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Post by formerpea on Aug 18, 2014 12:26:36 GMT
"I believe Peabay referenced the new scary one recently; starts with a "K."
OK I guess I should know what this means, but have NO idea! I even searched the forum with no luck - anyone care to fill me in? Please & Thank You!
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Post by Kelpea on Aug 18, 2014 12:43:18 GMT
Nope. Any IT person can find every.single.snapchat issued from a user. Same with Instagram. And that's what we need to tell our boneheaded children; that, once again, anything you post is retrievable.
It's called KIK. But you have to be fast, lol; as soon as they tire of one app that everyone finds out about, they're usually on to another one.
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 18, 2014 12:50:04 GMT
It's called KIK. But you have to be fast, lol; as soon as they tire of one app that everyone finds out about, they're usually on to another one. Last Friday on Science Friday (NPR) they did a segment on some of the new chat apps. KIK and Snapchat are only a few of the new apps...there are others, Yik Yak, Secret, Whisper just to name a few. Listen to the segment. Science Friday-New Chat Apps
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Post by Kelpea on Aug 18, 2014 13:00:29 GMT
yeah, it's always "on:" the race to stay ahead of the game of teens being one step ahead of their parents, lol.
All kinds of interesting things to be aware of: fake twitter accounts, private twitter accounts, being blocked by your kids, then when you go all Rambo on 'em and demand to get admittance to their accounts, they create their alters. Then, when you ban them from all social media and remove their phones, they use their friends' phones or other devices.
That's why WE need to be empowered with knowledge but also empower our kids to make the best choices they can. At some point, though, it's just a matter of whether or not they get it; the impact of their stupid choices in their late teen years (not so much their younger ones) will be huge as to choices of colleges and jobs. Hard, sometimes, to deal with the fact that their frontal lobe is not developed until they're older.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Aug 18, 2014 14:19:22 GMT
The whole adage kids will be kids is crap. Why do they need a smartphone or a personal laptop. We all survived without one. My 16 year old has a regular phone with texting. She has to put it up in our room at 10:30. Laptop use is in the kitchen/ living room. If she uses it in her room door is open. She know if she deletes txts we take texting off. No negotiations , she knows the rules if she breaks them she looses the PRIVILGE. Parents are ao worried about what a kid wants not what a kid needs. Sticking your nose in a smartphone or laptop is hurting our youth. Let kids have human contact an technology in limited amounts. Off my soap box. We "survived without" smart phones and personal laptops......true, but we can not live with that attitude. Times are changing so rapidity and they need to keep up. A few years ago, my kids were not allowed phones at school at all now they have them out on their desks and use them through class. School today is so different than 1985 or 95 or even 2005. In classes, high school students use computers and smartphones, chew gum, drink coffee...etc.etc.... My grandparents really grumbled and groaned about how my parents did not "need" a microwave or a VCR. Ridiculous. They were spoiling us. And forget about a cordless phone and answering machine. Waste of money. And rude. Whatever happened to just picking up the phone? They never needed those things, never had them their entire lives and they survived. Damn kids of the 1950s raising their kids in the 80s. Hell in a handbasket.
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Deleted
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Oct 9, 2024 18:23:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 14:52:20 GMT
I agree that as parents we need to embrace and keep up with technology so we can be informed whats out there and have open dialogue with our kids. I dont agree that because they have to use tecnology at school that that equates to they must be allowed to use it constantly outside school. It doesnt take constant use to figure it out, kwim? We have a family iPad, 2 laptops they use in my office with me nearby, and i monitor their online activity which isnt much at this point. No smartphones. They know that i know how to catch them and the penalties for misuse are so severe, they would be stupid to chance it. Maybe they will but then life will be pretty miserable
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 16:22:04 GMT
The whole adage kids will be kids is crap. Why do they need a smartphone or a personal laptop. We all survived without one. My 16 year old has a regular phone with texting. She has to put it up in our room at 10:30. Laptop use is in the kitchen/ living room. If she uses it in her room door is open. She know if she deletes txts we take texting off. No negotiations , she knows the rules if she breaks them she looses the PRIVILGE. Parents are ao worried about what a kid wants not what a kid needs. Sticking your nose in a smartphone or laptop is hurting our youth. Let kids have human contact an technology in limited amounts. Off my soap box. We "survived without" smart phones and personal laptops......true, but we can not live with that attitude. Times are changing so rapidity and they need to keep up. A few years ago, my kids were not allowed phones at school at all now they have them out on their desks and use them through class. School today is so different than 1985 or 95 or even 2005. In classes, high school students use computers and smartphones, chew gum, drink coffee...etc.etc....
