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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 13, 2014 16:43:27 GMT
My best friend's dad has had Progressive Supranuclear Palsy for many years, and he is nearing the end of his battle. He has been moved to in-hospital Hospice and is not expected to make it through the week. My best friend is a big ol' daddy's girl, and this is very difficult for her to witness. I've been trying to do things to help her but am really at a loss. I have been visiting regularly bringing her food and just sitting with her. Those of you who have been through this, is there anything in particular that helped ease your suffering? Or at least helped while you were sitting vigil? Thanks in advance.
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Post by alibama on Aug 13, 2014 16:48:49 GMT
I am so sorry for your friend. To be honest someone sitting with me when my mom passed would have been wonderful. The nurse told me the time was near I needed to call my brother and let him know to come, he was an hour away. He didn't make it and I had to sit there with her until it got there. It was awful just plain awful.
My heart is breaking for your friend.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,351
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Aug 13, 2014 16:55:12 GMT
I think you are doing everything you can right now. Later you will need to be there to listen.
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Post by scrapbookwriter on Aug 13, 2014 17:09:19 GMT
I am so sorry for your friend. To be honest someone sitting with me when my mom passed would have been wonderful. The nurse told me the time was near I needed to call my brother and let him know to come, he was an hour away. He didn't make it and I had to sit there with her until it got there. It was awful just plain awful. My heart is breaking for your friend. When my mom was dying, I sat at her bedside with my best friend, my cousin, and an almost-brand-new friend who lived near my mom. Sharing that experience with them was a beautiful, tender, sacred moment.
I also love the book "Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying" by Maggie Callahan and Patricia Kelley. A friend gave this to me when my dad died and it was the most wonderful, cathartic, amazing book for me to read. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I've seen it at Barnes & Noble and of course it's available on Amazon.
You are a wonderful, caring friend. I know your love and caring will help your friend tremendously.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 13, 2014 17:45:05 GMT
Just being there is very helpful. It helps ease your mind and to stay out of your mind, which can be a very sad place during this time.
I wish your friend the best. And thank you for being a great friend!
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Post by jmd74 on Aug 13, 2014 17:46:57 GMT
I don't have any advice but your friend is in my thoughts.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 13, 2014 19:18:27 GMT
Thank you all for your ideas and kind words. I just spent my lunch hour sitting with her at the hospital. He was having a hard time with some mucus in his throat. It is heartbreaking to watch. We have been friends since high school (about 25 years) so I love this family like my own. I am having a hard time myself with this...I can't even imagine how she feels. Thanks again!
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Post by BeckyTech on Aug 13, 2014 20:18:44 GMT
You sound like a wonderful friend. When it seems appropriate be sure to share your favorite memories of him with her. When a loved one (or special pet) dies, it's hard to take comfort from those who didn't know all the things about them that made them special. It sounds like you probably know and that will mean even more to her that you have an understanding and can share some memories with her.
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Post by khaleesi on Aug 13, 2014 20:30:29 GMT
I think you are already doing all the right things, what a wonderful friend you are. A few other things that may be helpful (?):
- It sounds like she is traveling back and forth from her house to hospice? If so, can you grab her car keys or just make sure that she always has enough gas if she is going back and forth?
-If she is not going back and forth is there anything you can bring her while she is at his side such as a magazine or book, some lotion, a protein packed snack that can stay in her purse?
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Post by Anne-Marie on Aug 13, 2014 20:46:27 GMT
I am so sorry your friend is going through this but am so glad that she has a best friend like you to help her through it.
I haven't gotten to read all the responses yet. But when you can't be with her maybe text her to tell her you're thinking about her and remind her that you're there for her no matter what she needs.
My situation was different because my dad died suddenly and unexpectedly. But my best friend was my ROCK during that time. She cried with me and hurt with me and listened to all the feelings I had that I didn't want to burden my mom with as she was also grieving.
It was 10 years ago and I still vividly remember the first time we had a good laugh together - weeks after my dad passed away - and she burst into tears on the phone and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. She was sobbing saying "this is the first time I've heard your laugh in way too long, I have been so scared I would never hear you laugh again".
I believe you being there for her any way you can is going to be something she will always appreciate and never forget.
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Pamelou
Full Member
Posts: 237
Jun 30, 2014 22:25:19 GMT
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Post by Pamelou on Aug 13, 2014 20:47:27 GMT
I agree that you are doing it right already. Thank goodness for good friends.
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Post by Anne-Marie on Aug 13, 2014 20:47:58 GMT
Thank you all for your ideas and kind words. I just spent my lunch hour sitting with her at the hospital. He was having a hard time with some mucus in his throat. It is heartbreaking to watch. We have been friends since high school (about 25 years) so I love this family like my own. I am having a hard time myself with this...I can't even imagine how she feels. Thanks again! Just saw this - this was the position my best friend was in as well - our families are very close and losing my dad was hard on her as well. My heart hurts for both of you. |
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Post by mztfied on Aug 13, 2014 20:59:04 GMT
Often times in a situation like this we don't know what to do or how to try to make things better. Just you being there is one of the most precious gifts you can give. I guarantee your friend will never forget your kindness. Bless you.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 15, 2014 0:02:45 GMT
Update: My friend's father passed away peacefully this evening. His younger daughter and her two daughters arrived from Vermont this morning. I went and picked up my friend's two daughters this afternoon and made it back to the hospital at 4:45. He passed at 5:30 with his wife, two daughters, and four granddaughters at his side. I believe he waited until all his girls were there to go. A portion of his brain is being donated to Mayo Clinic to use in researching a treatment and cure for this horrible disease Progressive Supranuclear Palsy.
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