zella
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Post by zella on Apr 18, 2017 7:16:17 GMT
I have gone through an experience recently (I did post about it) that has left me reeling. I feel betrayed by two friends, one of whom I considered my best friend that lives in my community (as opposed to best friends online or who live elsewhere).
I can't talk to these two women. I have sent them e-mails explaining how hurt I am, and that I can't see them right now, because I would just cry, and really there is nothing they can say that will make me feel better.
This is being made worse by the ongoing crap I go through with my mother. I've been in counseling for over a year now, still trying to get through things, and still finding my relationship with her is the deepest, most difficult issue I have. I can't talk to her about anything in my life of any importance because she doesn't want to know. She's told me so. She's a narcissist, and I'm pathetic and still wishing she'd just love me, dammit. My sister would have been way better able to cope with her, probably wouldn't be talking to her at all by now.
Hubby and my daughters say I need to move on, let go of the feelings. I know this makes sense, of course it does, but I don't seem to know how to do this. My mind gets caught up in circles, and I think the same things over and over, and I've been crying a lot. I know life's not fair. And I know that I am almost always going to care more about others than they care about me. As I said to these two friends, I would not in a million years have done to them what they did to me. Wouldn't happen. I am very loyal and I hate to hurt people.
I'm way too soft, too easily hurt, too fragile. I know this. I know there are other Peas like me. How do you deal with betrayal? How do you cope with having your heart broken? Is there anything that has helped you through tough times like these?
TIA
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Post by gar on Apr 18, 2017 7:18:48 GMT
I don't know how to answer you but I just wanted to send you a hug ((hug))
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Apr 18, 2017 7:24:49 GMT
I don't know how to answer you but I just wanted to send you a hug ((hug)) Thank you. That has made me smile. |
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Post by babybuttoneyes on Apr 18, 2017 7:28:58 GMT
You sort of sound like my twin. I had this happen a couple of times with friends I've made online (because in real life I find it hard to even make friends thanks to Aspie social difficulty). But the most recent heartbreak with a person happened to me in September/October and I'm really annoyed that 6 months later, I'm still crying almost instantly when I think about the person and I can't stop thinking about either the good times, the bad moments and the abandonment. I'm like you, I always want to be friends and am loyal and like them obviously more than they ever feel toward me.
Anyway, I'm not one to tell you I've found the magic secret of making the pain and disappointment and missing what never happened go away. I cry sometimes when I'm alone, feel the pain, distract myself with things I like (books, fan fiction, tv shows, online forums) and a lot of the times, I've vented and talked to other people online that I've known to either vent or get ideas on how to cope or talking to take my mind off and usually other people are nice to me and I find new people to talk to long term. If you can do that in person with someone even better!
This probably doesn't help you but I'm saying I feel you! Worst feelings in the world.
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Post by claire on Apr 18, 2017 7:59:47 GMT
I am so sorry to read this! <big hug> You are not too soft or fragile; when someone hurts you physically, nobody in their right mind would say that you are too fragile for feeling pain. The same goes for mental hurt. (I hope I make sense, I am not a native speaker.) I would like to recommend a book that could maybe be an eye opener and of validation to you: "Will I ever be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers", by Karyl Mc Bride. Helped me enormously.
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Post by christine58 on Apr 18, 2017 10:59:03 GMT
Have either person reached out to you after you emailed them?? They absolutely betrayed you. As for your mom.....I'd stop all interactions with her for awhile. It does nothing but hurt you and she can't change who she is but you can decide to be done with her. If she wasn't your mom, would you even be friends with her???
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 18, 2017 11:27:36 GMT
I'd say that counseling might not be helping you if you find no "relief" or help after going.
I've been there with a mother who you don't feel loves you or cares. I treat her like an acquaintance as I'll never be able to change how she acts.
It's not healthy to keep throwing yourself in front of the bus, so to speak, loyal or not.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Apr 18, 2017 11:51:43 GMT
Just ordered the book that Claire recommended! I'm sorry that you are going through this. I haven't read your original post on the matter, but i'm going through something similar in that I've recently been hurt by people who weren't being very kind to me in my opinion.