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Deleted
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Oct 9, 2024 18:23:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 16:26:19 GMT
Sorry it's not an attudie is a choice. Technology is great but it is not a right. It's a PRIVILGE that can be taken away if need be. Just because it there does not mean it a right. Rules and consequences come first, privileges come second. We grew up that way an all turned out fine. Think about it how many times did watch a kid yell at an adult... Once maybe twice because we all grew up knowing Consequences. Today it's seems to be no big deal. The other night we dealt with a parent that said to the cops what are we suppose to do take his phone, his computer .... Yes. Techonolgy is great an should be used in moderation and with expectations, but no it is not a right or required.
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Deleted
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Oct 9, 2024 18:23:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 16:30:16 GMT
Sorry it's not an attudie is a choice. Technology is great but it is not a right. It's a PRIVILGE that can be taken away if need be. Just because it there does not mean it a right. Rules and consequences come first, privileges come second. We grew up that way an all turned out fine. Think about it how many times did watch a kid yell at an adult... Once maybe twice because we all grew up knowing Consequences. Today it's seems to be no big deal. The other night we dealt with a parent that said to the cops what are we suppose to do take his phone, his computer .... Yes. Techonolgy is great an should be used in moderation and with expectations, but no it is not a right or required. This is very naive. Schools require this technology. It is absolutely required and if your kids don't use it they will be behind their peers. One stupid parent doesn't mean others shouldn't use technology.
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rebecca
Shy Member
Hello!
Posts: 24
Jul 24, 2014 6:55:21 GMT
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Post by rebecca on Aug 18, 2014 16:38:02 GMT
We have two teens and the technology struggle is ongoing. I don't agree that it's similar to when we were growing up; the vast amount of information and access is nearly instant, and requires much less effort. That goes for both teens and those who want to exploit them.
One thing we found was that our kids were staying up until all hours of the morning, despite repeated yellings and groundings because phones were supposed to be charged in the living room. Our provider is Verizon, and I pay $5 a month to set controls on when they can use their phones. They know they can't do squat with them after 10 p.m., and this has really helped. We have used Phone Sheriff in the past to monitor their smart phone content, but it got glitchy and support was crappy.
One thing that hasn't changed is that teens will always be pushing the boundaries, but the boundaries sure have become complicated.
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Post by hennybutton on Aug 18, 2014 16:50:33 GMT
Teens will always find a way around parental limitations. It's part of growing up. I was known as one of the good kids back in the Seventies. I still did stupid stuff that I never should have done. I never told my mother. My mother told me about stuff she did as a teen that her parents never knew about. After hearing her stories, I'm pretty sure she thought I was doing a lot more stuff than I did. An older friend once told me that when her daughter was in her 30's, she told her about how she and her friends would jump from the second story of the house into the pool while mom was at work. It's great to set rules and limitations with consequences, but it's more important to educate and be clear about expectations. Every rule should include a reason why that rule exists. If the teen knows why, they'll be more likely to comply. You see them as vulnerable, they see themselves as invincible. It's kind of tough to find a common ground.
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Post by SunnySmile on Aug 18, 2014 16:53:33 GMT
My 15yo dd has a chrome book from Christmas. I put parental controls on it, but she managed to find a way to take them off. I put them back on and she did it again. I found that she had been watching crummy youtube videos. She got the computer taken away. It's been about a month, and school is starting, she's going to need it. Can anyone recommend a good parental control program that she can't hack through? BTW, she denies removing the controls, but obviously she did. I'm not willing to give it back to her until she admits it. Honestly, the best parental program is supervised use. Kids will find a way to break through almost any security system. If you don't want her using it for anything but school work, schedule her daily screen time and make her use it in your presence. When she's done, lock it up until it's time to leave for school. It's an inconvenience for both of you, unfortunately, but it's the best way to be sure she's doing only what you want her to. What kinds of videos, BTW? Were they really bad? Does she have a smartphone (and couldn't she access the same content on that)? Be aware that if she really wants to access content you don't want her to access, she WILL find a way. Have you had a conversation with her about the content she is accessing and what it is and why you find it troublesome? She does not have a smart phone, or any phone for that matter. I know GASP! lol I did have a talk with her yesterday about it, and she was very willing to listen to my concerns and she understands. She still doesn't admit to taking the controls off, and honestly I wouldn't consider her computer savvy enough to figure it out, but I'm probably just fooling myself with that. We did talk about internet safety and such, because I agree that our teens need to be able to use technology, but in a safe way. She will be using it only for school for the time being.
