|
|
Post by bwife on Aug 22, 2014 15:25:01 GMT
So we dropped our oldest off at college yesterday, I was very happy for him to go. I am excited for him to experience new things. We unpacked all of his stuff and got it all organized. He has to have stuff organized or it bothers him, I wanted to make sure that he was set and ready to go as classes start on monday, So he does not have alot of time. I was fine driving ( following him, he drove his car, I drove mine) him there, I was fine helping him getting his room together and even shopping for some last min things we decided he needed. I was sad when we left, Cried just a little bit on the way home. Then I sobbed last night at home. now today, I feel so lost. Like I am not sure what I should be doing since the last few weeks have been all about getting him ready for school. Anyone else feel this way? I know he needs to go to school and that he needs to experience this part of life, But I am so worried about him already! Did he make it to breakfast, has he met other kids ( his roommate is not coming till tomorrow), Is he sad, does he need something..... and the list goes on and on. Does that go away? This is A LOT harder on me that I thought it was going to be, and to top it off, My husband is fine... like all of this does not bother him at all. So I think that makes it worse on me. ugh. Tell me I am not the only one!
And I just want to say on a side note..... I am not a helicopter parent ( because I realize that by reading my short story, that it seems helicopterish) I always try to let my kids do stuff on their own. There are times I ask them if they are going someplace to text me and let me know they made it safely ( usually if they are riding with someone that I dont know well) Although I would LOVE to call my kid right now and see if he made it to breakfast before 10am, I am not going to call him, Because I know he needs to do this. I know of a helicopter mom, her kid went to school a week and 1/2 ago, she lives 40 mins from his school, she has been there to see him 6 different times already. and must talk to him on the phone every night before she will go to bed. ugh. the kid feels like he never left home. I am not going to do that to my kid.
|
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,895
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on Aug 22, 2014 15:27:17 GMT
It gets better. It does. I've sent two to college now and I absolutely understand and identify with your feelings. He'll be fine. You'll be fine.
What gets worse is when they graduate college and have real lives - then they are truly no longer a part of your household anymore. No more vacations at home, no more summers at home. I cried myself to sleep after we moved my oldest into her apartment in DC. That's really a life changer.
|
|
Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,229 
|
Post by Peamac on Aug 22, 2014 15:36:43 GMT
(((hugs))) He'll be okay. He'll also meet lots of other freshman that don't know anyone. DD2 just got engaged yesterday to a guy she met (through a friend) on her first day on campus two years ago. There were 4-6 of them that hung out together, taking comfort in the fact that they were all nervous new freshmen together. I worried a lot more about DD2 than DD1 b/c [HASH]2 wasn't as much a student in highschool as [HASH]1. Her grades weren't the greatest her freshman year, but last year she was on the Dean's list both semesters, with all A's and B's! Just remind yourself- if he slept through breakfast, there's always lunch in a couple hours. And the food in his room. And fast food nearby. And supper a bit later in the day. ETA- Now DD1 will be leaving soon for grad school so she won't be able to come home much. That will be hard for me.  |
|
|
|
Post by happymom on Aug 22, 2014 15:47:45 GMT
I am 7 days away from moving my oldest in. I felt mopey this morning and got teary in my bedroom. I put on a brave face for him. He is the last of his friends to move out so I have to watch him say goodbye to all his friends. And my friends kids!!
I don't think you sound helicopterish at all.
|
|
|
|
Post by newfcathy on Aug 22, 2014 15:52:25 GMT
On Monday we will take only child, ds, to college. So I can totally understand your feelings. My ds has serious executive function issues as well so planning & organizing are very difficult for him. I am worrying on the inside !
