White Women Unlikely to Help~Study+Link

All morning I have been thinking about the question posed by this study. I feel certain I would say something to intervene in this situation, whether it be Laura or LaToya involved (and whether the man is Jason or Jamal). I imagine my first step would be to start a conversation with either or both parties to clarify and to delay. I would proceed from there.

So in trying to challenge myself, I wondered: What would keep me from intervening?

Here's what I came up with:

1. If I felt the man involved was an immediate threat to me or others, I would not intervene alone - I would ask others to help me, or call 911 or local security guards. 

2. If I had seen a previous intimate boyfriend/girlfriend relationship between the two, I would hesitate to intervene. I would still start a conversation with the two. I would likely draw her friends into the conversation to see if collectively we could change directions. I would offer to give the girl a ride home or to call her a cab. But I would hesitate to call authorities if the two had an existing relationship - it would feel like I was interfering rather than intervening.

Then again, I am not a college student. I think of these two heading off for a bedroom, and my reaction comes from my place as a mom. 

I tried to think more deeply about my reaction based on the race of the victim, and I just can't come up with any other answer.


I will likely be getting myself in trouble, but I would love to have a conversation. 

I am "that" person who gives random but genuine compliments to strangers I pass in the grocery store. (Not every moment. Maybe once or twice a week.) I might catch someone's eye and say, "That color is beautiful on you." "Cute hat!" "I love your shoes!" Not necessarily trying to start a conversation (although sometimes one will start), just passing along a sincere compliment with a smile. I love it when strangers do this to me - it will make my day! I hope it will make others happy too

But with the current conversation on race relations in our country, I have grown hesitant. Let's say I see a black woman wearing a mustard yellow blouse which is absolutely stunning on her.  "That color is beautiful on you"  has suddenly taken on all kinds of implications. Or has it? Am I overthinking? Can I just go about my day and continue to offer random compliments regardless of the race of the individual? What is the alternative? Should I limit my compliments to women of my own race? Stop giving compliments at all?

I once shared a flight to Hawaii with a young woman heading to a military posting. She was young and nervous about her first-ever flight. She had messed up her travel plans and was a little afraid of facing army discipline. We chatted the entire 4 1/2 hour flight and I tried to put her at ease with the whole jet plane thing. As we first got to talking, I complimented her hair - a mass of beautiful coppery braids. I think back on that now and wonder: Was that a racist thing to say? (Before you ask, I did *not* touch her hair. I offered the compliment from my own seat.) 

And one more question. *Once or twice when I have tried to catch someone's eye with a smile, they have studiously ignored me. Both times it was a woman of color. And suddenly I thought, "Does she think I am staring at her? Does she think I am hostile to her?" And I feel horrendously guilty because of course the woman in question has no way of know of my good intentions or my admiration for her shoes.

If this is too far afield, Olan , I can move these comments to a new thread.