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Post by monklady123 on Aug 18, 2014 17:14:47 GMT
Sorry it's not an attudie is a choice. Technology is great but it is not a right. It's a PRIVILGE that can be taken away if need be. Just because it there does not mean it a right. Rules and consequences come first, privileges come second. We grew up that way an all turned out fine. Think about it how many times did watch a kid yell at an adult... Once maybe twice because we all grew up knowing Consequences. Today it's seems to be no big deal. The other night we dealt with a parent that said to the cops what are we suppose to do take his phone, his computer .... Yes. Techonolgy is great an should be used in moderation and with expectations, but no it is not a right or required. But it is required, as someone else already said I think. Schools require it, absolutely. And if our kids don't learn to use technology they'll be behind when they have to go out and compete with others for internships and jobs. My son got an internship at the Smithsonian because he knew how to use Photoshop (combined with his knowledge of and love of maps, and how to manipulate maps with the computer) -- not merely "tinker" with it like I do, but really USE it. And the way he learned to use it was because he has a personal laptop and we bought Photoshop for him one year as a combined birthday/Christmas gift. Had he not had his own computer and time to mess around with it and Photoshop he would not have been offered that internship. I'm one of *those* parents who never really put restrictions on internet and technology use. I mean when they were in elementary school of course we did. But probably in middle school was when we relaxed it. We talked to them about how to stay safe, and blah blah blah. Stuff they already knew because our schools do an excellent job of having this discussion. I never required them to leave phones in the kitchen at night or anything like that. I have no idea if they stayed up late texting. More important to me was whether or not they could get up on time and get to school on time, and that their grades were okay. They did get up, and their grades were okay. We never demanded a straight-A report card so maybe I was more relaxed on that also. We never had set bedtimes after a certain age. We never had curfews, just asked that they tell us (before they left) when they would be home. If they had abused that privilege or gotten in trouble it would have been a different story. But they never did. I have no doubt my ds was doing things I wouldn't have approved of, he has that type of personality. But I sure did when I was a kid, as did most of us. But it never landed him in jail, or even brought a policeman to our door. Well once, lol, for middle school stupidity. But that was minor, and even the police officer said "he's a good kid, just dumb sometimes like they all can be." I don't know...time will tell. But as of now (ages 23 and 19) they're nice people, fun to be around, not in any trouble, and both in school. So in my particular case our relaxed attitude about a lot of stuff didn't seem to hurt them.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Aug 18, 2014 18:52:07 GMT
DD isn't a teen, but she has an iPhone and a laptop. Most of her friends do as well - the ones that don't have access to their parents.
At this point, I am able to rely on open dialogue with a few checks and balances. * She gives me all of her passwords, and I occasionally use those passwords. * We share an Apple Store account, and she must get permission to download anything that costs money. All apps download automatically to my phone also, so I know what she has downloaded (I'm kind of tired of deleting the latest My Little Pony app).
She asks before downloading anything other than games, and we talk about it. The latest was SnapChat. I asked her what it was (I knew already), and she really didn't know. I told her to find out, then when she came back to me, we talked about why it wasn't the best idea and how it could be abused or used by bullies (a hot button topic for her).
* I try to stay ahead of her. So far, I have been successful, though they learn a lot from peers.
