trying
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Post by trying on Aug 20, 2014 18:03:02 GMT
If you have ever had problems with feelings of self-worth, or self-loathing, how did you overcome this?
I'm so tired of being unhappy, I'm just tired of it.
I TRY so hard to be happy. I do. I must really suck at it though, because my entire life people have told me what a miserable person I am. And I'm tired of hearing that too. My DH says he's given up on me ever being happy and just doesn't worry about trying to make me happy any more. My mother says I'm a miserable person and I'm fake and angry. My sister laughed when I told her how hard I try to be happy and said she would have never guessed I was trying at all. Even one doctor I saw recently for depression told me I just wasn't trying hard enough.
Yes, I'm depressed, but after a lifetime of being unhappy and half a life of depression, and trying different drugs, I can honestly say that I'm just an unhappy person. Medication stops me from being depressed but it doesn't make me happy.
I talk to myself about being happy. I don't sit around and mope or stay in bed all day or anything like that. I'm busy, I have a lot of stuff to do.
I focus on the positives in my life.
But those things don't make me HAPPY.
I hate myself. I hate being unhappy. I hate that the people closest to me think I'm miserable and fake and angry, and that they can't and won't ever see me as anything else.
I think a lot of my unhappiness comes from hating myself. I don't like myself so it's hard to feel value in anything I do, as a mother or a wife or the person who runs our house or as an individual.
I'm so tired of feeling like this all the time. Anti-depressants haven't taken the feelings away, they just make me not care about them so much. So I still feel angry or sad or unhappy inside, but it's like watching the feeling from a distance and feeling it, but not really caring about it. If that makes any sense.
I have absolutely ZERO desire to go to therapy. I don't have the time, I don't have the money, I will not go.
If you've ever felt this way, what did you do to change yourself?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 0:21:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 18:08:49 GMT
Go to therapy. Make the time. YOU are important enough to be worth the time and money. A therapist is a great neutral party to talk to about what others say, how you percieve yourself and talk about those things you don't dare breathe about around anyone.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
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Post by peppermintpatty on Aug 20, 2014 18:17:06 GMT
Therapy. There is no other real option. You can read every self help book out there and do all of what they say but you need to talk to someone and you need to learn to find the happiness in the small.every.day.little.things! I was talking to my therapist a few weeks ago about this exact thing. You have to change your outlook and you have to WANT to be happy.
I struggle with it but I now know to look and find the joy in the small things.
(((hugs)))
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 20, 2014 18:17:13 GMT
I would also suggest you go to therapy. It really can help you learn about yourself and then how to "fix" your "wrong" thought patterns. You can learn to like yourself and know that you do value as a person, as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc.
My other suggestion is don't try to be happy. I don't think happiness should be a main goal in life. I think being giving, kind and loving to others should be a main goal. A by-product of that is happiness. Look for ways to give, help, be with others that need it. It can be by volunteering, visiting a sick friend, going to a nursing home, walking shelter dogs, there are hundreds of ways to be useful. Look for some of them and then go do them.
I wish you luck in trying to find your happiness.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 20, 2014 18:27:49 GMT
Can you tell us why you hate yourself? Maybe that's not something you are comfortable sharing. My father told me I was stupid and ugly and my mother pointed out why I would be fired from every career I showed an interest in. She also reacted in an angry manner if I appeared to be happy. Laughing was pretty much forbidden in our house. I elected to ignore those people.
If your feelings of unhappiness are carried over from your own childhood, you have the right to declare that they have no affect on you now. You can walk away from everything hurtful that has been experienced. Things in the past can not be allowed to follow you into the present.
Your mother seems like a big problem to me. A person who repeatedly told me I was a miserable person would not be someone I'd spend any time with or thinking about. Can you stop seeing her? Your sister too. I hope it's possible for you to separate yourself from their influence.
What creative things do you do for fun? Maybe a new hobby would inspire you.
ETA: I do want to say that Susie above and I do not share similar thinking about happiness. I absolutely believe that happiness IS the main goal in life. Obviously I'm a devote follower of John Lennon! : )
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Post by manda on Aug 20, 2014 18:31:37 GMT
Therapy. I used to dread it as well, but the change in me is noticeable by my friends and colleagues as well as to me. Most have no clue that I'm in therapy. For me, I have to invest in therapy and exercise, regardless of my schedule and other commitments.
Therapy helped me to deal with lingering hurts, address bad behaviors, and change thought processes. It's also nice to just have one person in this world who I can talk to about ANYTHING and not tell me what I should do. My therapist just listens and will prompt me with things to think about and consider, as well as provide me suggestions and tools on how to modify the self defeating behaviors I used to have.
