freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927 
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Post by freebird on Nov 4, 2016 0:32:32 GMT
My mom... where should I start?
We've never been particularly close, and I stopped even trying years ago. She finally figured it out and I guess is trying to win me over somehow (not going to happen). I decided to live by the bible and "honor thy mother and father". To do so, I send her a mother's day card, buy her a christmas present, tell her happy birthday and go to at least one family event per year (usually christmas).
She is incredibly immature. She's 71 but the maturity of probably about a 17 year old girl. Maybe 15 at times. After my father died I realized he had been keeping her in check for many years. She's also not really the brightest. I feel bad saying that because it's hard saying it politely.
She used to post on everything I said on fb and it was embarrassing so I set her as an acquaintance and then unfollowed her. I have *almost* no interaction with her online. EXCEPT, that's not enough. If we're in a mutual swap group, she'll make some comment on something I've posted. She's such a bad typer/texter that you can almost not understand what she's even trying to say most of the time.
One of my clients/friends has a VERY big midwestern business. If you live in Iowa/Nebraska, odds are very good that you've heard of her company. I do all their design/advertising design work for them. (I do some design on the side, I used to be a typesetter years ago). It's enough money now that I can not do 1-2 weddings a year and do design instead - it's GREAT.
Client is a liberal. I've always known that and I'm ok with it, we all have different opinions. She's never been rude about it.
Client posts something about not voting for Trump today. I made a comment to one of her friends (a helpful link, not a controversial post at all). WELL, client's wall apparently is open where ANYONE can see it and post.
You see where this is going.
My mom posted a half coherent rant on her post (because I guess it popped up on my mother's feed).
I don't know what to do at this point.
Do I fess up that the nutbag is my mother to my client? I'm half tempted to tell the client my mom is a bit senile (which wouldn't be much of a stretch).
Do I unfriend my mom? It might take her a while to figure it out, or she'll figure it out asap and be all offended - my husband blocked her years ago.
Do I tell my mom to STFU? (she'd be all offended if I did and probably say something else dumbass).
I'm sitting here checking the thread waiting for mom to say something else.
I really need help here, this is totally awkward.
ETA: Please don't respond with "gee I wish I had a mom". I wish you had a mom too, sincerely. But that doesn't fix the problem I'm having right now.
You can borrow mine long term if you wish.
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Post by padresfan619 on Nov 4, 2016 0:45:55 GMT
You can't expect her to change her behavior, the only behavior you can change is your own. There are only a handful of days left in this election cycle, so I would stop posting helpful links unless I was 100% sure the thread I was posting on was private and I didn't share mutual friends with that person and my mother.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Nov 4, 2016 0:48:33 GMT
You can't expect her to change her behavior, the only behavior you can change is your own. There are only a handful of days left in this election cycle, so I would stop posting helpful links unless I was 100% sure the thread I was posting on was private and I didn't share mutual friends with that person and my mother. And then one day it'll be a different political thread, or about cheese being bad for you, or about the color of the sky. Fuck, I don't think I can go the rest of my life checking every single post whether the other person's page is public or not. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Nov 4, 2016 0:49:05 GMT
As for your client I would probably be light hearted about it and say "Oh gosh that lady is my mo and she can certainly get a little crazy behind the keyboard!" If your client is posting election related stuff they shouldn't be surprised they are getting feedback. Your mom clearly loves the sidebar of Facebook where she can see what all of her friends are doing, keep that in mind when you reply to things.
I do the same before I like public stuff on fb because I know family and coworkers can see it.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Nov 4, 2016 0:49:15 GMT
You can't expect her to change her behavior, the only behavior you can change is your own. There are only a handful of days left in this election cycle, so I would stop posting helpful links unless I was 100% sure the thread I was posting on was private and I didn't share mutual friends with that person and my mother. screw that I say unfriend her |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 4, 2016 0:49:59 GMT
Is it obvious she's your mother? If it's not obvious she's your mother I would completely ignore it. The danger of a wide open page is any crazy person can post on your wall. If it's obvious she's your mother, I'd both apologize profusely for my senile mother to the client and tell my mother that if she ever posts anything of any nature on a clients page she will be unfriended and blocked on facebook. But I'm pretty immune to giving a damn if I hurt the feelings of someone damaging my professional reputation.
