Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 17:12:40 GMT
I seem to be on a roll. DD got a traffic ticket. A friend's mom offered to help her as she is an attorney. Couldn't get the ticket reduced without appearing in court. Kept telling DD she better save her money, that the ticket wouldn't be cheap. But of course, I got told that I'm not an attorney. Court day arrives and the mom went with her and the ticket wound up costing her $175. Well, DD didn't have enough money so the mom paid the ticket. Come payday, she takes the money to pay the mom back and the mom said that's OK, keep the money. Well, DD wouldn't take the money back. (Thank God!). I was a little ticked that the mom did that. Granted, it was a very nice gesture but I was trying to teach my daughter a lesson and she tried to circumvent me.
Would you text the mom? We are not friends and the last time I texted her about something, she told my DD and my DD wanted to know why I texted her.
Thanks,
Ann
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Post by myshelly on Aug 15, 2014 17:14:36 GMT
If your DD is ikd enough to drive, she's old enough to handle this.
And she did handle it appropriately. That should be the end of it.
Why do you still feel the need to text the other mom?
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scrappinghappy
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Post by scrappinghappy on Aug 15, 2014 17:14:50 GMT
Leave it. DD paid her back, rightly so. If it happens again (OY!) then I'd be calling her after you tell your dd you will be.
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Aug 15, 2014 17:15:44 GMT
Yes I would be miffed, and I wouldn't have probably even tried to let my kid get her ticket reduced. How old is she?
I might call the mom, but I wouldn't text her.
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 15, 2014 17:19:32 GMT
If she's old enough to drive, she's old enough to handle this. Ultimately, she paid the ticket. The mom can do whatever with the money she was paid back, including refusing it. Just because the mom wanted to refuse to take the money doesn't mean that your daughter didn't learn a lesson. She did. She learned that you pay someone back when they help you out of a money pinch. Your daughter knew what to do, paying her back as soon as possible. Why on earth would refusing to take the money completely negate everything else? It was a nice gesture of the mom that you seem determined to hate.
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MizIndependent
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Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Aug 15, 2014 17:28:22 GMT
Come payday, she takes the money to pay the mom back and the mom said that's OK, keep the money. Well, DD wouldn't take the money back. (Thank God!). Seems like your lessons are getting through to your DD. I would leave it. She knew the right thing to do and in the face of temptation, still did the right thing. Good job, mom!  |
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Post by kimpossible on Aug 15, 2014 17:30:15 GMT
I would leave it alone, but interesting she felt ok about telling your daughter to not worry about paying it back. Definitely sending a mixed message there.
Sounds like your DD knew what was best to do, she did it...that's a good thing.
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Post by cmpeter on Aug 15, 2014 17:38:29 GMT
How old is your dd? At 16, I might text the mom and thank her for the offer, but let her know that we wanted our daughter to learn a lesson from the experience. But, then based on the nature of the ticket, I most likely wouldn't have let her try and fight it in court (assuming that it was a deserved ticket.)
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 15, 2014 17:41:59 GMT
I'd just leave it be.
The mom was being nice on all counts, and trying to give your dd the money back was also a nice gesture.
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Post by ljsmom on Aug 15, 2014 17:42:43 GMT
Is my observation that your daughter "gets it".... the need to pay her debts. I would be proud of that. On the Mom- I can see, possibly, being annoyed but in the end it was a terribly generous offer so I have a hard time getting "ticked" over it.
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Post by MZF on Aug 15, 2014 17:43:20 GMT
Yes, it would bother me. But your DD handled it & it's done now. I would not text/contact the other mom now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 17:47:40 GMT
It was a nice gesture, but I don't think it was her call to make trying to let my kid off the hook. She got the ticket, I as her mother could have bailed her out but I didn't. I think she will be a little more careful driving now that she had to spend a week's pay on a traffic ticket, at least I hope so. I was pleased that she didn't take the money back. I guess my problem is that this mom wants to be their friend more than a mom and this was just another example.
