Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,971 
Location: NW PA
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Post by Judy26 on Aug 13, 2014 1:38:41 GMT
Back Story
I have been teaching in a small district for close to 30 years. I know all of the teachers, admin. etc. The Superintendent lives right up the street and I have taught all of his kids. Money issues are an issue in our district, as they are in most areas. A few weeks ago the board voted to give raises (5%) to the Superintendent and 2 principals who are taking on additional duties. (I work in the same buildings with both principals.) The raises irked me but both principals are hard working, fair, etc. so life goes on.
Last night DH spoke in front of the SB and chastised them for giving the raises saying they were undeserved. He said it showed poor leadership, the principals were not working extra hours, they are overpaid to begin with and pretty much told them they were poor decision makers and should be ashamed of themselves. I knew nothing about any of this until I picked up the paper today and it was headlined on the top of the front page. (I told you it was a small town!)
I talked to DH and said I wished he had discussed it with me as I have to work with and for the people he tore into. It will put me in a very uncomfortable position with board members, the superintendent and my direct bosses. DH completely blew off my concerns saying he can and will voice his opinions when and where he so chooses. I am feeling betrayed and put in the spotlight right at the beginning of a new school year.
Should I toughen up or was DH out of line speaking about my bosses in a public forum? What say the Peas?
UPDATE
After careful consideration and talking the situation over with a good friend who understands the town dynamics, I did address the topic by sending e-mails to the superintendent, principals and SB members. I explained that I was not aware that DH was addressing the board and that he was a voicing his personal views as was his right. I hold the district employees and students in high regard and hoped that our working relationship would not be negatively impacted because of DH's comments.
I tried to be respectful of DH to a degree but he wasn't too worried about the repercussions to my life (and I'm still ticked, to be honest.) I like things to be out in the open so I wanted this taken care of before school starts. And since DH retired years ago I am the sole provider of health care and earn the majority of our income. He knew what he was going to say (You have to register to speak before the board.) and knew I would not be in favor of it, so he just didn't tell me. I find the whole thing sneaky and disrespectful. He will never back down or even consider that he was wrong not to tell me so I did what I needed to do to be able to work with my colleagues without feeling uncomfortable. I have already had very kind and understanding replies from the majority of those I e-mailed. Hopefully I can put this behind me and get on with doing my job.
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ostrichgirl
Shy Member
Posts: 25
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Post by ostrichgirl on Aug 13, 2014 1:44:31 GMT
Ouch. He definitely left you in an unaware position. We have lots of school board/teacher raise issues here- mostly played out in the community but not so much between husband and wife. I have no advice but wish you luck.
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Post by sugarmama on Aug 13, 2014 1:46:28 GMT
Well, he had every right to speak up for what he thinks is right. Since you are married and could possibly be affected by his decision to speak out, I think the nice thing to do would have been to discuss this with you or at least let you know he planned to address them about the raises.
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,770
Location: So. Calif.
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Post by garcia5050 on Aug 13, 2014 1:48:36 GMT
Does he also work for the district or just speaking as a concerned citizen? All of the local school boards are going through this exact scenario, but teachers themselves are speaking out against the board. Not a problem here, but this isn't a small town.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,792
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Post by purplebee on Aug 13, 2014 1:50:17 GMT
I work in a small town school district, and could see my dh doing this. It is a difficult situation to be in. I sometimes wonder if it is fair to expect a district employee's spouse not to express their dissatisfaction with district decisions/policies to keep the peace at home. I feel your pain.....
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Post by straggler on Aug 13, 2014 1:53:13 GMT
I have to say, I agree that he had every right to speak his mind, but I feel he had a bigger obligation to you, his wife, to at least discuss the matter before he put you in such a difficult position. Frankly, I think it was rude, thoughtless and inconsiderate. I am sorry you are starting your teaching year out with this hanging over your head.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:35:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 1:53:14 GMT
I think if it really bothers you, you could say something to the principals that you work with the next time you see them. You shouldn't apologize for your husband's opinion or that he expressed it, but you can let them know that you were probably just as surprised as they were to see the news on the front page of the paper since you had no idea your DH felt so passionately about the topic.