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
|
|
amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,410
|
Post by amom23 on Aug 22, 2014 15:54:10 GMT
It really does get better. We want our kids to go off and explore the world, but it's hard to see them go.  |
|
|
|
Post by bwife on Aug 22, 2014 15:54:18 GMT
I am 7 days away from moving my oldest in. I felt mopey this morning and got teary in my bedroom. I put on a brave face for him. He is the last of his friends to move out so I have to watch him say goodbye to all his friends. And my friends kids!! I don't think you sound helicopterish at all. My kid was one of the last to leave too.... most of his friends left a week or more before he did. So since he has been home with me, We have also spent more time together in the last week than normal. He is usually home during the week during the day ( he worked mostly nights and weekends) So since the others ( our other kids) went to school over a week ago. It just been me and him at home. And thank you for saying I dont sound helicopterish.... I was just waiting for an old pea to jump on here and say something. lol. I remember the old board very well! |
|
tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
|
Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 22, 2014 16:00:25 GMT
I'll make you a deal. Every time you think of him, miss him & feel weepy, think of me who has my 18 yr. old should-be-off-at-college-but-is-doing-2-years-at-the-local-community-college son here at home. He's all the things they say a teen getting ready to leave the nest should be: defiant, surly, secretive, sarcastic, condescending . . . Only he's not leaving the nest. I get his full performance every day. Joy. So, I'll say a prayer for you and you say one for me.  BTW, I don't think you're being helicoptery at all. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 8:20:55 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 16:02:53 GMT
It gets better with time. If he missed 10 am breakfast he doesn't have to wait long. Lunch will start around 11.
Unless he is at a really tiny school there are multiple options for eating. Not necessarily the most nutritionally balanced but it will tide him over until lunch.
Now, focus on something just for you! That way when he calls not only will the conversation be about his new experiences but you'll have some fun, interesting, happy things to share of your own so that calling mom doesn't feel like a downer to him.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrapnatya on Aug 22, 2014 16:08:54 GMT
It is really hard letting go. I took my oldest for the first time last year. I am dreading taking her back next week too. I just tell myself that it's what is supposed to happen. I've done the hard work of getting her ready to make her own decisions and start being her own person. What am amazing time of life it is for her! It's okay to feel sad and to miss him. And know that if he is hungry, he will find some food! It gets easier. |
|
|
|
Post by stampinbetsy on Aug 22, 2014 16:09:07 GMT
I moved out oldest into the dorm July 25. In the last month, she has taken a class, gone to Paris, and is right now at a choir retreat. It has been a very busy transition. She was in her room by herself for a week before her roommate moved in.
I think she's doing ok. I have my moments. My parents live about 20 minutes from campus, and my mom is loving having her there. We're missing part 3 of orientation this weekend because she is on the retreat, though.
|
|
|
|
Post by emelle64 on Aug 22, 2014 16:10:05 GMT
We're leaving on Monday to drive our daughter to her university 1000 miles away. It's her second year but I'm already dreading it for no other reason than I miss her terribly when she's so far away. She did great first year and I was proud of her many accomplishments but I'm still her mom and I miss her. Last fall was hard.....I was absolutely sobbing when we drove away and left her. The next two days were hard as we drove home and further complicated by a cell phone glitch so we didn't get any texts or anything. The weeks following were hard but we adopted a kitten right at the same time so I spent a lot of the fall with him. Now that sounds crazy doesn't it?  I don't think you sound helicopterish at all. You miss your child. As my children get older I find that I struggle a lot with mixed emotions: I was thrilled my daughter went on a great french exchange in May and thrived but still missed her tons and wished she was at home. I think focusing on something else does help and eventually you will adjust to the new normal. I loved texting my DD although I tried not to be to overwhelm her with texts. I also loved skype because that meant I got to see her when we talked and that helped a lot. I'm starting to tear up just writing this so perhaps I shouldn't be giving advice but it does get better. Hang in there.......and adopt a needy kitten!! (just kidding!) Emelle |
|
|
|
Post by krazykatlady on Aug 22, 2014 16:10:29 GMT
BTDT twice - it does get easier with time, it's just hard getting to that point. And believe it or not, there might even come a time when you think "oh it's so nice having you at home ... now when are you going back?!"   |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 8:20:55 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 16:11:46 GMT
totally normal.....what's really neat is when you get to see them again after a few weeks for months -- it's amazing how fast they have matured/grown! But yes, it is hard and I can't say it got easer the 2nd year. I still have 1 DS at home for 4 more years and I already know that one is going to be tougher! But by then maybe a girlie or two will have moved back in!
