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Post by gmcwife1 on Aug 13, 2014 16:14:36 GMT
He was out of line. This is your job. Would the peas say the same if it were a military wife spouting off? I wouldn't say bad things in public about my husband's bosses. I would not put him in that situation. Yea, I wouldn't say bad things in public about dh's bosses and I would not be happy if he did the same about mine. I'm sorry
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Post by jmurray on Aug 13, 2014 16:18:27 GMT
There's such a thing as having an opinion and knowing when & how to express it. Sadly you DH did not exercise his right to speak wisely, and if my DH had done that I would also be very annoyed.
But I don't agree with you raising the subject with ANYone at the school. Wait and see what (if any) reactions you get first before jumping the gun on that. It might be raised in an offhand way over coffee or in a staff meeting and then I'd probably do the eye roll along with a casual "yeah... husbands, ya gotta love em" thing. That could be taken 2 ways: you agree with him or you don't. But either way it clearly shows you don't agree with the way he voiced his views. Hopefully it will die with that.
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Post by peasful1 on Aug 13, 2014 16:19:35 GMT
He was out of line. This is your job. Would the peas say the same if it were a military wife spouting off? I wouldn't say bad things in public about my husband's bosses. I would not put him in that situation. This. He did something that very likely could have repercussions on your work life. True. But how many of us pay our spouse's bosses' salaries through our taxes? He's a tax-paying citizen with fiduciary concerns. It's important and his speaking up about his concern is important. Not enough of us do. I would wager a guess that part of his passionate concern is a direct result of his wife working in the system. How much of what she tells him about her work environment has lead him to the conclusions he has drawn?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:33:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 16:22:39 GMT
This. He did something that very likely could have repercussions on your work life. True. But how many of us pay our spouse's bosses' salaries through our taxes? He's a tax-paying citizen with fiduciary concerns. It's important and his speaking up about his concern is important. Not enough of us do. I would wager a guess that part of his passionate concern is a direct result of his wife working in the system. How much of what she tells him about her work environment has lead him to the conclusions he has drawn? Lots of people work for federal, state and local government positions paid for with tax dollars. I still think it is extremely unwise and rude to call out your spouses boss in public. No matter if you pay their salary with taxes or not. It's wrong. Part of being an adult is knowing when to keep our mouths shut.
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AmyS
Full Member
Enrich your life through crochet. (tm)
Posts: 178
Location: North Alabama
Jun 26, 2014 3:16:46 GMT
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Post by AmyS on Aug 13, 2014 16:27:14 GMT
I think it would have been better if he'd discussed things with you before he made any statements. However, he may not have had any pre-planned intention of saying anything at the meeting. He may have gotten caught up in what others said and just jumped in to voice his opinion without thinking. We've all been there, done that, I bet.
I do think as a taxpayer, he has every right to voice his opinion. I think it would have been best if he'd made a disclaimer that he was speaking HIS opinions, which are his and his alone. He may have said something like that, but even if he did, it probably wouldn't have been reported.
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Post by peasful1 on Aug 13, 2014 16:38:21 GMT
True. But how many of us pay our spouse's bosses' salaries through our taxes? He's a tax-paying citizen with fiduciary concerns. It's important and his speaking up about his concern is important. Not enough of us do. I would wager a guess that part of his passionate concern is a direct result of his wife working in the system. How much of what she tells him about her work environment has lead him to the conclusions he has drawn? Lots of people work for federal, state and local government positions paid for with tax dollars. I still think it is extremely unwise and rude to call out your spouses boss in public. No matter if you pay their salary with taxes or not. It's wrong. Part of being an adult is knowing when to keep our mouths shut. How many can sit in a meeting with them and express their concerns? Who cares if it's rude. Life is not polite. Mismanaged money is not polite. Keeping your mouth shut about what you see as wrongdoing is not being an adult. It's being a coward and disguising it as having manners. He addressed concern in a forum specifically designed to address concerns. He didn't run into her bosses at Applebee's and rip them a new one.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:33:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 16:39:28 GMT
Lots of people work for federal, state and local government positions paid for with tax dollars. I still think it is extremely unwise and rude to call out your spouses boss in public. No matter if you pay their salary with taxes or not. It's wrong. Part of being an adult is knowing when to keep our mouths shut. How many can sit in a meeting with them and express their concerns? Who cares if it's rude. Life is not polite. Mismanaged money is not polite. Keeping your mouth shut about what you see as wrongdoing is not being an adult. It's being a coward and disguising it as having manners. He addressed concern in a forum specifically designed to address concerns. He didn't run into her bosses at Applebee's and rip them a new one. And I disagree with you.
