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Post by Chips on Nov 15, 2016 15:02:58 GMT
Does anyone have have any knowledge or experience with Al-Anon? If you could share any insight it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks <3
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naby64
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,916
Jun 25, 2014 21:44:13 GMT
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Post by naby64 on Nov 15, 2016 15:09:17 GMT
I don't, sorry! I needed one 2.5 yrs ago but we had slim pickings in our area. I have started going to Celebrate Recovery. Which may or may not be an option for you. It is a Christian based recovery program for "hang-ups, habits and hurts". I have only been going a month but it is wonderful being able to speak to others that have some of the same issues going on in their families like I have.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Nov 15, 2016 15:28:40 GMT
I attended an Al-anon meeting (with my mom) once years ago. I didn't personally get anything out of the experience (I'm non-religious and by the time I attended, I was pretty well read on how to handle an alcoholic).
Is there anything specifically that you'd like to know?
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Post by peano on Nov 15, 2016 15:34:31 GMT
I'm not sure exactly what type of information you're looking for--the most basic, which is that it is modeled on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and is a program for those whose lives have been impacted by others' substance abuse. Or if you are looking for personal experiences?
My mother became involved with Al Anon following her divorce from her alcoholic second husband. We always had a difficult relationship but she really did a lot of work on herself within the Program and we were able to mend our relationship before she died. At the time of her death she was employed by Al Anon World Service Organization in Virginia Beach.
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Post by peano on Nov 15, 2016 15:38:05 GMT
I attended an Al-anon meeting (with my mom) once years ago. I didn't personally get anything out of the experience (I'm non-religious and by the time I attended, I was pretty well read on how to handle an alcoholic). Is there anything specifically that you'd like to know? Although you'll hear "God" and "Higher Power" at any Twelve Step group, attendees are free to interpret those words as they wish, and you do not need to believe in a deity to participate in the program. Many people use the group as their Higher Power. ETA: The purpose of Al Anon is not to learn how "to handle an alcoholic". The purpose of Al Anon is to learn how your own behavior plays into the relationship between the substance abuser and you. For example, what is it about the alcoholic that attracted you to them, didn't cause you to leave when their actions became untenable etc. Edited for clarity.
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Post by Chips on Nov 15, 2016 15:44:46 GMT
I don't think I have any specific questions. Not even sure how Al-Anon works - is it a this is a support group? Maybe seeing how an alcoholic effects you and how you can help yourself? I am just not sure but it would be nice to have someone to talk too.
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Post by Linda on Nov 15, 2016 15:52:45 GMT
no experience with Al-Anon but plenty with alcoholics and other addictions - I'll pray for you
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Post by peano on Nov 15, 2016 15:54:36 GMT
I don't think I have any specific questions. Not even sure how Al-Anon works - is it a this is a support group? Maybe seeing how an alcoholic effects you and how you can help yourself? I am just not sure but it would be nice to have someone to talk too. Al Anon is a support group based on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you Google Al Anon you can find information online. Your second sentence is exactly right. You are there for yourself, not to change the substance abuser.
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Post by momstime on Nov 15, 2016 15:58:51 GMT
Some meetings are GREAT and some of piss poor. You will probably have to search around to find one that fits you. The support can be life changing in a good group. The thing you will take away is we all have the same (but different) experiences...and we all (generally speaking) follow the same path to serenity. The idea of the group is to heal yourself, as you are the only one you can change....but also, that we are more powerful than we know. When we change, the alcoholic/addict typically changes in response to the new environment, and if they don't change, at least you are in a more powerful, settled place to deal with them. {{hugs}}
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naby64
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,916
Jun 25, 2014 21:44:13 GMT
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Post by naby64 on Nov 15, 2016 16:03:55 GMT
I don't think I have any specific questions. Not even sure how Al-Anon works - is it a this is a support group? Maybe seeing how an alcoholic effects you and how you can help yourself? I am just not sure but it would be nice to have someone to talk too. Again, on Al-Anon, no idea but here is what I do know. Having had an alcoholic grandfather and father, with the father finally getting sober until he died, there's a lot of baggage that comes with that. None were abusive. My dad was a very sweet, quiet drunk. But still a drunk. I then married a man who has been a wonderful father and husband but didn't know how to handle certain life situations and felt it was easier to handle them by drinking. A lot. Even on the job. My kids and I went through a lot(no physical abuse just living with a drunk) but none of us ever talked about it to anyone. My DH did go into rehab 2.5 yrs ago and he got to talk things out. We still didn't. It is amazing what can get bottled up in a person and how it comes out differently between 4 people. Whether you are the drinker or the person attached to the drinker, it affects you. Sometimes you are not even aware of how it is affecting you. I have not liked the person I have become. The way I have handled things. My sister in law said CR would be a very good place for me to go. There would be people to talk to, people who have been through what I have been through, things to learn on how to handle MY thoughts, MY actions. In the 4 weeks I have been, I would agree. I am not alone. The ONLY person in the world that has gone through this. I am a person of faith so this has worked for me. I would assume Al-Anon would be the same way. Like someone else said, they do say higher power. You use whatever higher power you believe in. You find people to lean on. If there is one in your area, it wouldn't hurt to go to one meeting. BUT I would give it more than one chance.