I just really don't understand why it is so difficult to be kind to others?!! I finally had enough and let them know they hurt me. That was completely ignored...for days. One acknowledge it because they weren't really getting a response from me since they didn't. The other hasn't acknowledged it at all. I'm kind of doing the same as you at this point, spinning with the wow they literally don't care enough to apologize. I didn't even get an i'm sorry you feel that way apology...
So i'm with you in that I realize it's hard to let it go and move on. I know I need to in my situation. In a way I've accepted that they aren't who i'd like them to be, but I don't know how to move forward with them in that I will have contact (they're family.) I'll be watching this in hopes that you get some good advice...in the meantime ((HUGS)) to you.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 18, 2017 13:21:09 GMT
My sister that I was best friends with abandoned me when DH was diagnosed with cancer. She just disappeared from my life. She denies it and said she doesn't think she did. Well, when we went from speaking every day to only speaking every 3 months, it feels like abandonment to me. When I would call her to do something, she was never available. Never.
It took a couple of years, but I have reached the point where I am polite, as if to an acquaintance, but I have NO expectations of more from our relationship.
I'm sorry, it takes time.
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Post by mellowyellow on Apr 18, 2017 14:01:31 GMT
I don't know the answer to that and I wish I did as I am going through something very similar. We had a friend that we felt was acting inappropriately and when we tried talking to him he turned it all around on us. Now he doesn't have anything to do with us but will hang out with DH's family and post it all over social media how glad he gets to spend time with his "family".
It hurts....it truly does. He has gone so far to spread lies about us and attack our parenting. This happened back in February and to be honest I'm still not over it. I hate that it takes up so much room in my head. He knew exactly how to hurt us and that was by using our kids. It just sucks because we did think of him and his wife as family and included them in all our get togethers. Now it's just awkward and although I know we can't dictate who DH's family is friends with, it just hurts knowing they still are in contact with them knowing what they have done to us.
Zella...I am so very sorry you are going through this on top of your medical issues. I hope you can find a way to move on. Be kind to yourself and big hugs!
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Mystie
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Post by Mystie on Apr 18, 2017 14:10:17 GMT
I had several friendships go very bad all at the same time (we were all mutual friends) and it took me years to get past it. I'm a pretty sensitive person, too. The experience definitely made me even warier about who I befriend and how close they get to be.
I do think it does help to make new friends--and I totally realize that is easier than it sounds! I don't mean to go looking for a new BFF, just a new casual acquaintance or two. I made a couple of new friends in the wake of my experience, and even though those relationships didn't survive long term, they helped in the moment. One was with my next-door neighbor who had just moved in. Just having someone around who seemed to like me and my company was really healing. It made me feel like less of a pariah. (I had been told in no uncertain terms by my previous friends that my friendship skills were sorely lacking.)
I'm sorry you are hurting over all of this. I do think it's possible to move on, but give yourself time to heal and in the meantime, reach out to others as you have the strength and energy. It helps.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Post by freebird on Apr 18, 2017 14:20:02 GMT
My answer was to cut them out of my life and out of my will.
really.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like therapy is the right answer. Is your therapist having you journal? Maybe you could write a letter to your friends and your mother and say all the things you really want to say and all the ugly things you think.
(don't mail it though).
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Apr 18, 2017 15:01:28 GMT
This is being made worse by the ongoing crap I go through with my mother. I've been in counseling for over a year now, still trying to get through things, and still finding my relationship with her is the deepest, most difficult issue I have. I can't talk to her about anything in my life of any importance because she doesn't want to know. She's told me so. She doesn't care about you- she's told you so. So why don't you just cut her out of your life for a certain time? Just tell yourself that you're going to block her number on your phone, not contact her for 3 months (or whatever) and see how you feel. You can't worry about the consequences you just have to do it. Do you not think you'd be so much better off without her in your life? If you can find the courage and strength to do that I think you'd feel like a giant boulder has been lifted from you. Seriously, just block her and go on with life. To me it sounds like you keep picking up a prickly porcupine and wishing and hoping and expecting it to be a soft cuddly kitten. It isn't and it never will be. You're just hurting yourself. Talking to a therapist about her isn't going to change her. She's who she is and she's shown you that your whole life. I'm truly sorry you have such an unloving mom. (((hugs))) |
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rickmer
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Post by rickmer on Apr 18, 2017 16:28:56 GMT
i can totally relate as well. i have been dealing with the loss of my best friend for about 5 years now. just when i think "i am over it".... something else pop up and brings it front and centre and i am dragged down by feelings of sadness.