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Post by Tamhugh on Aug 13, 2014 16:41:37 GMT
This. He did something that very likely could have repercussions on your work life. True. But how many of us pay our spouse's bosses' salaries through our taxes? He's a tax-paying citizen with fiduciary concerns. It's important and his speaking up about his concern is important. Not enough of us do. I would wager a guess that part of his passionate concern is a direct result of his wife working in the system. How much of what she tells him about her work environment has lead him to the conclusions he has drawn? As public school employees, we know that we have to be more careful of things we say and do in public. Our spouses should know and understand that as well. I would have been furious with DH if he did something like this. I have very passionate opinions about some things that go on in the district, but I have to bite my tongue and do my job to the best of my ability.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 13, 2014 16:51:09 GMT
I think it was incredibly disrespectful of him not to at the very least discuss it with you before he did this. You could have shared your concerns for your job and he should have, as your partner, considered this. I would be furious with my husband.
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Post by peasful1 on Aug 13, 2014 16:51:15 GMT
Well then, it would explain why the BS that goes on in schools from the top down continues unchecked. People just put their heads down and shuffle along.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Aug 13, 2014 16:51:29 GMT
Lots of people work for federal, state and local government positions paid for with tax dollars. I still think it is extremely unwise and rude to call out your spouses boss in public. No matter if you pay their salary with taxes or not. It's wrong. Part of being an adult is knowing when to keep our mouths shut. How many can sit in a meeting with them and express their concerns? Who cares if it's rude. Life is not polite. Mismanaged money is not polite. Keeping your mouth shut about what you see as wrongdoing is not being an adult. It's being a coward and disguising it as having manners. He addressed concern in a forum specifically designed to address concerns. He didn't run into her bosses at Applebee's and rip them a new one. I wonder if you have ever lived in a small town? I think that in theory this is right. I actually agree with you if we look at this through a black and white lens. But the issue is that it's not true in small town settings, it's a ripple effect and everything you do and say has an impact on your life, your spouses life, your children. It's tricky at best. It's like a giant strategy game an some times you need to sacrifice something to make things easier down the road. In this case, I think the husband should have sacrificed his need to speak publicly on the topic or at the very least let his wife be aware that it was coming. Regardless of how it *should* be, small towns can destroy you in the blink of an eye if you piss off the wrong people.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 13, 2014 16:57:05 GMT
I see it as a husband who sees how hard his teacher wife works and is pissed off that she and her other teacher colleagues didn't get a proper raise while those who are in management did. I'm thinking if everybody knows your DH is married to you that they will not hold you accountable for his words or even necessarily hold him accountable really. He has a vested interest and was theoretically defending his wife. I would probably just ignore the whole thing and see if it blows over. If you begin having problems with those who he mentioned in his rant then I would probably have a one on one with them to help get the situation resolved.
ETA: I live in a small town myself so I understand your concerns completely.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:33:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 16:59:02 GMT
Well then, it would explain why the BS that goes on in schools from the top down continues unchecked. People just put their heads down and shuffle along. Oh FFS that is not what any of us are saying. It's about being respectful and careful of your spouses position. Jobs are not easy to find and in a right to work state you can be fired for almost any reason.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Aug 13, 2014 16:59:23 GMT
I see it as a husband who sees how hard his teacher wife works and is pissed off that she and her other teacher colleagues didn't get a proper raise while those who are in management did. I'm thinking if everybody knows your DH is married to you that they will not hold you accountable for his words or even necessarily hold him accountable really. He has a vested interest and was theoretically defending his wife. I would probably just ignore the whole thing and see if it blows over. If you begin having problems with those who he mentioned in his rant then I would probably have a one on one with them to help get the situation resolved.