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Post by peano on Nov 15, 2016 16:15:23 GMT
Agree that you should attend several different meetings over a few weeks. If you live in a larger town, you may have meetings that are even targeted toward types of people--meetings for only women, meetings for children/teens, etc. Even if you don't have access to a large number of meetings, the makeup of people at meetings often changes from week to week.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Nov 15, 2016 16:47:15 GMT
Although you'll hear "God" and "Higher Power" at any Twelve Step group, attendees are free to interpret those words as they wish, and you do not need to believe in a deity to participate in the program. Many people use the group as their Higher Power. ETA: The purpose of Al Anon is not to learn how "to handle an alcoholic". The purpose of Al Anon is to learn how your own behavior plays into the relationship between the substance abuser and your partner. For example, what is it about the alcoholic that attracted you to them, didn't cause you to leave when their actions became untenable etc. Perhaps my experience was a unique one - I'm in the South, so it was a little less "higher power" and a little more "Jesus Saves". In retrospect the phrase "handle an alcoholic" was probably too broad a description on my part, but I do distinctly remember what little advice they gave on how to avoid enabling an addict were all things I had already read. The experience didn't present me or my mother with anything that we weren't already doing and well aware of. That said, I come from a family of addicts, I can see how Al-anon might be useful for someone without any experience with the disease.
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Post by blondiec47 on Nov 15, 2016 17:06:33 GMT
I went for a while when I was married to an addict. It was very helpful. I was the type that was going to save the world one guy at a time. It showed me that there is nothing I can do to change the addict. I could choose to stay or leave. I choose to leave and even after all that I hooked up with another addict so I went back. It has been years now and I am so thankful that it helped me. It taught me that if I didn't like my life it was up to me to change--that is easier said then done. What really hit me was when I was talking with another group member and they said--you will always pick this type you love the chaos. I was upset at the time, but thought about that a lot and she was right. My life was a soap opera. I look back now and wonder how I had the energy to live like that.
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Post by Chips on Nov 15, 2016 17:07:49 GMT
Agree that you should attend several different meetings over a few weeks. If you live in a larger town, you may have meetings that are even targeted toward types of people--meetings for only women, meetings for children/teens, etc. Even if you don't have access to a large number of meetings, the makeup of people at meetings often changes from week to week. On the website most of the locations have a note where the meeting is located but some say Beginners. Do first timers go to beginners meetings?
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Post by peano on Nov 15, 2016 17:32:47 GMT
Agree that you should attend several different meetings over a few weeks. If you live in a larger town, you may have meetings that are even targeted toward types of people--meetings for only women, meetings for children/teens, etc. Even if you don't have access to a large number of meetings, the makeup of people at meetings often changes from week to week. On the website most of the locations have a note where the meeting is located but some say Beginners. Do first timers go to beginners meetings? Beginner meetings do tend to focus on the issues beginners are dealing with and help familiarize them with the program, so they are a good place to start. But I would try a range of meetings because they are all different, and you may find you "click" more with one group over another. But 12-Steppers emphasize "keeping it fresh" as a way of strengthening their recovery, so you may find a mixture of newbies and seasoned old-timers at Beginner meetings. When I was attending a different 12 Step Fellowship, I found speaker meetings to be very helpful and inspiring. These meetings have members who typically have a lot of recovery, tell their stories.
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Post by lucyg on Nov 16, 2016 9:16:04 GMT
I found Al-Anon to be very helpful. That and seeing a family therapist really helped me learn to stop enabling the addict and to work on fixing MY life, not his.
I am not religious and ignored the Higher Power stuff. But I just attended meetings and did some reading. Did not even attempt to do the 12 steps.
I haven't attended a meeting in a long time now. It's too hard when I'm responsible for a 7yo who has activities during meeting time. But I wouldn't mind going at least occasionally.
