I need the "what to do to prepare for divorce" list

I don't have a list, but get all your financial records together. I would probably open a bank account in my name only. Don't move joint funds, but maybe put your paycheck in there. You need to have $ you can access if he decides to do something stupid.

ETA - I am really sorry. I'll be thinking of you.

I don't have advice for you but wanted to say I'm sorry. Stay strong.

Copy all the important papers - financial, ss cards, birth certs, etc.

Have a print out of exactly what your bank accounts look like (statements) so that if he tries to pull it all and run, the courts will contest it.

If there are children, start lining up character witnesses who will testify to the fact that you are the primary caregiver & to his alcoholism.

You might want to move your photos/ scrapbooks out of the house. You never know what someone is capable of when faced with divorce papers and all that it entails.

Make sure you have some cash put away. If you can leave it with a best friend or family member, all the better. Cash that you don't have to be accountable for.

The best tip I ever heard was on the pea board, when someone once said that if you have time to plan to leave and your dh holds tight to the money..... buy a gift card (visa or walmart) every time you go grocery shopping. It isn't that noticable in the finances, but will help rebuilding a new homelife when you do need it and finances are tight.

Do you have a plan lined up? Divorce attorney? Do you expect that he will leave the residence? Do you want to keep the house? Is being away from him more important that keeping the home? (Are you willing to leave the house?)

Have a plan in place, in your mind, and tell at least one somebody. Once your STBXH is served divorce papers, nothing will get easier, and will most likely get worse. He will probably deal with the stress by drinking more.

Has he ever been physically abusive? Be prepared that no matter what, you can leave in an instant. Have your important documents & photos out of the house. Be okay with just walking out, knowing you can't get back in.

Good luck. I know it's a horribly stressful thing to deal with.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

You have received some great advice here! Anything can happen when those divorce papers are delivered to the STBX!! I will repeat what others have said:

1. see a divorce lawyer asap to learn what to do in your particular state.

2. secure family heirlooms, jewelry, scrapbooks/photos, artwork, and any other valuables. If you leave it with a friend/relative, make sure that person won't cave and give it to the STBX.

3. Secure your clothes, too. An angry STBX might decide to destroy your wardrobe. A friend of mine lost everything, even undies and shoes, when the STBX burned everything she had while she was at work.

4. get some cash and keep it safe(hidden). The gift card idea is a great one!

5. Confide in a trusted friend or relative, for safety, as well as support.

Good luck! You can do this!
JamH

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. (((HUGS)))

I'm sorry. 

Make sure you have a bank account in your name only and start socking away as much money as possible where he can't get at it.

and don't believe him if he says you can do this with one lawyer. You need your own lawyer!

Definitely this!

From this point forward, you MUST think of yourself first (kids too if you have them).

Divorce is a long, sucky process, and your STBX  might try to make you feel guilty, but every step of the way, you must ask yourself, "Is this in my best interest?"

(((hugs)))

If it matters to you about personal possessions, take a video of the contents of your home. You can even narrate when/where you got it and its approximate value. That way, if things 'disappear' you will have some kind of record of them. Sorry you are going through this but sometimes the straw just really does break the camel's back.

Just be prepared that his reaction might be over the top.  You may want to have a place lined up for you to go so you don't have to deal with that.  I know with my ex, he was basically a drunk zombie.  No emotions.  But me leaving him incited huge anger in him.  Anger like I had never seen.  

go to the bank. take out exactly 1/2 of the money in all accounts. that way you will have money if and when you need some.