ETA: I live in a small town myself so I understand your concerns completely. I agree that was likely his thought process, but that doesn't mean it's ok. That happens all the time. My dh works for a large corporation and the methodology used for determining raises makes my head hurt. And it feels totally out of line and unfair at times. That doesn't mean I get to say anything other than in a vent to a girlfriend over coffee or whatever.
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craftchickapowpow
Full Member
My Circus My Monkeys
Posts: 206
Jun 26, 2014 16:12:18 GMT
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Post by craftchickapowpow on Aug 13, 2014 17:11:22 GMT
A SB meeting is exactly the right place to voice concerns as a tax paying citizen of the community. If your DH had called them out on the street it would be a different story but in this case I think it's appropriate to speak out.
The one thing I wouldn't do is to apologize for my DH to my bosses or to anyone, especially if I feel the same way. IMPO your super and the principals are probably already over paid and I agree with your DH that when a district is feeling economic pressure the last thing the community wants to see is the decision makers getting raises.
I'd let it ride, say nothing and let the chips fall where they may.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Aug 13, 2014 17:13:02 GMT
True. But how many of us pay our spouse's bosses' salaries through our taxes? He's a tax-paying citizen with fiduciary concerns. It's important and his speaking up about his concern is important. Not enough of us do. I would wager a guess that part of his passionate concern is a direct result of his wife working in the system. How much of what she tells him about her work environment has lead him to the conclusions he has drawn? As public school employees, we know that we have to be more careful of things we say and do in public. Our spouses should know and understand that as well. I would have been furious with DH if he did something like this. I have very passionate opinions about some things that go on in the district, but I have to bite my tongue and do my job to the best of my ability. This is how it is for us too. Dh was in the Navy for 24 yrs. There were many things that his 'bosses' did or had him do that I didn't like. But it was not my place to voice my opinions to them. He now works for the county and it's still not my place to voice my opinions to his bosses. Just like it wouldn't be his place to go to a health insurance meeting and speak badly of my bosses.
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Post by redshoes on Aug 13, 2014 17:27:47 GMT
I'd probably go out of my way (before school starts) and say "I just wanted you to know, that I didn't know my husband felt so passionately about your pay raises and job performances. This was a surprise to me when I picked up the paper. I admit I was disappointed that everyone couldn't get raises across the board but I understand the reasons why we all didn't. I do believe that he has a right to his opinion, I just hope everyone understands that our opinions aren't necessarily the same." I agree with this approach if you feel you must say something to your bosses.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 13, 2014 17:58:17 GMT
I would address the issue by writing a letter to the newspaper. Do it now so it appears in the next issue. If it's a small town you probably have only a weekly paper printed. Say that your husband's opinions are not shared by you and that you feel the raises given were deserved.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 13, 2014 19:09:53 GMT
I would hope that the principal, etc. is wise enough to know that you can't /don't control what your spouse does. It really could look as if you sent him on your behalf as well.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 13, 2014 19:40:11 GMT
Where's the "thumbs down" button? This is bad advice in my opinion.
I would not be happy with my husband for putting me in the position that your husband has put you. I agree he's entitled to his opinion and the school board meeting is the appropriate place to express it. But I would hope to heck he would discuss it with me in advance when it could have possibly serious repercussions for my career. Or, if it was a spur-of-the-moment thing for him to get up and speak to the matter, that he would at least give me a heads up after the meeting. To find out by reading it in the paper is pretty crappy.
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Post by sues on Aug 13, 2014 19:48:22 GMT
True. But how many of us pay our spouse's bosses' salaries through our taxes? He's a tax-paying citizen with fiduciary concerns. It's important and his speaking up about his concern is important. Not enough of us do. I would wager a guess that part of his passionate concern is a direct result of his wife working in the system. How much of what she tells him about her work environment has lead him to the conclusions he has drawn?