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Post by anonrefugee on Nov 21, 2016 15:19:46 GMT
I don't think I have any specific questions. Not even sure how Al-Anon works - is it a this is a support group? Maybe seeing how an alcoholic effects you and how you can help yourself? I am just not sure but it would be nice to have someone to talk too. Again, on Al-Anon, no idea but here is what I do know. Having had an alcoholic grandfather and father, with the father finally getting sober until he died, there's a lot of baggage that comes with that. None were abusive. My dad was a very sweet, quiet drunk. But still a drunk. I then married a man who has been a wonderful father and husband but didn't know how to handle certain life situations and felt it was easier to handle them by drinking. A lot. Even on the job. My kids and I went through a lot(no physical abuse just living with a drunk) but none of us ever talked about it to anyone. My DH did go into rehab 2.5 yrs ago and he got to talk things out. We still didn't. It is amazing what can get bottled up in a person and how it comes out differently between 4 people. Whether you are the drinker or the person attached to the drinker, it affects you. Sometimes you are not even aware of how it is affecting you. I have not liked the person I have become. The way I have handled things. My sister in law said CR would be a very good place for me to go. There would be people to talk to, people who have been through what I have been through, things to learn on how to handle MY thoughts, MY actions. In the 4 weeks I have been, I would agree. I am not alone. The ONLY person in the world that has gone through this. I am a person of faith so this has worked for me. I would assume Al-Anon would be the same way. Like someone else said, they do say higher power. You use whatever higher power you believe in. You find people to lean on. If there is one in your area, it wouldn't hurt to go to one meeting. BUT I would give it more than one chance. I had to resurrect this thread, my DH is the child of an alcoholic. A 60 year old child, but it was thick in his family. Until recently I wouldn't have expected it of DH, but he might be on his way. He's definitely numbing himself in the evening. He's quiet, stares at TV until time to sleep. I think he's inherited a basket load of bad habits . And I'm tired of dealing with it. In short I don't like how I've changed to accommodate this and other issues. Maybe I'm codependent? He's in therapy, I need to find a lower cost way to deal with my stuff. I'm losing what's left of my mind!
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naby64
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,916
Jun 25, 2014 21:44:13 GMT
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Post by naby64 on Nov 21, 2016 15:55:11 GMT
Again, on Al-Anon, no idea but here is what I do know. Having had an alcoholic grandfather and father, with the father finally getting sober until he died, there's a lot of baggage that comes with that. None were abusive. My dad was a very sweet, quiet drunk. But still a drunk. I then married a man who has been a wonderful father and husband but didn't know how to handle certain life situations and felt it was easier to handle them by drinking. A lot. Even on the job. My kids and I went through a lot(no physical abuse just living with a drunk) but none of us ever talked about it to anyone. My DH did go into rehab 2.5 yrs ago and he got to talk things out. We still didn't. It is amazing what can get bottled up in a person and how it comes out differently between 4 people. Whether you are the drinker or the person attached to the drinker, it affects you. Sometimes you are not even aware of how it is affecting you. I have not liked the person I have become. The way I have handled things. My sister in law said CR would be a very good place for me to go. There would be people to talk to, people who have been through what I have been through, things to learn on how to handle MY thoughts, MY actions. In the 4 weeks I have been, I would agree. I am not alone. The ONLY person in the world that has gone through this. I am a person of faith so this has worked for me. I would assume Al-Anon would be the same way. Like someone else said, they do say higher power. You use whatever higher power you believe in. You find people to lean on. If there is one in your area, it wouldn't hurt to go to one meeting. BUT I would give it more than one chance. I had to resurrect this thread, my DH is the child of an alcoholic. A 60 year old child, but it was thick in his family. Until recently I wouldn't have expected it of DH, but he might be on his way. He's definitely numbing himself in the evening. He's quiet, stares at TV until time to sleep. I think he's inherited a basket load of bad habits . And I'm tired of dealing with it. In short I don't like how I've changed to accommodate this and other issues. Maybe I'm codependent? He's in therapy, I need to find a lower cost way to deal with my stuff. I'm losing what's left of my mind! I am so sorry! This was me exactly. Funny this is though, I am the child the alcoholic. Yes you do need someone to talk to. Like I said, this has been a good place for me. I hope you can find your spot!
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Post by anonrefugee on Nov 21, 2016 16:42:07 GMT
Thanks naby64, I remembered this thread this morning and it was your statement that hit a nerve. I've looked up Celebrate Recovery and there's a meeting nearby! Now to suck it up and check it out...
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Post by duchess on Nov 21, 2016 17:29:00 GMT
Not me personally but my friend started going about a year ago because of her husband and it has helped her tremendously. It was a great place for her to let go and tell what's happening to her and for her to have people to understand exactly what she was going through and to help her sort it out and figure out her feelings.
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Post by kernriver on Nov 21, 2016 18:11:44 GMT
I was asked to go to Alanon because of a family members addiction problem. I went. Its not for me. Instead of feeling comforted by being surrounded with people who have the same problem, I felt complete hopelessness and despair. So many people with such horrible stories. It was like being trapped in a Sarah Mclachlan animal rescue video. I did not go back. I was told by a psychiatrist that this is normal for some people.
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Post by nightnurse on Nov 22, 2016 2:17:31 GMT
I went in high school and found it very helpful to be able to talk openly with other kids, who didn't react with pity or disgust, because they were dealing with the same things in their parents I was dealing with in mine. There was no despair for us, there was actually a lot of laughter. I looked forward to feeling normal for a few hours a week. I did not go as an adult so I have no personal experience there but it was helpful at the time.