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Post by Rachel on Aug 13, 2014 1:54:09 GMT
He absolutely has the right to voice his opinion as a community member and tax paying citizen. It should not have any repercussions on you...and if it does, then your dh probably called it right!
Editing to add I also live in a very small town - less than 3000 people and I work for our school district!
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Post by colleen on Aug 13, 2014 1:57:35 GMT
Frankly, I'd be pretty torqued at dh. Sure, he has every right to express his opinion, but that doesn't mean he has every right to be thoughtless and inconsiderate to his wife. He put you in a bad position, willingly.
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Post by dulcemama on Aug 13, 2014 1:58:03 GMT
I think if it really bothers you, you could say something to the principals that you work with the next time you see them. You shouldn't apologize for your husband's opinion or that he expressed it, but you can let them know that you were probably just as surprised as they were to see the news on the front page of the paper since you had no idea your DH felt so passionately about the topic. My thoughts exactly. |
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Post by tinydogmafia on Aug 13, 2014 1:58:17 GMT
Wow. He certainly has the right to speak freely. But if it had been me I would have probably not spoken out against my husband's bosses in a public forum.
I'm sorry for the position this must have put you in.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,796
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Aug 13, 2014 2:01:54 GMT
Sorry his speaking made you uncomfortable although he has every right to speak his mind. In a just world it would have no affect on you.
On a side note, upon first glance at OP I thought he used "what say P's" when speaking at meeting...from hanging around you too much, who probably hangs around here too much. Kind of disappointed that wasn't the fact when I read further!
Good luck
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Post by manda on Aug 13, 2014 2:07:39 GMT
I think if it really bothers you, you could say something to the principals that you work with the next time you see them. You shouldn't apologize for your husband's opinion or that he expressed it, but you can let them know that you were probably just as surprised as they were to see the news on the front page of the paper since you had no idea your DH felt so passionately about the topic. I know I'm not married, but I am big on loyalty with and toward my Significant Other.... I think this is a terrible idea. I get that the OP is embarrassed and doesn't want to deal with any repercussions at her place of employment due to her DH's very public and vocal statements (and I would be livid as well!). I'm just not so sure doing this will be productive in her relationship, which for me at least, would be more important than my work relationships. What a crappy position to be in regardless.. OP, do you agree with your DH, but just not that he shared it? Or do you completely disagree with him? |
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jj
Shy Member
Posts: 48
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Post by jj on Aug 13, 2014 2:13:37 GMT
He was out of line. This is your job.
Would the peas say the same if it were a military wife spouting off?
I wouldn't say bad things in public about my husband's bosses. I would not put him in that situation.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:35:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 2:13:31 GMT
I guess I don't see a comment like that as being disloyal -- which is why I also said I wouldn't apologize for his opinion or even say that he was wrong.
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Post by dulcemama on Aug 13, 2014 2:17:21 GMT
I agree with Ashley again. I was going to ask what was being seen as being disloyal.
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Post by manda on Aug 13, 2014 2:19:57 GMT
I guess I don't see a comment like that as being disloyal -- which is why I also said I wouldn't apologize for his opinion or even say that he was wrong. You may be right and I'm too sensitive about loyalty. Sometimes I admittedly am nutty about loyalty and what does or does not add/subtract from it. |
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Post by elaine on Aug 13, 2014 2:20:46 GMT
He was out of line. This is your job. Would the peas say the same if it were a military wife spouting off? I wouldn't say bad things in public about my husband's bosses. I would not put him in that situation. This. He did something that very likely could have repercussions on your work life. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:35:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 2:21:47 GMT
I guess I don't see a comment like that as being disloyal -- which is why I also said I wouldn't apologize for his opinion or even say that he was wrong. You may be right and I'm too sensitive about loyalty. Sometimes I admittedly am nutty about loyalty and what does or does not add/subtract from it. I'm sure what's loyal for one person is totally not for another. I don't think there's one right answer that suits every couple. I just think given that she actually works with these individuals -- and the statements were published in the paper, which may add to the principals feeling sort of "called out" or publically humiliated -- she should be able to address it with them in a way that DOESN'T throw her DH under the bus or disrespect him in any way. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:35:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 2:23:51 GMT
I have to say, I agree that he had every right to speak his mind, but I feel he had a bigger obligation to you, his wife, to at least discuss the matter before he put you in such a difficult position. Frankly, I think it was rude, thoughtless and inconsiderate. I am sorry you are starting your teaching year out with this hanging over your head.  All the way. And with emphasis. And he's ok being the only bread winner in the family if you lose your job? (Probably not right away, because that would be too obvious, but perhaps a bit later on....) Because we all know politics are a b**ch and small town politics are that x10 (at least). Sigh. Men.who.must.be.in.charge. {{{hugs}}} to you. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:35:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 2:25:10 GMT
He was out of line. This is your job. Would the peas say the same if it were a military wife spouting off? I wouldn't say bad things in public about my husband's bosses. I would not put him in that situation. I agree. Yes technically it was his "right" but one that puts his wife in a compromising situation with her bosses. Not cool at all. |
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Post by utmr on Aug 13, 2014 2:27:24 GMT
I'd be pissed. He was out of line to criticize his wife's bosses. Especially in a small town where other employment opportunities might be limited.
