sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 19, 2014 19:45:08 GMT
a person's "success" in relationships? How about professional success?
Do you have to work on eye contact or have any insight on this topic?
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353 
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Post by brandy327 on Aug 19, 2014 19:50:29 GMT
I have a lot of trouble with eye contact if I'm around someone I don't feel comfortable with, especially new people. I think it's VERY important just because I have the impression that people think if you don't make eye contact you're shady or not genuine. I'm just very insecure and eye contact is difficult if I don't know you. My ds is on the spectrum so eye contact for him is extremely difficult, even with me and dh sometimes. We tell him all the time that if you don't look at someone it's rude. You don't have to STAY focused on their face...look at a spot on their head, look at their ear, look at their nose....just look towards their face. It works ok...he still has a difficult time. I think not having good eye contact can be very hard on relationships, especially new ones. Like I said, people (generally speaking) don't like it when others look away. Now, if they have an understanding that the other person is on the spectrum, then they may be more accepting of the lack of eye contact. Then again, maybe not. Professionally speaking, I have no insight there. We haven't made it that far.  |
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on Aug 19, 2014 20:32:18 GMT
The only problem I have with eye contact is when someone stares at my eyes the whole time they are speaking with me. They never break off and then I start to wonder if I have gunk in my eye or something. Makes me nervous.
Eye contact is important but it should be broken every so often.
Also there are cultures in which eye contact is not encouraged and may even be considered impolite.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,351
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Aug 19, 2014 22:22:26 GMT
I struggle with this myself. Sometimes I feel really outgoing and can give good eye contact other times I feel insecure and then I really struggle with it.
The other day I was really pissed off at an appointment and I couldn't make eye contact because I didn't want them to know how pissed off I was. Apparently it didn't work out because they asked me straight up if I was mad!
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Post by gar on Aug 19, 2014 23:22:50 GMT
I just know that it is important. When my youngest DD got her current summer job she was praised on, among other things, her confident eye contact which, according to her employer, is something that a lot of young people lack.
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Post by nesser01 on Aug 20, 2014 0:53:52 GMT
I have a lot of trouble with eye contact if I'm around someone I don't feel comfortable with, especially new people. I think it's VERY important just because I have the impression that people think if you don't make eye contact you're shady or not genuine. I'm just very insecure and eye contact is difficult if I don't know you. This is exactly me. |
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Post by bdawnb on Aug 20, 2014 1:26:03 GMT
One of my first jobs, my boss was hesitant to hire me because I kept looking away from him when I answered his questions. His secretary convinced him that it was because I was shy (which was the truth). After she told me that I forced myself to learn to look people in the eye when talking to them. It wasn't comfortable at first, but it is important and I got used to it.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
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Post by mallie on Aug 20, 2014 1:52:23 GMT
I won't hire people who won't look me (or others in the interview) in the eye with regularity as our jobs are largely customer service. And even if not, they're providing internal service. Part of dealing with people effectively is eye contact. If a candidate cannot do that, I will move on to someone who can.
One reason that is a dealbreaker for me is due to experience. I am known for giving people a chance -- people who are re-entering the workforce after years of staying home, older women, young people needing their first job, etc. I like mentoring people and helping them move upwards in life. I have very patiently, for example, schooled several assistants on proper pronunciation and grammar. Assuming the person has basic training, basic intelligence, and the motivation to learn, I am confident I can help them acquire the skill sets they need to achieve. However, personality traits are another story. I have learned that people who possess certain personality traits (and their manifestations) that are ineffective in or detrimental to the workplace are not likely to acquire them while working for us, regardless of how much coaching they receive. The inability to maintain effective eye contact is one of those necessary behaviors that people either don't want to or can't learn 99% of the time. I can't take the chance that the person might be in that 1% category -- hiring and training people is expensive. So that's something a person needs to do before they show up at my conference table for an interview.
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