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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 22, 2017 9:42:20 GMT
Five Rubbermaid bins of albums from mainly 2000 to 2013, with a bit of previous years thrown in.
Two marriages. Failed marriages.
A couple of trips. One to Disney. One to Great Britain.
So many memories.
I brought them up because I missed them. I wanted to see them (most of them) again.
I wanted to see the little parts of life when I lived all over the world with my first husband.
I wanted to see the parts of my life that were the easiest and happiest.
And now I feel overwhelmed.
I had ideas that I would finally be allowed to put all my albums together, now that I have a whole room to myself. That I would line them up in rows.
What I was reminded of when looking through them was:
I loved being a SAHM. And I was good at it. And I liked being married, at least the first time. And that my life, and that of my children, would have been so much better had my first husband stayed. If he hadn't been selfish. If he had stayed committed to our life as a family.
I also looked through the albums, and missed people in them. Friends that stopped being friends during my divorce. Who had to choose a side, and had to side with the military partner instead of me. And I miss family that is no longer with us. My aunt. My grandparents.
Right now, I have five tubs of albums just sitting in my room. I felt so empowered when I was bringing them out of the attic, and now I feel so uncertain. Do I invite my memories to sit with me in my room everyday? Or do I put them away again?
I so much missed looking at the photos I took in Japan over the course of three years. Our life was an adventure.
Any insight, peas? I know I rambled a bit. I just thought if anyone could understand, it would be you.
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UPDATE: (copy & pasted from my post below)
I spent the better part of this morning and early afternoon going through my albums. Just looking at them.
Some layouts made me smile. A lot of them did. And some struck my heart. Some even made me sick to my stomach.
And then, seriously, it was like lightening struck (or maybe I was just hearing positive thoughts from my beloved peas)....
I could *gasp* take layouts out of their neatly ordered albums.
I decided to pull any layouts out that made me happy to see.
(I realized that I could leave the layouts from my first marriage intact in their albums. I was never afraid of my first husband. He was unkind in leaving us, but I thought it was a really good marriage until it ended abruptly.)
I did pull layouts from albums made during my second (and abusive) marriage. I can't stand to see photos of him.
But there were so many happy photos. Photos of my children. Just them. Or the photo of a butterfly on lavender flowers that I was so proud of.
All of my happy albums are staying out. There are four albums that are going back into the attic. They hold all the photos that i can't bear to see. It's okay to have them, but I don't want to see them. I know where they are and they are safe. That's all I need.
So, thank you, peas, for all your good thoughts, hugs, and ideas.
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camcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,976 
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Post by camcas on May 22, 2017 9:51:27 GMT
Keep them out.
You only need to look at them if you want to
Our lives are made up of good and bad,happy and sad
Embrace them
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msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on May 22, 2017 10:49:56 GMT
I would find an out of the way place for them somewhere in my living space. And I'd make a point to share them with family and friends when they visit.
I agree that if it drags you down to compare your life now with your life then that it's unhealthy to dwell on thoughts that make you unhappy. We can't live in the past.
And I agree with the poster above that you should try to find a way to face and embrace your past so that you can continue to live and grow.
So, I wouldn't stick them back in the attic, but I wouldn't highlight them in a display either. I'd keep them on the bottom shelf of a bookcase where you'll only see them when you're looking for them. A compromise, I guess.
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Post by sleepingbooty on May 22, 2017 11:05:12 GMT
First of all, I want to simply say that I think you've written a very touching post about life, time, change and how your heart is held captive in the process of all these matters. No ifs, no buts.
As for your albums being so overpowering and your sudden surge of incertitude as to whether to distance yourself from them physically on a daily basis or not, I can't give you much advice. There is no one-size-fits-all. You might find yourself being thrown back into memories that are painful and perhaps even haunting whenever your eyes catch a sight of those spines. Or you might end up getting used to having them around and not being affected by their presence after all.
Whatever you do, do what makes you feel good and empowered like you did when bringing them over from the attic. Give yourself a bit of time perhaps. Play around and do an experiment. Try to find a spot for them, place them there and observe how you react and feel over the next week. If your mind remains restless after several days, it may be better to pack them up and leave them be elsewhere for a while.
You're only human. You're not meant to be able to deal with everything, your present and your past, at all times. Ideally, you'd have those albums around and you'd be fine. But those years documented had a harsh ending and left pain, probably some anger, major upheavals you did not necessarily want and that likely took a long time to recover from. Don't push yourself too hard. If it's not the moment yet, don't put together some sort of self-imposed exposure therapy that will leave you with a permanent halo of hurt. Trust your gut. You made it through all those major life obstacles, you can figure this out.
