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Post by redayh on Aug 14, 2014 17:06:03 GMT
That is so terrible. My heart goes out to the family. I think the best thing to do, as others have said, is to not forget that the baby existed. He had a short life, but it was important and just as valid and special as anyone elses. Remembering him would be the best thing for his Mommy, I think.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 14, 2014 18:11:10 GMT
Just be there, now and later.
I lost my brother to SIDS when I was six. I'll never, ever forget it.
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Post by Skellinton on Aug 14, 2014 18:37:00 GMT
My heart aches to hear these stories. The one of the mom waking up and remembering her child was gone makes me physically hurt, I can't even imagine her anguish. You have been given great advice, I had a coworker who lost a child to SIDS and she once said that talking of him and showing his picture helped her. I also have a friend who lost a son at an older age and she worried so much that no one but his family would ever remember him, that made me so sad. So, please encourage your daughter to be faithful about remembering him on his birthday, the day of his passing and Christmas. Maybe she could donate to a children's charity in his name on his birthday and Christmas.
I am so sorry for everyone who has suffered such a loss.
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Deleted
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Oct 9, 2024 14:15:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 19:01:48 GMT
I am so sorry for your daughters friend. I am also sorry for the other peas who have lost children, nieces or nephews to SIDS
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 14:15:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 20:17:22 GMT
What a heart-breaking thread. I'm so sorry for all whom have suffered such a loss.
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Post by Outspoken on Aug 14, 2014 21:22:32 GMT
This is one of the things that brings tears to my eyes whether I know the people or not. I can not imagine the grief. I am so sorry for her loss.
One thing I might suggest is maybe collecting a few of her favorite baby things and making a shadowbox so she can display it in her home and have an open presence of her son.
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ReneeH20
Full Member
Posts: 452
Jun 28, 2014 16:00:48 GMT
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Post by ReneeH20 on Aug 14, 2014 21:33:56 GMT
I lost my oldest daughter to SIDS 25 years ago. She was 3 months old. Others have already given good advice about being there for the mother after the funeral. My daughter's birthday and death day plus the days leading up to them are particularly hard even now. If your daughter could put those dates in her phone as a reminder and call to check in with her friend, saying something like "I was thinking about Baby's Name." I know I appreciated getting calls like that. But that is in the future.
For now, be there. Don't be afraid to mention the baby's name. People are worried that mentioning the child's name will upset the parents, but I have found it to bring me comfort.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Aug 14, 2014 21:37:02 GMT
hugs
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Post by flanz on Aug 14, 2014 22:32:03 GMT
What a heartbreaking tragedy. I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are both being very good friends to them. I agree with all of the advice to continue being there and listening/talking about the baby.
PUTABUTTONONIT and K8SMOM and BGPA (((((((HUGS)))))) I am so very sorry that you have lost children to SIDS... I can't even begin to imagine the horror of it. I hope that you have had all of the support you've needed moving forward.
And hugs to everyone whose family has been personally touched by the monster that is SIDS.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Aug 14, 2014 22:37:22 GMT
I can't imagine how you are all feeling. There are some wonderful suggestions here for how to support your daughter's friend during this awful season in her life. My heart goes out to all who are grieving for this sweet baby, and especially to his heartbroken parents and family.
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Post by maryland on Aug 14, 2014 23:40:05 GMT
That's so hard! So sorry for the dad and mom. Maybe you could help the parents by cooking meals, mowing the lawn, running errands or just being their for them to talk about their son. If they have older kids, maybe help with the older kids, taking them to the park or to their activities. That is so nice of you for wanting to help them out.
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Post by keknj on Aug 14, 2014 23:45:17 GMT
My heart goes out to your DD's friend and to all of the peas that have lost their precious babies to SIDS. You are very kind to want to help.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 14:15:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 1:27:58 GMT
One thing I might suggest is maybe collecting a few of her favorite baby things and making a shadowbox so she can display it in her home and have an open presence of her son. Making a shadowbox is a very nice idea. I'll discuss that with DD. I have room full of scrapping supplies, so we should be able to make a very nice one. Thanks for the idea, Spiffie. L
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 15, 2014 1:34:15 GMT
You are a scrapbooker.... Sometime, after funeral, etc, perhaps you can help her commemorate. This young life with a scrapbook.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 14:15:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 1:38:22 GMT
That's so hard! So sorry for the dad and mom. Maybe you could help the parents by cooking meals, mowing the lawn, running errands or just being their for them to talk about their son. If they have older kids, maybe help with the older kids, taking them to the park or to their activities. That is so nice of you for wanting to help them out. I made up some meals today and DD took them over this evening. DS17 has committed to take care of mowing and I offered to have their two older children stay with us tomorrow while they finalize the funeral arrangements. Thanks again, ladies. This is the saddest, most heart-breaking thing I've ever known. L
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Post by christine58 on Aug 15, 2014 1:43:45 GMT
PUTABUTTONONIT and K8SMOM and BGPA (((((((HUGS)))))) I am so very sorry that you have lost children to SIDS... I can't even begin to imagine the horror of it. I hope that you have had all of the support you've needed moving forward. And hugs to everyone whose family has been personally touched by the monster that is SIDS. #PUTABUTTONONIT did not lose a child to SIDS...If I remember correctly, the child she mentioned was the child of a friend. Don't be afraid to speak this little one's name....love the shadow box and/or scrapbook idea.
