Those who suffer with depression...just need to vent

I am so sorry for your losses and I'm truly glad that you are getting help.  There's absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed about.  I too struggle from depression and while I didn't actually attempt suicide, I did pick out the tree I planned to crash my car into.  I too found therapy and it's changed my life.

I am a Christian as well and I know what you mean about not wanting to come off as a holy roller and that some people just don't get it.  But that is you and part of your life and you have no reason to hide it or feel ashamed.

I didn't share any of my struggles with my family.  They just wouldn't understand...I think they would listen, but they wouldn't "get it".  They are the type of people who ignore the pink elephant in the room.  I'm the nutball who's screaming "PINK ELEPHANT".  My advice is to find a friend or two that you can relate to that is able to understand and truly listen. And if you don't have anyone, I'd pray and ask God to send you the person you can vent to.   Instead of wishing that I could lean on my family (who is there for me in many other ways), I focus on the fact that I have two amazing friends that I can talk to. 

My husband doesn't really understand depression and I've never really fully gone into the struggles I had in the past.  I just know that he loves me, he would be there for me if the chips were down and that the support I need on depression doesn't need to come from him.  He can't be my everything.  No one can...so we get bits and pieces from others.

I'll be praying for you. 

I strongly encourage you to allow your faith to be the basis for support and be unapologetic about that. If you can't open up to the family pray for a couple of women to come into your life that will be a support system. I meet once a week during the school year with a group of 3 other women. We are brutally honest and open. it is scary at first but you have to trust each other. It is not all "Sunshine and Psalms". Meaning- we "do life" together. We vent, we cry, we celebrate victories, we help the others through struggles. I will be honest that some weeks it is the last thing I want to do- it seems like it is just something else I HAVE to do- but once there even if I am honest with them all saying I did not want to come- I am blessed by my friends and normally there is some word, some perspective, that I have that helps someone else in their life too.

I'm a mess. I battle depression, I was sexually assaulted as a child (non-relative), I come from this "perfect" family that everyone loves but I feel like I don't deserve it. These beautiful "sisters" of mine help me realize I do

I can understand some of what you are talking about when you say you can't really be yourself sometimes. I feel that way a lot for reasons very different from yours. I have no great words of advice or anything except to say that I will keep you in my prayers.

To all that suffer from depression here THANK YOU for sharing your stories, all the good the bad and the ugly. I really does help me to empathize and deal with those IRL that are suffering with it. I have learned so much from you all here.

I'm so sorry Peppermint Patty for what you are going through and for all of the Peas who suffer from depression. I myself fought a 10 year battle with what was diagnosed as "treatment resistant depression" so I know a little bit about how you are feeling. I'm in remission now, and feeling much healthier and happier. May I please offer you some advice from what I have learned?

1. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It has nothing to do with you-how strong, or weak you are. It can be triggered by an event or not. It also is hereditary. When it is triggered by an event therapy is very helpful for treatment along with medication. When it is not triggered by an event medication itself usually works. The key is medication is needed to re balance the chemicals in the brain. The best doctor to see for the medication is a psychiatrist. They have the best training regarding the medication-and it's frustrating and difficult as hell because sometimes it takes 4-6 weeks to feel a change, and sometimes one will work like magic for a few months and then all of a sudden stop working. But please don't decide not to try medication-it can help enormously. You have to re balance those chemicals.

2. Faith does help, if that is something that works for you. It did for me.

3. Try not to "negative talk" to yourself-it doesn't help, it only hurts. You have a disease, just like someone has cancer. With time and treatment it will get better. It's difficult because it's a mental illness and there's such a stigma about those in this country. Try not to let that get to you. You have worth, talent, beauty just like before. You WILL get better. It just takes time. Hang in there.

Debbie in MD.

peppermintpatty...I think as I read these responses, you've found some "friends" here to communicate with. I admire the strength that you and others have to open yourselves up here!! I hope that you all can reach out to each other and support each other even if it's just here. You never know though---some of you might live near each other...

I would encourage you to work with your therapist to come to a place where you can honestly and freely be yourself without having to hide who you are from those who love you. It takes a lot of energy to be someone you're not. And while it's tempting to "protect" others (and ourselves) from who we really are for fear of their reactions, the responsibility of acceptance really rests with them. Sending peaceful healing prayers your way. Hope you find some resolution soon!

Ariel, your brother would not want you to feel that way. Depression is so vicious...please don't listen when it tells you that you are less valuable than anyone else. NOT true! I hope you will reach out for help. You deserve it, I believe it with all my heart.

Part of the theraputic process will be learning to discern who will give you unconditional support and who will exploit you or take on your feelings as their own. No one is allowed to diminish your pain. Oddly enough, suicidal thoughts and attempts can be the prompt for finally seeking therapy and learning to enjoy life. 3 years of therapy after such a long history of painful things is such a tiny amount of time. Therapy takes a lot of patience and willingness to learn that some things you'd always thought to be true were in fact, lies. When the people closest to us hurt us it leaves a scar on our souls. If you cannot talk about this with your family that is ok. Your therapist will help you to grieve the loss of the family members you wish you had and show you how to find that unconditional love and support from dear friends and support professionals. Often times in a dysfunctional family our pain is an embarrassment to our family members and we learn to take on that shame and guilt. We learn to apologize for being hurt. You are on a journey to find your true self and to learn how lovable and amazing you truly are. You will face painful losses and celebrate joyous new information. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself and above all, remember that you are an amazing, lovable and wonderful woman. Depression is not the end all be all. There's way more great stuff out there for you. You deserve joy and you deserve all things good.

Disclaimer:  I'm not a therapist, just someone who really gets it.

Peppermint Patty remember you are a warrior. You can fight this. I fight it every single day of my life. It has almost taken my life a few times. But I will will. Someone you have to win. It isn't easy. You have to fight it. Medication works. Therapy works. Positive thinking...even when you are feeling your worst and every breath seems to take effort to take just think I am a survivor warrior. I will get through this. Fight!

This sentence is so powerful to anyone with any mental health issues. 

I too am thanking everyone for sharing.  A big part of my issue that I feel sometimes like I am the only one who is going through this; like no one can relate to me.  It's helpful to be reminded that there are others out there who are going through similar things and all I have to do is reach out and ask.