Best of luck.*scrappy hug*
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on May 22, 2017 13:45:19 GMT
I so get your post!!
I've been going thru the 275 yes 275 folders of just my digital photos on my laptop that are a mess and trying to make some order out of them.
I've not been in a good place at all in my marriage/life for a few years and while talking with friends they will ask me were you and your husband always this way in your relationship and I never know what to say because I can't remember being happy with him or my kids because I'm currently so miserable.
When I was looking thru the photos though I realized we did have some fun times and at some point earlier in our life together we looked happy. We have a strained relationship with our older two and friends we used to have no longer hang out with us so seeing all those photos for me is so bittersweet because I wonder where in the fuck did it all go so wrong.
I've been working on a PL type album for each of my boys and myself. I started it because my older boys said they had no good memories of their childhood, thst was very hard to hear! As I'm going thru the really early photos it wasn't so bad but I can see there will be a ton of tears, anger, disappointment, head scratching, soul searching, some laughs and reminiscing over what was my life and what it is now.
I guess we can't hide from it I just wish things were different.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on May 22, 2017 13:48:22 GMT
I don't think you need to keep the albums out. Spend a day going thru them embrace the good and bad of the memories and then put them away and don't let the bad stuff drag you down.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 8:45:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2017 15:00:42 GMT
Or maybe take some of the layouts you like and make another album that you DO want to keep in your living space? Any way you slice it, they are YOURS and you can do whatever you want w/them. You can keep them all, pitch them all, keep some, display some or all or none. It is your call and I know we will support you whatever you do. And support you again in 2 mos. if you change your mind and do something else - even if you have to recreate them if you pitched them :*) OK - that might be hard, but I think you know what i mean.
Maybe try writing down some of your feelings as you go through them. Even if you just pitch the writings after. Sometimes it helps to put it down in sentences.
{{{HUGS}}}
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,218
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Post by Peamac on May 22, 2017 15:03:14 GMT
(((Hugs)))
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Post by scrapcat on May 22, 2017 15:21:12 GMT
Sounds like you have a new page to make. Take a photo of the containers or albums. Use your thoughts in this post as journaling.
As far as keep them out or put away...not sure. I have some albums stored away from my first marriage. At one point I went through and took out other family layouts and put them into a different/new album to keep out.
I am a believer in you don't know where your going unless you know where you've been. I don't feel shame from any past mistakes or things that didn't work out. Silver linings. Take the lesson and move forward.
I guess if it makes you feel bad then perhaps put them away, maybe your just not ready to look at it yet. But def do not feel alone. I think we all have things like this in our lives, people who are no longer in them for various reasons. There's nothing wrong with being sad about something, its a perfectly normal emotion, as long as it doesn't swallow you up. As long as you can still find the happy too.
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nicolep
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,080
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Post by nicolep on May 22, 2017 15:29:41 GMT
First of all, I want to simply say that I think you've written a very touching post about life, time, change and how your heart is held captive in the process of all these matters. No ifs, no buts. As for your albums being so overpowering and your sudden surge of incertitude as to whether to distance yourself from them physically on a daily basis or not, I can't give you much advice. There is no one-size-fits-all. You might find yourself being thrown back into memories that are painful and perhaps even haunting whenever your eyes catch a sight of those spines. Or you might end up getting used to having them around and not being affected by their presence after all. Whatever you do, do what makes you feel good and empowered like you did when bringing them over from the attic. Give yourself a bit of time perhaps. Play around and do an experiment. Try to find a spot for them, place them there and observe how you react and feel over the next week. If your mind remains restless after several days, it may be better to pack them up and leave them be elsewhere for a while. You're only human. You're not meant to be able to deal with everything, your present and your past, at all times. Ideally, you'd have those albums around and you'd be fine. But those years documented had a harsh ending and left pain, probably some anger, major upheavals you did not necessarily want and that likely took a long time to recover from. Don't push yourself too hard. If it's not the moment yet, don't put together some sort of self-imposed exposure therapy that will leave you with a permanent halo of hurt. Trust your gut. You made it through all those major life obstacles, you can figure this out. Best of luck.*scrappy hug* Beautifully and perfectly said. LavenderLayoutLady I relate 100%. It's hard. Some days you want to remember and some days you don't. ((hugs)) |
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Post by JaneB on May 22, 2017 16:20:11 GMT
