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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2014 21:56:56 GMT
 So my mom was this close to getting my dad into a facility that advertises care for dementia patients. My mom would be paying $3000.00 per month for this.The director of the facility said that price included soup to nuts. My mother explained to them,as they should already know, he is disoriented in his own home, cant find the bathroom, cant really dress himself anymore blah, blah, blah. So my mom gets the contract and reads every word, THANK GOD. Where do I start, my dad would get a key to his little studio apt. there. If he looses it it is $5 to replace it. He looses his glasses daily, multiple times. If they need to be escorted to the dining room for a meal, it is $2.50 extra. They are not monitored on an individual basis during the day, and not at all night! WHAT!! They is a paragraph that states there may be times when he would be inside, outside, in halls ect unattended. UM, HE HAS DEMENTIA! How can a facility claim they are a "Memory Care" facility and then treat the person living their like they are ok enough to do things for themselves? If he could do these things for himself, he would stay at home. I am so PISSED I cant see straight. What the hell kind of scam is that? This is what our seniors have to look forward to when they can no long care for themselves?
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Post by monklady123 on Aug 16, 2014 22:05:42 GMT
That sounds more like assisted living than it does dementia care. Many retirement communities include more than one level of care. For example, the place where I worked this summer has independent living, assisted living, short-term rehab, and nursing home care. One wing of the nursing home area is designated "memory care" and the door to that area is locked, they have a separate nursing stations, etc.
Are you sure that the facility understood exactly what you wanted? Because that definitely isn't appropriate for someone who has dementia, unless they have a personal assistant.
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 16, 2014 22:06:18 GMT
Maybe they have different levels of care? That seems very odd. Do you think she got a contract for a different section?
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:22:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2014 22:08:46 GMT
It is advertised as the Memory Care level at an assisted living facility. My mom's mind is 110% clear and she had him evaluated by someone from the place just Wed. She told these people what he can and cannot do. The contract had these sections of the contracted tabbed for my mom to sign.
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Post by kryssy on Aug 16, 2014 22:08:51 GMT
Yeah, that's not acceptable. Where my parents are/were, they have independent and assisted living, a memory care facility and a health center. They started in assisted living, as my mom could help keep track of my dad, but when he got more confused, they went to the memory care center, which is on 24/7 lockdown to the outside. Visitors need to be buzzed in and out the front door, but the residents do have a totally enclosed garden area they can access at any time. Their rooms didn't lock, which at first I was a little annoyed with because many of the residents wander into other people's rooms... but I understand the necessity of it, in case of emergency -- if there was a fire, they couldn't mess around unlocking everyone's doors trying to get them out.
Even in the health center, the dementia patients have an ankle bracelet that sounds an alarm if they go out the front door. The place you describe sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen...
I hope you can find a facility that will keep your dad safe and sound!
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Post by katiekaty on Aug 16, 2014 22:12:09 GMT
You mom needs to look for a facility that takes care of Alzheimer's/dementia patients in a secure facility. Most memory care/assisted living patients are usually early stages and require cuing, medication management and minimal assistance with activities of daily living. Your dad seems past that point. She may have been steered to that facility because the complete information was not given when a recommendation was made. Assisted living facilities do monitor their patients, meals, and residents who wander are usually provided with a security bracelet. They do not provide the intense care that you get on a specific secured unit for more advanced dementia/Alzheimer's patient. The right facility is available for your dad, [lease keep looking.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:22:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2014 22:13:14 GMT
I'm sorry you are going through this with your dad. I don't think the place is right for him. But that doesn't mean it is wrong either. My grandmother is on the edge of needing that type of place. She can deal with keeping up with a key, going to meals on her own and that sort of thing.
What we can't trust her with is her own cooking, laundry chores and bill paying. She is adamant she won't live with family. She sounds like the type of person they would cater to.
Also, do they advertise as being for dementia patients or is the name Memory Care.. as a euphemism for elder care, nursing home or something else older patients may balk at being "Sent to"?
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tracylynn
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Post by tracylynn on Aug 16, 2014 22:16:02 GMT
I'm glad she read the contract and understands what it is - but I don't think they were trying to "trick" you or your family necessarily. It sounds like what your Dad needs is beyond Assisted Living and more of a complete care type of facility.
I hope you can find a place that fits your Dads needs.
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TankTop
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Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Aug 16, 2014 22:19:55 GMT
Wow. So glad she read it carefully!
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doti
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Post by doti on Aug 16, 2014 22:34:29 GMT
I am a director at an assisted living, each state has different regulations for this type of care and different places charge in different ways, depending on the state you live a place licensed as a memory care specialty unit has different regulations. The price of your contract is low for 24 hour care so I would look closely at the fine print. You probably need to look for a secure unit that provides assistance with their personal care at various levels.
