Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2016 19:30:27 GMT
Once upon a time, there was a group of very immature good looking adults who worked for a retail store.
We would go out as a group, have parties and lots of fun! We get a bit older, finish college get real jobs but still go together. Now girl gets together with boy, and they are about to get married. Exciting!!?!! They have a spat over nothing. And split up. Boy meets another girl (who is really a wonderful person, then and now), they marry and have 3 kids. First girl never married, nobody was ever good enough. She still lives with her parents.
I moved away from the area years ago, but The group has come together on Facebook.
First girl is only friends with a couple of people from the group and not with boy.
Boy announces that his first child is going to have twins!! Very exciting.
Girl finds out.
She is pissed. And has been messaging me.
She is still a good friend and I don't want to say anything " mean" or to honest. She was hurt when they broke up years ago , but seriously is was years ago. 2 lifetimes ago.
What would you say?
I am on the side of say nothing. And see a counselor. .
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845 
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Post by julieb on Nov 26, 2016 19:36:30 GMT
So old bf is about to be a grandfather? Say nothing - not even anything about counseling. She is seeing what she missed out on and you can't go back.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by YooHoot on Nov 26, 2016 19:39:21 GMT
Send her a DVD of Frozen and tell her to let it go.
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Post by Zee on Nov 26, 2016 19:44:38 GMT
What does she want you to do about it? I'd just tell her I understand how she feels, but his wife is a really nice person and you don't want to say anything bad about her or him.
Done.
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Post by anonrefugee on Nov 26, 2016 19:46:24 GMT
I think you should not say a thing, but don't believe she'll let you off the hook until you acknowledge her messages.
Can you say something simple like, "Can you believe we're now old enough to be Grandparents? X number of years seem like yesterday. Life is strange!"
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eleezybeth
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Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Nov 26, 2016 19:51:25 GMT
She is pissed that a man she dated close to what - 40 years ago- is going to be a grandfather? She still lives with her parents what- 40 years later? Honestly, there is nothing to say here. If she is a good friend, let her vent and don't let her catch rolling your eyes. You are sorry she is upset and grieving and a good friend would support that. If she doesn't snap around it might be time for a come to Jesus look at history. Is she generally immature?
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 26, 2016 19:54:35 GMT
If enough time has passed that he has been married, had kids, and they have grown up to have their own kids, there is nothing you can do or say to this woman if she is "pissed." I am not even sure what she would be "pissed" about at this point. I'd just do the FB equivalent of switching the subject to the weather.
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Post by utpea on Nov 26, 2016 19:55:00 GMT
I agree with saying nothing. What could you possibly say to her to make it ok? It sounds like she isn't over it yet.
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Post by Sam on Nov 26, 2016 20:00:22 GMT
Did she message you when he went out with the girl (wife now)? Did she message you when he had his kids?
If not - and, remember, I can be kind of blunt - I'd probably ask her why it worries her so much now and WHAT THE HECK ELSE is happening in her life that she chooses to fixate on this. I'd be guessing there must be something, otherwise, it doesn't make sense to me.
She's either someone you want to invest in as far as friendship and help goes, or not (and neither option is a 'bad' one as I don't know her personality etc).
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milocat
Drama Llama
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Post by milocat on Nov 26, 2016 20:06:25 GMT
So old bf is about to be a grandfather? Say nothing - not even anything about counseling. She is seeing what she missed out on and you can't go back. Grandfather, that bears repeating. Wow! She needs to build a bridge and get over it. I'd send her a meme that says "not my circus not my monkeys" |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Nov 26, 2016 20:12:04 GMT
I have a sibling like this. They dated 15+ years. Cheated on one another a few times. (Rubbed it in each other's faces). Broke up. Sibling is married and a grandparent the old flame is with the last person they cheated with. Sibling still gets pissed each time they hear something about old flame!!!
It's ridiculous in my thinking, but at the same time sad that it just cannot be let go.