stupidly, i reached out again recently as my DH had cause to speak to her DH. her DH called me right after they spoke and we caught up, we always got along well and it was a great conversation. so stupidly, i reached out to her by text (she doesn't answer the phone. ever.).
her reply was so flippant, so insincere (which hallmark card did you copy *that* from?) that i didn't even reply. i realized if that is how she thinks, there is nothing left to be said. i kicked myself for even putting myself out there again.
upon reflection, that final slap was needed so *i* could realize it is well and truly a dead relationship. now she is just someone i used to know. and you know what, i am finally okay with it.
(((hugs))) to you.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:09:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2017 16:35:28 GMT
I've moved on. I am still not speaking to one sister, but am on good terms with another sister. But I'll never have that closeness we had growing up. I'm sure, eventually, I'll be speaking to the other sister again. But only for family celebrations, etc. Never again will I pick up the phone and chat like we used to. The hurt is still around, and I suppose will always be, but I can't let it take me to that place I was at before. Toxic family members will no longer take up space in my thoughts. I've gained a lot of weight within a short period of time because of the emotional eating I was doing. I told myself enough was enough. I know I'm not as soft and forgiving as I used to be.
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smcast
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Post by smcast on Apr 18, 2017 17:49:21 GMT
Accept them for who they are, not what you wish they would be. When you are disappointed with friends, figure out if you can forgive and move forward or not. If they've hurt you to the point of a friendship deal breaker, communicate that (as you have) and look forward.
Don't allow others actions change you and thus, rob you of your life's joy.
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Post by Zee on Apr 18, 2017 18:03:19 GMT
I see this board as being full of women who validate your feelings every time you post, even though they have no idea what the other side of the coin is. Maybe you made things excessively difficult for the women you worked with. No one here has questioned you in the slightest on what your part was in being removed from the club. From your posts, it sounds like you are exceptionally needy and unreliable due to a host of illnesses or perceived illnesses (you said yourself you are a hypochondriac).
I'm giving you tough love here. Try focusing on how many women RIGHT HERE give you unconditional love and validation, and how you get that 24/7. Not all friends are meant to be life-long and if you never examine your part in those friendships ending, you never grow.
Often from you it's a list of reasons why you CAN'T, instead of why you CAN. Counseling doesn't work, your mother doesn't want to focus on your illnesses, your theater group wants to replace you. Throw those things to the wind and make a list of I CAN. You could share it here. Make even one life-affirming post today about what you got accomplished that was not related to illness. Your husband sounds like a saint. Start with focusing on his support rather than how you perceive others have failed you, and build from there.
I'm sure someone will be quick to pop in and tell me I just "don't get it", because I'm not chronically ill, but I think I do. I just see it from another angle. Life is largely what you choose to make of it. You are still here, the birds are still singing, and we only get one shot at living so it's best to make the most of it. A patient of mine recently died. He had bilateral leg amputations, one above the knee, and recently had one of his hands amputated. He was largely confined to a wheelchair the last couple of years. He was on dialysis and insulin and multiple other medications and really overall just lost the genetic lottery. But he NEVER failed to have a kind word or a joke for us in the office. I am so glad I got to tell him how much I appreciated that, when I last saw him. I know you are not him and obviously that's not easy for you, but merely existing and focusing on what's not fair isn't really living.