That's exactly why he should have tempered what he said. Things you say to your husband about work and co-workers are not necessarily things you want to see aired for public consumption.
He had every right to voice his opinion about the finances of the district and the raises. I draw the line at commenting like he's an insider about who works extra hours, etc. Because where would he get such information? His wife. Even if she didn't say anything of the sort- that's what it will seem like to everyone else. He put her in a bad position. This is her job, not her hobby, for pete's sake. He needs to learn about discretion.
OP- I'd be pissed too. I would either e-mail the people in question or speak to them in person and say "I didn't know he felt this way. He didn't tell me he planned to say those things. Please know that he speaks for himself and not for me." I don't think this is something you can ignore.
I also think DH owes you an apology. But it doesn't sound like you're going to get one.
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Post by melanell on Aug 13, 2014 19:49:38 GMT
He certainly has the right to say it, but it doesn't mean it was the right choice to make in terms of your needs. hugs! I'm sorry this has made things awkward for you.
I wouldn't like it if I were in your shoes, either.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,895
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 13, 2014 19:49:54 GMT
He has a right to his opinion and to express it BUT - he absolutely should've spoken to you first.
I'm sorry he put you in such an awkward position. I hope it's not as bad as you fear.
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Post by alibama on Aug 13, 2014 19:55:15 GMT
Frankly, I'd be pretty torqued at dh. Sure, he has every right to express his opinion, but that doesn't mean he has every right to be thoughtless and inconsiderate to his wife. He put you in a bad position, willingly. I agree with this. He really should have taken into mind that you had to work with these people.
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Post by *KAS* on Aug 13, 2014 19:57:36 GMT
Yikes - just because you can say something doesn't mean you should. I think he was completely out of line to do that in front of your bosses and peers without your knowledge so you could at least be prepared. At the very LEAST why didn't he tell you when he got home, so you didn't find out until you read it in the paper? I'd be really angry with my husband. I grew up in a town of 1,800 people, so I understand the extra element that small town politics adds.
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Post by I-95 on Aug 13, 2014 20:07:40 GMT
Wow! What was he thinking? I'd be really POed if my DH did that without any discussion beforehand. Of course he has the 'right' to do any damn thing he pleases, he has the right to walk off a cliff too, doesn't mean he should.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Aug 13, 2014 20:14:50 GMT
Thank you for the update, I like how you handled it
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 13, 2014 20:21:58 GMT
I think there's a substantial difference between a tax payer disagreeing with a public policy and making personal attacks in a public forum. Commentary like being poor decision makers and being ashamed of themselves not only potentially hurts the OP, but most likely negated any potential impact his speaking up would have to influence the board. People underestimate how easy it is to dismiss people when they behave in a less than professional manner.
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,229
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Aug 13, 2014 20:22:38 GMT
Just because he can doesn't mean he should.
Glad you sent out an email re: it already!
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Post by colleen on Aug 13, 2014 20:46:57 GMT
UPDATE After careful consideration and talking the situation over with a good friend who understands the town dynamics, I did address the topic by sending e-mails to the superintendent, principals and SB members. I explained that I was not aware that DH was addressing the board and that he was a voicing his personal views as was his right. I hold the district employees and students in high regard and hoped that our working relationship would not be negatively impacted because of DH's comments. I tried to be respectful of DH to a degree but he wasn't too worried about the repercussions to my life (and I'm still ticked, to be honest.) I like things to be out in the open so I wanted this taken care of before school starts. And since DH retired years ago I am the sole provider of health care and earn the majority of our income. He knew what he was going to say (You have to register to speak before the board.) and knew I would not be in favor of it, so he just didn't tell me. I find the whole thing sneaky and disrespectful. He will never back down or even consider that he was wrong not to tell me so I did what I needed to do to be able to work with my colleagues without feeling uncomfortable. I have already had very kind and understanding replies from the majority of those I e-mailed. Hopefully I can put this behind me and get on with doing my job. I think you handled this very well.
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