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Post by padresfan619 on Nov 4, 2016 0:51:13 GMT
You can't expect her to change her behavior, the only behavior you can change is your own. There are only a handful of days left in this election cycle, so I would stop posting helpful links unless I was 100% sure the thread I was posting on was private and I didn't share mutual friends with that person and my mother. And then one day it'll be a different political thread, or about cheese being bad for you, or about the color of the sky. Fuck, I don't think I can go the rest of my life checking every single post whether the other person's page is public or not. Then you have to unfriend and block her. Or don't and keep a running record of who keeps stuff private. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Nov 4, 2016 0:53:13 GMT
Restricted is another option. She is still technical your friend but she doesn't see anything you do unless it is public. My aunt is on my restricted list and she only sees when I change my profile picture. Or when I purposely make a post public.
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Post by sugarmama on Nov 4, 2016 0:56:22 GMT
OMG, she is a clone of my mother! I have my settings where I can't see what she posts unless I go look on her page.
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Post by disneypal on Nov 4, 2016 0:56:45 GMT
Do I fess up that the nutbag is my mother to my client? I'm half tempted to tell the client my mom is a bit senile (which wouldn't be much of a stretch). Do I tell my mom to STFU? Do not mention to the client that the poster is your mom - she shouldn't have a way of knowing that, really. Don't tell your mom THAT but...do tell her that she needs to refrain from posting on your client's postings. It could dampen your reputation. I wouldn't unfriend her but when you post, you can select who sees your post and you can select "Friends except..." then select her name - that way, she won't be able to see what you've posted. Not sure if that works if you post a comment or such on some else's but it should deter her from seeing what you post. Save |
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Post by Merge on Nov 4, 2016 0:58:26 GMT
Unfriend. OR set up a separate FB account for your business persona, don't friend your mom with it, and use that exclusively to post to business contacts (even if they are also friends).
I've had this kind of thing happen a couple of times with my over the top far-right relatives. I went the unfriending route, but none of them were that close in relationship.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 4, 2016 0:59:05 GMT
That happened to me the other day except it wasn't with a family member, it was a fb "friend" who is increasingly annoying ME. Dude is getting ready to be unfriended but he's not my family. The saving grace is that if you don't share the same last name, people who don't already know the connection won't make the connection. I wish I had an answer for you but I don't.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Nov 4, 2016 1:00:02 GMT
Do I fess up that the nutbag is my mother to my client? I'm half tempted to tell the client my mom is a bit senile (which wouldn't be much of a stretch). Do I tell my mom to STFU? Do not mention to the client that the poster is your mom - she shouldn't have a way of knowing that, really. Don't tell your mom THAT but...do tell her that she needs to refrain from posting on your client's postings. It could dampen your reputation. I wouldn't unfriend her but when you post, you can select who sees your post and you can select "Friends except..." then select her name - that way, she won't be able to see what you've posted. Not sure if that works if you post a comment or such on some else's but it should deter her from seeing what you post. SaveI have her set as an acquaintance and then all my posts go to my friends less acquaintances (that's my, "I'm keeping the peace by being your friend" setting). However, that doesn't work if I post on someone else's wall or a group we share. :/ I think my client could tell we're friends because I'm probably our only mutual friend. |
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Post by jenjie on Nov 4, 2016 1:05:04 GMT
disneypal said "I wouldn't unfriend her but when you post, you can select who sees your post and you can select "Friends except..." then select her name - that way, she won't be able to see what you've posted" The problem is when a friend's post shows up in their feed even if you're not a part of it. That happened to me. Say Amy is friends with Becky and Becky is friends with carol. Carol posts I LOVE CHOCOLATE and it's set to "friends of friends" being able to see it. So it shows up in Amy's feed. Amy, who doesn't even know Carol, starts saying how nasty chocolate is.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Nov 4, 2016 1:13:31 GMT
I imagine it bothers you a lot more than it bothers your friend. Does your friend even know it's your mother?