Ann
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Post by gmcwife1 on Aug 15, 2014 17:49:55 GMT
No I wouldn't text the mom. It's still a lesson for dd maybe not the one you wanted her to learn, but still a lesson.
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lindas
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Post by lindas on Aug 15, 2014 17:51:32 GMT
I would have texted the mom on the day it happened to thank her for bailing out DD and letting her know that DD would be by on payday to repay her. If she then replied back that it wasn't necessary I would reply back that I was trying to teach the value of money and paying for her mistakes.
Texting her now serves no purpose since your DD handled the situation correctly.
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inkedup
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Post by inkedup on Aug 15, 2014 17:52:16 GMT
You should be proud of your responsible daughter! She may not have been responsible enough to save the money for the ticket, but she *was* responsible enough to pay her friend's mom back ASAP and mature enough to not allow her friend's mom to pay for her ticket.
I think (hope) she learned a lesson about responsibility and would leave it at that.
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Post by peasful1 on Aug 15, 2014 17:52:44 GMT
I find this happens all of the time. I try to teach my kids real world consequences and it just doesn't pan out as I think it should. But, maybe that's real life, too. People can sometimes be very kind. Perhaps we don't have to always teach our kids the bad stuff. I would not reprimand this person who went out of their way to help your child. That would be unkind.
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Post by 2peaornot2pea on Aug 15, 2014 17:57:06 GMT
I agree with the other posters, your daughter handled the situation perfectly. I also think this woman's behavior is a bit off. Or maybe I'm just stingy.  She was willing to wave off reimbursement for a $175.00 traffic fine!!?? Why? I think that is weird behavior.... |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 17:57:56 GMT
For what's it's worth, I did send the Mom flowers and a thank you after court was over. I think her driving 90 minutes each way for a court date was a wonderful thing to do.
Ann
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Post by Peace Sign on Aug 15, 2014 17:58:26 GMT
it seems like your daughter DID learn a lesson. she paid the other mom back and refused to keep the money. I'd call that a good day.
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Post by mdoc on Aug 15, 2014 19:12:34 GMT
I would NOT text the other mom. Maybe she was waving off the repayment because she felt badly that she had failed to get the ticket reduced to nothing (who knows what she told your D she could do?). But in any event your D did the right thing and there is no need for you to be involved.
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Post by cmpeter on Aug 15, 2014 20:26:16 GMT
Why did you choose to fight the ticket rather than pay it straight up? Or, are you required to go to court regardless?
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Post by Sam on Aug 15, 2014 20:31:12 GMT
IMO, you are focusing on the wrong thing. Choose to focus on the fact that your DD chose to do the right thing in declining the woman's offer and insisting on repaying her. By focusing on what the mom/attorney did, you are negating what your DD did (which was very admirable). Why give it another moments thought?  You should be so proud of your daughter right now, she did the right thing and paid her debt. You have to know that you can not control her (so the good thing is that you seem to have done a good job in educating her as to what is 'right') and also you can not control others, who also have their own minds and opinions. |
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Post by melanell on Aug 15, 2014 20:36:33 GMT
I'd let it go. Your DD did the right thing! Be glad of that and write off the friend's mom's action as someone who was truly trying to be helpful. I'm sure everyone is hoping it won't happen again so it seems unlikely that it would be something that cause future issues. |
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Post by gmcwife1 on Aug 15, 2014 20:41:14 GMT
I find this happens all of the time. I try to teach my kids real world consequences and it just doesn't pan out as I think it should. But, maybe that's real life, too. People can sometimes be very kind. Perhaps we don't have to always teach our kids the bad stuff. I would not reprimand this person who went out of their way to help your child. That would be unkind. Very well said I wonder if sometimes as parents we forget that we aren't the only one teaching our kids and they do need to learn from others. Both the good and the bad |
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Post by Skypea on Aug 15, 2014 20:56:59 GMT
I'd say BRAVO for dd for paying up and not taking the offer of keeping the money. Maybe the other mom thought your dd really needed the money and as an atty she made plenty! your dd has obviously learned a good lesson thru you to cover her own debts.
going to court - while great that the atty mom offered to go to court w/your dd, your dd should have been able to go herself (no atty). You could have gone with for moral support. the results could have been the same depending what the ticket was for, if the officer showed up, dd prev record etc. People go into court alone for tickets all the time. And they are also often lowered, dismissed etc depending on circumstances.