|
|
|
|
Post by anxiousmom on Aug 22, 2014 16:18:21 GMT
Not helicopterish at all. My oldest left on Sunday. I spent the first two days wandering around acting like I lost my best friend. I was shocked at how much I was missing him. As I mentioned in another thread, I thought that because we are a divorced family and he was gone for part of the time anyway, I would be prepared for this kind of separation. Oh, but I was wrong. It hasn't been a quite a week yet and I am just sort of getting around to the idea that he is gone. I don't worry so much about food, my kid will be the first to call the pizza delivery guy-he will *find* food. But I worry about stuff like whether or not he will get along with his roommate, the fact that he wants to join a fraternity, the idea that he has joined the National Guard...I have a list of worries that I am working on letting go. So see? You are SO not alone. |
|
|
|
Post by bwife on Aug 22, 2014 16:20:36 GMT
Hang in there.......and adopt a needy kitten!! (just kidding!) lol. yeah, that is not a option. hahaha. we have 4 dogs, there are enough animals in this house. they are not going to help either cause after a day they will start looking for him. any time the kids are gone, usually after a day or 2, the dogs look for them, they try to get up the stairs to their rooms ( we have it blocked by a gate) and they just roam around, You can tell they are looking for something, So I assume its the kids. |
|
|
|
Post by Crack-a-lackin on Aug 22, 2014 16:57:16 GMT
[/quote]lol. yeah, that is not a option. hahaha. we have 4 dogs, there are enough animals in this house. they are not going to help either cause after a day they will start looking for him. any time the kids are gone, usually after a day or 2, the dogs look for them, they try to get up the stairs to their rooms ( we have it blocked by a gate) and they just roam around, You can tell they are looking for something, So I assume its the kids. [/quote]
I'm sure they are looking for the kids. We have a cat that walks around moaning/meowing for my dd when she's gone.
I take my dd to her 2nd year at college soon. It does get easier. When you see them again for the first time and they're so happy (hopefully) and confident and independent... it's such a great feeling. Don't worry about food - he'll definitely find something. And the kids really come together and help each other so he will make new friends soon.
|
|
Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,366
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
|
Post by Jili on Aug 22, 2014 17:24:54 GMT
I could have written your post, pretty much. I'm largely in the same boat! Trying hard not to be the helicopter mom. My dd left for school last week. The good news on my end is that she and I text often anyway, so I have had some minimal communication with her pretty much each day. There have been a couple of roommate issues which I think are going to be problematic as the year continues, and I am trying hard to tell myself that these are for her to work out, not me. It's difficult, though, because my tendency is to want to help and to want things to be good for her.
It's a significant and permanent change to the family dynamic, isn't it? It's overwhelming, but everyone says that it does get better, and I do believe that.
|
|
|
|
Post by kmcginn on Aug 22, 2014 17:56:31 GMT
It really does get easier! Pretty soon you won't think about him every waking moment. Then there will come a day when you went the whole day without worrying and you'll wonder how that happened. Then he'll come home for a weekend and by the end you'll be ready for him to leave again - because after all, your household has gotten used to not having him there, and wow, did he act like that when he was living at home full time? Because really, he's driving you crazy and you do know how to run the house, and who is he to tell you how to do things? LOL
You gett the picture - you'll get used to it quicker than you think.
But hugs to you, because it's hard a H*LL until then!
|
|
raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
|
Post by raindancer on Aug 22, 2014 17:57:39 GMT
((Hugs)) I am not there yet, but gosh I can't imagine how hard it must be. I worry about middle school stuff, and I'm not a worrier. But college is going to be rough, and both of my kids have really big, far away from where we live college aspirations.  |
|
Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,790
Location: Kentucky
|
Post by Kerri W on Aug 22, 2014 18:37:12 GMT
It gets better. It does. I've sent two to college now and I absolutely understand and identify with your feelings. He'll be fine. You'll be fine. What gets worse is when they graduate college and have real lives - then they are truly no longer a part of your household anymore. No more vacations at home, no more summers at home. I cried myself to sleep after we moved my oldest into her apartment in DC. That's really a life changer. So, so true. It will get better. Then they become real live grownups and it happens all over again. lol I was fine taking one of my DDs to college (had a hard time leaving the other one), fine with her graduating, was very excited when she got married this summer. I was really proud of myself. Then she started work last week and has sent me straight to voicemail since...HA! I absolutely understand that she is WAY overwhelmed and I am fine giving her that space but I surprised myself getting teary because I haven't really been able to sit down and talk to her about her class and all that is going on in her life. I'm so excited for her and this is the first big "event" that I haven't been the first person she comes to share it with. It was like a realization that she isn't all mine anymore and has a life of her own. I knew that of course, but the realization has really thrown me for a loop this week. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 8:20:55 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 18:50:23 GMT
I just sent my daughter back to college for her junior year, and we both cried like crazy when she left. You're definitely not alone!