Don't bad mouth your spouse's employer in public.
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MaryC
Full Member
Posts: 213
Jun 25, 2014 21:52:55 GMT
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Post by MaryC on Aug 13, 2014 2:28:55 GMT
While he certainly has the right to express his opinion, I think it was unfair to you to put you in a position to be basically blindsided. DH and I live and work in a small town - we work for different branches of government, and we have an agreement to discuss issues first before making any type of comment that could come back to bite the other person. For us, that's just the reality of small town politics - anything you say can be held against your spouse.
His indifference to your concerns would probably bother me more than his making the comments in the first place.
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Post by epeanymous on Aug 13, 2014 2:29:54 GMT
Look, having the "right" to do something doesn't mean that it is the appropriate thing to do. I would be upset with my spouse both if they said something in that sort of forum that could make my work life more uncomfortable and if they blew off my concerns about it after doing so. I also have a hard time imagining my spouse doing something like that and finding out about it from the newspaper; I wonder if he knew he was doing something that would upset you and didn't want to tell you.
Anyhow, I would be upset in your position and think that he should have discussed this with you beforehand.
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Post by SockMonkey on Aug 13, 2014 2:31:30 GMT
I think it was totally disrespectful of your husband to do that without talking to you. Totally. I'd be very angry.
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,646
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Post by maurchclt on Aug 13, 2014 2:33:54 GMT
Totally "get it". Worked in a small school system and had board member's children and principal's children in my class and as neighbors. The entire situation you described would make me very uncomfortable.
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Post by shanni on Aug 13, 2014 2:35:16 GMT
Yikes. I would be livid. I live in a small town too (under 5000 people) and while your DH had the right to say what he wanted to, that doesn't mean he should have. I am very careful that I don't say anything negative about dh's bosses even in private conversations. You just never know when something will come back to bite you in a small town.
I think I would mention something to your principal. You do not need to throw your dh under the bus, but you could mention that you do not share his views of the situation.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 13, 2014 2:42:07 GMT
I am guessing that your schools are. Financed by tax dollars. I have never seen a principal work as hard as most teachers do. Yet, over and over, when teacher's salaries are frozen, admin get raises and they are already making 2 times and more than the teachers.
Your dh had every right to speak... It would have been nice to have warned you , but perhaps he felt that you would try to dissuade him. I would not go to your principal to discuss it and if he mentions it I wouldn't say any more than its wonderful that members of the community are able to express their opinions
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loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
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Post by loco coco on Aug 13, 2014 15:53:39 GMT
i would be upset especially because he doesnt understand WHY you are upset! He should have talked to you 1st, I hope you its not too awkward for you when you go back to school
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Aug 13, 2014 16:04:06 GMT
I'd probably go out of my way (before school starts) and say "I just wanted you to know, that I didn't know my husband felt so passionately about your pay raises and job performances. This was a surprise to me when I picked up the paper. I admit I was disappointed that everyone couldn't get raises across the board but I understand the reasons why we all didn't. I do believe that he has a right to his opinion, I just hope everyone understands that our opinions aren't necessarily the same."
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All the way. And with emphasis.
