I want to hear your funny stories anything to laugh

My brother is 47 and went gray really early.  (See attached photo of him and his wife who is 48).

The other day at lunch, he paid for his lunch and for a co-worker at a pizza buffet place.  All he said when he paid was "2".  They charged him for 1 adult meal and 1 senior meal.  He didn't notice it until I pointed it out to him.  He thought it was hysterical.  

My DD who is 20 and pretty smart but can be a blonde... In high school we were going to a volleyball game and we were out in the middle of the country and I pointed out to some brown cows and jokingly said, "look there is where your chocolate milk came from".... Yeah, she was quite for about 5 whole minutes trying to process that. I could see the look on her face going... realllly??

Then almost around the same time, she looked at me and said "Why does Chick-Fil-A have cows as their mascots?"... again I just looked at her and never said a word... She finally saw the light...

This girl was an honor roll girl.. was National Honor Society.. good grades in her first year of college... I HAVE NO IDEA HOW... hahaha

crazy4scraps  That is so funny. I went gray early too, but I color mine. I am 3 years younger than him. His kids have stopped asking me if I'm old.

I have wildflowers growing in my little fenced in suburban backyard. The other day my sister came over to help me identify the flowers. We took the dogs out with us and started to explore the yard. She noticed that there were several different kinds of lilies. As we were walking around, talking about the lilies, one of my three dogs kept running up to us. I'd shoo her away and we'd continue on talking about the lilies and asking each other "it that a common lily?" "Oh, here's another lily plant", ect. The same dog kept running up to us. Finally, my sister had enough and wanted to know just what that dog wanted! It took me a few minutes and then I realized the dog that kept running over to us was my beagle. Named - Lily. So every time we said "lily", she thought we were calling for her. I had to laugh. At least I know "Lily" knows her name!

When my daughter was 9 or 10, she had to get a sports physical.
Eye exam goes like this
Cover your right eye so we can check your left eye now read the chart
Now cover left eye. Read the chart
Now both
Sweetie how can you read the chart with both eyes covered.

Yes I left the room and probably wet myself.

We invited my family over for a birthday party a few weeks ago. We have a dog, Carbon, a black lab-boxer mix. She has a naturally boxy build, but, at 7 years old, is putting on some mid-life weight (she's fat), which is common for labs, since they like to eat so much. My older brother brought his dog, Delta, a golden retriever. She is almost 2 and is very, very slim.

My younger brother's youngest son, J is 6. He hasn't had very much exposure to our dog as we have, until very recently, lived out of state. And don't live close enough now for him to know our dog.

All the kids were outside playing with the dogs and my nephew J kept referring to our dog as "he". So DH told him Carbon is a girl. He looked at DH very skeptically, then explained in exasperation, "But she's black!" DH assured him that color had no bearing on her gender. Then J very carefully pointed out that Delta, who he knew was a girl, was skinny with a fluffy tail, and our dog was fat with a thin tail. DH then assured J that girls can be fat too.

My little brother, who is a deputy sheriff, just laughed and said he would have a talk with J about profiling.

This is from several years ago as I was introducing DD to word problems.

Me: Dad and Ben ate eleven cookies altogether. Dad ate five and Ben ate the rest. How many cookies did Ben eat?

DD: The rest! (pauses, then says excitedly) I'm really good at this, huh, Mom?

My seven year old nephew is a sweet kid. He broke his leg recently and is a bit bored with being immobile in a cast. I asked him the other day how he feels and he replies 'I'm down and out but I'm still rocking my own kind of awesome'.

Whenever Mother and I leave a doctor's appointment, she always wants to call my dad and tell him we are on our way home and how the appointment went. Never mind that we will be home in less than 30 minutes and he is probably napping in his recliner.

I'm always driving in these instances so one day she is in the passenger seat dialing the cell phone and she suddenly hangs up. "I don't know what is wrong, I keep dialing our number and some woman answers the phone!"

Daddy wasn't home and she had gotten the answering machine. It was her own voice saying back to her "We aren't home right now, please leave a message..."

We were at church one Sunday morning and it was my family of 5 plus 3 of my older girls friends. We almost took up an entire pew. It was really quiet when they were passing the tray with the cups of juice. It was coming down the pew from my left. About that time youngest dd (small toddler ) dropped her toy and dh leaned over to get it off the floor. I took the tray and spun around to hand it to him (not knowing he was leaned over) and bonked him in the forehead with it. It made this loud bonging sound. Our entire pew was shaking with quiet laughter...which makes you giggle harder bc you know it's an inappropriate moment and you need to be quiet. The people behind us were shaking their pew as well. It was so loud when it hit his head...left a nice little red stripe as well hahahaha. Im sitting here giggling at the memory as my dds look oddly at me

Edited bc my autocorrect made pew into pee...which made me laugh even harder

Love this! This kidlet has a super cool attitude! I must remember this on those days when I am having a rough time.

No good deed goes unpunished! LOL