I haven't got much advice, others say it better than I ever could. I do identify with the struggle to remember difficult times, and I have an additional problem in that I truly can't remember whole chunks of my life. It's like a damaged film that skips around, picking out moments here and there. I don't know which is worse, being unable to remember or having memories I don't want to remember.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 22, 2017 17:50:00 GMT
Or maybe take some of the layouts you like and make another album that you DO want to keep in your living space? This is what I did!! I spent the better part of this morning and early afternoon going through my albums. Just looking at them. Some layouts made me smile. A lot of them did. And some struck my heart. Some even made me sick to my stomach. And then, seriously, it was like lightening struck (or maybe I was just hearing positive thoughts from my beloved peas).... I could *gasp* take layouts out of their neatly ordered albums. I decided to pull any layouts out that made me happy to see. (I realized that I could leave the layouts from my first marriage intact in their albums. I was never afraid of my first husband. He was unkind in leaving us, but I thought it was a really good marriage until it ended abruptly.) I did pull layouts from albums made during my second (and abusive) marriage.I can't stand to see photos of him. But there were so many happy photos. Photos of my children. Just them. Or the photo of a butterfly on lavender flowers that I was so proud of. All of my happy albums are staying out. There are four albums that are going back into the attic. They hold all the photos that i can't bear to see. It's okay to have them, but I don't want to see them. I know where they are and they are safe. That's all I need. So, thank you, peas, for all your good thoughts, hugs, and ideas. |
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 8:45:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2017 18:34:16 GMT
LavenderLayoutLady - NICE! You made it work for you instead of working for it. I hope they bring you cheer and memories of the good parts of life.
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Post by 950nancy on May 22, 2017 19:00:05 GMT
Your post made me a little sad. I don't have any pages in my books that don't make me happy (well, except a car accident). It really just goes to show you how uncertain life can be. You never KNOW for sure where life will take you. Hopefully the scrapbooks that didn't make the cut do make you see how much you have learned and grown. I am glad that you left out the books that make you happy though. Now here's to getting on with life and making it the best one it can be.
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Post by anniefb on May 22, 2017 19:11:22 GMT
I'm so pleased you worked out what's best for you. Enjoy those albums/layouts that bring you happiness.
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Post by LisaDV on May 22, 2017 20:25:28 GMT
Sounds like you obtained good advice and found a wonderful solution. Glad you have your memories out.
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Post by sleepingbooty on May 22, 2017 21:58:40 GMT
YAY! Wonderful news. I'm so glad to hear you found your way to a healthy compromise with those memories from the past. And kuddos on sitting down and sifting through all these albums. It must've been difficult but you got down to work and got on with it.  There's something to be said about "old fashion" scrap albums. You can always go back and edit out what's painful in retrospect whereas with all the pretty and perfect photobooks you couldn't. It's the small things sometimes... Silver lining and whatnot.  |
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Post by cannmom on May 23, 2017 15:55:07 GMT
I'm so glad you found a solution that makes you happy.  Thank you for such an honest post. |
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ponsonby2
Shy Member
Posts: 40
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Post by ponsonby2 on May 24, 2017 21:30:29 GMT
My question is just a practical one - were the scrapbooks hurt at all by years in an attic? My attic can get well over 100 degrees in the summer. I would expect the papers to be dried out and crumbling.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 25, 2017 6:00:59 GMT
My question is just a practical one - were the scrapbooks hurt at all by years in an attic? My attic can get well over 100 degrees in the summer. I would expect the papers to be dried out and crumbling. No, but our attic is a living space, so it is climate controlled. I had them in the closet of our attic. But to be honest, at least twenty of my albums have been all over the world, shipped over oceans, in non-climate controlled storage lockers, and they are absolutely fine. |
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Post by refugeepea on May 26, 2017 3:34:25 GMT
I'm glad you found something that worked for *you*! I don't like to scrap the hard things because I relive those moments all over in my head. At the time, you had no idea how it would work for you. I'd do the same as you and keep the happy memories out in the open. I no longer do this hobby for memory keeping though, just for something crafty. I don't want my life documented in its entirety.  |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 26, 2017 10:09:25 GMT
I don't like to scrap the hard things because I relive those moments all over in my head. I don't scrap the hard things, either. I focus on positive things. I use scrapbooking as my means of escaping all the hard things. I don't want my life documented in its entirety. Haha, me either. |
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Thank you for such an honest post. 