I still occasionally have my struggles, but I'm in THE BEST place emotionally and mentally that I have ever been in my life. My only regret is not taking therapy more seriously in my 20s and putting off consistent and productive therapy until I was 35. |
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Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 0:21:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 18:36:55 GMT
I have struggled with this. I did go to therapy for a while and I think it helped a lot. BUT, this book really changed my life: Your Erroneous Zones
The author has written many other books, which I read after this one, and they did nothing for me - it's not like he became my guru or something. But for some reason, this particular book just totally resonated with me, and gave me a new way of looking at life. I totally credit it with making me a MUCH happier and more content person. I urge you to check it out - can't hurt, might help, right? Good luck, I really hope you find something that works for you! I am here to tell you it's possible  |
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 20, 2014 18:42:24 GMT
You are worth the time, the effort and the expense. You have to start somewhere and therapy is the first big step.
I would also explore other possibilities as the root causes of your depression. Have you had a physical and blood work lately. I have an autoimmune disease, Hashimoto's Thyroiditus and one of the symptoms is depression because you are not getting enough thyroid hormone. Most doctors only check TSH and fail to diagnose this often. If you want more info please feel free to peamail me.
If your depression has been life long with no relief, there could be an underlying medical root cause. Take care honey.
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Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 0:21:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2014 19:15:37 GMT
I'm sorry that you feel this way. But if you aren't willing to go to therapy to try to fix this, then you just haven't hit rock bottom yet. When it gets to be more than you can bear, then you will be willing to try anything to get it fixed.
Have you tried focusing on the positive things in your life? Post positive sayings around your house and create an affirmation about all the positive things about you and read it every day. It's a start.
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amom23
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Post by amom23 on Aug 20, 2014 19:49:01 GMT
Why do you hate yourself so much? That is an awful thing to think and feel about yourself.  I agree with others who suggest you reconsider therapy. Normal, happy, healthy people don't say and feel those things. I don't walk around thinking my life is all rainbows and butterflies, but I guess I'm a happy person. Life is never perfect, but I am content. I have a lot to be grateful for and I am. |
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Post by Dictionary on Aug 20, 2014 20:58:23 GMT
I remember after being abused emotionally and physically by my ex-husband I felt pretty crappy, my bff at the time told me I needed to learn to love myself. She told me to do this exercise until I believed it. I won't promise it will work for you and therapy is definitely a good option but what I did that helped me is stand in front of a mirror, look myself in the eye and say I love you. I felt weird the first few times, heck I even giggled it felt so stupid but I just kept doing it until I truly could look at myself and not only believe it but feel it. I had to be serious with myself when saying it but honestly it changed my life because I felt better about me. I hope you find some happiness. For me I was always told if you can't love yourself how can you love anyone else {{HUGS}}
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eastcoastpea
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Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 20, 2014 21:03:43 GMT
I'm sorry that you are so unhappy and depressed. Please know that I care about you even though we have never met. Please consider another try at therapy. Not every therapist is a good fit. Hugs and positive vibes being sent to you.
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Post by shevy on Aug 20, 2014 21:07:00 GMT
Why do you hate yourself so much? That is an awful thing to think and feel about yourself. I agree with others who suggest you reconsider therapy. Normal, happy, healthy people don't say and feel those things. I don't walk around thinking my life is all rainbows and butterflies, but I guess I'm a happy person. Life is never perfect, but I am content. I have a lot to be grateful for and I am. I think she knows that it's not good to hate herself. I don't think you intended it to be, but your statement about it being awful probably doesn't help her at all. I think in your case, you are the textbook case for a dual approach of meds and therapy. The meds help control the feelings until a therapist can help you get to the root of why you feel that way. If you're not willing to do traditional therapy, look for some books on DBT for low self esteem. |
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amom23
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Post by amom23 on Aug 20, 2014 22:04:44 GMT
Why do you hate yourself so much? That is an awful thing to think and feel about yourself. I agree with others who suggest you reconsider therapy. Normal, happy, healthy people don't say and feel those things. I don't walk around thinking my life is all rainbows and butterflies, but I guess I'm a happy person. Life is never perfect, but I am content. I have a lot to be grateful for and I am. I think she knows that it's not good to hate herself. I don't think you intended it to be, but your statement about it being awful probably doesn't help her at all. I think in your case, you are the textbook case for a dual approach of meds and therapy. The meds help control the feelings until a therapist can help you get to the root of why you feel that way. If you're not willing to do traditional therapy, look for some books on DBT for low self esteem. 'Um when I said it was awful to hate yourself I meant it to mean I feel sad for the OP and hope she can get the help she needs. Sorry you took it the wrong way. I hope the OP understood my reply. |
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Aug 20, 2014 23:33:35 GMT
I think you need some therapy to work through it. However, When you catch yourself saying horrible things about yourself, stop. Say "that's not true, I'm a good person because... 1.xxxx 2.xxx and 3.xxx" You say it enough then it becomes your truth.
Do nice things for yourself and tell yourself that you deserve it (you do!)
Try to exercise more.
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I agree with others who suggest you reconsider therapy. Normal, happy, healthy people don't say and feel those things.
