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Post by Really Red on Feb 24, 2017 0:08:46 GMT
My third kid! You think I'd know what I'm doing now, but he's my only boy and the youngest and only boy in 13 grandkids, so no help from siblings!
I am so happy my shy and reserved 16yo son has his first girlfriend. She is adorable. I have NO IDEA what to say to her. I never, ever have a problem talking with people. Never!!! When my girls were in HS, kids were over all the time and we had a blast. I knew how to talk with my DDs' boyfriends, but I don't want to scare this girl off!!
I think I'm more nervous than she. Every time she sees me (at games and stuff), she comes up to say hi and I feel tongue-tied. Beyond asking her basically "how's the weather" type questions, I'm lost.
This is stupid!!! Help me out here!
p.s. in a lovely aside, her dad was one of the worst teachers my daughter ever had. He was so bad the school fired him. When I see them together, I am completely and totally mute. I made a fuss at the school about him (5 years ago). The daughter, as I said, is lovely.
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 24, 2017 0:52:20 GMT
My son and his gf started dating when they were in 7th grade. She was really friendly and I thought it was a little weird for a kid to be so comfortable around an adult they didn't know. They are still dating almost 7 years later and I adore her. I never forced anything and she is actually pretty quiet. If we take multiple cars somewhere, she'll often jump in mine. In the beginning, I always made sure to say hello and ask a few questions about school or her family. I didn't stick around much. When they were in high school, I did a lot of photo shoots with them and she loved the pictures. She began going with us on weekly hikes or dinners and everything evolved naturally. She knows I adore her and am trying to raise a good boyfriend. Just take it slow and smile and be welcoming.
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Post by maryland on Feb 24, 2017 1:54:43 GMT
I completely understand! I have all girls, but I have a much easier time talking to their boyfriends than I do their friends that are girls. Maybe because some of those girls haven't been nice to my daughters, so I just don't like them! But my 17 yr. old had mostly boy friends that she hung out with, and our house was always filled with those boys. I had no problem joking around with them. But when the girls from dance are over, I don't know what to say! And yet I could talk for hours with their moms!
My 17 and 19 yr. olds have boyfriends and I enjoy talking to them (although my 19 yr. old is in college 5 hrs. away, and her boyfriend is from that area, so I don't get to talk to him as much).
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Post by 1girlygirl on Feb 24, 2017 2:13:53 GMT
Ask her about her interests in and outside of school - what classes she really likes/hates, extracurriculars, clubs, fav vacations, pets, what she likes to do with her girlfriends. The conversations will just evolve from there.
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Post by mlynn on Feb 24, 2017 3:34:59 GMT
Why not have an outing for the two of you. Tell her you are interested in going to a movie and ask her if she would be interested. Or manicures. or whatever.
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Post by mom on Feb 24, 2017 4:07:14 GMT
Why not have an outing for the two of you. Tell her you are interested in going to a movie and ask her if she would be interested. Or manicures. or whatever. Ohh! I love the manicures idea! Pretty short time period vs. a movie. And who doesnt want/need a manicure! |
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Post by mlynn on Feb 24, 2017 4:20:02 GMT
Another thought would be trying out a new restaurant together.
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Post by Really Red on Feb 24, 2017 4:30:38 GMT
I'm not sure I'm ready to go out with just her. That's way, way down the road. I think I'd scare her (and me) to death with that.
I just want to know what to say when we're sitting next to each other for a 1.5 hour game.
I'm sure, eventually, things will work out, but in the beginning? Ugh!
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,086
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Feb 24, 2017 4:36:06 GMT
Ask her how school is going, her interests (hobbies), plans for college. Keep it light as they are only 16.
I wouldn't get too involved in this relationship
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,627
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Feb 24, 2017 4:36:09 GMT
Manicures is how I finally broke the awkwardness with my DS's girlfriend. She was thrilled and turned out to be her first manicure. We talked so much afterwards and continued a better openness. I've never been good around girls and was pretty freaked out, I had no idea what to say or talk about. Manicures started us talking about casual stuff like colors, styles and design that felt more natural instead of the "how's the weather" topics.
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 24, 2017 4:58:50 GMT
I'm not sure I'm ready to go out with just her. That's way, way down the road. I think I'd scare her (and me) to death with that. I just want to know what to say when we're sitting next to each other for a 1.5 hour game. I'm sure, eventually, things will work out, but in the beginning? Ugh! I agree. Too much too soon. Baby steps. |
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090 
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Post by scrapaddie on Feb 24, 2017 5:02:43 GMT
Why not have an outing for the two of you. Tell her you are interested in going to a movie and ask her if she would be interested. Or manicures. or whatever. As a teenager, I would have been freaked out by this! |
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 24, 2017 5:03:08 GMT
Manicures is how I finally broke the awkwardness with my DS's girlfriend. She was thrilled and turned out to be her first manicure. We talked so much afterwards and continued a better openness. I've never been good around girls and was pretty freaked out, I had no idea what to say or talk about. Manicures started us talking about casual stuff like colors, styles and design that felt more natural instead of the "how's the weather" topics. My son's gf is going into nursing. She has a plethora of gross topics we can talk about. One dude put a croquet ball up his anus. I told her about the alleged Richard Gere incident. That is when my 20 year old figured out the episode of South Park and Lemiwinks. Kids are fun. |
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,086
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Feb 24, 2017 5:08:37 GMT
Off topic but which Richard Gere incident? The one in Toronto? Richmont Hill to be more specific? That one was very real.
