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Post by sues on Aug 12, 2014 22:58:52 GMT
Help me continue to sit on my hands. Maybe if I say it here, I will avoid saying it there. Last fall, a teacher in our district committed suicide. He left a wife and two small children. He taught a primary grade, and his suicide came just a couple months into the school year. It was a sad and tragic situation, no matter how you looked at it. The district responded by actively supporting the family he left behind; fundraisers, etc. They were really engaged, the school and the district, to help this poor family. It was so wonderful to see such compassion and outreach, even through the pain and confusion people were feeling at various points in the year, re: the suicide. They made his family, their family. A FB friend, posting about the stupidity of being careless near train tracks ended up starting a conversation about suicide and this teacher in particular. One of her friends said she couldn't believe he bothered to spend a couple of months bonding with his class, knowing he was going to commit suicide. She said the district was holding all kinds of fundraisers for the family- which she thought was wrong. It 'sent the wrong message to the kids' (students). It just makes me sad and angry. The lack of compassion. The desire to punish the family by default. Obviously this man was troubled and in a lot of pain. If he couldn't find his way through the pain for his own wife and kids, why would he be able to do so for his students? What is this woman thinking? People can be so cruel.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:30:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 23:01:15 GMT
People just don't think. I'm tired of the insensitivity and lack of knowledge about mental illnesses. To commit suicide one is suffering more than we could ever know....it's not selfish, cowardly, etc.
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Post by padresfan619 on Aug 12, 2014 23:02:51 GMT
Just another person who doesn't understand the pain a mentally ill person goes through. It adds to the stigma that sends people into isolation instead of reaching out for help.
If I were you I would probably hide the post from my feed so it would stop turning up every time it got a comment or like.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,895
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 12, 2014 23:04:54 GMT
People say those things about suicide because it's frightening and they like to make it seem like a rational choice because that means it couldn't happen to them or someone they love: "I would never make that choice!" "What a selfish and cowardly thing to do! I would never do that!"
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Aug 12, 2014 23:05:03 GMT
I'm sitting on my hands with you because I have seen more than one Jesus comments today (if he would have only turned to Jesus...)
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Post by sues on Aug 12, 2014 23:06:59 GMT
I want to say "His family didn't commit suicide. Why wouldn't you want to help them? Why do you think your kid should mean more than his did?" Argh.
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Post by peasful1 on Aug 12, 2014 23:11:56 GMT
Why sit on your hands? I wouldn't. People need to speak up. That's an important way to affect change.
You may not change that person's mind, but other readers will see it. Someone who may be struggling themselves. Silence is sometimes just as damaging.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:30:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 23:12:41 GMT
I would definitely have trouble not saying something to that. Unfortunately, you can't reason with people that have with no empathy. I'd save my energy and move on.
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Post by Erica on Aug 12, 2014 23:17:03 GMT
Because of the kind of day I've had, my answer isn't probably a good one, I would say something. This person or people shouldn't be able to get away with such comments. My second suggestion would be to delete and block them, but tell them why you deleted them. My last answer is to hide the comment and ignore what they said. Sometimes insensitivity can't be fixed.
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MaryC
Full Member
Posts: 213
Jun 25, 2014 21:52:55 GMT
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Post by MaryC on Aug 12, 2014 23:19:40 GMT
If anyone in this world needs compassion and grace, it's the family of someone who commits suicide. I just don't understand how people can be so callous.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Aug 12, 2014 23:20:23 GMT
Why is compassion ever wrong? I always watch those people because they are the ones who will want the same amount of support when they get a hang nail.
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Post by doesitmatter on Aug 12, 2014 23:21:16 GMT
Well I would probably say " but for the grace of God go I" and politely say that we could all have compassion for the teacher and his family and students... It saddens me that people can so harshly judge circumstances that they weren't in and a man who was so obviously struggling so much .
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 12, 2014 23:22:44 GMT
I'm not even sure how you begin to respond to this kind of thinking Depending on my relationship with this FB friend, I would private message them my thoughts. I was horrified by a nephew's comments on a bullying related suicide last year but he was slammed by everyone who saw the post and took it down before I stopped sitting on my hands. Are other posters agreeing with these comments??
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:30:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 23:24:35 GMT
People really do not understand how tormenting mental illness can be.
I once heard a talk given by a retired officer who responded to suicide threats.. his talk was very compassionate and understanding, excepting for he repeatedly referred to people who commit suicide as being very selfish. I hate that line of thinking. Because I think a lot of suicidal people think that they are being selfless by committing suicide -- because not only are they worthless, and their own life is worthless, but they are making the lives of the people they love miserable and awful just by being alive.
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Post by sues on Aug 12, 2014 23:25:35 GMT
Trust me, I want to say it. I think she needs to hear it. I'm sitting on my hands because it was said on someone else's page, not mine. If it was on my page- I'd have no problem.
ETA- no one really commented on what she said, directly.
I also want to know where she gets off, making comments about how 'he knew he was going to commit suicide' when he started the school year. Argh!
