scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060 
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Post by scrappyesq on Aug 13, 2014 18:14:34 GMT
Right now everyone in my family lives in NYC, but my parents are close to retirement so they bought a new home in Atlanta.
My issue is this: My Mom is already putting in dibs for the Holidays in 2015 and giving eveyone a guilt trip ("I'm not going to be here forever") if we can't all make it. For one thing older sis, BIL and niece might not make it to Atlanta for financial reasons. Hubs and I are in our own world of baby making so Christmas 2015 is not at the forefront. Not to mention the fact that we have always spent Christmas morning with his mother and Christmas night with my family. AND my husband is not my Mom's biggest fan (justifiably, I might add) so convincing him to switch things up is not likely to happen. She is already a little peeved because hubs hasn't seen the new house yet.
This all came up because my Mom was talking to my baby sis (who already lives in Atlanta) the other day and told her "well if people really want to come, they'll make an effort and find a way". I'm sure that its going to turn into a mess. I mean c'mon we're in August 2014 and angry rumbles are going on about December 2015.
Notice my Dad has stayed gracefully out of the fray.
I'm sure she is going to broach the subject with me at some point soon. What would you say?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 4:24:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 18:17:29 GMT
Uh, no. Too much can happen between now and then for definite plans to be made. Just tell her you'll think about it but there's no way 16 months in advance you can make any promises.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 13, 2014 18:19:26 GMT
I'm sorry Mom but Christmas 2015 is too far out for us to make any definite plans now.
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Post by chances on Aug 13, 2014 18:27:31 GMT
Is there a reason she doesn't want to come back to NYC where most of the family is?
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 13, 2014 18:30:49 GMT
The people away from the area with the bulk of the family should travel. Not the other way around.
So I would say, "we're not even through Christmas 2014. Can we get through that and see what 2015 even looks like before we start planning that event?" Then I would roll my eyes and gripe to someone about how needy my mother is and that it's her fault she moved away not ours.
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Post by keknj on Aug 13, 2014 18:32:14 GMT
Uh, no. Too much can happen between now and then for definite plans to be made. Just tell her you'll think about it but there's no way 16 months in advance you can make any promises.
Christmas became such a contentious date in my family between my mother and grandmother that I just pulled out of the fray altogether and never went home.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060
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Post by scrappyesq on Aug 13, 2014 18:42:26 GMT
Is there a reason she doesn't want to come back to NYC where most of the family is? It never crossed her mind, but I can tell you she wouldn't even entertain the idea since none of us live in homes like hers.  |
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Post by krc11 on Aug 13, 2014 18:45:29 GMT
I so understand the family travel bit. I moved the farthest away from parents and have carried the burden of coming the farthest each and every year because ... I was the one that moved. In the beginning my family tried to our holiday get-together in middle ground between our locations but then my parents got to old to travel. Your situation is different since she moved. It's unfair for her to expect you/guilt to now travel.
For now, I would just tell them that it is currently too far to commit, and leave it at that. If she keeps asking, lather, rinse, repeat - it's too far out to make a commitment. You will love to see them but if you can't make it for Christmas, perhaps you can make plans at another time of year. Later, you may decide to split holidays between your family and DH's family (like we did) and also, if you do end up with the lovely addition of a baby on the way or in tow by then, you can pull the baby card and ask her to come to you. Can't travel b/c you are pregant, baby doesn't travel well... I mean, won't she want to come see her grandchild?
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Post by tiffanyannhulsey on Aug 13, 2014 18:52:16 GMT
"Too early to commit" sounds good to me. Also, my family is full of divorces on all sides so holidays got very tricky when my daughter was born. After a few holidays of running from one house to another (we were all in NE Texas, at least!), I stopped. I hosted an "open house" on Christmas each year and told all parents, grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc. that my child would be having Christmas at her home and whoever wanted to join us was welcome. Then we made a few family visits in the days before and after Christmas Day to avoid the craziness.
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Post by alibama on Aug 13, 2014 18:57:21 GMT
I too would tell her it is way to early to commit. That is a long ways away and you never know what could happen between now and then.
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Post by chlerbie on Aug 13, 2014 18:59:04 GMT
I guess she feels that by giving you 16 months notice, it's enough time for everyone to work things out. I agree with everyone else, though--just let he know that you don't want to make plans that far in advance, as you don't know what the future is going to bring.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 13, 2014 19:07:43 GMT
Gosh, they're close to retirement and you think your mom could play the I'm not going to be here forever card. It seems to me that your parents would have more flexibility regarding their schedule and that it would make it easier for them to travel. If your mom feels her children's homes are not to her standard perhaps time with her is better spent in a restaurant.
