As a mom, do you get jealous...

Big Hugs from one mom to another in that same boat.

I kind of get it. My kid is somewhat introverted (I was too at her age) and she doesn't make friends very easily. It doesn't help that we had her later in life and all of our friends were already long past that stage with their kids, so she doesn't have that built in peer group that a lot of other people's kids have.

I'm kind of at the stage of my own life where my adult friendships have been well established and I don't really NEED any more friends for myself. I find I have to push past my own tendency to hang with the people I already know and like and reach out to the parents (and in my case, sometimes the GRANDparents because they are my age! ) of the other kids in DD's class or in our neighborhood in an attempt to get to know them, set up play dates for our kids together, etc. Once you find a few moms (grandmas!) that you really click with and who have a similar parenting style, it gets a lot easier.

What has been tough for us is that for whatever reason, DD hasn't ever been put in the same home room class with the handful of girls she knows well and likes, and had bonded with in preschool (at the same elementary she currently attends). The school split them all up into different rooms, so the only time they see each other is at lunch and recess, and DD hasn't had good luck breaking into the other cliques of girls in her homeroom classrooms in either kindergarten or this year in 1st despite the teacher's best efforts to mix up the kids so they all have a chance to get to know each other. It's rough when your kid has a hard time getting included and you know it makes them sad.

It seemed like more often than not, the first kid in a family was the more compliant teacher's pet type.  While I thoroughly enjoyed teaching the first kid, it was often the second or youngest one, who that parent warns you about before they step in the room, that actually stole my heart.  I loved the funny, quirky, ornery little brother or sister even more.  You might not hear it from junior high and high school teachers, but they do love a unique individual who is his/her own person.

I totally get where you're coming from. I have five kids that have all struggled socially at some point. My two youngest seem to be hit the hardest with it. the youngest did pretty well in elementary school and always seemed happy with the friends she had. Sadly, she is really struggling in middle school and I don't know how to help her. She's sweet and cute and loves hugs, is smart, and is very funny, but all her peers see is that she's small for her age and doesn't wear cool clothes.

My younger son is really struggling this year. He has always struggled socially because he's quirky. Ok, he's weird. Not creepy weird, but not into anything the other kids get interested in. He also is either very passionate about something or he doesn't care about it all. He rants about things he thinks are stupid, but he also will deep dive into learning a subject until he knows everything there is to know. He's flunking English in part because he doesn't see the point in writing an English paper on a subject that has been written before. If he can't be totally original, then why bother? (yes, I'm working with him on this.) So he struggles in school with his grades and he struggles socially. He had a best friend through most of middle school that hung out with him and helped him feel like he had a place, but this year friend has decided he doesn't care about anything. Friend is using his autism as a reason to disconnect from everything. "I have autism, so I don't have to do that." I'm sure it's frustrating for his mom, but the side fall out has hit my son. He feels like he doesn't have any friends anymore. It's hard.

I struggle socially myself. I couldn't keep friends in school for longer than two grades and as an adult my friend limit seems to be about five years before they fade out of my life. It's been hard to watch my kids struggle with the same things I did and have no clue how to help them.

I feel you on the super bright kid who just didn't care. He purposely failed out of the honors program in middle school just so he wouldn't have to do the extra work. So incredibly frustrating. He'll take tests all day, though. Too bad his grades are the opposite of his SAT scores.

Oh well, he's 19 and he graduated. I wash my hands of his future. He's working full time as a machine operator so at least there's that.

I highly recommend separating out the mom clique stuff from the kid stuff. Parents really drive the early friendships as they plunk their toddler down in whoever's living room they want to visit with. It starts to fade in elementary school and by 3-4th grade friend groups really reshuffle - and by middle school our kids' friends had little to do with who MY friends were. If your child's happy to in school - great. If she's interested in doing play dates - I'd set them up. But I wouldn't worry about a group of parents and kids who all seemed to be one cohesive group - it just doesn't last or matter long term.

It's threads like this that REALLY make me appreciate this board. Yes, I know this feeling but it's not so much jealousy as sadness, wishing my son had a "better" or more ideal childhood. He's on the spectrum, and making friends (and keeping them!) has always been a struggle. It's hard when all of the other kids are going to each other's birthday parties and such, and your kid is not invited until he finally makes a good friend in the 4th grade. It's not that I want to brag or show off...I love my son just the way he is, and wouldn't trade him for another kid out there. I just wish he weren't so lonely. He's 14 now, and I just don't see him having the same sort of experiences the other kids will have in high school- first dates, prom, hanging out with friends on the weekends, etc. He still has just his one friend, who doesn't even attend the same school as him anymore.

My daughter is only 3, and we're more in the "mommy wars" stage, where other moms are bragging that their kid is already doing this or that and "Oh wow, your daughter isn't doing that yet?" Luckily I am better about letting that kind of thing roll off my back. I just want my kids to be happy.

I like to share photos and funny stories about my kids on Facebook, but I keep most of the braggy stuff (grades, school accomplishments, milestones for my toddler, etc.) to myself. Or I share with the grandmas, who are always happy to hear that kind of thing.

I don't get jealous, but I guess sad is kind of appropriate. DS just turned 11. I know he has a lot of potential, but he won't get out of his own way. He can't let things go so kids know how to push his buttons and that never ends well. We went camping with the scouts this weekend, and two of them buddied up against my son. While the things they were doing were wrong and not addressed by their parents, if he didn't overreact to every little thing, they wouldn't antagonize him so much. But of course it just looks like my DS is the problem. It seemed every other kid there just went with the flow and he always wants to swim upstream. We constantly talk about letting things go, turn the other cheek, don't overreact, but it isn't working so far.

With all due respect to President Roosevelt, I think Facebook is the thief of joy.

Quickest way to feel your life (or your kids') isn't up to snuff is to spent a few minutes on FB.  I swear, the only reason I keep my account is because if I ever need to reach out to some old acquaintance it will be easy.  Otherwise, I hate that place and avoid it like the plague.
 
And yes, I most definitely have felt jealous, sad, etc. when I feel my 'special snowflakes'    have been slighted.  Sadly, it happens all too often.  I think it just comes w/the mommy territory.

Example/vent:  my younger son was nominated for Boys State.  An honor in itself, but when he didn't get chosen after the interview, he was disappointed, as was I.  He really wanted it and, of course, compared himself to those that did make it and was frustrated at our inability to figure out why they were picked and he wasn't.  One week later, I am visiting friends in another state and her son came home from school announcing he had been chosen.  Not only did he not have to go thru the unnerving interview process (apparently in their town, the teachers simply choose), but my friend & her family didn't even know what Boys State was.  Of course, I was happy for her son (he is a lovely young man and deserved it), but my heart broke that her son basically stepped into it and mine was passed over.    <sigh>

Mommy-ing is tough!  Hang in there!