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Post by tuva42 on Aug 16, 2014 22:36:21 GMT
I'm glad your mom read that. Because he has dementia, it is just going to get worse. He really needs a facility that has levels of care for when he is in need of a lot more than assisted living. Are there any places near you that are built just for dementia patients?
Unfortunately, the higher level of care comes with a much higher price tag. When my dad was in the final stages of Alzheimer's the facility he was in was wonderful, and specialized in Alz and related dementias. It was $12,000 a month.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2014 22:46:51 GMT
There is one facility that is 100% dementia/alz. She is checking into that. The facility was made 100% aware of his needs from the forms filled out from the Dr. and also conversations with my mother and myself.
Thank you for the information for those who have btdt. It is truly appreciated.
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Post by brina on Aug 16, 2014 23:03:38 GMT
That sucks, but I will say my first thought was that $3000 was less than half what I found when I looked into memory care facilities for my mother.
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 16, 2014 23:03:48 GMT
I'm glad she read the contract and understands what it is - but I don't think they were trying to "trick" you or your family necessarily. They probably weren't trying to "trick" her but they sure as hell paid no attention to what they were told regarding the level of care required for Tishy's dad. Perhaps they're just stupid. Maybe they just don't give a shit. (ETA: My ire isn't directed at you Tracylynn, but the people in charge of the facility.) Tishy I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope you are able to find a more suitable arrangement for your dad. |
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Post by tuva42 on Aug 16, 2014 23:11:25 GMT
Tishy, I do hope that the other facility is a better fit for you all. I know how hard this is for you and I'm wishing you all the best.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:22:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2014 23:13:39 GMT
Thank you Laurie
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Peamac
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Post by Peamac on Aug 17, 2014 0:34:41 GMT
How do people afford $12,000 a month for care?
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Post by Zee on Aug 17, 2014 0:35:06 GMT
Some facilities have different levels of care and obviously your dad is beyond Assisted Living at this point. But that level of care isn't a "scam" for everyone. My grandma passed earlier this year, but before that, she was in exactly that type of facility. She was able to care for herself personally but she had dementia and had no idea where she was most of the time. She had her own tiny apartment and they checked on her and made sure she made it to mealtime, etc but it wasn't a nursing home. She could leave her apartment at any time and wander the halls but no one there could get outside other than in an enclosed outdoor common area that only opened up into the building. So, no wandering the streets like she had done right before my mom and her siblings found the memory care facility. No more leaving the stove on, skipping meals, etc.
Often this type of care is appropriate for those with dementia who can still tend (mostly) to their own basic personal needs, and it's a lot more affordable than a nursing home.
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Post by Karene on Aug 17, 2014 1:05:45 GMT
My father is in a nursing home. One wing is dedicated to Alzheimer's/dementia patients, but the rest is not. His wing is locked and mobile residents also wear a bracelet that will not let the outside door open.
He gets excellent 24/7 care and his monthly bill is just under $2300. That is for a private room. I believe it is the same price at any non-profit nursing home in the province. If it was a private for profit nursing home, it would be a lot more.
I am very happy with the care he receives.
Karen
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maurchclt
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Post by maurchclt on Aug 17, 2014 1:25:03 GMT
Just unreal, good thing your mom very carefully read that contract. Sounds exactly like Assisted Living and NOT the kind of situation your dad needs.
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Post by onlywork2scrap on Aug 17, 2014 1:42:18 GMT
My mom is in an assisted living facility that has a Dementia ward upstairs. There are different levels of care for both upstairs and downstairs. I hope you find the right place that will give him the care he deserves.
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Post by Lexica on Aug 17, 2014 2:13:51 GMT
How do people afford $12,000 a month for care? I'm wondering the same thing. Can you get a type of dementia insurance that pays for this type of care, or is it all from the patient's own income? I see that they could be liquidating everything they owned to put toward their end-of-life care since they wouldn't be getting out again and wouldn't need to own anything, but what if they had a spouse who was still healthy and needing that money for their own life? I have heard it said that many people do not last more than a few months in some of these facilities. I see now that it is because they've seen the bill. |
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Post by elaine on Aug 17, 2014 2:24:35 GMT
Tishy, I am sorry you are having to go through this. It is very hard.
There are different levels of dementia - my MIL has Alzheimer's, but is able live with the level of care you describe. She cannot live at home, however, because my FIL died and she couldn't cook for herself, etc. Many older dementia patients no longer have spouses at home, having outlived them, and need the transition level of care you describe. Eventually, we will have to move my MIL to the locked wing of the Assisted Living facility she is at. It will cost more, but will also entail more help with basic daily functions.
I hope you are able to find a level of care that is appropriate for your dad!