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Post by vicloo on Aug 15, 2014 2:06:42 GMT
I lost my daughter to SIDS when she was two months old. In addition to the unimaginable grief I felt, I can remember the very strong feeling of not being capable or worthy of being a good mom to my six year old son. I was so overcome by guilt over her death, I felt I had failed her as a Mom and didn't deserve to have my son. There was and is still not an explanation for seemingly healthy babies to go to sleep and never wake up. I was encouraged to join a SIDS support group, which did become a lifesaver to me. I appreciated the people around me that took the time to learn about SIDS so I could talk to someone about it. I can't remember too much of what happened the first couple of weeks after her death. So if I had any advice it would be to keep talking about the child. Let the parents know that the memory of the baby will never die.
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Post by austnscrapaddict on Aug 15, 2014 2:28:07 GMT
Hugs!! My oldest son lost a baby to SIDS 5 yrs ago on the 4th of July, It was so painful and broke his marriage up. He was home with the kids while she was at work. It led to a full investigation and was so painful and he is now raising their other two kids! One of my most painful memories is seeing them holding that baby while waiting for the coroner to get there that morning and the contempt in her eyes at my son who was hurting beyond grief. As a mother, not being able to make things better for my 27 yr old son, it was horrible. Hugs to your daughters friend!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 14:15:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 2:39:43 GMT
Vicloo, {{{HUGS}}} I can't even begin to know how excruciatingly painful that must have been for you. I'm glad you found help in a support group. Austnscrapaddict, that is horrible! Your poor son, to be made to feel so guilty on top of losing his child. There are just no words. L
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Post by AngieandSnoopy on Aug 15, 2014 5:08:57 GMT
It wasn't SIDS but it was unexpected. A co-worker lost her granddaughter late last year just past her first birthday. I did see the baby a time or two. I remember how excited she was since that was her first grandchild. I was SO shocked and wanted somehow to make something for them. She loaned me a picture card to download to my computer.
I made her a heart shaped mini album with the pictures. I made it so that they could open it to any page and display it on the easel I sent with the album. I told my co-worker that I knew they might not be able to have it on display now but I knew sometime in the future they probably would so I set it up that way. The album is with her daughter and husband and my co-worker has a picture collage I made for her.
I thought and thought about it and in the end, the album did not even hint that the baby wasn't alive any more. I knew it would be heartbreaking anyway and wanted it to be a celebration. My co-worker said that approach was the best for them.
Just to let you know another idea. It was 6 months after when it was finished and given to the mother. I knew sooner might be too soon and even 6 months was too soon BUT it was something she was very happy to receive.
ETA: I just realized this was my 99th post. I think I'm about to get a new "title".
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,351
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Aug 15, 2014 5:11:03 GMT
Oh, that is so sad, just heartbreaking.
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my3freaks
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,206
Location: NH girl living in Colorado
Jun 26, 2014 4:10:56 GMT
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Post by my3freaks on Aug 15, 2014 5:23:10 GMT
I'm so sorry... You will all be in my thoughts.
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Post by leslie132 on Aug 15, 2014 5:29:42 GMT
I'm sorry, so terribly sorry. It is a club no one wants to belong to. When our Kennedy died I will say the support and out pouring of love was, and has been overwhelming. From meals to cards to a scrapbook fundraiser in her honor. We have felt nothing but love.
What brings me the most joy. It is the quiet unassuming texts, cards or calls that say " I was thinking of Kennedy today". She was here. Those 6 hours left a heart print!! She will never be forgotten. And she will always be loved!
Please be there for the family. ASK what they want... To talk or not to talk. And be there. Today, tomorrow, and 6 months from now. If you can remember to be there, the healing just seems to grow. I'm glad they have you!
Hugs and prayers!
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Post by flanz on Aug 15, 2014 22:28:22 GMT
PUTABUTTONONIT and K8SMOM and BGPA (((((((HUGS)))))) I am so very sorry that you have lost children to SIDS... I can't even begin to imagine the horror of it. I hope that you have had all of the support you've needed moving forward. And hugs to everyone whose family has been personally touched by the monster that is SIDS. #PUTABUTTONONIT did not lose a child to SIDS...If I remember correctly, the child she mentioned was the child of a friend. Don't be afraid to speak this little one's name....love the shadow box and/or scrapbook idea. I did misread that. Sorry for the misinformation. Continued hugs to all who have suffered this excruciating loss.
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Deleted
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Oct 9, 2024 14:15:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2014 10:24:08 GMT
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Post by I-95 on Aug 17, 2014 10:30:50 GMT
I did this when my BFF lost her baby (not to SIDS) and have added an ornament every year for the last 12 years. I do believe it helps the parents if folks continue to remember their baby, who will always be a huge part of their lives.
I'm so sorry for your DD and her friend.
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