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Post by snappinsami on Aug 18, 2014 19:58:28 GMT
My 15yo dd has a chrome book from Christmas. I put parental controls on it, but she managed to find a way to take them off. I put them back on and she did it again. I found that she had been watching crummy youtube videos. She got the computer taken away. It's been about a month, and school is starting, she's going to need it. Can anyone recommend a good parental control program that she can't hack through? BTW, she denies removing the controls, but obviously she did. I'm not willing to give it back to her until she admits it. When we put controls in place on DD's computer, we didn't just do it through the computer. We also used OpenDNS to block individual domains that we didn't want her to visit (including youtube). It worked very well, and we could easily unblock them for times that they didn't need to be blocked. Might be something to look into.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Aug 18, 2014 20:01:56 GMT
Teens will always find a way around parental limitations. It's part of growing up. I was known as one of the good kids back in the Seventies. I still did stupid stuff that I never should have done. I never told my mother. My mother told me about stuff she did as a teen that her parents never knew about. After hearing her stories, I'm pretty sure she thought I was doing a lot more stuff than I did. An older friend once told me that when her daughter was in her 30's, she told her about how she and her friends would jump from the second story of the house into the pool while mom was at work. It's great to set rules and limitations with consequences, but it's more important to educate and be clear about expectations. Every rule should include a reason why that rule exists. If the teen knows why, they'll be more likely to comply. You see them as vulnerable, they see themselves as invincible. It's kind of tough to find a common ground. I have a teen and tween. I did a lot of the stupid stuff around New York City back when it wasn't as nice and safe as it is today. It took wits to be safe and that is what I am trying to teach my kids. Each year they get more freedom and when they do stupid stuff I call them on it and threaten that if they are going to act like babies I will treat them like babies. My youngest has watched a few scary things on Netflix that have made her anxious about doing fun stuff in real life. I point out to her that once you see something it is difficult to un-see it and wouldn't it be nice if she could do ____ without anxiety. Both my kids have smartphones and share a laptop and iPad. Part of the reason we got the teen the phone was because she was complaining that she did not have a social life and without one. Well she got one and it did not change a thing. The younger one got a hand-med-down phone and uses it to play games. I tell them not to post anything unless they want to see it on a billboard on the boulevard. Trying to outwit me is a developmental stage...let the games begin!
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Post by peasful1 on Aug 18, 2014 20:15:12 GMT
Yes, it's important for me to know what my kids are doing. At the same time, I do not need to know what they are doing every single second of every single day. I think there is an almost unhealthy idea permeating parenting today that makes it seem we are not to give our kids an inch of space because they will DIE!!!! if we do. My DD has a lot of friends with helicopter parents. I wonder how those parents and kids will survive university. The kids will have almost immediate and sudden termination of the 24/7 surveillance. How will they manage that immense freedom which they have never known before in their life? It will be interesting to see.
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Deleted
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Oct 9, 2024 18:23:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 21:27:02 GMT
"This is very naive. Schools require this technology. It is absolutely required and if your kids don't use it they will be behind their peers. One stupid parent doesn't mean others shouldn't use technology."
Not all schools, smartphones are not necessary. Tablets and laptops maybe. Why is it because you think it's necessary should we? My kids use technology appropriately, that means it gets shut off at an agreed upon time, it's not in their hands 24 hours a day, they don't have it out at the dinner table, when we are out and about, they know how to use. BOOKS to do a research project. Techonolgy is a great tool, but in no way should be the only tool. I rather be "that stupid parent" whom has instilled the value of a book, social interactions and the proper way to behave with people. Rather than the one whose kids sits in front of technology and does not learn how to behave without techonolgy in their hands. By the way real adult with the "stupid" and naive comment. So glad you spoke up.
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 18, 2014 21:40:31 GMT
I rather be "that stupid parent" whom has instilled the value of a book, social interactions and the proper way to behave with people. Rather than the one whose kids sits in front of technology and does not learn how to behave without techonolgy in their hands. Does it have to be one or the other? I have taught my children a love of books, they are polite and behave appropriately based on the social situation, they are social and engage but they have smart phones, ipads and laptops-which they use for all kinds of purposes including out of sheer boredom. I feel like I (the global we?) are some how being judged for allowing our kids to use technology. My kids go to a school where they are required to have an ipad. It is issued by the school. They are allowed and encouraged to use their smart phones in class, some teachers use text as a method of mass communications. They are able to access information on those devices and on lap tops at home that they would not be able to find in a book-books are often limited in availability in small school libraries. Why should we be judged and found inferior for allowing our children to use a resource available to them?? Having technology in their hands (the teens) does not equal anti-social teens.
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Deleted
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Oct 9, 2024 18:23:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 22:04:03 GMT
So, I'm catching up. I agree with some of the things posted and disagree with others. I see a lot of people talking about things they are doing that I *did* do, yet my daughter still Skyped with someone in Serbia as a 16 yr old. :::: banging head :::: She was also a cutter (could still be one for all I know). I've learned in the last 2 years that she hid A LOT from me. A LOT of detrimental things, not just staying up all night and talking to boys. At that age, I also could have done stuff but I certainly couldn't talk with a complete stranger across the ocean! I can't see the comparison from then to now nor can we apply the same standards of child raising. The basics? Sure. But the nuances of this day and age take more effort than I think most parents realize.