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Post by Zee on Apr 18, 2017 18:06:13 GMT
And just to give you a couple positives I see in you: You are kind! You are generous with that kindness here! You obviously want to live a better life and you're still here to prove it, so I think you are much stronger than you realize or give yourself credit for.  |
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Post by originalvanillabean on Apr 18, 2017 18:07:02 GMT
Often from you it's a list of reasons why you CAN'T, instead of why you CAN. Counseling doesn't work, your mother doesn't want to focus on your illnesses, your theater group wants to replace you. Throw those things to the wind and make a list of I CAN. You could share it here. Make even one life-affirming post today about what you got accomplished that was not related to illness. Great advice! |
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PrettyInPeank
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Apr 18, 2017 19:07:23 GMT
Hugs Zella. ❤️
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Apr 18, 2017 19:25:05 GMT
You sort of sound like my twin. I had this happen a couple of times with friends I've made online (because in real life I find it hard to even make friends thanks to Aspie social difficulty). But the most recent heartbreak with a person happened to me in September/October and I'm really annoyed that 6 months later, I'm still crying almost instantly when I think about the person and I can't stop thinking about either the good times, the bad moments and the abandonment. I'm like you, I always want to be friends and am loyal and like them obviously more than they ever feel toward me. Anyway, I'm not one to tell you I've found the magic secret of making the pain and disappointment and missing what never happened go away. I cry sometimes when I'm alone, feel the pain, distract myself with things I like (books, fan fiction, tv shows, online forums) and a lot of the times, I've vented and talked to other people online that I've known to either vent or get ideas on how to cope or talking to take my mind off and usually other people are nice to me and I find new people to talk to long term. If you can do that in person with someone even better! This probably doesn't help you but I'm saying I feel you! Worst feelings in the world. I'm sorry you deal with this too. My heart was broken by a friend about 8 years ago; I still miss her, sometimes, and still feel sad. Like you I've been doing a lot to try to distract myself and have actually asked people to help me by telling me something positive about me because my thoughts about myself are so negative. My counselor says that asking for what I need is an important step. Sending you a big cyber hug; wish I could give you one in person. |
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Post by myboysnme on Apr 18, 2017 19:34:06 GMT
I cut them immediately out of my life. If I die tomorrow I am not spending any of my time dealing with that shit. My sister and half sister are cut off completely.
I would rather be alone, lonely and living in a cardboard box than deal with what it means to have them in my life. I don't have more than 1 gazillion googleplex waslabeen people on this earth in my life and don't miss them at all, so these other 2 can go as well. Even if I have only me in this life, it's better than the toxic shit from people related to me, or who once liked me, or whatever but that's dead and gone. |
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Post by librarylady on Apr 18, 2017 19:48:40 GMT
Z*G gave you some good advice.
I'd like to suggest in addition....I read a book once, How to Survive the Loss of a Love.
It had some concrete suggestions on how to move past the loss.
One I remember (and have used)...when your mind goes back to the incident, or that person--just say outloud, "Stop!"
and force yourself to think of something else. It sounds foolish, but it works to break the chain of remembering ___ and then getting dragged down by that memory.
I wish you well. It may turn out to be a wonderful thing to get toxic people out of your life.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Apr 18, 2017 19:50:16 GMT
I am so sorry to read this! <big hug> You are not too soft or fragile; when someone hurts you physically, nobody in their right mind would say that you are too fragile for feeling pain. The same goes for mental hurt. (I hope I make sense, I am not a native speaker.) I would like to recommend a book that could maybe be an eye opener and of validation to you: "Will I ever be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers", by Karyl Mc Bride. Helped me enormously. Your English is perfect, Claire. I would not have known that you aren't a native speaker. Thank you for that book recommendation; i just downloaded it to my Kindle. And there are other books mentioned on that page that I might want to read after this one. It's true that we don't give emotional hurt the same value that we do physical hurt. And for most of us the emotional ones are probably harder to recover from. And then we get sick from our emotional pain, so it's translated into physical pain as well. I'm sorry you have had to deal with a difficult mother. My brother and sister were both far more able to deal with our mother's nonsense. I'm the one who keeps coming back for more. Part of that is being the oldest, I'm sure. |
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Post by femalebusiness on Apr 18, 2017 19:57:29 GMT
One I remember (and have used)...when your mind goes back to the incident, or that person--just say outloud, "Stop!" and force yourself to think of something else. It sounds foolish, but it works to break the chain of remembering ___ and then getting dragged down by that memory. I wish you well. It may turn out to be a wonderful thing to get toxic people out of your life. Saying STOP out loud does work when your mind keeps going in circles. I came up with that on my own when I was dealing with some family things that weren't ever going to change. It actually did help me to curb the over and over thinking/dwelling that I had going on. |
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Post by disneypal on Apr 18, 2017 19:59:12 GMT
Someone really betrayed and hurt me.
What helped me was lots of praying and a lot of time. I have been able to move on but the feelings of betrayal/hurt still rise up from time to time.