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,298
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Aug 12, 2014 23:28:36 GMT
I think I would have to say something too. My dearest friend's dad hanged himself when my friend was 22. This man was like a father to me, and I still miss him 25 years later. I couldn't believe how many 'Christian' people shunned the family after he died, because of how he died. Their behaviour was far more shameful than the act of suicide was. Your story makes my blood boil.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Aug 12, 2014 23:29:35 GMT
If anyone in this world needs compassion and grace, it's the family of someone who commits suicide. I just don't understand how people can be so callous. As someone whose first DH committed suicide , I want this repeated. Yes the person was in incredible pain to committ such an act and the people who are hurting just as much are the survivors. It takes years and years to move on, not over it but to live life again.
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Post by lesleyanne on Aug 12, 2014 23:33:27 GMT
I just spent the day today with a friend. Her son committed suicide 4 months ago. He was a young man, just beginning. And we talked about it, him, the family, the world. It's a hard, cruel world sometimes and I admit that I would say something to this person if only to ask her to stop. The world needs more compassion and caring.
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Post by melanell on Aug 12, 2014 23:52:21 GMT
I don't think people get it. They seem to think of suicide as something people sit around planning for when life gets to be a pain in the ass, and that those who commit suicide are selfish thinking nothing of the pain they will bestow on others when they leave.
They don't seem to stop to realize that in the case of those suffering from certain mental illness, thoughts of suicide may come and go, and the person doesn't know that one day soon it will become a thought or compulsion that they cannot overcome.
They also don't seem to realize that many of these individuals often truly believe in their hearts & their mind that they are a problem, a burden, someone who others merely tolerate. They feel they are doing their loved ones a favor by leaving so that their coworkers, friends, and loved ones no longer have to deal with their issues.
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craftchickapowpow
Full Member
My Circus My Monkeys
Posts: 206
Jun 26, 2014 16:12:18 GMT
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Post by craftchickapowpow on Aug 13, 2014 0:03:41 GMT
You are a better person than I am if you can sit on your hands and not reply. I would have to cut mine off and then I'd probably try to type with my toes!
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Post by JBeans on Aug 13, 2014 0:06:02 GMT
Why sit on your hands? I wouldn't. People need to speak up. That's an important way to affect change. You may not change that person's mind, but other readers will see it. Someone who may be struggling themselves. Silence is sometimes just as damaging. I second this. I wouldn't be sitting on my hands.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Aug 13, 2014 0:09:46 GMT
My DS had a good friend who committed suicide several years ago. He was everyone's *favorite* ~ both his peers and adults. The night before he took his life he was at a party and pictures showed the same happy person we knew. We found out after-the-fact that he was bi-polar. No one knew. I often look at those pictures of him at the party and wondered if at that moment he *knew*. As his father said on his FB page, he was always the light for everyone else but couldn't face the darkness. Your FB friend lacks the compassion gene, I feel sorry for her.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:30:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 0:12:33 GMT
Just another person who doesn't understand the pain a mentally ill person goes through. It adds to the stigma that sends people into isolation instead of reaching out for help. If I were you I would probably hide the post from my feed so it would stop turning up every time it got a comment or like. A lady I follow on Twitter went through cancer treatment. At one point, it was looking bleak for her. Today she posted that after fighting so hard to live while fighting cancer, she doesn't understand how someone can take their own life so easily. It took everything I had not to blast her. As with any disease, depression can be hard to fight and doesn't always end well. Add the whole celebrity thing and it can be even more isolating. Most people do not want to know their stars are just like everyone else and suffers the same problems, especially when it comes to mental illnesses. Worrying about the tabloids can make it so much harder to fight. Most people who commit suicide do not plan for it very far in advance. If that was the case, then why would Robin Williams be talking about Mrs. Doubtfire 2? Or why would a teacher teach for a couple months? Or why would Lee Thompson Young kill himself in the middle of shooting, knowing they've been picked up for another season? Depression is hard and sometimes rock bottom comes fast.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 13, 2014 0:18:53 GMT
I don't think I could sit on my hands. Showing the family that the community cares and offering kindness and compassion is sending the right message.
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janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,641
Jun 26, 2014 14:35:07 GMT
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Post by janeliz on Aug 13, 2014 0:24:04 GMT
What a gross thing for that woman to say. How dark a life it must be to be someone so completely lacking in empathy and grace.
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,022
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Aug 13, 2014 0:24:06 GMT
Some people get very angry over the news of a suicide. In a way, I get the anger. But mostly, I'm just sad. I think the comments are insensitive. I would hide them from your newsfeed.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 13, 2014 0:34:28 GMT
There's no way I could let that go. People can be such arseholes.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 13, 2014 0:43:44 GMT
Why sit on your hands? I wouldn't. People need to speak up. That's an important way to affect change. You may not change that person's mind, but other readers will see it. Someone who may be struggling themselves. Silence is sometimes just as damaging.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 13, 2014 0:44:18 GMT
What a gross thing for that woman to say. How dark a life it must be to be someone so completely lacking in empathy and grace. agree...
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Post by cbet on Aug 13, 2014 0:50:39 GMT
Sues, don't sit on your hands. Quite a long time ago, a family member was involved in one of those shocking videos that gets shown over and over on the news, and comments about it were posted on NSBR. I was an idiot to read the thread, I knew that - but I will never forget your response, which was full of compassion for him and his family, without excusing what he had done. And you managed to do that without handslapping the other posters.
Think what it would mean to the teacher's family to know that not everyone is such a judgmental, unfeeling, ass.
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