Fluff ~ How about a 28 yr. old who won't highway drive?

My colleague is a superstar in many areas but doesn't drive on the highway well. She explained that her parents were immigrants and the Capital Beltway scared the bejesus out of them. She learned to drive on all the side roads and never really had to drive above 45 MPH her entire life. She then went to grad school down the road and the trip was about 2 hours. She was petrified. She had to get over it and she is the kind of person who could - but it was a huge challenge for her. It was simply not something she was even slightly accustomed to.

On the other hand, I grew up in the middle of nowhere. Got my license at 14 and was always on a highway. Driving in traffic doesn't bother me even though I did not experience that. We're just different and when we go afar from the office, I drive. She is also horrible at directions though so we are often very lost. LOL!

I live on an island and there are people here who refuse to drive on the mainland. I get it; it's scary and can be overwhelming. I don't think her family are "enabling" her I think they're supporting her so she can attend something that's important to her. I'm pretty sure she'd rather not have all the extra hassle.

It sounds like you have issues with her anyway.. What does her father leaving when she was 4 have to do with this at all?

I would much rather a driver with that much anxiety stay off the road than to put herself and others in danger by forcing herself onto the road. I see so many awful, unsafe drivers on the road that probably have no idea of the danger they pose to the rest of us.

It's nice that her family accommodates her.

^^^  I guess I don't understand being in that situation because I grew up in a small town with NO public transportation at all.  You either learned to drive, or you didn't go anywhere.   And I don't know the area, but it sure sounds like she could have gotten to / from the event by easier means than going a couple hundred miles the wrong direction.

Glad to see you are an understanding person
 
I have tried to overcome my freeway anxiety and to no avail. I moved back to an area I tad lived 10 years ago and there are roundabouts all over the area- some double. It took me a long time to feel comfortable using them but if I have a choice, I'll go another way. Not everyone is cut out to be a driver. BTW- I'm in my 60's.

I can see all the sides of this. I wasn't truly comfortable driving on freeways till I was almost 40. I did it and I was fine, but I wasn't comfortable. I'm still not comfortable in huge cities...in fact, my husband and I are driving to PA from VA this coming weekend and you can bet I'll be making him do the Beltway part around DC. 

But I had to learn, and eventually get comfortable, because I had no choice. I haven't lived close to my family in my entire adult life, and my parents in particular live in an area with no train and no close airport. If I couldn't drive the freeways, I would have only seen my family when my husband had vacation time and could take me. And I had to learn how to get around in all the places I've lived, and that meant learning the freeways, even when I could do most of my stuff on back streets and roads. Eventually the freeway is unavoidable!

Now my mom and my sister have lived in the same place their whole lives and they do not drive on the freeway (it's a rural area, you don't have to) and they have no sense of direction whatsoever. My sister has improved slightly because of having to drive for her current job, but Mom can get around about a 30-mile radius of home, and that's it. I don't recommend this lifestyle. My dad was very ill about 6 years ago, and in a larger hospital about an hour from their home. I was at home and every day I would drive Mom out to the hospital to see Dad and coach her on how to do it, because I was going to have to go home sooner or later and we didn't know when Dad would get out or how often he would have to go back. The drive was literally this: Pull out of the driveway onto the road. Stay on that road for about 45 minutes. Hop on a freeway for about 5 minutes. Hop off the freeway and park at the hospital. And I had to coach her repeatedly through the drive: see this landmark, see this landmark, now this is the number of the highway you want, etc. (She did learn it, which was good because Dad got very sick again in 2015 and she had to drive him out to that hospital a LOT.)

I just posted in another thread about maybe having to drive from VA to Ohio and then drive my parents out west for a memorial service. Mom can't do it, and Dad can't either because of his illness. They're both in their late 60s, not old. But you go out of your way for the people you love. So I can see it from your relative's dad's and brother's point of view, too.

Man, that was a long boring post, sorry. Bottom line is, I think people (esp. women) need to be able to get around. Most of the time, still, in the U.S., that means needing to be able to drive, and drive on highways. And the corollary is, you need to know where you are and where you want to go and how to get there, whether that's reading a paper map or a map app. And it's inconvenient at best and crippling at worst when you can't. No matter how accommodating your family is.   (This is apart from a mental illness issue, of course.)

I know a few people who will not highway drive. And, while, at this point, all 3 of them are older than 28, they wouldn't highway drive when they were 28, either.

They all find ways around it.

I think that as long as she is not expecting or badgering people to change their plans to work around her fears, then it's fine if she wants to find rides, take public transportation, or drive alternate routes. The extra time it takes is her time, and obviously she prioritizes not driving the highway over traveling a shorter amount of time.  And in this situation her family obviously puts her attendance at a higher priority than a shorter travel time.

I have always disliked driving in high traffic areas. I will drive highways in general, but I will absolutely take alternate routes if I can avoid really busy areas---like big cities or the beltways around big cities. And now that I have vision issues that have placed limitations on my driving, I find I am even more likely to seek out slower, quieter routes to get from place to another. And while this may not be my fear, heights are, so I do get being just petrified by something to the point that you will not do it. So I can sympathize and empathize with her.

Plus, I really feel that if she is that terrified to drive on the highway, then it's possibly or even probably safer for everyone if she avoids it unless she reaches a point where she can handle the fear a bit more easily.

I hate riding on it, too.  Hate it with a passion.  I totally understand how you feel.




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If someone is scared to get on the freeway then they shouldn't. I've seen nervous drivers on a freeway before. They hesitate when trying to merge. They press their brakes rather than go faster to meet the speed of the cars on the freeway. They can cause an accident driving like that.

This happens sometimes and I don't know why.  But when it happened to me it was the same type of situation...someone said something I disagreed with, I posted to disagree, and then alter the board twisted everything up and when someone else tried to quote me it credited the original post that I totally disagreed with to me!  I was so upset, because it was something I NEVER would have said!    I'm sorry it's happened to you, now. 
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I hate driving on the beltway! With regard to the OP, some people are just frightened of driving, or driving in certain places. I will drive around Cleveland; I will NOT drive in Pittsburgh. I will happily drive on freeways, curvy, steep roads; I do not like city traffic. Just accept it. Some people are afraid of heights, some are afraid of spiders, etc.

My mom was fearless, except for driving. She had a fender bender once, and after that resisted driving. If we did get her behind the wheel, she was white-knuckled. No talking, no music,nothing. She never got over it.

Fine, she doesn't want to drive. I get that. I don't get why she didn't just take a bus/train directly to and from Harrisburg. Did you actually speak to her about this?

Maybe it was a way to spend some extra time with her brother and dad. It does seem like a roundabout way, but it seems like all parties involved were ok with the arrangements. 

I'm so sorry, too.  I never even thought about how it could lead to other issues such as your neck pain.  That's awful. 

I can't wear a contact in the injured eye, either.   So I get how frustrating that is.     I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to have your pupil always dilated.  Hugs!
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