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Post by delila on Aug 21, 2014 15:05:30 GMT
Update a year past. So much has happened. My so called friend had the old guy, Rusty, sign a POA & with it gave her the rights to his home (that he was not living in), his 2 vehicles, his stocks & bonds, bank account & any other financial dealings she could get her hands on. Then she proceeded to wipe him out! All he has left is his SS!! She put the proceeds of the sale of the home in her drug abusers name for future use. He's been in & out of rehab 10-12 times, he's 47. If he hasn't figured it out yet I don't think he will. Rusty is devastated. My so called friend has not seen him since thanksgiving when she dropped him off at my place for the day bc she couldn't have him!!! It's all so so sad. Bright side is that I see him weekly & his health is good for a 96 year old guy!! We have fun together & he is truly a delight to me! I thought some might like to hear an update, even tho it's been a year.
delila
I have been friends with SD for more than 20 years. I have helped her through her divorce, drug abusing sons (2 boys addicted), I take care of her 95 year old grandfather. I have done a lot for her & her family & truly love her & her family. I try not to bother her with trivial things because she works & has grand kids & is busy with them. If I do call or text her she does not call or text back, ever. Now if she needs something from me I am dependable, reliable & always there for her.
This friendship is one sided isn't it? I should just take care of the old man & be done with her shouldn't I? I am at a point in my life where I am ok letting friendships go....they are important to me but I won't be used any longer & I feel used.
Please tell me what ya'll think.
delila
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 21, 2014 15:20:42 GMT
I would be done. I don't stay friends with people who give no response at all. It may just be her style not to answer anyone, but that wouldn't fly with me. If they don't have consideration for me, I would not have time for them.
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Post by alibama on Aug 21, 2014 15:23:19 GMT
I am sorry to say I would be done too  |
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Post by piapea on Aug 21, 2014 15:26:16 GMT
Hard for me to say.
Do you take care of her Grandfather for love of him, money, or just for her?
Do you ask for her help, tell her your problems and involve her in your life?
Does she respond, or does she only call when she needs help?
I too have a friend who always needs emotional support and has not been there for me when I really needed her. I told her a few years ago how I felt and it has really changed our relationship for the better. Some people just need to be told (aka-knock on the head) how to respond and to help.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 21, 2014 15:26:25 GMT
If you feel used, it is time to end the friendship. I just feel like friendship should be easy. There's enough stress in life to deal with, I don't want it coming from my friends.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 2:25:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2014 15:27:13 GMT
sorry to say I'd be done too...This helped me when I realized a needed to let go....several times in the last couple of years actually.... (I probably held on longer than I should have)...I realized there was NOTHING in this friendship for me...and I let go:
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
~Author Unknown
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Post by pmm on Aug 21, 2014 15:27:25 GMT
I know people like that. I quit calling them. It was very freeing.
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Post by leannec on Aug 21, 2014 15:33:58 GMT
I had to let a friendship like that go a number of years ago ... it just isn't worth it ...
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927 
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Post by freebird on Aug 21, 2014 15:36:36 GMT
My "friend" told me she'd call me back. I'm still waiting on her call. It's been 15 years now.
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bomo
Full Member
Posts: 150
Jun 26, 2014 15:54:49 GMT
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Post by bomo on Aug 21, 2014 15:46:04 GMT
I would say you are being used. As tough as it might be to lose a friend, I would distance myself and find someone who would be a true friend.
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Post by delila on Aug 21, 2014 15:46:37 GMT
I take care of the grandfather out of pure love. There isn't anyone else to do it. SD does not take the time to spend with him like she should. He has been used by her & her drug abusing boys, they have taken money from him, lots of money, vehicles, tools, the list goes on & on. The grandfather comes to my home on the holidays because she thinks he's too much of a bother!! I find him a delight to be around & we have a great time together.
SD only calls/texts when she needs something from me or my husband, a favour. I think from now on I will stop dealing with her & just handle the grandfather & have less stress in my life. It does bother me so much that she does this to me & it has been going on for years & I've put up with it. I don't care if she does it to everyone, it's rude & I don't have to put up with her shit!!
delila
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 21, 2014 15:48:10 GMT
Your post says you are done.
Just wondering if you get paid to take care of the 95 year old grandfather. If not, then I would be done with that too. If you are close to him then check in as a friend but that is not your job to take care of her family member.
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Post by vicloo on Aug 21, 2014 16:08:57 GMT
She does not sound like she is deserving of your love. As much as it hurts you, I too think you should call it quits.
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,595
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Aug 21, 2014 16:11:49 GMT
It sounds like her boys are just like her. I'd help the grandfather but wash my hands of her and her family!
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Post by kimpossible on Aug 21, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
One side friendships are so difficult. I find that in situations like this the other person (who is not giving, just taking) cannot even understand why you don't want that kind of relationship anymore.
Hugs to you. It's hard and I find a grieving process occurs when I have had to do it myself.
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Post by quinlove on Aug 21, 2014 16:21:28 GMT
You have to do what you really, really want to do. Deep down you know what that is and you should do that.
I had to let a long time "friend" go recently and it is very freeing.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,819
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Aug 21, 2014 16:21:41 GMT
Have you told her how you feel? Sometimes people get wrapped up in their own problems and they forget to do the same for others. If she values your friendship, she'll take your feelings to heart.