I am sorry this happened to you, it is so hard to deal with betrayal
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Post by refugeepea on Apr 18, 2017 20:15:57 GMT
I was going to type out an awful situation my BIL, sister, and their family has gone through, but here's what she did.
She has to still interact with these people because of her job. She sent them e-mails and told them not to pretend like they are friends, don't act like everything is okay, she will remain cordial, but she will not have anything to do with them because of their heinous, vindictive actions they took with her husband. She did go to the superintendent and told him when I walk out of this office, I know I'm walking out with my dignity. I can't say the same for you.
Don't dwell on it, don't give them that power. You don't have to forgive them. They are dead to you. They aren't worth your time and effort. With your health issues, don't let them weigh you down anymore. Delete them from facebook, delete them from your phone contacts, send 1 last e-mail and be done. Maybe meeting with the director of the theater board 1 last time face to face will help.
Trust me, I have had this happen with a friend. I was always the rescuer, she was always the user. It came down to prioritizing. My family is more important than when she turned to drugs for a time. I could not rescue her from another bad relationship when I begged her to take time for herself.
Find things that make YOU happy. Netflix, reading, adult coloring books, sit outside, a small walk, a hobby, or a home project that is easy. I understand it's shitty not being able to go anywhere or do much. I'm pretty much home bound for different reasons. Find things that keep your mind busy so you aren't dwelling on your crappy ex friends. Don't give them more thought than they give you.
ETA: Your mom seems toxic. Cut her out of your life or treat her like an acquaintance.
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Post by papersilly on Apr 18, 2017 20:20:54 GMT
My answer was to cut them out of my life and out of my will. really. that would be my answer too. i'm not big on the whole "broken heart" thing so i just cut the relationship and move on. sometimes relationships mend themselves down the line but i wouldn't go chasing after it. to me, that exacerbates the feeling of heart break, betrayal or abandonment and i just don't want to deal with that. |
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Apr 18, 2017 20:56:59 GMT
christine58: Have either person reached out to you after you emailed them?? They absolutely betrayed you. As for your mom.....I'd stop all interactions with her for awhile. It does nothing but hurt you and she can't change who she is but you can decide to be done with her. If she wasn't your mom, would you even be friends with her? The initial e-mails came from these two women. They independently relayed feeling really bad about what "happened." Both wanted to talk to me in person. Both have responded to my e-mails with "let us know when you want to talk." I keep intending to stop contact with my mother. Really, I do. But it is infinitely harder now that I don't have my sister, who was both a good sounding board and emotional support. I would never be friends with my mother if we weren't related. I have pretty much nothing in common with her and she makes me very uncomfortable much of the time. papercrafteradvocate: I am concerned that my therapy isn't helping, although I do give it credit for my not actively pursuing suicide on multiple occasions. The new psychiatrist I'm seeing does therapy as well as meds, and also mind-body care, so I'm hopeful he can help me. I'm sorry you have a mother like that too. momto4kiddos: I'm so sorry you're going through this too. It sucks so much. I do believe my friends feel bad about what happened; but I guarantee they don't feel as bad as I do, and there is no explanation they could give me for their behavior towards me that would make sense to me emotionally. I told them both that if my behavior was "that bad," then why didn't they talk to me about it, as a friend, and not let it get to this point? Neither one replied to that, and both insist I am wonderful, but to me that's just talk. mikklynn: that is awful. I am so, so sorry. Some people cannot cope with illness or dying and will just disappear. But your sister, with whom you had a close relationship prior to your husband's diagnosis? That really, really sucks. mellowyellow: oh boy, that sounds hard. At least when it's not family you can usually remove yourself from seeing the person who hurt you. And I totally get feeling hurt that other family members still spend time with this person. And attacking your parenting is really low. Nasty. I'm sorry. Sending you a hug! Mystie: thank you for your lovely words. I'm sorry that you are familiar with this experience. freebird: good for you! I wish I could do that. It's how my brother's handled our mother. You and he are made of sterner stuff than I am, I'm afraid. Susie_Homemaker: thank you for those wise words. I come from a family where people were kicked out of lives for all kinds of reasons. My paternal grandfather didn't talk to his own mother for years because he finally figured out he was a seven-month baby. So what, right? My maternal grandmother was a massive narcissist who regularly stopped talking to family members. My mother was kept from