I recognize computers and smart phones are here to stay. Heck, you'd have to pry mine from my cold dead hands! But there has GOT to be better ways to keep them from hiding SO much SO easily. As I've stated, with my daughter, it's water under the bridge. With my 16 yr old? The risks are actually higher. He's already dealing with a lot. I cannot risk his overall well being by ignoring the risks of the potential harm certain activities on the 'net could lead to. Am I going to go all draconian on his a**? No, I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater. But I am going to try to be more vigilant. What someone else does in their home is up to them.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Aug 18, 2014 23:30:03 GMT
"This is very naive. Schools require this technology. It is absolutely required and if your kids don't use it they will be behind their peers. One stupid parent doesn't mean others shouldn't use technology." Not all schools, smartphones are not necessary. Tablets and laptops maybe. Why is it because you think it's necessary should we? My kids use technology appropriately, that means it gets shut off at an agreed upon time, it's not in their hands 24 hours a day, they don't have it out at the dinner table, when we are out and about, they know how to use. BOOKS to do a research project. Techonolgy is a great tool, but in no way should be the only tool. I rather be "that stupid parent" whom has instilled the value of a book, social interactions and the proper way to behave with people. Rather than the one whose kids sits in front of technology and does not learn how to behave without techonolgy in their hands. By the way real adult with the "stupid" and naive comment. So glad you spoke up. Using books to do a research project is weird. I am wrapping up my degree, and I have used an actual physical book for research exactly twice. All the libraries are on line. You access things through the computer. Yours or theirs. But still a computer. You can trudge through and get articles, etc. but they will be more dated, and waste a lot of time that could be used to do other things. I feel like you don't seem to understand the importance and value of technology, but would rather cling to the 'good old days' and put your kids at a disadvantage. And while your local public school might be behind in technology (which is unfortunate) colleges and universities are not. Even votech programs rely heavily on technology. You can instill the value in a book and how to behave in social settings without banning technology or sticking your head in the sand thinking it's not important because you didn't need it.
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Post by monklady123 on Aug 19, 2014 0:05:22 GMT
"This is very naive. Schools require this technology. It is absolutely required and if your kids don't use it they will be behind their peers. One stupid parent doesn't mean others shouldn't use technology." Not all schools, smartphones are not necessary. Tablets and laptops maybe. Why is it because you think it's necessary should we? My kids use technology appropriately, that means it gets shut off at an agreed upon time, it's not in their hands 24 hours a day, they don't have it out at the dinner table, when we are out and about, they know how to use. BOOKS to do a research project. Techonolgy is a great tool, but in no way should be the only tool. I rather be "that stupid parent" whom has instilled the value of a book, social interactions and the proper way to behave with people. Rather than the one whose kids sits in front of technology and does not learn how to behave without techonolgy in their hands. By the way real adult with the "stupid" and naive comment. So glad you spoke up. It's not "all or nothing" as someone else has already pointed out. My dd loves her book collection -- she loves the British classics and has them all arranged on her shelves. She also loves her laptop and would probably pine away if she couldn't check up on Prince George hourly to see if he's walked yet. (which he has. ) She understands very well about social interactions. I watched her at church on Sunday sitting next to one of our very-elderly ladies and having a lovely conversation. And at the moment she's out for a birthday dinner with about ten friends (which was all arranged via a group message with texting). She has a B average for her freshman year in college, which I am very pleased about. She uses real textbooks, not the online option, when she can because "I really like reading a book better, Mom". She, and ds, can sit at the dinner table when we all eat together and not use her phone (no one is allowed phones at the dinner table), and we all can have good conversations. So, both of my kids have somehow managed to learn how to behave even when their phones or laptops are not with them. Despite my lax rules.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 19, 2014 0:10:48 GMT
When my kids were in junior high, they had to leave the phones on the charger in my bedroom. While that didn't keep them going places they shouldn't, it did limit the amount of time they had it, and I knew (so I hoped) their passwords so I could do a little checking. I knew my kids were way more tech savvy than me. I didn't pretend, but they knew IF they got caught I was taking the technology.
It did help that I caught them looking up thongs, sexy things, and bubes in 2nd and 4th grade after a very eye opening experience in Mexico on a topless beach. I knew the world was going to be there, so we explored it without being prude or over the top.
Even IF you are the best parent, your kids will be around other kids who don't have parents that care as much and they will see these things. Teach them consequences and responsibility as best you can.
OP I don't know if you are beating yourself up or not, but kids do stupid things and don't get into trouble. Consider yourself lucky that that was the worst, right??
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