let them do their thing and not get the eye roll that you are old and don't understand.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 10, 2014 4:41:09 GMT
It drives me crazy that the girls pay for the boys more than the boys pay for the girls. I have two sons. I frequently express my displeasure at their "cheapness." I think sometimes the girls want to spent time with a boy so they offer to pay just to see them.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 10, 2014 6:04:42 GMT
Letting my DS learn life lessons has been so hard for me, but I can see it slowly paying off. Hang in there, Mom!
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Post by Linda on Aug 10, 2014 6:22:09 GMT
he may be a 'safe' relationship for her - a place to practise flirting and talking with boys without worrying about where it might lead.
Regardless- I don't think there's much you can say...just be there with a hug and some chocolate to help pick up the pieces afterwards
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 10, 2014 6:23:20 GMT
Not easy to observe, but she won't learn any other way.
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Post by kluski on Aug 10, 2014 7:11:34 GMT
I totally agree that dating these days is a bit confusing. Bi can remember my bf calling daily. We would talk for a period of time and move on for the day. This texting business confuses the crap out of me.
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Post by gar on Aug 10, 2014 8:48:27 GMT
I don't think you have a choice really  You can't tell her to not be upset, if you tried to tell her what you think will happen she'll be upset/angry/not believe you....so yes, she has to go through it and learn whatever from it. I think you have to watch and be aware and hold out your arms if she needs a cuddle. |
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BarbaraUK
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Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Aug 10, 2014 9:02:28 GMT
Really difficult to stand by and watch but I think one does have to watch this kind of thing and just be ready with the hugs and words of comfort when it all goes south.  |
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J u l e e
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Post by J u l e e on Aug 10, 2014 9:41:26 GMT
OP, that stinks for her, but this experience will teach her something your words wouldn't.
I may be in the minority, but I think this is the way it should be in high school. I wish I had done the group thing back then. I would have stayed out of a whole lot of trouble. And everyone is broke in high school. Why should poor teenage boys be the ones to pay for things if they want to spend time with a girl?
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Post by formerpea on Aug 10, 2014 10:39:14 GMT
Sorry to say she probably wouldn't listen to you anyway - just be there with a shoulder for her to cry on.
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akathy
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 10, 2014 11:22:51 GMT
I agree with the ones saying she's not going to listen to you. T's hard to stand by and watch but there's really nothing you can do about it.
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Country Ham
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Aug 10, 2014 11:36:51 GMT
Is she not fully participating in this texting relationship?
I wouldn't be so quick to criticize the male here and her
as some future victim to his flirting.
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Post by Kelpea on Aug 10, 2014 11:58:29 GMT
Sounds like it's so confusing! I agree with the poster who said the whole dating routine these days is so different from before...social media and texting has made it crazy. How can kids understand social nuances and tone when it's largely a texting relationship? (I know you said your daughter gets calls from the boy, but still.) Time to empower your daughters (and sons) for the texting/dating world. My daughter crushed on a boy for a loooong time when she was a sophomore; he was a senior. He texted her all the time. That year was a bust for homecoming; she kept thinking he would ask her to go, but he never did; just flirted with her a LOT via texting. She was chatting up two friends of friends and they figured out that he was texting them ALL simultaneously. Instead of getting mad, Caeley had a friend take a photo of all three of them, in their homecoming outfits, and tweeted hello to the boy. It got retweeted a bajillion times. Empowering your child during the dating years is a great thing!  |
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bomo
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Jun 26, 2014 15:54:49 GMT
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Post by bomo on Aug 10, 2014 12:51:40 GMT
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter. I am sorry to say that broken hearts are a part of growing up and finding "Mr. Right". Have plenty of hugs ready. My heart used to break along with my children's.
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melissa
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Post by melissa on Aug 10, 2014 13:03:18 GMT
Ahh...
those teen years are crazy! I have a dd about the same age. She has had some similar relationships via social media. They are very hard to interpret. One was with a boy who she thought was just a friend. She had been in some shows with him the previous year. Honestly, she thought he wasn't into girls and really thought he was nothing more than a good friend... until they were at a performance of Romeo and Juliet (many others were there as well including me). He compared them to Romeo and Juliet and tried to kiss her! Dd was caught completely off guard. She honestly hadn't had a clue. She can be clueless about these things which is not unusual for teens I suppose.
At this point, dd is fed up with "high school" boys. She says she'll wait until they grow up!
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back to *pea*ality
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 10, 2014 13:08:25 GMT
As hard as it is sometimes, yes.
Guys also get led on by girls and get their hearts stomped on too. There are people who have a personality trait that they would play with other people like this. Hopefully, they don't marry someone like this!
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Aug 10, 2014 13:35:51 GMT
I think it's mean to the point of being sadistic when parents know better but don't say anything. If the kid chooses to ignore the advice, it's on them but I think when someone knows better, they should give a heads-up.
Or as my oldest dd said to the younger ones, 'My life has been a long series of adventures in learning that it's wiser to listen to Mom the first time."
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tiffanytwisted
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 10, 2014 15:05:31 GMT
Sadly, some things they do just have to lean the hard way. Sucks to sit by and helplessly watch, though.
If my kid is actually telling me stuff (as opposed to my picking things up by simply being around them) then I will offer a little advice, always tempered w/"You don't have to listen to me, but here's what I think". Like mallie said, I can't just sit back and say nothing at all. I don't expect them to always listen and I definitely don't expect them to admit that I was right (at least until they're adults), but I just like to put it out there.
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Post by houstonsandy on Aug 10, 2014 15:51:45 GMT
She has been sharing so much of this with me....and she is always so excited, but inside I'm just going "Oh sweetie...thats not gonna happen". I try not to be too blunt so she will continue to share with me, but I also try to rein her hopes in a bit to be more realistic. I would really like to understand just what the heck that boy is thinking, though. Is he really so naive that he doesn't know how he is coming across??? or does he just not care how she feels??? Does he think he is doing her a favor with all the compliments??? or is it just an ego boost for himself???
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M in Carolina
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Post by M in Carolina on Aug 10, 2014 18:40:22 GMT
I must have been strange, but I actually listened to my parents advice.
I would be concerned about a college age guy being interested in such a young girl. If he ever took her anywhere, she might be so starstruck that he could get her to do things she wouldn't normally do. I knew a few girls in high school that felt so grown up and sophisticated because a COLLEGE guy liked them, that they were afraid to say no to anything he wanted.
I came of age during Clinton's administration. We didn't consider oral as being sex. Guys really pushed girls saying the had "blue balls". I was the girl that other girls would come to for advice--the things that they thought they had to do to keep a man would make your hair curl.
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Post by theboydbunch on Aug 10, 2014 18:42:33 GMT
This is one of the most difficult things about being a parent, I have found. Finding the happy medium with your child and sharing what they need, but letting them grow and learn on their own. I have found to give advice when asked, share what I think is "must know" information, such as when someone is putting them in danger, and letting them sort some things out on their own, as much as it kills me to stand by and watch it unfold as I usually predict.
I have a rather open relationship with my children and they share quite a bit with me, both my son and daughter, so I have the opportunity to put my .2 cents in, but don't want to overstep too often in the event that will stop the flow of open conversations.
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You can't tell her to not be upset, if you tried to tell her what you think will happen she'll be upset/angry/not believe you....so yes, she has to go through it and learn whatever from it. I think you have to watch and be aware and hold out your arms if she needs a cuddle.
Southern Side eyed Pea 