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Post by anonrefugee on Nov 26, 2016 20:12:30 GMT
Did she message you when he went out with the girl (wife now)? Did she message you when he had his kids? If not - and, remember, I can be kind of blunt - I'd probably ask her why it worries her so much now and WHAT THE HECK ELSE is happening in her life that she chooses to fixate on this. I'd be guessing there must be something, otherwise, it doesn't make sense to me. She's either someone you want to invest in as far as friendship and help goes, or not (and neither option is a 'bad' one as I don't know her personality etc). LOL I assume you mean "message" as a generic term? Those of us in "grandparent" age bracket know beepers were the thing in the years Meg is describing. Actually I'm getting curious about why they broke up originally. What could make one burn a candle for someone enough to be "pissed" 30ish years later? I'm sorry, I know that's rude curiousity about a real person. |
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lesley
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Post by lesley on Nov 26, 2016 20:17:45 GMT
What exactly is she pissed about? Maybe point out how ridiculous her comments are, to still be so bitter after all this time. She needs to get some perspective!
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Post by Sam on Nov 26, 2016 20:19:29 GMT
Did she message you when he went out with the girl (wife now)? Did she message you when he had his kids? If not - and, remember, I can be kind of blunt - I'd probably ask her why it worries her so much now and WHAT THE HECK ELSE is happening in her life that she chooses to fixate on this. I'd be guessing there must be something, otherwise, it doesn't make sense to me. She's either someone you want to invest in as far as friendship and help goes, or not (and neither option is a 'bad' one as I don't know her personality etc). LOL I assume you mean "message" as a generic term? Those of us in "grandparent" age bracket know beepers were the thing in the years Meg is describing. Actually I'm getting curious about why they broke up originally. What could make one burn a candle for someone enough to be "pissed" 30ish years later? I'm sorry, I know that's rude curiousity about a real person. the OP said that the 'girl' has been 'messaging' her. You want me to reply with 'why has she been 'beeping' you'  ?  |
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 26, 2016 20:32:36 GMT
Perhaps you can suggest that w/the passage of time if she's still grieving the relationship that she might want to seek some closure. Other than that, if she's going to obsess you can't fix her.
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Post by anonrefugee on Nov 26, 2016 20:36:01 GMT
LOL I assume you mean "message" as a generic term? Those of us in "grandparent" age bracket know beepers were the thing in the years Meg is describing. Actually I'm getting curious about why they broke up originally. What could make one burn a candle for someone enough to be "pissed" 30ish years later? I'm sorry, I know that's rude curiousity about a real person. the OP said that the 'girl' has been 'messaging' her. You want me to reply with 'why has she been 'beeping' you' ? Hey, not fighting or picking on you. It struck me as funny you asked if they messaged when He went out with now-wife, etc. Some young people don't remember how recent "messaging" is. Forgive me, let's just say I was having a senior moment. I was 30 when I got my first cell phone, and it was somewhat early, weighed a ton and was almost as big as a shoe box. |
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Post by JBeans on Nov 26, 2016 20:47:15 GMT
By now, she really should have moved on, however, Did they happen to break up because he said he didn't want kids?
That's about the only reason I could see her making such a big deal about it.
If I were you, I honestly would be frank, yet tactful saying, "it's time to move on."
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Post by SockMonkey on Nov 26, 2016 21:45:55 GMT
I'm in the camp of telling her "It sounds like you still have some feelings about this relationship, but it's time for you to move on. It's unhealthy to be this angry about someone's great joy, especially someone you used to care about."
And if she didn't like that, well, I would be okay with not really talking to her anymore. She sounds like she's not a grown ass person.
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Post by pierkiss on Nov 26, 2016 22:08:28 GMT
That's rigoddamndiculous. It's been a looooooong time. Time to get over whatever the hell her problem is. She's upset he's going to be a grandpa??? Weird.
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Nov 26, 2016 22:33:12 GMT
The way I see there are two three ways you can go about handling this.
1. Be honest and tell her "You need to get over it and get on with your life." (My mother said this to me a lot and although difficult to do it's so true.)
2. When she mentions old flame to you promptly ask her what her opinion is on quantum physics or ask her if she would like to discuss the differences between the internal combustion engine vs a diesel engine. (I used these topics to change the subject at Thanksgiving dinner when the talk turned to politics - it worked!).