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Aug 17, 2014 2:25:14 GMT
We moved my mom from Assisted Living to a Memory/Dementia Care Unit in July, because she was going out in the parking lot trying to go "home" (200 miles away). She is in a locked unit (need a code to get out, which none of the residents have). They are escorted to meals three times a day. She was paying $3K per month for assisted living, and it has gone to $4K per month for Memory Care. Laundry, telephone and beauty shop are extra. (I write her checks for her, she is no longer capable of handling money).
I hope you can find an appropriate unit for your Dad. PM me if you have any questions, I can try to help.
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Post by brandonsmom on Sept 27, 2014 16:37:49 GMT
Oh man! I feel for you all dealing with this. I went through absolute HELL with my dad when he had to be placed in a facility. I cannot tell you how many we visited & none of them could handle him b/c he had Parkinson's & Dementia & was a wanderer. Some facilities kept him drugged up, just so they didn't have to deal with him. Twice they sent him to a psychiatric facility b/c they just didn't know what to do with him. It was AWFUL! The best thing we did was hire an elder attorney who helped us find a place for him. It was a small nursing home with a memory care unit designed for Alzheimer's & Dementia patients. It basically consisted of a very small narrow hallway, rooms on each side, nothing fancy at all, but very clinical. They warned me that's what they need. They cannot have too much stimulation or it throws them off. They all wander into each others' rooms. You had to be buzzed in & they cannot leave.
The elder attorney also sent us to a family attorney who did a "dissolution" of marriage, so that my dad could also get on Medicaid, along with his Medicare & secondary insurance, so we did not have to pay a penny for his care. Medicaid, Medicare & his other insurance covered it all. There's no way my mom could've afforded it otherwise! This Nov. will be 3 years since his passing, and I'm so thankful for the last nursing home he was in b/c they did a great job taking care of him after being tossed around by all the other places who couldn't handle him! So the one piece of advice I always have for friends with elderly parents is to get an elder attorney. I'm beyond grateful for him & his staff who helped us along this whole HELL ride! |
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Post by scrappintoee on Oct 1, 2014 1:44:54 GMT
Tishy, praying that the best facility will be found ASAP for your Dad!
Hugs to all that are going through/ have gone through this!
Brandon's Mom---wow---very sorry for all your Dad went through, but glad he ended up getting good care! Your explanation of how your Dad's care
was covered is something I've always wondered about----What I still don't understand is, what about those with no Secondary Insurance (you mentioned your
Dad had that...) Also, I wonder if lots of couples have to have their marriage "dissolved" in order to afford care?
God Forbid, if my Dad needed care that was $12,000 per month, (Mom is deceased),there is NO WAY he (or any of us) could afford that, and he doesn't own a home or other property to selll....
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scrapngranny
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Post by scrapngranny on Oct 1, 2014 3:02:52 GMT
My dad was in a full care facility and it was $11,000 a month. He was watched 24/7 and got great care, but it sure wasn't cheap.
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Post by lindywholoveskids on Oct 1, 2014 3:23:00 GMT
My mom was in a private skilled nursing facility that was very secure.
Now my MIL is in the same wonderful loving place! They have received many awards for their excellent care. Many residents have dementia, some don't.
My MIL is 97 and in the last stage of Alzheimer's - she can barely speak a word or two. It's harder on the family.
She's not aware of her disease. We kiss her and tell her we love her.
Yes it's pricey.
She does have long term care insurance that helps some.
We live in the Bay Area near San Francisco
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 1, 2014 4:33:48 GMT
I am a director at an assisted living, each state has different regulations for this type of care and different places charge in different ways, depending on the state you live a place licensed as a memory care specialty unit has different regulations. The price of your contract is low for 24 hour care so I would look closely at the fine print. You probably need to look for a secure unit that provides assistance with their personal care at various levels. This! When my mom got to the point where she needed full time care (which is what it sounds like your dad needs), we found a lovely place that had multiple levels of care. The "Assisted Living" floors at the place where she was are considered the lowest level of care for the more independent residents, which ramped up for people who needed more help with daily tasks but didn't have dementia, then on up to the memory care (locked down) floor for the people who were at risk for wandering, etc. The nice thing about this facility was that the floor plan for all the floors was exactly the same so as someone's care needs ramped up, the would just go up a floor but everything else would be familiar to them. We took care of our mom ourselves in her home up until she started to attempt to wander in the middle of the night which was just too much. We paid around $7500 a month for a private room on the memory care floor for the first year while she was still a little bit with it, but switched her to a semi private room (private bedroom, shared bathroom) to save a little money but it was still about $6800 a month. Based on my experience, for $3000 a month I wouldn't expect a high level of hands on care. |
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Oct 1, 2014 10:32:56 GMT
How do people afford $12,000 a month for care? Long term care insurance? |
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