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Post by disneypal on Nov 4, 2016 1:14:30 GMT
disneypal said "I wouldn't unfriend her but when you post, you can select who sees your post and you can select "Friends except..." then select her name - that way, she won't be able to see what you've posted" The problem is when a friend's post shows up in their feed even if you're not a part of it. That happened to me. Say Amy is friends with Becky and Becky is friends with carol. Carol posts I LOVE CHOCOLATE and it's set to "friends of friends" being able to see it. So it shows up in Amy's feed. Amy, who doesn't even know Carol, starts saying how nasty chocolate is. In this case, if Amy & Beck are friends and Carol and Becky are friends, if Carol posts "I Love Chocolate' and sets it to "all friends except Becky" - than neither Becky nor her friends (Amy) should be see it. Save |
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Post by shescrafty on Nov 4, 2016 1:16:53 GMT
I feel your pain. My mom is also in her 70s and posts crazy stuff on my wall. I now have it where she cannot see my posts (the friends except mentioned above). She has friended so so many of my friends and even my boss (yes you read that correctly). She has also joined the band faceboompage my son is in and sends me messages about what he is doing even when I am right there watching it happen. Having her unable to see anything I post is really the best option for me and I have hidden her FB feed from my wall.
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Post by wonderwoman on Nov 4, 2016 1:20:43 GMT
Oh how I feel your pain.. I have the exact same issue... I have blocked her from posting ..gone off on her etc.... she never learns..
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 4, 2016 1:20:53 GMT
If you feel like you absolutely must do something, privately contact your client and tell them that you have a very strained relation with your mother, she saw your comment on FB, and made a comment you feel is very inappropriate. Apologize that she found the client's post through you, that your mother does not speak for you, and then maybe block your mother from seeing what you post on. (I don't know how to do that.) Let your mom be. Don't inflame her by confronting her with this. Save yourself the grief that you know will come by going head to head with her. eta - Do not mention to the client that the poster is your mom - she shouldn't have a way of knowing that, really. I wouldn't unfriend her but when you post, you can select who sees your post and you can select "Friends except..." then select her name - that way, she won't be able to see what you've posted. Not sure if that works if you post a comment or such on some else's but it should deter her from seeing what you post. That's really what I would prefer to do. Just let it be unless the client asked me directly. And... there you go. That's how you can do it! |
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Post by mom2samlibby on Nov 4, 2016 1:44:29 GMT
I'd probably be mortified in private, but on my facebook page, I wouldn't respond to the client, unless she made a comment after your mother did. I think if anyone is posting anything on facebook right now about politics, they have to expect comment or two on it.
I would leave it alone.
I'm also amazed that if your client is that big of a someone in Nebraska/Iowa that she is posting stuff about being so liberal. I'd keep quiet about politics if I had a high profile business. I'd also not engage with her because of your relationship. That's my rule on facebook -- no politics with anyone!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:46:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2016 1:59:35 GMT
Is it obvious she's your mother? If it's not obvious she's your mother I would completely ignore it. The danger of a wide open page is any crazy person can post on your wall. If it's obvious she's your mother, I'd both apologize profusely for my senile mother to the client and tell my mother that if she ever posts anything of any nature on a clients page she will be unfriended and blocked on facebook. But I'm pretty immune to giving a damn if I hurt the feelings of someone damaging my professional reputation. Exactly this. |
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Post by txdancermom on Nov 4, 2016 2:07:00 GMT
People that really know you shouldn't hold her comments against you - if they ask about her, be honest that she is your mom, and leave it at that unless they take it further. I would just ignore them, and don't react.
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Post by verdepea on Nov 4, 2016 2:18:10 GMT
I am a liberal and my 74 year old Mom is VERY liberal. I have some conservative friends who know her and like her but haven't really seen that side of her. One in particular has grown more conservative the last 10 years. Said friend was talking about her own Mom and how she is more old school than she is.. We laughed because I made her promise not to engage in politics or religion with my Mom ever. I promised her when she left my house after enduring it we could laugh together and say how crazy our Moms have gotten, but not to let US get out of sorts.