3. Smile and listen, but don't agree or offer any support. (not recommended because if you smile and listen most likely she will think you are agreeable to her way of thinking)
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Nov 26, 2016 22:51:26 GMT
What is she pissed about? That he's old enough to be a grandfather? That you still keep in touch with him? What?
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Post by jenjie on Nov 26, 2016 22:54:06 GMT
LOL I assume you mean "message" as a generic term? Those of us in "grandparent" age bracket know beepers were the thing in the years Meg is describing. Actually I'm getting curious about why they broke up originally. What could make one burn a candle for someone enough to be "pissed" 30ish years later? I'm sorry, I know that's rude curiousity about a real person. the OP said that the 'girl' has been 'messaging' her. You want me to reply with 'why has she been 'beeping' you' ? Unfortunately same girl has probably been talking to any of the old gang who will listen any time something momentous has happened in this guy's life throughout the years. OP thank you for bringing this to the peas. I have something that's been bugging me, a very different situation and much more recent, kind of current situation (friendship not romance). But I don't want to be that person who can't let things go. If I'm not careful that could very well happen. So thank you for making me aware. |
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 4:50:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2016 23:11:57 GMT
Once upon a time, there was a group of very immature good looking adults who worked for a retail store. We would go out as a group, have parties and lots of fun! We get a bit older, finish college get real jobs but still go together. Now girl gets together with boy, and they are about to get married. Exciting!!?!! They have a spat over nothing. And split up. Boy meets another girl (who is really a wonderful person, then and now), they marry and have 3 kids. First girl never married, nobody was ever good enough. She still lives with her parents. I moved away from the area years ago, but The group has come together on Facebook. First girl is only friends with a couple of people from the group and not with boy. Boy announces that his first child is going to have twins!! Very exciting. Girl finds out. She is pissed. And has been messaging me. She is still a good friend and I don't want to say anything " mean" or to honest. She was hurt when they broke up years ago , but seriously is was years ago. 2 lifetimes ago. What would you say? I am on the side of say nothing. And see a counselor. . Then say nothing. But it is hard to get someone to see a counselor if you truly say nothing. I'd be on the side to tell her the past is WAY over (how long has this been? 30 or so years?) and she needs to find a way to move on. He is a GRANDFATHER for heaven's sake! |
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Post by papersilly on Nov 26, 2016 23:40:44 GMT
Say nothing. She's clearly been stuck in a moment for a few decades.
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artsydaisy
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Jul 1, 2014 4:55:48 GMT
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Post by artsydaisy on Nov 26, 2016 23:43:37 GMT
I would say something like "wait...WHAT? you're STILL angry about your breakup 40 years ago?" and let her sit on it. See if she wants to explain it to you, but hopefully it will check her enough to stop talking about it. I've had my shared of unresolved relationships, but I can't imagine being angry about any of them by the time they are having kids, let alone grandkids.
The slap across the face answer: Sounds like he's just not that into you.
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moodyblue
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Nov 26, 2016 23:54:01 GMT
I wonder if she's generally dissatisfied with the way her life has turned out and this guy just represents a time when things could have gone the other way for her. It's a reminder that she never married and built a life with a family of her own. It may not be "him" in particular but her life compared to what "she might have had" with him or someone else.
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Post by cajeanne on Nov 26, 2016 23:55:42 GMT
I can't get past the part of everyone being good looking. What does that have to do with the story? So an average looking person wouldn't be accepted into your group?
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 4:50:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2016 0:19:27 GMT
I can't get past the part of everyone being good looking. What does that have to do with the story? So an average looking person wouldn't be accepted into your group? Could be we generally drunk a lot! Lol |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2016 0:22:40 GMT
I agree with this. I believe she is hurting because she never had a chance to have the life she wanted and that it is more about her sadness and grief over the life she wanted but never had, rather than wishing others ill. Some people easily find someone else to love. I know women that could get dates with any number of men and had no trouble finding a husband. Others, seem to attract very few men, even when they are lovely and wonderful people.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by cycworker on Nov 27, 2016 8:21:32 GMT
I would support her to get counselling. She's obviously realized she made a mistake letting the guy go and she's still in love with him. Thing is, it's sadly too late. The fact that she's still stuck so many years later is a cry for help.
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