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,843
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Feb 24, 2017 5:17:01 GMT
Without firsthand experience, I suggest not viewing her as your son's girlfriend. Smile, greet, treat, & converse with her like any other (male or female) teen. Don't interrogate, ask her life story, or engage in philosophical debates; keep it simple, positive, & comfortable (eg talk about the plays/calls, cheerleaders' stunts, mascots, etc at the game), & just be yourself. Given you have older children/girls, draw from your past experience interacting with teens. Relax; you've got this! ::high five::
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 24, 2017 5:58:57 GMT
Off topic but which Richard Gere incident? The one in Toronto? Richmont Hill to be more specific? That one was very real. The one where he was said to have lost a gerbil in his anus cavity area. Not sure where it allegedly took place. Well, other than his anus. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Feb 24, 2017 6:18:06 GMT
Why not have an outing for the two of you. Tell her you are interested in going to a movie and ask her if she would be interested. Or manicures. or whatever. As a teenager, I would have been freaked out by this! OMG me too! When I was 16yo I went out with a guy for 4 years. I could not imagine going to get a manicure - or doing anything! - with his mum. Especially in the early days. No way! Just the thought of it is giving me heart palpitations even now, 30+ years later LOL! |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2017 11:02:17 GMT
What do you talk about to other girls in your family about? Latest fashion, latest movies, chart hits, school, which subjects she likes best ?and so much more. I really don't know why she should be different because she's your son's girlfriend. Do you not talk to your DD's friends about anything?
You're more likely to scare her off if you try and treat her differently to any other girls that comes round, so forget about putting too much thought into her being the " girlfriend" and treat her the same as you would any other teen that you know.
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Post by mommaho on Feb 24, 2017 11:04:55 GMT
Just be friendly . . . no need to push anything more!
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,156
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Feb 24, 2017 11:56:30 GMT
I think everyone, including your son would freak if you wanted to go out with her. Does your son talk about her at all? Boys tend to be less free with the details so i'd have a harder time having something to talk about with a girl they brought home.
My dd is a dating a boy for the last six months, she talks about him, where they go and such so if I were left with him i'd at least have a couple thoughts on what I could ask about. As others have mentioned, ask about school, activities, job, etc.
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Post by Really Red on Feb 24, 2017 12:17:55 GMT
I know I just have to breathe. Her dad's been married three times, her stepmom three times, and she doesn't have much of a relationship with her mother who has been married four times.
I'm just pretty surprised she seems so well adjusted with all that upheaval. This last stepmom is a doctor, so I think she's given her quite a bit of stability.
I just do NOT want to talk about her home life as it's super complicated and she doesn't do sports or theater or any after school stuff. I'm going to have to take deep breaths and think of her like one of my girls' friends. I think if I have her 1.5 hours (during the game), I can talk better than when I have her for 3-5 minutes, which is all it's been so far.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,039
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Post by Nanner on Feb 24, 2017 13:07:46 GMT
Well, I had no problem with DS' current GF. She came in the first time we met, sat down and started talking. And 2+ years later, she hasn't stopped talking, lol. I hardly had to say a word! I just love that girl.
I suggest keeping it simple. When she comes in the house, say in a very friendly voice: "Hi, Jane. Nice to see you". or "Hi Jane. Crazy game last night, wasn't it". Then just carry on with what you were doing. Simple, friendly and welcoming. The important thing is that she feels welcomed and feels that you enjoy being around her.
I wouldn't be asking her to a movie or out for a manicure. Too much, and far too soon.
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Post by LisaDV on Feb 24, 2017 13:26:00 GMT
Ask her about her interests in and outside of school - what classes she really likes/hates, extracurriculars, clubs, fav vacations, pets, what she likes to do with her girlfriends. The conversations will just evolve from there.  |
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Post by ilikepink on Feb 24, 2017 17:43:34 GMT
I enjoyed my sons' GFs in high school - being surrounded by boys, it was great to have a girl around. At games, we would talk about the game, his performance in the game, school stuff. My boys and (some) GFs ran track--lots of down time between events where we could talk. I once ended up with a GF (now fiancé) at college just driving around for forever wasting time - we had long conversations about family history and things. I view her as an ally and appreciate that she loves my son who drives us crazy sometimes.
She may be as nervous as you - use that to bond over affection for your son.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,627
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Feb 24, 2017 18:02:52 GMT
I wanted to add that going for a manicure with DS's girlfriend wasn't set up in advance, like a date. I happened to be going the next morning and the girlfriend commented on my current nail color at his game Friday night. So I just said I wasn't sure what I would go with next and always struggled with picking a color, then said..."Hey, would you like to go with me tomorrow, get a manicure and help me choose the color? My treat for helping me with fashion." I think it also helped that DS went and picked her up and met me at the salon. I took her home after though. I guess I got lucky she commented on my nails.  |
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