Facebook vent, sharing other people's news

I think we are at the point where we have to be clear when giving news whether it is appropriate to go to social media or not. "Hey, Carol, [mom passed away], [the baby was born], [Susie is in the hospital]. We are asking that no one post on Facebook until we reach all of the immediate family. Once I post, you will know it is safe to post."

You just never know what other people want. For instance, I went to two weddings recently. At one, the bride encouraged everyone to post on Facebook - she even staged a "social media" break during the ceremony. At the other, the bride asked everyone to refrain from posting pictures until the official pictures were posted - which still hasn't really been done.

Posting about becoming an Aunt is a great example of the difference between phone and FB. 20 years ago my coworkers immediately knew, I was excited. I was also 2000 miles away from home and none of them knew my family, no stolen thunder there.

And in that way current FB situation is the same as old days, and serves same purpose. My cousins are spread out. We have friends and neighbors we're sharing our daily lives with, and years with.

There's no way I'd resent my cousins posting their parents death online before I got a phone call. Nor would my Dad resent it going public before he got called. We would want them to get comfort and support as soon as they could! My few younger relatives seem to post their entire lives. I'm sure they'd be posting or tweeting at same time as notifying ratites.

If you all live in your hometown, or nearby, maybe the rules need to be different. But if you cover four time zones flexibility is a good thing. I doubt any of my family would even want to wake up an 80 year old parent with a death phone call.

When my uncle was killed in an auto accident last July, I had to remind people at the hospital to NOT post anything on Facebook because one of the brothers had still not been contacted. (Army)  You wouldn't think that the first thing that comes to someones mind when they lose a family member is Facebook, but Lord that is exactly what happens.

My sisters would be beside themselves with excitement. I remember calling my mom when I had my ds 32 yrs ago and she contacted everyone else. If we had FB back then one of my sisters would have posted so EVERYONE knew, they would just be that excited.

I'm very private and my family is not, so I've learned that I can't control what they say. It makes life much easier when I remember that and censor what I tell them.

A new baby announcement is supposed to be happy news to share, not about information ownership.

I've been interested in this thread and others like it each time it's posted.
Four hours ago I had the opposite experience, if that's possible. My alumni newsletter came and I learned a close classmate passed away suddenly last month. I never knew, but apparently most of my"friends " did.
There's a close group who keeps up and the rest of us only keep track of a few people and live farther away. But we share trivia and of course our class page.
Not one single friend posted it on FB. I'm still shaking, we're not young, but not at the age where you get used to friends dying. I really wish someone had shared something, if only the educational fund for his kids.

Loss is hard- no matter how you get the news.

I am glad that my friends are not all "this was my news" crazy. I see posts about engagements, weddings, being an auntie, hell being a grandma, eulogies... all of it on facebook. I've never thought it rude or gave a second thought to "stealing someone's thunder."

I have a friend whose kids are in most of the same things and mine. Sometimes she'll post a pic of her kids with my kids winning an award or a game or whatnot and tag me or my kids. I hit like, and then share the post.

And honestly, while you may think I am an asshat or whatever, if I want to post a RIP or a fond memory about someone whom I cared about that has passed, I'm going to do it. If you don't like it, unfriend me.

I guess if *I* know and it wasn't an immediate family member, I would assume the family knows as well (barring military deployment or something similar).

I honestly could care less about my cousin posting that she was excited our son had arrived. If that was where it ended. But no, she posted his full name, weight, length and time of birth. Some of that information we did not want on facebook and regardless, I do not feel that that was her "right" to post it.

Racing is always going to be impossible to define as people have very, very different facebook uses. I check maybe once a day, and have gone a week or more without logging in. It's just not a big part of my daily routine. I have several family members who post multiple times a day. Waiting a few hours probably feels like plenty of time to them.