I would just say..yeah what I can I say.. people get old and set in their ways. There is not much I can do but brush it off. What ya gonna do, we all have a bit of crazy in our families. And mention sarcastically how elections exasperate our craziness. Which is true.
You are trying to be the better person in keeping your mom at arms length distance and but being nice to her. It's okay to shrug and laugh about it because otherwise you'll cry. I think your business partner will appreciate your acknowledgement. Heck tell her you won't be hurt if she blocks your Mom.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 4, 2016 2:33:24 GMT
From someone who doesn't have her mom any more...
Go ahead and block her. I get it, i had issue with my mom. I actually had several years where our conversations were pleasantries and the weather, as anything else was toxic. Thankfully my Mom never got the internet, in fact we actively prevented it. Life is short enough, don't spend it stressing about your mom crapping up your job. Go back to a non tech relationship with her and call it good.
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Post by pierkiss on Nov 4, 2016 3:08:21 GMT
Honestly I would start limiting what she can see from my page. I'm not sure what the setting is, or where to find it, but I would keep her as a friend, and only let her see certain posts. Hopefully you can set it so that she can't read what you post on other people's posts.
As for your client having an open page, well, there's not a lot you can do there. If someone is going to have an open page, then they get the nut jobs that can see it and want to comment on various posts.
I would not be posting anything political on any of my clients pages. But that is me. I like to keep business separate from politics, as it could easily sour a great working relationship. Same with religion.
I'm not sure if you should mention she's your mom or not. If you do, I'd for sure do it in a private message, not on the post itself. My mom has terrible spelling and I hate it when she posts on my wall. But I don't want to hurt her feelings, so I keep my mouth shut.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Nov 4, 2016 3:26:12 GMT
Unfriend her. Being a good daughter does not include allowing her behavior to affect your relationships with other people.
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Post by llinin on Nov 4, 2016 10:38:54 GMT
I think if you delete your helpful link it will delete all replies to it. If she didn't reply to your comment and instead replied to your friend, you can't delete it, so I'd apologize to your friend for your senile mom.
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momto4kiddos
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Posts: 5,156
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 4, 2016 12:32:09 GMT
Tighten up your settings even more... Do the "friends except" thing. I also have my page set so that no one can see who my friends are anymore - not sure if that would help keep things off her page too or not?
I ended up doing this because my mother likes to check everyone out and has accidentally friended one of my friends. She thought no big deal and didn't seem to care that I wasn't all that happy about it.
I wouldn't bring it to the attention of your client, unless you have to. And like someone mentioned, privately.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Nov 4, 2016 14:32:14 GMT
Tighten up your settings even more... Do the "friends except" thing. I also have my page set so that no one can see who my friends are anymore - not sure if that would help keep things off her page too or not? I ended up doing this because my mother likes to check everyone out and has accidentally friended one of my friends. She thought no big deal and didn't seem to care that I wasn't all that happy about it. I wouldn't bring it to the attention of your client, unless you have to. And like someone mentioned, privately. I already have my settings on her so that she's virtually a stranger. The issue is when I post to someone else's page or a group page we're both in. I'm leaning heavily towards unfriending her. |
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Post by krazykatlady on Nov 4, 2016 15:03:46 GMT
Tighten up your settings even more... Do the "friends except" thing. I also have my page set so that no one can see who my friends are anymore - not sure if that would help keep things off her page too or not? I ended up doing this because my mother likes to check everyone out and has accidentally friended one of my friends. She thought no big deal and didn't seem to care that I wasn't all that happy about it. I wouldn't bring it to the attention of your client, unless you have to. And like someone mentioned, privately. I already have my settings on her so that she's virtually a stranger. The issue is when I post to someone else's page or a group page we're both in. I'm leaning heavily towards unfriending her. I may be wrong but if you're in the same groups she will still see things you might post to the page even if you're no longer friends. You'll need to block her also. |
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