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momto4kiddos
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Post by momto4kiddos on Aug 15, 2014 21:08:01 GMT
It was a nice gesture, but I don't think it was her call to make trying to let my kid off the hook. She got the ticket, I as her mother could have bailed her out but I didn't. I think she will be a little more careful driving now that she had to spend a week's pay on a traffic ticket, at least I hope so. I was pleased that she didn't take the money back. I guess my problem is that this mom wants to be their friend more than a mom and this was just another example. Ann I get your point, you wanted dd to take responsibility and this mother's choice doesn't exactly coincide with that. Unfortunately as our kids get older you see a lot of stuff like this. You're teaching a lesson and the other parent's values are not in sync with yours. I'm with the rest, your dd did the right thing so i'd drop it. One reason i'd drop it is because prior experience tells you with this mom that you have nothing to gain by speaking to her about it. I had an experience with my dd and another mother when dd was 17. She's now 24 and it's still shocking to me how another mother undermined my parenting choices. Let it go and be happy your dd has learned a lesson and also done the right thing in the situation! |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2014 12:40:09 GMT
Why did you choose to fight the ticket rather than pay it straight up? Or, are you required to go to court regardless?
We fought the ticket to avoid points on her license. And for the person who asked why she went with an attorney ... The friend's mom offered to take care of it with a letter and paying of the fine. This particular little town wouldn't allow it and therefore she kind of got "stuck" going with my DD. Of course I knew I could go with her and I would have been more than happy to go, but of course, "I'm not an attorney" to quote my DD and I know nothing.
Ann
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SabrinaP
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Post by SabrinaP on Aug 16, 2014 13:44:04 GMT
It was a nice gesture, but I don't think it was her call to make trying to let my kid off the hook. She got the ticket, I as her mother could have bailed her out but I didn't. I think she will be a little more careful driving now that she had to spend a week's pay on a traffic ticket, at least I hope so. I was pleased that she didn't take the money back. I guess my problem is that this mom wants to be their friend more than a mom and this was just another example. Ann IMO, you are focusing on the wrong thing. Choose to focus on the fact that your DD chose to do the right thing in declining the woman's offer and insisting on repaying her. By focusing on what the mom/attorney did, you are negating what your DD did (which was very admirable). Why give it another moments thought? Your DD insisted on paying her back. The great majority of kids wouldn't have. She did good! |
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oldcrow
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Post by oldcrow on Aug 16, 2014 15:02:56 GMT
Why did you choose to fight the ticket rather than pay it straight up? Or, are you required to go to court regardless? We fought the ticket to avoid points on her license. And for the person who asked why she went with an attorney ... The friend's mom offered to take care of it with a letter and paying of the fine. This particular little town wouldn't allow it and therefore she kind of got "stuck" going with my DD. Of course I knew I could go with her and I would have been more than happy to go, but of course, "I'm not an attorney" to quote my DD and I know nothing. Ann If "points" were part of the punishment then she should have gone with that. I don't like the idea that if you give an excuse the punishment should be lowered. I assume that the ticket was for speeding and there is no excuse for speeding, in my book anyway. As to what your DD did, she did good. Leave it at that. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2014 15:15:36 GMT
Your daughter did the right thing. As of others have said, she's on the cusp of adulthood and needs to learn to how to deal with situations like this. I wouldn't text the other mother.
Given that your daughter is still underage, though, I would just be aware of what things this other mother is doing. Maybe this was just a sincere and generous, although misguided, offer. But if your instincts are right about her wanting to be her children's friend rather than an authority figure, I would be concerned about what other types of things she would do.
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She was willing to wave off reimbursement for a $175.00 traffic fine!!?? Why? I think that is weird behavior....
