Kids, custody and dance - questions/opinions

What an asshat....honestly having gone through similar things, it was easier for me to go to court and my son's lawyer presented it to the judge...who promptly told my ex he was an asshat!

Sorry don't know if this helps or not.

Your friend needs to contact her lawyer. Custody agreements tend to change as kids get older and become involved with school and activities.

I have absolutely nothing to do with my moms side of the family. They are bat shit IMO but I know my kids aren't in danger if they see their grandparent/aunt/cousins. So my ex knows if the kids want to see them it's on his time, not mine, and I'm not to be discussed. He respects that.

This guy, I would think he needs something legal against his family to stop his ex from communicating with them. It's a free country she can talk to them if she wants and probably already does and makes their daughter lie.

I see a trip to court in her future because I don't think what he's trying to pull is legal.

I have told my minor children (one this same exact age) that at any time, for any reason, myself or their father can ask for access to any and all social media activity. I have on occasion glanced at who they are messaging but that's about it so far. If they attempt to hide things, or lie they will lose their devices. To me 12 year olds don't really have much right to privacy as far as social media and online activity goes. Do I think his reason for asking is awful? Yes. But as a father I think he has the right to ask without even having to give a reason other then internet/social media safety and good parenting.

I do hope they can get it worked out with the national dance thing. One thing I was so impressed with my sister and her ex was their willingness to swap out weekends etc to accommodate a concert or hunting season etc. They always put their son before their dislike of each other.

I agree with this, time to revisit the custody agreement so that it fits their lives better now.   I wouldn't give in to his demands unless I absolutely had no other choice. If she gives in now, he's going to keep demanding things every time she needs something or wants a change.  Better to deal with it head on with her lawyer.

Textbook case of putting the kid in the middle.  Way yo go, Dad!

You know what is the sad part?  There is probably someone advising him the same thing. Don't given in to this change in the summer custody agreement, give in now and she (the mom) will be demanding other changes.   The poor kid.

So is he looking for evidence that the daughter has not communicated with his family or that the mother has?

It seems like a strange non-connected request. But I know from experience that when it comes to time with children it is a difficult thing to negotiate. 

I would probably give in to his request as stated before with only the exact information requested. 

I wasn't trying to call your friend or her daughter a liar. I just meant that legally speaking she could still associate with her ex family and not tell him about it. She has no obligation to disclose her doings.

This.  

Surely he will see that he is really only hurting his own child to get back at her mother.  Probably wishful thinking but people can be so selfish when it comes to this type of stuff.  

I'd get whatever arrangement is agreed upon is in writing.  If they can work it out amicably, that's fine but I'd probably get the lawyers involved just to make some adjustments to visitation that specifically address the extra curricular activities.  I think our friends had to do this for soccer tourneys out of town.  It was easier for the mom to take the child to games because of her work schedule so if a tourney came up on his weekend, he basically had to pay for the hotel room the team stayed in if the mom took the child.  It worked out pretty well from they both said.  They were also reasonable people and knew it was what was best for the child if the dad couldn't go to tournaments.  

I also agree that he is being manipulative at the child's expense and if I were the mom, I would save each and every text message and record every phone conversation in case he did try to hold something like a dam cell phone bill over my head to keep my child from going to an activity like that.   Pretty sure the courts would frown upon that, too.  SaveSave

Should be simple...kid wants to do dance so you make arrangements so that kid can participate in activities without drama.  It seems that mother is trying to pool her days together and trade with Dad so that kid can participate which means Mom is giving up her time (if i'm interpreting right.)  So she gives up days, he just gets different days....yet Dad is trying to "get" something out of the deal that he wants.

So yes, should be a simple matter of we do what is best for our kid and get them to the activities they want to participate in, but both parents need to act like adults for this to happen   I feel bad for the poor kid, a lot of drama when you don't behave like an adult.

In this case Parent.

If freebirds account is accurate ( I think it is ) then what is the mother doing that is jerking her kid around?