family members she loved because of her parents, then turned around and did the same thing to her kids. I guess part of my reluctance to cut off ties with my mother is that I've tried so hard to break the pattern. But I realize that I can break the pattern with MY daughters, MY granddaughter, MY cousins, MY husband; it doesn't have to include my mother. My husband has cut his sister out of his life after several very selfish and painful behaviors towards him. He seems okay with it. Ironic. rickmer: it's amazing how long these things can hold us, isn't it? I do hope you feel more of a sense of closure now. It's really painful. Hugs right back to you. smcast: finding joy is very hard for me for the last couple of years. I just grabbed a Cora cuddle (my granddaughter). I try to hang onto those little things. And you are right; I have to figure out if there is a place in my life for these people or not. That is good advice. Zee: I can accept the tough love. Perhaps I have grown, because it doesn't just make me angry and go to denial. I do not believe I made things difficult, and this wasn't shared with me. There was one man who I had a very long talk with one time, because he wanted to know why I always seemed so angry with him. We talked it out, and I really thought things were better, but he continued to treat me in ways I didn't like, and apparently he felt the same about me. But with the women? No, there was never any problem. I had a few times when my physical illnesses made things hard, but we got through those times together. I never just didn't show up because I was ill, or anything like that. I don't think I'd classify my relationship with the board or with the two women as "needy." No one ever said or suggested this, even during the recent falling out. The criticisms, and these have NOT been from my two friends, have been that I am too open about my thoughts and feelings, that I don't "toe the party line," as it were. Valid. I do genuinely have a lot of illnesses including multiple auto-immune disorders. But is some of it psychosomatic? Absolutely. I'm not afraid to admit that, or own up to it. Your statement that not all friendships are meant to be life-long is so true, as is the part about examining my role in what has occurred. I very much wanted to do this, but my requests for specific information didn't bring a reply (I think the women want to talk to me in person, which I understand, as it is so easy to misconstrue e-mails and such). The spiteful men had quite a heyday with me. And one of them sent a text meant for the two of them to me by accident, and it utterly showed the nasty and sexist behavior of which I had accused them. Ha! Got to be careful with those e-mails. Getting THAT response freed me. I blocked both men's e-mail addresses, and unfriended them on Facebook. I'll definitely tell my husband that he's a saint; he'll like that. He is great most of the time. Our relationship hasn't been an easy road, but I still feel the good outweighs the bad and I truly appreciate how much hubby does for me and for so many others. I truly do appreciate the support I receive here. It has helped me get through some really rough times. I'll try to come up with a positive post today. That is good advice. I am very negative in my thinking. I know there are people who have it SO much worse yet remain upbeat and happy. I think some of that is genetics, some is environment, some is self-care. I've never been that person and while I admire those traits, I can't quite imagine living that way. By the way, Zee, part of the reason I can take what you said and hopefully use it, is because it feels like it comes from a place of caring, kindness and love. There are a few refupeas who are just nasty, and it is easy to see the difference. I actually blocked two people because of their nasty ways. Took me years to do it, but I finally did, and you know what? I don't miss them at all!
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Apr 18, 2017 21:10:25 GMT
And just to give you a couple positives I see in you: You are kind! You are generous with that kindness here! You obviously want to live a better life and you're still here to prove it, so I think you are much stronger than you realize or give yourself credit for. I didn't see this until I'd already posted my epic response. But you just proved what I said. Thank you so much! As I've said before, caretaking and being kind is a huge part of how I define myself, so those compliments mean a great deal to me. myboysnme: as I said in my prior response, my husband can do this, and has. So can pretty much every other person around me. I think it is my reaction to wanting to not be like my mother and other family members, and so I go to the opposite extreme and hang on to relationships even when they are toxic, and beat myself up for not being good enough when others disappoint me (that may not come through in my words, but I have a HUGE amount of guilt over my own actions, real or perceived, any time that I have personal problems). librarylady: thank you. I'm going to add that to my box of tools starting today. And I'll check out that book, too. refugeepea: thank you for lots of really good advice. I am printing out this thread so that I can have read all this advice easily. Doing that right now. It's a small step, but at least it's a positive one. |
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