Don't worry about the food -- they manage to feed themselves. It may not be pretty or nutritious, but they aren't going to starve. And he'll meet plenty of people in the same position he is. Remember that they've all left home and are out of their comfort zones. Every one of them is looking to meet and make friends.
Hang in there -- the proud emotions you'll feel when you see how he manages to do everything on his own are very worth it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Aug 22, 2014 18:55:30 GMT
Go into your kitchen get a glass of wine (or what ever drink you like the most) sit down get your phone and text him. just 3 little words. "I LOVE YOU!" drink your glass of choice and relax and have a good night.
|
|
|
|
Post by ilikepink on Aug 22, 2014 19:40:02 GMT
BTDT - It does get better. Couple of things to remember- We need to give our children roots and wings. The roots take longer, but the wings are much harder. Also, my pediatrician I had for my first told me that no child ever starves quietly. If as a grown up, he misses breakfast, he'll figure out how to get lunch pretty quick. I had to mourn the family unit that we had when they all were home for a bit, and then embrace the "new normal". Give it time, it gets better.
|
|
|
|
Post by bwife on Aug 22, 2014 21:10:46 GMT
Thank you everyone for the replies.....Glad to see I am not alone. I guess I should of clarified, I was not so much worried about him making it to breakfast this morning because I am worried he wont eat, I am more worried about him sleeping the entire day away. he is a hard sleeper and some days has a hard time getting up, especially if he was up late playing video games with his friends online. The breakfast thing for me was more of a "Yay he made it up before noon!"
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 8:20:55 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 21:26:29 GMT
ah! I've got a class mate in a 2 pm class. He has a hard time getting up in time for class Your son won't be alone in the sleep late department. |
|
|
|
Post by Tamhugh on Aug 22, 2014 21:46:44 GMT
I really missed my kids when they went away to school. I was thrilled for them but sad for the way our lives were changing. I still miss them, even though D [HASH]1 has been permanently out of the house for 2 years and D [HASH]2 is in his 4th year of college this fall. But, I have come to like the way life is now. Our oldest has been making some noise about looking for a job back here and moving home for a year to save money and buy a house. I was surprised at how much I did not like the idea. The empty nest has actually been very good for our marriage.
|
|
|
|
Post by Karene on Aug 22, 2014 23:28:29 GMT
When we took my oldest son to university 4 hours away from home, he was ready to leave home. But I was worried because he was a bit of a loner in high school. Well, he became very social in university, made lots of friends, and had a great time. He has a wonderful girlfriend going on 5 years.
When my youngest went, he was quite nervous about meeting new people. We dropped him off the first day. He found out that he forgot his phone charger and MP3 charger. He was only an hour away (going to the same university my husband and I went to) so I drove the chargers to him the next day. That let me find out easily how he made out the first day. He said that he had never felt so comfortable and welcomed as he had there. He also made some great friends and was very social.
But they both missed plenty of breakfasts! Sleeping in was more important, I guess.
Karen
|
|
|
|
Post by Anita on Aug 23, 2014 0:56:11 GMT
You are not alone!! We dropped our daughter off on Wednesday. Like you, I did fine when I dropped her off, but now I feel lost. She's close enough that she'll be home in a week and a half for her birthday, but it's still so hard. My husband seems just fine with it. I'm sure he misses her, but he's so rational about the whole thing! We've been texting, and it's been going good until today. She sent me a text that said that the thought of starting classes on Monday isn't stressing her out, but the thought of not having friends is . She's in an apartment complex on campus that is for the Honors College Students, and that worries me (an apartment?!?). The Dean of the HC told them that one of the best ways to make friends when you first move in is to bake something, and let everyone on the group Facebook page know, and they'll all show up at your apartment. So, her roommate just posted a picture of burned cookies and said "Trying to bake in our new oven so that everyone will like us. At this rate, nobody will like us". Poor girls! The ovens are mini sized, and apparently not well calibrated. My daughter has been making cookies for years, and has never burned any. I feel so bad for them! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. We need a support group. Anita |
|
|
|
Post by txdancermom on Aug 23, 2014 1:56:47 GMT
At first it feels empty - but you will adjust, and fill that space with other activities. He will adjust too, it is hard for them, and he probably is missing home too, but hopefully revelling in the new adventures.
|
|
Refupea #402