Maybe all of the worrying will be for nothing if your baby making efforts work out. Being pregnant or having a infant could put traveling on hold if that's what you choose. Good luck to you. I say it sincerely. Juggling/making holiday plans can be super stressful.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060
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Post by scrappyesq on Aug 13, 2014 19:59:15 GMT
Gosh, they're close to retirement and you think your mom could play the I'm not going to be here forever card. It seems to me that your parents would have more flexibility regarding their schedule and that it would make it easier for them to travel. If your mom feels her children's homes are not to her standard perhaps time with her is better spent in a restaurant. Maybe all of the worrying will be for nothing if your baby making efforts work out. Being pregnant or having a infant could put traveling on hold if that's what you choose. Good luck to you. I say it sincerely. Juggling/making holiday plans can be super stressful. Thats what I'm hoping for. Truth be told I'm hoping that I get pregnant in the next few months just so I can use all day morning sickness as an excuse to get out of all of the holiday family shenanigans  |
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Post by turangaleela on Aug 13, 2014 20:01:15 GMT
The people away from the area with the bulk of the family should travel. Not the other way around. So I would say, "we're not even through Christmas 2014. Can we get through that and see what 2015 even looks like before we start planning that event?" Then I would roll my eyes and gripe to someone about how needy my mother is and that it's her fault she moved away not ours. This would be my plan of action right here. |
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Post by myshelly on Aug 13, 2014 20:02:22 GMT
I would say "you are the one who chose to move away."
But then I'm kind of confrontational like that.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 13, 2014 20:04:00 GMT
Why is Christmas always turned into a battle ground? It drives me nuts.
Put your foot down and do what is right for your family.
I sympathize!
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060
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Post by scrappyesq on Aug 13, 2014 20:15:42 GMT
Why is Christmas always turned into a battle ground? It drives me nuts. Put your foot down and do what is right for your family. I sympathize! Its crazy!!! And my mom is already talking about how she wants my babies (yet to be conceived let alone born) to see the new house and come down for the holidays. |
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Post by krazykatlady on Aug 13, 2014 21:31:57 GMT
Why is Christmas always turned into a battle ground? It drives me nuts. Put your foot down and do what is right for your family. I sympathize! Its crazy!!! And my mom is already talking about how she wants my babies (yet to be conceived let alone born) to see the new house and come down for the holidays. Sorry but it sounds like your mother thinks more of her house than she does her family. I would just say I'm not making any commitments this far out. |
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 13, 2014 21:42:09 GMT
As you said your parents are retiring and moving South. That is my game plan too down the road!
I think she is just excited and is letting everyone know her door is open for visits. Don't knock the wind out of her sails. She issued an invite. Your choice to accept it and fly down for Christmas next year or not. I only wish I had a relative in a warmer climate that would invite us for the holidays!
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Post by mnmloveli on Aug 13, 2014 22:26:18 GMT
I agree it's too early BUT since your mother is bringing it up I would have to make my feelings known but still leave everything up-in-the-air. I believe if you move far away, then you need to do the traveling to see your people. Especially if your people are still working and not retired. Vacation time is limited to most people and also budgeting travel dollars into holidays could be very difficult also. My sister moved 12 hours away from me and her two sons. Her one son didn't see her house for the first 8 years; don't know what happened since - we've lost touch. Good luck with your decision.
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rebecca
Shy Member
Hello!
Posts: 24
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Post by rebecca on Aug 13, 2014 22:26:23 GMT
We've had our share of Family Christmas Travel Drama, it stinks. For the longest time, we ran around and celebrated on everyone else's schedule (as we were in the military and farthest away).
Then we finally bought our own house and started making our own traditions. It was wonderful, and we invited people to join us if they wanted. If not, no big whoop.
These are phrases I like to use when nicely standing my ground:
"That won't work with our schedule."
"That's not in our budget."
"That's not something we will make time for."
"We are looking forward to creating our own family traditions."
And of course the old standby: "No thank you."
To put off a decision that far in advance, I use "I certainly can't see that far into the future, if I could, I wouldn't waste it on this, I'd get the lottery numbers."
Good luck!
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Post by mztfied on Aug 13, 2014 23:03:53 GMT
Sounds like Momma has control issues. It's a long time til Christmas 2015. Much can and may happen between now and then. For anyone who quizzes you about this just tell them to talk to you in a year. Most important of all is for YOU to do what makes you and dh and those future babies happy.
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