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Post by Chips on Nov 22, 2016 17:11:40 GMT
Well, since this posted I have been to 4 Al-Anon meetings. Some meetings are better than others but I am not excluding any at this point since the locations and days work for me and I think there will be something for me to take away from the meetings.
I have been dealing with this Alcoholic for almost 30 years and this is my first time seeking help and Al-Anon really does seem to a good fit for me. The Alcoholic, my expectations for them, my goals for them all cause me to blow up and loose it when trying to find my way on this roller coaster ride. The holidays are also adding to my stress. I read "Expectations are premeditated resentments" and that phrase is just resonating with me. I am finding myself able to recognize when I am loosing it about the what ifs and what I want and try to reel those thoughts in. I am really trying to focus on today because I am feeling pretty raw about this at times.
While I am so new to Al-Anon, I know I need help and so far it is helping. So thank you all for chiming in here and being a voice of support.
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Post by krc11 on Nov 22, 2016 17:25:19 GMT
I don't think I have any specific questions. Not even sure how Al-Anon works - is it a this is a support group? Maybe seeing how an alcoholic effects you and how you can help yourself? I am just not sure but it would be nice to have someone to talk too. Again, on Al-Anon, no idea but here is what I do know. Having had an alcoholic grandfather and father, with the father finally getting sober until he died, there's a lot of baggage that comes with that. None were abusive. My dad was a very sweet, quiet drunk. But still a drunk. I then married a man who has been a wonderful father and husband but didn't know how to handle certain life situations and felt it was easier to handle them by drinking. A lot. Even on the job. My kids and I went through a lot(no physical abuse just living with a drunk) but none of us ever talked about it to anyone. My DH did go into rehab 2.5 yrs ago and he got to talk things out. We still didn't. It is amazing what can get bottled up in a person and how it comes out differently between 4 people. Whether you are the drinker or the person attached to the drinker, it affects you. Sometimes you are not even aware of how it is affecting you. I have not liked the person I have become. The way I have handled things. My sister in law said CR would be a very good place for me to go. There would be people to talk to, people who have been through what I have been through, things to learn on how to handle MY thoughts, MY actions. In the 4 weeks I have been, I would agree. I am not alone. The ONLY person in the world that has gone through this. I am a person of faith so this has worked for me. I would assume Al-Anon would be the same way. Like someone else said, they do say higher power. You use whatever higher power you believe in. You find people to lean on. If there is one in your area, it wouldn't hurt to go to one meeting. BUT I would give it more than one chance. Thanks for this explanation. I've been thinking that I need to attend these type of meetings for myself. I don't like who I am now in response to an alcoholic in my family that refuses to change. I need to feel better about myself and how I react.
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Post by krc11 on Nov 22, 2016 17:29:06 GMT
Again, on Al-Anon, no idea but here is what I do know. Having had an alcoholic grandfather and father, with the father finally getting sober until he died, there's a lot of baggage that comes with that. None were abusive. My dad was a very sweet, quiet drunk. But still a drunk. I then married a man who has been a wonderful father and husband but didn't know how to handle certain life situations and felt it was easier to handle them by drinking. A lot. Even on the job. My kids and I went through a lot(no physical abuse just living with a drunk) but none of us ever talked about it to anyone. My DH did go into rehab 2.5 yrs ago and he got to talk things out. We still didn't. It is amazing what can get bottled up in a person and how it comes out differently between 4 people. Whether you are the drinker or the person attached to the drinker, it affects you. Sometimes you are not even aware of how it is affecting you. I have not liked the person I have become. The way I have handled things. My sister in law said CR would be a very good place for me to go. There would be people to talk to, people who have been through what I have been through, things to learn on how to handle MY thoughts, MY actions. In the 4 weeks I have been, I would agree. I am not alone. The ONLY person in the world that has gone through this. I am a person of faith so this has worked for me. I would assume Al-Anon would be the same way. Like someone else said, they do say higher power. You use whatever higher power you believe in. You find people to lean on. If there is one in your area, it wouldn't hurt to go to one meeting. BUT I would give it more than one chance. I had to resurrect this thread, my DH is the child of an alcoholic. A 60 year old child, but it was thick in his family. Until recently I wouldn't have expected it of DH, but he might be on his way. He's definitely numbing himself in the evening. He's quiet, stares at TV until time to sleep. I think he's inherited a basket load of bad habits . And I'm tired of dealing with it. In short I don't like how I've changed to accommodate this and other issues. Maybe I'm codependent? He's in therapy, I need to find a lower cost way to deal with my stuff. I'm losing what's left of my mind! Hugs. You are not alone. I'm very happy that I read this thread.
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