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Post by delila on Aug 21, 2014 16:30:17 GMT
Thank you so much for putting it all in perspective for me. It is so much easier to see/hear it from others. SD has done some other things that make me question her morals but not stepping up to take care of her grandfather, the man who raised her, is horrible to me.
This weekend she is wants to come over to my house with her sister & her grand kids to swim.....I am unavailable, just like she has been to me for the past week that I have been trying to call/text her. I am only calling her to tell her what the dr said about her grandfathers pacemaker!! Yes, I take him to the dr too, it isn't convenient for her to do it. I do enjoy my time spent with him so I'm not complaining at all, I love being with him.
I will continue to take care of the grandfather as he is not part of the problem at all but I will cut off my friendship with SD & I will feel good about it because this has been a long time coming. I already feel better just having the opportunity to talk about it.
delila
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Post by delila on Aug 21, 2014 16:35:19 GMT
Yes, I have tried to tell her how I feel & she has just brushed my feeling aside telling me I was too sensitive & she didn't have time for friends that demanded too much time. I reeled back my texts/calls & only did so if it pertained to her grandfather. By typing that out, I KNOW what my answer is & I should of walked from her years ago.....
delila
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Post by keknj on Aug 21, 2014 16:44:17 GMT
Thank you so much for putting it all in perspective for me. It is so much easier to see/hear it from others. SD has done some other things that make me question her morals but not stepping up to take care of her grandfather, the man who raised her, is horrible to me. This weekend she is wants to come over to my house with her sister & her grand kids to swim.....I am unavailable, just like she has been to me for the past week that I have been trying to call/text her. I am only calling her to tell her what the dr said about her grandfathers pacemaker!! Yes, I take him to the dr too, it isn't convenient for her to do it. I do enjoy my time spent with him so I'm not complaining at all, I love being with him. I will continue to take care of the grandfather as he is not part of the problem at all but I will cut off my friendship with SD & I will feel good about it because this has been a long time coming. I already feel better just having the opportunity to talk about it. delila
Sounds like you have come to the right decision. Enjoy your time with the grandfather and let the granddaughter find another patsy to do her bidding. |
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 21, 2014 16:48:29 GMT
I think I would be done, too. I think you are making the right decision.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 21, 2014 16:51:47 GMT
I agree - sounds like you've made your decision and I think it's the right one.
She doesn't have time for friends who demand too much time? Seriously? The gal who takes care of HER grandfather and wants to chat is demanding too much time?
Nope. Time to be done.
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Post by papersilly on Aug 21, 2014 16:52:40 GMT
if I feel the friendship I one sided or I am feeling used, I wouldn't bat an eye at dropping that friendship. by definition, that is no longer a friendship so I am done.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,899
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Post by tracylynn on Aug 21, 2014 17:03:05 GMT
SD only calls/texts when she needs something from me or my husband, a favour. Based on that sentence - yes, I'd be done! I'm sorry, it's difficult. |
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,351
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Aug 21, 2014 17:03:03 GMT
It is a hard decision to make for sure. I think sometimes you come to a point when enough is enough. I think you have hit that point. Do what is right for you. Take care of the grandfather and move on with your life.
I had a friend that would come to my state every year to visit. I would clear my calendar to spend time with her. Sometimes she would NEVER call. I thought about how stupid I was being and didn't do that again. We visited a few times after that and now I hear from her very rarely. I am ok with it. |
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Post by delila on Aug 21, 2014 17:04:23 GMT
To add to the story....I took care of her mum too for a few years also while she was ill then she died. I took care of all the funeral arrangements ( I had been in the funeral home business before) , helped her clean out her mums house etc. WTH do I get myself in these situations? Am I really just a sucker, patsy or let people use me? WTH is wrong with me that would allow me to let people do this to me?
delila
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Post by hjs on Aug 21, 2014 17:28:57 GMT
Yes it sounds like you are making the decision that you already knew was the right one for you.
Being with a friend should rejuvenate you, not tire you out or cause you to feel bad. I understand your desire to help out your friend , eg cleaning
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Post by hjs on Aug 21, 2014 17:33:50 GMT
Yes it sounds like you are making the decision that you already knew was the right one for you. Being with a friend should rejuvenate you, not tire you out or cause you to feel bad. I understand your desire to help out your friend , eg cleaning Oops hit create too soon ! I understand your desire to help your friend because that is what friends do. BUT. This has to be reciprocal or it isn't a real friend. Sometimes I think of my closest friends this way : if I was in trouble and needed someone to listen to me or to come to my aid at 3 am,they would. As I would get out of bed and go to their aid when they needed it. Reciprocal! |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 21, 2014 17:34:35 GMT
It sounds like you are making the right decision.
(((hugs))) to you.
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Post by Ellie on Aug 21, 2014 17:38:29 GMT
I take care of the grandfather out of pure love. There isn't anyone else to do it. SD does not take the time to spend with him like she should. He has been used by her & her drug abusing boys, they have taken money from him, lots of money, vehicles, tools, the list goes on & on. The grandfather comes to my home on the holidays because she thinks he's too much of a bother!! I find him a delight to be around & we have a great time together. I'm sorry you have to make this decision. I've been there and it's never easy. You sound lovely and we'd all be lucky to have friends as supportive as you. "I find him a delight to be around." That phrase makes me smile.  |
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